Role of the Victim Ch. 01

Chapter 1

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Author's Note: The erotic parts of this story are only going to come later. If you want something that jumps right into the debauchery, I suggest finding another story.

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Steven was hating his life. Okay, maybe hate is a strong word... things could be a whole lot worse. But it wasn't an exaggeration to say that his first year of college was not like he'd hoped it would be. High school had been rough for him, he just never fit in anywhere. He had friends in high school, but they all had... other friends too. Groups he didn't belong in. He wasn't a 'popular kid'; he'd never been much of a 'weeb' or a 'nerd'; he wasn't a 'band geek' or a 'theater kid'... he'd just been him. His own group. Just plain Steven.

He had hoped that going to college would give the chance to make a fresh start, to find that group to be part of that he'd always wanted but college was different. The groups seemed so... exclusive? Like the people who belonged had all arrived there knowing each other. Or people just kept to themselves.

To be certain, there were ways that he could meet people, but his mild social anxiety, probably from all that isolation in high school when he thought about it, made it difficult for him to just go to a party that a frat was hosting or something like that.

He had convinced himself, promised himself, that he would finally be able to find a girlfriend once he was in college. But it turned out that the problems that kept him lonely in high school still existed. Nothing had actually fixed them, so they didn't go away. He still struggled to become good enough friends with a girl that it felt like they had a real connection, and he didn't have the temperament to just... ask someone out.

Most people seemed to have learned those skills... back in high school.

He needed to change. He needed himself to be different. Either he needed to not want the things he couldn't have, or he needed to have the things he wanted, but this constant disappointment was something he couldn't live with any more.

Therapy had seemed... daunting. Scary. Maybe it was the best option? But, maybe ironically, the anxieties that he needed it to help with made him extremely averse to actually doing it. He was at his wits end, and that had led him here. Standing outside the office of a hypnotist, debating if he was really about to give $200 to someone who was probably either a crackpot or a scammer. Hypnotism didn't work, Steven was certain. Unfortunately, he also needed it to work, because it might fix all of his problems.

He hadn't even considered hypnosis as a solution, until he'd heard someone in his Econ class talk about how they had quit smoking in a single week. The thing that had really piqued his interest was how they had described the fact that they didn't experience the anxiety and stress of the nicotine withdrawal. Two sessions, they had claimed, and they just didn't even have the desire to pick of a cigarette again.

He'd been so skeptical, but everything he had heard and researched about this hypnotist seemed positive. Everyone who left reviews or comments said that it worked, at least the websites that he could find. He'd asked the classmate about the hypnotist's name, and they'd given it freely: Claire. Professional, effective, comfortable. That was how his classmate had described her.

What do I have to lose? Steven thought to himself rhetorically. I mean... really, $200 and a few hours? If somehow it does work, it's worth much more than that to me.

He stepped into the office and immediately was taken aback by how comfortable the room looked. The light was dim in the room despite it being the middle of the day, but it was more relaxing than it was annoying. There were shelves of books on the back wall and large windows to the left with curtains that were softening and reducing the light, leading to the purposeful ambiance. There was a couch that looked quite comfortable, and across from it was a chair where the hypnotist that he'd come to see was sitting and staring at him with a smile.

"Hello Steven," she said kindly. "My name is Claire, and I'll be your hypnotist."

Steven felt his heart thudding in his chest. He wasn't especially nervous around girls, but that didn't mean that he knew what to or what to say around them, and Claire Henson was certainly attractive enough that it left him frozen for several seconds. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and it looked almost perfectly arranged, as if each individual strand had been painted into the same shape. Her eyes were a rich, warm brown, and the small smile on her face showed off small dimples that were rather eye-catching.

He wasn't the kind of guy that felt immediate attraction to good looks. His mind didn't immediately jump to sex. But attractive women still tended to spike his anxiety, because they had been at the center of so many of his most embarrassing social experiences. Misunderstandings, or even just entitled and bitchy girls that saw everyone as below them.

