Risking It All

"Since Christine was born," I mumbled, a tinge of bitterness in my voice.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Finally, I looked up at her.

"I haven't spoken to anyone about this and I just ask that it stays between us," I implored.

"Of course," she said, pity and sudden understanding registering on her pretty face.

"Anyway, this isn't the topic to talk about on such an auspicious day for us," I said trying to lighten the mood as I threw back the last of my scotch.

"What about you anyway? Are you seeing someone at the moment?" I enquired trying to move the conversation to safer ground.

She smirked mirthlessly towards her shoes. "No, I am not seeing anyone."

"How come?" I asked. "Unless things have seriously changed with the dating scene you must be knocking them back in their droves."

Chloe paused for a moment, drained the last of her scotch in a single swig and raised her eyes to meet mine. My breath caught momentarily.

"I have a crush on someone, but he isn't available," she murmured.

"I'm sorry. Have you tried talking to him? Or her?" I quickly corrected.

Chloe looked nervous and uncertain. She fidgeted for a moment.

"I guess I'm telling him now," she said quietly, raising her blue eyes to mine.

Her admission was little more than a whisper, yet it reverberated through me, unleashing a mixture of joy, excitement and fear.

We stared at each other for a long moment and then she looked down at her shoes again. I was like a deer in headlights. I didn't have the faintest clue how to respond to her. Some inner part of me rejoiced at my luck. Here was an absolutely stunning woman in her early 30s who I had admired from afar for months, telling me that she wanted me too. Then Christine's face came into my mind and I paused on the precipice of telling Chloe how I felt. Outwardly, it must have seemed like I was fumbling for a way to let her down gently.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything," Chloe mumbled as she hurriedly grabbed her purse and went to rise. She stumbled briefly and I took hold of her arm to steady her. She looked up at me and my brain screamed to pull her in and kiss her.

"No, I'm sorry," I said. "I shouldn't have asked you that."

I released her arm and she walked quickly to the door. I watched her walk out of the office and sat back in my chair, confused and angry, and more frustrated than I had been at any stage of my life.

I woke from a restless sleep early that morning to see my wife lying there beside me gently snoring. Our daughter lay in her arms. If my wife knew the thoughts that had occupied my mind that night she would pack her bags and take my daughter with her. In my heart of hearts, I know that Jess wasn't vindictive. I had slowly come to realise that she didn't understand the extent of the pain she had caused me. In spite of the many conversations that we had on the topic, I just don't think she was capable of seeing the situation through my eyes. To her, the occasional touch, a shared conversation or a kiss before turning in at night was how she expressed love. All desire for physical intimacy, any passion, had ended some time ago. This situation would not stop her from seeing Chloe and I as a betrayal. In so many ways I envied her detachment. If she struggled with the pain as I had, she didn't show it.

I couldn't see myself living the remainder of my life without the feel of a lover's touch on me, the feel of her lips, the deep sense of connection. But I had resigned myself to living without it until Christine left home. I loved her deeply and the thought of her growing up away from me was crushing.

I rose and went about my morning routine. At 8:30am I headed into the office. When I arrived, Chloe was already there. She looked like she had about as much sleep as I did. Her face was drawn and her eyes puffy. However, she still looked gorgeous with her black, button down blouse and light grey pencil skirt, with stilettos drawing the eye to her long, shapely legs. My heart leapt into my throat as she neared me and the subtle hint of her floral perfume wafted over me.

"Alex, can we talk please?" she asked hesitantly.

I escorted her into my office and we sat across from each other, both clearly summoning courage for what was to come. I knew that I had to end this before it began and caused untold damage to my family, and to Chloe and I professionally. I knew it was the right thing to do as her boss, so why did it feel it was so wrong?

"I'm sorry," she started. "I had a little too much to drink and I said some things I wish I hadn't."

"Chloe, there is nothing to apologise for," I responded. "We work closely together and things can sometimes get confusing."

Chloe nodded in agreement, but I sensed she was a little stung by the way I trivialised her affection.

