Romancing Mrs. Claus

Romancing Mrs. Claus

Just a word to the innocent, if you are sitting up by your Christmas tree waiting for the big guy to come down the chimney, you may not want to read this. Move on to some bit of unlikely fantasy like a story about some forty-year-old married man whose wife looks like a supermodel and brings home one of her girlfriends for a three-way. Like that would ever happen!

And one more thing, there is no sex in this story. There is no revenge and there is definitely no reconciliation. It is just a story about finding joy after sorrow.

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Yep, it's true. I romanced and married Mrs. Claus. Well let's be honest, what kind of marriage could they have had? He's always running around with the elves, playing with children's toys, and taking off on long winter nights going who knows where when he should be home with his wife. The marriage was doomed from the beginning. I'll tell you something else if you promise to keep it to yourself. She may look like an old girl, but underneath she is one hot little number! However, I'm getting ahead of myself. First, I need to tell you all about my childhood, growing up in the Midwest, my education, my career, and all that shit. No? You don't want to hear all that? Okay. I'll just hit the high notes. Next, I need to tell you how I came to be single. That'll get you crying in your eggnog. After that, I can tell you how I met Mrs. Claus. You'll like that part. Last of all, I'll tell you how I got her to say yes. That's the best part of all.

Okay, now buckle up! This is going to be rough in spots. It's a story of love and betrayal, of children abandoned and a husband left to wonder why, but the scariest part of all is there are lawyers.

I was born and raised in a midsize Midwestern town. It doesn't really matter which. My best friend was the girl who lived next door. Her name was Maggie. I met her the summer before we started fourth grade. She wasn't like the other girls. She was like one of the guys, only nicer. It seemed like from the day her family moved to town we became inseparable. She could ride a bike as good as any boy and she could fish, too! She had an older brother who taught her how to catch, throw and hit a ball. I didn't, so Henry stepped up and became my big brother, too. It was like I had two families and one of them was almost always doing something interesting. If they weren't, we found something to do on our own.

I never got mad at Maggie except for one time. We were playing ball and Tommy slid into second base. He knocked Maggie to the ground, and she said that she'd tagged him out. He denied it and they got into a fight. He pushed her down and I've never been so mad in my whole life. I ran over and I decked him. When he got back up, I decked him again. I was so mad at him, I was screaming and daring him to get up again. Maggie pulled me away from him and we left. After we got away and I'd calmed down, she started to giggle. That's when she admitted that she hadn't tagged Tommy after all. She just said it because she was mad at him for knocking her down. That was when I got mad at her. Tommy had been my friend since kindergarten and we'd never had so much as a cross word between us until I hit him. I mean, she lied for no good reason other than she was mad. I apologized to Tommy the next day and he eventually forgave both Maggie and me, so I figured I had to forgive Maggie, too. As far as I know, that was the first and the last time she ever lied to me until the big lie at the end.

It seemed like no matter where we went or what we were doing, it was always Maggie and me. She was my first and my only girlfriend. It was just understood that if we were going to a party or a dance, we were going together. In time, as I became old enough to contemplate such things, I imagined spending the rest of my life with her, finishing school, getting married, raising children, and growing old together. There was never any question in my mind, and I assumed in hers as well. Looking back, I wonder if that wasn't part of the problem? Unquestioning certainty is the basis for many mistakes and delayed uncertainty is the root of many painful lessons. Maybe if we hadn't been together so long, if we hadn't been so much a part of each other's lives, we would have known that there were other things we wanted. And when I say "we", I mean her.

We attended the same college, and we were a couple through it all. We both worked hard, and life was good, but every so often she would make a comment about some guy in one of her classes and how he seemed to have everything anyone could want. He was wealthy or his family was important, he drove a really cool car or spent his vacations in exotic places. I never thought about it but looking back I realize there were danger signs. I don't think she ever cheated on me during those years and I never questioned her behavior, but there were signs I should have seen. I accepted her as she was, loved her, and never doubted her, but I know now that we wanted different things from life.