Claire watched him stand there silently, but after realizing that he didn't seem to be either moving or speaking, she gestured towards the couch.

"Why don't you come and get comfortable on the couch, and we can discuss why you're here."

That brought Steven out of his stupor and he shuffled over to sit down on the furniture, finding it just as comfortable as it had looked. Claire sighed and stood up, walking towards the door that Steven had left ajar and closed it softly.

"Let's get this out of the way first," Claire said, keeping that kind tone. "I'm 24 years old, yes I know you expected someone older, yes I'm flattered that you find me attractive, no I don't get involved with any of my clients, yes I do have a partner, no it doesn't bother me that it was on your mind." She looked at him with a smile, almost encouragingly. "Do you have any questions I didn't cover?"

Steven felt his face burn. "This was a mistake..." Steven almost whispered, trying to psyche himself up enough to stand and walk out. The soft, engaging demeanor Claire had been holding slipped a little and she sighed again.

"Please," she said, a little strained. "Steven, I know from the form you filled out that you must be feeling some anxiety and embarrassment right now. You probably also walked in here thinking that hypnotism doesn't work, and you'll keep thinking that until you see proof." She paused for a moment, her eyes searching his face. "So how about we handle both at once. I will put you into a very brief trance and take those feelings away from you for the rest of this session, then bring you out and we can simply talk. Would you be willing to do that?"

Steven looked at her incredulously. She was just offering to fix the biggest problems he had in his life... as a gesture? Of good faith?

"S-Sure," Steven replied. He wanted to leave and escape this awkward situation desperately... but he was also extremely curious. Besides, if it didn't work, then he could just leave, but if it did work, then he'd know that his problems could be solved.

"Please, lay down on the couch and close your eyes," Claire instructed with a smile. Steven hesitated, but eventually relaxed in the couch as much as he could, and closed his eyes as instructed. "This will not be a deep trance," Claire explained softly. "You will remember being hypnotized when it is over, and will remember everything that happened during the trance."

"Great," Steven replied, somewhat sarcastically. He heard another soft sigh from Claire, and kicked himself mentally for being such a socially awkward reject.

"Focus on my voice," Claire said. Her tone was soft and almost... musical. "In your head, picture a wave. It moves in towards the shore, changing and shifting, rolling and twisting. Always in motion. It breaks apart on the beach, and then it rolls back out. Silent and unseen, relaxed and calm."

Steven followed her words and the imagery was... nice? Relaxing. He could see it in his mind.

"The wave comes back in. Tumultuous and frothing, churning and uncontrolled. But when it crashes on the sand, it finds rest, and peace. The wave is still there, but the turmoil is gone."

The picture in his mind was comforting, somehow. He could feel his anxiety slipping away a little.

"Back out to sea, unhurried. In and out." Claire was silent for several seconds. "In and out." Another beat of silence. "Every wave you see coming towards the shore is soaking up some of your anxiety, embarrassment, frustration. It pulls your distraction, and your stress. It crashes on the beach and transforms it into relaxation, then those feelings go out to sea with the wave when it leaves."

This exercise was unexpectedly helpful. He was feeling more calm, and relaxed.

"You see the waves keep coming in and out, timed with your deep breaths. The wave rolls in as you breathe in. Then flows out when you breath out. Soft. Gentle. Regular."

Claire's voice was so powerful, yet understated. It felt like a voice that was coming from inside his head now, not from his ears.

"In... and out. In... and out." There was several seconds of silence as Steven began to breathe in the rhythm the voice suggested. "You're feeling relaxed now. We're just sitting here... quietly watching waves. In... and out. In... and out." Steven continued breathing in rhythm with the waves, and felt himself begin to lighten. "As you become more relaxed, you realize that your mind is at peace. Nothing to fight against. Nothing to worry about. Just the Voice. Only the Voice."

The other sounds from the room began to fade, and Steven's awareness started to fade with them. The low hum of the air conditioning vent, the distant sound of cars outside on the road below, they all began to fade away. There was just the Voice.