"You are the most important member of this team. I rely on you completely to see the project is delivered. Nothing has changed. We were talking as friends and we shared parts of our personal lives. I hope that doesn't change either." I said, my hands shaking traitorously by my side.

"I appreciate that," she said, still looking forlorn. "I meant what I said, I love working with you and I don't want anything to get in the way of that."

"Nothing will," I assured her. "Now let's get some coffee. It looks like we both need it."

She smiled weakly at me and I realised that I had just traded away the chance to be with someone I genuinely liked in order to preserve a marriage that brought me nothing but loneliness. I buried the welling of emotions I felt and walked out with Chloe to begin the daily routine.

The next few months were hectic which helped to distract us from what had occurred. The site visit and client interview for the eco lodge project had gone well and I now had a much clearer understanding of the brief. Chloe was invaluable at the meeting with the client. She led much of the conversation and impressed me immensely with the way she methodically stepped through the different aspects of the build and teased out of them details they had not thought to share.

During the meeting I noticed one of the partners blatantly checking her out and I felt a sharp pang of jealousy. It took every ounce of control not to stare bullets at him when he turned to me and smiled.

But other than that my focus was entirely on developing the concept design so that the rest of the team could get to work determining the budget. I tested a range of ideas with my team and brought Ted in to troubleshoot a few technical issues I encountered. I quickly fixed on the concept of two-story cabins. For one, I wanted to maximise the space between cabins and that required me to minimise the footprint of the 15 units. Additionally, the site visit revealed that the undergrowth, which I had decided to largely keep intact, obscured views of the ocean at ground level, despite the sloping aspect.

I instead figured that I could create two ecosystems for the build. The lower level would allow guests to immerse themselves in the bush environment. The top level would crest the dense lower foliage offering largely unobstructed views of the coastline below. I had also outlined a vision for a dining area called 'The Treehouse', elevated amongst a larger stand of trees and boasting a large outdoor platform running around it.

A month later the proposal was completed and submitted. It was a huge relief to have finalised it. I was immensely proud of the work that the team had put in and I was energised by the way that I had responded to this new design challenge. The other benefit was the development of my two senior architects. Chloe was right, I needed to give them more leash to develop. Both were excellent designers and I stood to lose them if I didn't give them more responsibility. Also, if the company was to expand I had to develop the brand, rather than satisfying every customer who expected me to personally oversee each project.

About a month later, I was sitting in my office at work when a call came in from the CEO of Carillon, the company running the tender process. He was effusive in his praise for our design and said that while there had been some initial misgivings about awarding the project to a firm without more experience in development projects, ultimately the strength of our concept designs and our outstanding reputation for quality made us the logical choice. The news dazed me and I'm not sure I caught all of what he was telling me. I remember vaguely agreeing to a timeframe for meeting with his board to discuss next steps for the project after the contract was reviewed by legals and signed.

I walked out into the common space and called the team into a meeting. When I informed them that we had won the bid the noise that erupted from the cheers could have been heard two suburbs away. The whole team had put in some serious overtime to deliver on the project. They were all aware what it meant to our business. It was probably my proudest moment seeing how my staff were invested in this outcome.

I must confess that my eyes became a bit watery when one by one they came forward to clasp my shoulder, shake my hand or hug me. When Chloe came up to me, she looked at me slightly nervously and gave me a hug. It was the shortest of hugs, but I marvelled at how good she felt in my arms. As she pulled away I noticed that her face flushed.

"Congratulations Alex!" she whispered quietly.

I decided three things in that moment. Firstly, the dress pants that I was wearing with their fine thread were a poor choice if I didn't want anyone in the office to see the effect that Chloe had on me. That I covered by quickly sitting down on a chair. Second, I would take part of the proceeds of the project and invest it in bonuses for the team that Christmas. I had a great team and I felt that we needed to share in this success. Lastly, I would host a party at my place to celebrate.

As I relayed the last part of that to the team, Kathy, one of the administrative staff, popped the cork on a bottle of champagne that she had tucked away for such an occasion. I'm not sure how much work got done that day, but I didn't care. I also struggled to tear my eyes away from Chloe and I noticed that she seemed to be locked in the same battle.