After college we found jobs in a larger city, got our first apartment, and a year later we got married. Life was great. It was everything I had ever hoped for. I was married to my best friend and I slept next to her every night. Three years into the marriage, Maggie had our first child, a girl. We named her Deborah, Debbie for short. I didn't think it was possible, but I learned that I actually could love someone as much as I loved my Maggie. Eighteen months after Debbie was born, Maggie gave me George. We called him Georgie.

While I put my engineering degree to work, Maggie had earned her degree in business and accounting. She went to work for a large and very prestigious law firm. Despite taking time off for maternity leave, she was rising through the ranks in the office. Just two years after Georgie was born, Maggie was already the office manager. She was making good money and hobnobbing with the city's rich and powerful. Her career was everything she'd ever wanted, and she excelled at it.

Georgie was three and Debbie was four and a half when things started to fall apart. Maggie was working late a lot by then. Some nights she didn't even make it home in time to kiss the kids goodnight as I put them to bed. As for our own bed, well, no amount of blankets could take the chill off that mattress! I knew her work was important to her, and I was trying to be patient and understanding, but when the marriage and family becomes less important to a wife and mother than her career something eventually has to give. She chose the career.

There were never any big arguments. She never belittled me. The end came without warning, more with a whimper than a bang. I came home from work one day to find her closets bare, her personal items gone, and a handful of her favorite trinkets missing.

What does a person do when they find that the better half their life has left? I freaked! I ran around the house calling her name, but there was no answer. I assumed she'd been kidnapped or worse. I called my sister, Karen, and her husband who lived just a few miles away and they were there in a flash. Mike looked around the house while Karen tried to understand my incoherent ramblings. It was Mike who found the note saying that Maggie had left, and the kids were with a neighbor. That was it! No explanation, no apology, and no excuse. I ran to the neighbor's house and hugged my kids when I found them. I was crying like a baby. Somebody called EMS and they wanted to take me in for observation. I refused, and with some conversation and their patience, I eventually calmed down. I guess they decided I wasn't a danger to myself or anyone else and left with their promise to return if they were called.

For the next few days, I was never alone. I took a few days off from work and tried to understand what had happened. Nothing in my life had ever prepared me for this. My sister helped care for the kids until my parents could get there. I contacted the police, but there was nothing they could do for forty-eight hours, and even after that they seemed to have little interest in a runaway wife.

It was on the second day after Karen left that my sister and parents sat me down and gave me "the talk".

"Henry, you need to face this and figure out what needs to be done."

I looked at my father like he was from Mars. "How the hell do I know what to do now? I don't even know where she is!"

"Henry, you need to see a lawyer. You need to know what your rights are and what you can do to keep your kids safe."

That last bit resonated. "I don't know any lawyers except the ones that Maggie works for."

Karen spoke up. "I don't think you want to go to them right now. I have a friend who got a divorce last year. I can ask her who she had."

"I don't want a divorce!"

"We know, Henry." It was my mother speaking now. "But it seems that Maggie does."

"I can't believe it. Something must have happened to her."

"Well, then the lawyer can recommend someone who will find out." It was my father speaking again. "You need some professional advice, son, and it starts with a good lawyer. Whatever else happens, you need to protect your kids."

Karen made the call and got the name. I called the lawyer and got an emergency appointment for 4PM that afternoon.

I was sitting in the outer office at 3:45 trying to clear my head when I was ushered into the lawyer's private office. I wasn't expecting this. Her name was Bridget Baxter. I learned later that her maiden name had been Mullaney and she married a man named Baxter. She was about my age, patient and understanding, but all business. I got the sense that there was nothing she hadn't heard before and I was never going to shock her with anything I had to say.

"The first thing we'll do is file a missing person's report with the police. You don't want to appear to be hiding anything." Then she gave me a hard stare. "You aren't hiding anything, are you, Henry? If you are, now is the time to tell me."