"The Voice is all you hear, it is all you think. Just Voice, nothing else." Some time passed, though Steven couldn't say how much. "What is your name?"

"Steven Michael Cole," he heard a deeper voice respond. It was far away.

"How do you feel?" the Voice asked.

"Peaceful," the voice replied. More time passed.

"When you entered the room, what was your first thought when you saw Claire?" the Voice asked.

"That she was very attractive and I didn't know how to avoid making a fool of myself," the voice answer.

"No sexual thoughts?" The voice sounded a bit surprised. "You didn't picture her naked?"

"No," the voice confirmed. "I was worried about my own awkwardness."

More time passed. This seemed longer than before.

"How do you feel?" the Voice asked again.

"Peaceful," the voice replied once more.

"I'm going to count backwards," the Voice started to explain. "When I reach 1, you will open your eyes and return to full awareness once more. The waves are rolling in and out. They are still transforming your stress into peace. The waves will be with you for the rest of the day, connected to you in the back of your mind."

More time.

"10... 9... the sound of the waves crashing starts to fade away, but they are still there with you. 8... 7... the sounds of the room start to come back. 6... 5... the image of the waves begins to fade into blackness, but they are still with you. 4... 3... Claire's voice is external now, outside of your head. 2... 1."

Steven opened his eyes. The waves. His anxiety was gone. He sat up and looked back over at Claire who was watching him carefully. He stayed silent as his mind replayed the experience in his head. He could remember the feeling of the waves... they were still with him. But he could also remember that feeling of dissociation and disconnectedness. He could remember the trance.

"Wow," he said softly, not really knowing what else to say.

"How do you feel, Steven?" Claire asked him, a pleased smile on her face.

"Peaceful," Steven answered, staring at her. "Amazed. Curious." He paused. "It... really worked. My anxiety is gone."

"Just for a while, perhaps until you sleep depending on how deep into the trance you got," Claire explained. "Would you like to talk now? About why you came to a hypnotist?"

Steven was still in mild shock at the calm feeling that pervaded his entire body. It was like all of the things he usually worried about were trivial. Not that they didn't matter, but that they were trivial to deal with. He thought over his trance, and his eyes focused on Claire once more.

"You... asked me questions," Steven said. There wasn't really awkwardness as he thought about the questions and answers, more like a surreal quality. "Why did you ask me those questions?"

"Well," Claire started, a chagrined look on her face, "it helps me verify that the trance worked, so I have to ask at least a few questions. Ideally ones that would be more... difficult for someone to answer with full awareness. As to why I asked those questions..." She smiled. "I don't take clients that think of me sexually unless they allow me to repress those feelings while we are in a session."

Steven snorted as his mind started to consider the variety of people that might seek out someone like Claire. She probably saw some pretty... colorful characters.

"Understandable," Steven said with a nod. In the silence the followed Steven focused on the fainter sounds that had faded away during the trance. The air conditioning, the traffic, the ticking clock. It was so strange how narrow his awareness had become. His eyes focused once more. "I was hoping to find a hypnotist that could remove or suppress my anxiety, or at least my anxiety triggers. Permanently, if possible."

Claire nodded, apparently having expected this.

"That is possible," she said. "But it will require much more invasive techniques than the one I used today."

"How does it work?" Steven asked, already knowing what his decision would be.

"I would put you into a different kind of trance, and much, much deeper. Permanently altering someone's behavior or feelings requires repetition and complete access to their mind." Her lips tightened slightly. "It's... uncomfortable for a patient to remember those trances afterward, and remembering them means that it takes longer. However, if you are not concerned with remembering the trances themselves afterward you need to put a great deal of trust in me. I'll need to put you in a state where I could do many things to your mind that you might be uncomfortable with, so you would need to trust that I stick to what you've asked for."

Steven startled slightly at that comment, not even having considered the implications of letting someone basically reprogram his mind beyond the help he was seeking.

"Why tell me that?" Steven asked. "I wasn't worried about that until you just mentioned it."

A pained looked crossed Claire's face.