Chapter 2 - Resignation

I went all out on the party. My back deck was littered with hire tables that were filled with an assortment of canapes. More importantly, ice chests were filled with large quantities of beer and wine. I tended bar and was pumping out cocktails to order.

I had thought that Jessica would be annoyed at the expense of the party, but she was genuinely happy for me and praised the work that I had put into the business. She hugged me and I felt ashamed at how I had misjudged her. I reflected that a consequence of the hurt that I felt from our estrangement was that I sometimes didn't recognise that she was fundamentally a good person.

I had been remiss in not telling everyone to dress down for the occasion and the result was a potpourri of partywear. There were no shortage of Hawaiian shirts and t-shirts for a mid-summer affair, but there were an equal number of people in elegant dresses or slacks and dress shirts. When Chloe was led onto the deck by Jess my heart skipped a beat. She was wearing a burgundy, A-line satin cocktail dress that finished at her knees. It looked playful and incredibly sexy. When Jess turned to look at me I quickly regained my composure and picked my jaw up off the ground. Chloe walked over to me and gently taking my forearm she leaned in and whispered, "thanks for this, it looks wonderful."

Her smile was back and she seemed less hesitant around me which made me happy to see. She seemed incandescent and as we both mingled separately with the team I found myself looking up regularly to glimpse her.

As the host, I busied myself tending bar and waiting on the people that had supported me so tremendously well. I was kept busy which was a blessing, but I thoroughly enjoyed the evening. Some hours later, after the food had been eaten, Bill tapped a fork to his glass drawing every set of eyes to him. He wasn't the type to say much so it immediately piqued everyone's' curiosity.

"I just wanted to say a few quick words," he began. "I've known Alex for just on 15 years now. I met him when he was still green in the business and it has been one of the great pleasures of my life to see how he has developed. To some, this may seem a lucky break. To those of us who know Alex well, it is anything but. His talent and hard work are finally getting the recognition that he has long deserved. But more than that, he is one of the best people I have met in my 40-odd years in the industry. He treats his staff like family and, Son, I just wanted to say that I am proud of what you have accomplished."

I was deeply shocked. I think that he had said more in that simple speech than he probably had in the past three years. There were a few tears shed amongst the crowd at the heartfelt words, no more so than by me. The speech was met with a chorus of 'here here' and 'well said'. I took a moment to compose myself. I am sure that if I had immediately tried to respond I would have broken down.

Finally, I got to my feet and turned to the assembled faces.

"Bill, I don't really know what to say to that. Thank you for what you said and for being a mentor over our time together. What we have all built together is a team effort. Many of you have been with me for years and I think you should all feel proud of what we have achieved. I have been incredibly lucky to know and work with you all. Thanks for all of your work on this project and I hope you enjoy the afternoon."

While my speech may not rank up alongside those of Sorenson or Rosenman, it had the virtue of brevity. My impromptu tribute was met with clapping which felt slightly embarrassing to be honest. I quickly picked up my beer and took a healthy swig. Taking their cue, everyone took up their drinks and quickly settled back into conversation.

It was around 9pm when people started to make their way home, a few the worse for wear. Three of the crew who lived at least 50 minutes away had been invited to stay the night. They helped me put the food away and clean up the bulk of the mess. Jess had taken Christine to bed earlier and hadn't returned. I guessed that she had fallen asleep while reading to her as she frequently did. Chloe had stayed back to help with the cleaning and with a few beers under my belt I stole several brazen glances of her shapely ass in that incredible dark red dress. As she bent to pick up items the satin would be pulled taut revealing the gentle swell of her cheeks and a hint of the crevice between.

It was around 10pm by the time the last of our guests had gone to bed. I was a little tired having spent most of the day on my feet but I wasn't quite ready for bed yet.

"Fancy a scotch?" I asked as Chloe loaded a plate in the dishwasher.

"Sure, why not," she smiled and followed me to the den.