I was both confused and angry at the same time. "I'm not hiding a damn thing and if you feel you can't represent me, just tell me now!"

"Okay, Henry. I had to ask. Do you have any idea where she went or who she's with?"

There was that suggestion again. My sister had said something similar the day before. "I can make a list of her girlfriends. I think I know all their names. I can give you her parent's address, but they're two hundred miles away."

"Henry, a mother doesn't leave her kids behind to stay with her girlfriend. Is there a man we should look into?"

"No! Maggie wouldn't cheat. She's not like that."

"I didn't think my husband was, either, until he was. People change, Henry. I met my husband in law school and we quickly became a couple. We studied together and soon we moved in together. When we graduated, he got a job with a big-name law firm in the city and I took a job with a smaller firm doing family law. I wanted kids and that meant not working eighty-hour weeks and struggling to make partner. I wanted a simple nine-to-five job writing wills and such so I could go home at a reasonable time and take care of my family. He got seduced by the money and the power and a bitch named Glenda, and then the first I knew of it was when I got served at my office. So I want you to think. I'm asking you if there is a man we should look into?"

"I'm not stupid. I know what you're suggesting. Honestly, I don't know anybody. She's been working late a lot and her mind hasn't been with us, but I don't think she's capable of cheating." My voice trailed off as I said the words. Hearing them somehow breached my defenses, my denial fell like a curtain, and my eyes were opened. "Damn, she was cheating on me, wasn't she?"

"Okay. I told you that the first thing we're going to do is file a missing person's report. That's as much for your protection as anything else. Don't expect anything to come of it. Second, we're going to put some cameras in your home in case she comes back while you aren't there. Third, I'm going to prepare a restraining order that we will serve once we find her. I'm not saying we can't arrange a sit down, but we need to establish some normalcy within the chaos. We can't have her going after you or the kids until we know what's going on. Fourth, and I know you're not going to like this, but we need to prepare for a possible divorce petition. Once we know what's going on, we may need to get ahead of her. Have you separated your bank accounts and credit cards?"

"What? Ah, no."

"I want you to open new accounts in your name only. Move half your money over to your account and then arrange for direct deposit of your paycheck into that new account. Close any joint credit cards. You don't know what she's doing or even who has them. We can wait to change any insurance policies, retirement accounts, and such until we know more. Does she hold any power of attorney over you?"

"No, just the usual medical things in case I can't make decisions for myself."

"I want you to move that to someone else. Would your sister consider doing it?"

"Sure."

"If you are making any payments on her car, keep making them for now. Make the payments on your house and utilities."

"She is paying for her own car, but we have joint insurance."

"Don't change the insurance, yet. Okay, I want to see you back here in two days with a detailed list of all your assets, investments, retirement accounts, etc. I want yours and hers. I want to see copies of your last two tax forms."

"Okay."

"Now the painful part. I need a $5000 retainer and part of that will go to hiring the private investigator to find out where she is. Can you handle that, Henry?"

"Sure." I suppose I was in shock by then. I wrote the check, made my next appointment on the way out, and walked to my car. I just sat there trying to make sense of it all. Nothing in my life was the way it was supposed to be. I don't know how long I sat there, but I looked up and saw my lawyer walking toward the parking lot. It's funny where the mind goes at times of stress, but for a moment I wondered what sort of car she drove? She's a lawyer and my wife works with lawyers, so I figured it was a Mercedes or a BMW. The lights of her car flashed, she opened the door and got in. It was a Honda. Great! I went looking for a shark and I found a guppy.

She must have spotted me as she drove by because she raised her hand and gave me one of those waves with the palm down and the fingers wagging. Great! She'd make a wonderful neighbor or an aunt for the kids, but as lawyers go, she was soft. I felt beaten already and the fight hadn't even started. I drove home more depressed than when I got up and briefed my sister and parents.