"Early in my practice I had several client's that just, well, stopped halfway through their hypnosis regimen." She sighed once more, regret clear on her face. "They started to believe that any changes that happened to them while they were receiving hypnosis sessions were because of me, and became afraid."

"So, how do you prevent that?" Steven asked.

"For this type of work, we have this conversation beforehand clearly explaining the risks, and then we will record the sessions and you will receive a copy after every session. You can review it yourself, or you can have someone else review it on your behalf if you are worried about me altering your mind to prevent you from noticing anything strange."

"You can do that?" Steven asked, his eyes widening.

"It is possible to do that," Claire told him. "But no, I can't do that to another person. It would be... deeply immoral in my view to change someone in that way. I usually recommend that you find someone you can trust to bring to your sessions as an observer and advocate, in addition to the recordings I will provide, but not everyone is comfortable with that."

Steven's heart was thudding again, but this time it was excitement, not anxiety that coursed through him. His problems were within her ability. This hypnosis was extremely powerful.

"I want to do it," Steven told her, his voice clear and certain. "And I also want to learn how to do hypnosis myself."

Claire's eyebrows shot upward.

"Never even think about using hypnosis on yourself!" Claire nearly shouted. Her volume startled Steven a little, but he recovered and shook his head.

"No, I wasn't thinking of learning hypnosis so that I could use it on myself, I just..." He paused. "I want to understand it. How it works. How to do it. What's actually happening to me."

Claire's expression softened.

"Let's wait until your sessions are finished," she offered. "If you still want to learn once we've addressed your issues, we can discuss it then."

That's not a no... Steven thought to himself.

"Can we start now?" he asked.

"No," Claire said firmly. "For the depth of work you want done, you must make the decision in your natural state, without any possible interference from my hypnosis." She glanced over at where his head had been laying on the couch. "How do you know that I didn't... implant a suggestion while I was removing your anxiety?"

That gave Steven some pause. He was trying to imagine what all the capabilities that she'd mentioned so far implied. What other things could be done?

"I want you to understand, truly understand, what you're asking me to do," Claire told him. "This type of hypnosis is not a 'gut feeling' sort of decision. You want me to change you. To do that, I have to put you in a state where I can change you. I could... I could change your gender identity. I could give you a compulsion to eat grass all the time. I could make your fondest ambition to be a clerk at a convenience store. It's not a light decision."

Steven stopped and thought through this. He knew, intellectually, that what she just said would have normally sent his anxiety into DEFCON 1, so the fact that he was thinking calmly and logically was irrefutable proof that she had the ability to deal with his problems.

"What happens if I freak out and we stop halfway through the process?" Steven asked.

"No," Claire said, shaking her head. "The early clients I mentioned, the ones who did that because of my inexperience and their fear... if we are in the middle of sessions to change you this deeply and you just stop, your psyche is left fragmented. It can and will heal itself, but it takes years, and your life will be awful in the meantime." Her lips thinned. "If, tomorrow, you decide that you want to do this still, the first session I will put you in a trance and the first thing I will do is place a powerful compulsion to complete your sessions. It's too dangerous otherwise."

"But then, how will I be able to function in my life between sessions if I'm all fragmented?"

"The end of every session would involve me providing you with... a 'patch job'. Something that will hold you together long enough to get to the next session."

"Well, why can't we just do it in one session?"

"It's too complicated," Claire answered. "Permanently altering a mind or personality isn't like what I just did to you. It's not a command, or a sentence that I tell you and it just sticks. I have to find a path, and the path is different for every person."

"A path?" Steven asked, confused.

"You want your anxiety removed, right?" Claire asked. Steven nodded. "I can't do that until I figure out what your mind thinks the root cause of your anxiety is. Not what it actually is, but what your mind thinks it is. Once I know that, I will need to find a path of logic that your mind agrees with to let me change it." She set her pen and paper aside and leaned back. "Suppose I was trying to make someone who absolutely hates sushi love it instead. I'd have to look for the circumstances where their mind would love sushi, then use that to alter their tastes."