I grabbed a bottle of Lagavulin and poured my usual measure into two tumblers, handing one to Chloe.

I fell exhausted onto the leather recliner, spilling some of the scotch on my shirt. Chloe laughed at my carelessness as she stood against my desk.

"We need music," she said heading over to the hi fi system on the other side of the office.

I love music and I had bought a pair of Paradigm Prestige 95f speakers which were my pride and joy. Chloe turned on the receiver and hit play on my media player. The last thing that I had been playing popped up. She smiled with satisfaction as the soulful sound of Marvin Gaye pierced the silence. She returned to stand by the desk and took up her scotch.

As 'I heard it on the grapevine' played out, her hips gently swayed to the beat. I watched her completely transfixed. Her seductive movements and that dress exuding raw femininity. Chloe looked up to see me staring at her and her lips curled in a faint smile. She put down the drink and walked towards me singing the song and beckoning me to join her. She was moving with a sinuous grace that drew me almost involuntarily to my feet. She danced closer to me moving with a feline dexterity that I could not match. Her subtle perfume struck me like a sledgehammer and I struggled to keep the yearning I felt to touch her from my eyes.

Not long after we started to dance the song wrapped up and was replaced by Sam Cooke's 'A change is gonna come'. We both stopped where we stood as the slow melody began. Chloe looked up into my eyes, a little hesitant. She stepped forward slowly and taking my hands, she placed them on her waist. She reached up over my shoulders and crossed her hands loosely behind my neck bringing our bodies together. She looked down timidly as we slowly began to move.

My heart was in my throat as I stared down at her. Having her in my arms excited me beyond reason. I had missed this feeling. I had missed being looked at the way that she did. I ached for her. As my fingers traced lightly across the smooth fabric at the small of her back Chloe looked up again. Her unblinking eyes held mine captive and what little resolve I had been able to muster dissolved in that moment. Her fingers ran lightly over the back of my neck as mine slowly explored the curve of her spine. Chloe leaned forward and rested her head on my shoulder, her temple settling in the crook of my neck. We moved like that without words, the gentle caresses conveying an unmistakable message. We both recognised that we stood at the precipice.

I had become erect under her touch and my bulge pressed into her stomach. I was mortified, but I couldn't withdraw without drawing attention to it. Besides, Chloe made no attempt to move and neither of us were naive to what was happening.

Chloe raised her head slightly so her lips were against my ear and whispered, "I want you Alex!"

Her lips closed around the skin at the nape of my neck and she held the gentle pressure for a few delicious seconds before she relinquished me. I released the breath that I had unconsciously been holding and felt the imprint of her lips on me. I looked into her eyes and leaned down, placing my lips softly on hers. Our first kiss was tentative and exploratory. As I began to withdraw, Choe's hands that had been resting behind my neck pulled me down into her and her lips parted. I reciprocated and our tongues grazed each other as our lips pressed together. Her hand cupped the side of my face as she continued to kiss me softly.

My fingers traced their way down over the swell of her firm ass and gently cupped it, luxuriating in the feel of her. I pulled her more firmly into me pressing my painfully erect cock harder into her belly. Giving in to the sensations she ground herself against me as she kissed me hungrily. Her hands were now roaming my body as our tongues battled each other. Breaking our kiss momentarily, I bent down and trailed kisses along her jawline and down to the nape of her neck. Chloe moaned low as my ardour grew and I sucked the sensitive flesh of her neck between my lips. Her hand was in my hair drawing me further into her.

I continued up her neck making her shiver as I took the lobe of her ear between my lips. Chloe raised her leg and ran her thigh against my hip. I placed a hand under her hamstring to support her and slid my fingers beneath the hem of her dress. She sighed as my fingers slid slowly forward exposing more of her soft thigh to the light. All pretence of light exploration gone, Chloe turned her head and her mouth sought mine out urgently as my fingers made contact with her bare ass cheek. She must have been wearing a G-string. My fingers traced the curve of her cheek until they came to rest at her coccyx, confirming my assumption.