So, let's make a long story short. I was served a week after she left and about the same time the P.I. found my wife shacked up with one of the lawyers from her office. I was the only one surprised. Everything proceeded with civility and decorum after that, although I was off on the side losing my mind. My lawyer sat with her lawyer and they hammered out a deal. It helped that Maggie apparently didn't want much from the marriage. Maggie had finally found the wealth and power that she admired. Marriage to me had been a mistake that she'd committed by never questioning her real desires. Somewhere along the way she had decided that she wasn't cut out to be a mother and felt the kids were better off with me. To this day, I haven't been able to wrap my head around that bit. How does a mother leave her kids behind? Three months and it was done. I suppose it helps when the two parties agree, and one is represented by the most powerful law firm in the city. In just three months I went from a happily married father of two to just a father of two.

I have to admit that all through the process Bridget was a rock. She was always out in front making sure I was ready and watching out for my best interests. Maggie's lawyer, who turned out to be her lover as well, tried to flex his muscle a few times. I think at some point it was more about him than what she wanted because she would shoot him a sideways glance whenever he was pushing us, but Bridget pushed him back and the final agreement was pretty much as we had anticipated at the beginning.

I started to notice something so subtle that I wondered if it was all in my imagination. Bridget did not like the other lawyer. She was always professional, cool, calm, and collected, but as I grew to know her a little better, I could see the contempt beneath the surface. I knew why I hated the guy, but what was her beef? After the last meeting we sat down to review the agreement. All was in order and it was better than I had hoped, so as I signed, I asked her about her relationship with the other lawyer.

"He's my ex." She said it just as simply as that, so detached, so matter of fact.

"Is that why you threatened to report him to the bar?" That remark made her chuckle. It was the first time I'd seen her break that professional demeanor and smile.

"I threatened to report him because it's unethical to steal a man's wife and then represent her in the divorce where he demands more from the husband than she wants. Plus, he's an asshole and it just felt good to threaten him."

"So it was a bluff?"

"Did I look like I was bluffing? I was hoping he'd called me on it. I already had the papers drawn up."

Maybe this guppy was a shark after all.

Four months passed and I was a single dad with a son and daughter under the age of five. My sister and parents got me through those early months, and I think Mike got my sister through it. The whole family was devastated. After all, Maggie had been a part of the family since we were ten.

Karen stepped up to be the female role model that my children needed, but she had her own kids at home and could be, at most, a part-time mother to my kids. That's okay. They loved their Aunt Karen and cherished the time they had with her. Plus, they were tight with their cousins and when we all got together it was just one big family.

I went into therapy as much for my kids as for myself. Children that age can't understand what's going on when their mother runs off, so I needed to understand how to care for them and get them through it. Sometimes my sister and parents would join me. We needed to present a coherent front if the kids were going to get through this. To tell you the truth, I don't know how we managed, but six months after the divorce was final, I began to realize that we were going to be okay. Maggie would visit the kids from time to time, but her heart never seemed to be with them. I think she visited more out of a sense of guilt than anything else. She was living the high life and it showed with the expensive clothes and jewelry she would wear, the carefully manicured nails, and the hair that was always just right. Those comments about the men who had it all when we were in school came back to me now and I began to wonder if I ever really knew the woman I'd married, or if she had ever really known herself. As for me, the pain was still there, but I was learning to smile again. The kids had stopped asking when mommy was coming home and accepted the status quo as the new normal while I stopped hoping to see her when I returned from work.

Like I said, I was learning to smile again. I was finding things to enjoy, and mostly I was enjoying the kids. When you are a single parent, they become your world and all else is scheduled around them. To say I didn't mind is an understatement. I thanked God for them and didn't know where I'd be if their youthful enthusiasm and overwhelming energy were not so much a part of my life. Their happiness was infectious, and it got me through those long, hard months as a newly single man. Well, they did and my sister and parents along with numerous friends who would stop by with desert for the kids and a six-pack to share with me.