Ronnie Jon Ch. 01

Ronnie Jon 01

"What do you want then, Roland, hmm?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ronnie Jon, I just wanted to say "hey" and how I think it's also it's pretty cool how you bring Leela her sweet pink wine coolers down here to the Roundabout, so. And maybe I wouldn't mind highlighting the word "sweet" a little too, Ronnie Jon."

"Roland, I mean, I'm trying to talk to someone right now, so."

"Well, this night just got worse then."

"I mean, he has an odd addiction problem, but..."

"Oh, this night just got better then. Wait a minute, Ronnie Jon, are you hung up and stalking that red haired freak at the "Stop & Rob" convenience store then?"

"Well, it's not stalking just because I've figured out exactly when he indulges with his habit. Besides, Roland, you're tainted and branded for life since you allegedly got called out for peeking on your step sister anyways, so?"

Hah! That's Discouragement 101, right folks? It's also called "Modifying Things 101", but it felt like this guy Roland was trying to engage with me and that became nerve wrecking pretty quickly.

"OMFG, she wore a bikini on our family vacation to the beach like the other hundreds of girls, so I hardly think that qualifies as peeking and when I find the tweeb guy Ronny Jones, who spread that allegation around on Chang, I mean, I'm going to beat him up, so?"

"Well, fine Roland, I believe you and you don't have to worry about beating anyone up. That dweeb guy Ronny Jones moved to Argentina. Anyways, isn't it enough how you gawk at me whenever I come to the Roundabout to either drop off Leela's pink wine coolers or pick her up and take her to the store, hmm?"

"Gawking? I hardly call it gawking, Ronnie Jon, when all you do is swoop in and then swoop right back out of the damn Roundabout! Anyways, I can see that you didn't bring a 4-pack of wine coolers with you, so you must be picking Leela up and taking her to the store, so how about I go along then? Leela can drive your SUV and you know, you and I can sit in the back, so?"

LOL, or Discourage 101 didn't work, right folks?

"Roland, what part of I'm trying to talk to someone didn't you understand, huh? Besides, the truth is that Leela uses these side trips to mingle with the Kitty Corner crew for a few minutes and everyone knows that the Cobra's and the Python's don't play well together, so?"

"Which won't matter if you and I are laying across the backseat, Ronnie Jon!"

"Ugh, Roland, not only am I trying to talk to someone, I mean, I'm really a terrible girlfriend because I don't lay down with anyone and I'd be an even worse boyfriend because I gag on my practice cucumbers and my teeth clamp down from the gagging reflexes and I leave little marks in the cucumber, so?"

Hah! That's Discouragement 102, right folks? It's also called the fricking truth, so.

By the way folks, hey, I'm Ronnie Jon and I may have spread that rumor mentioned above, so.

"Well, snap, that would be an "ouch" moment if there ever was one, but we should remember that it was you who brought up sex then, Ronnie Jon, so?"

Anyways, as I was saying, hey there, hey, I'm Ronnie Jon and I purposely go to the Roundabout on the weekends as my way of mingling with Python's for a few moments before I kick it in high gear and stalk my addicted interest. And he doesn't have red hair! I mean LOL, he was probably the bush on fire when he was a kid, but his hair has smoothed out to gawd awful gravy brown since, so.

And I'm true to him, even though I don't really know his name and I only finger curl wave at the Cobra's from the Kitty Corner crew when I park at the "Stop & Rob" convenience store, so. And it's not just because my old school friend, Leela, won't let me talk to the Cobra's either, so,

"Ahem! Do you two need a moment more to wrap this up then, hmm? My wine coolers won't buy themselves, you know, so with all respect, Roland, lift his little t-shirt so that you can peek at the undies straps that you hope to fag wrap your lips on one of these nights and let's get a move on!"

"Oh, um, Leela, I was just making sure that Ronnie Jon, you know, got around the Roundabout safely while he waited for you and all, so, ooh, hey, look at all the stars out tonight, will you?"

Oh, so that's how Scram or Get Called out 101 works then, huh?

[Two SUV doors open, two SUV doors close]

"LOL, he's so going to pull himself hard over you tonight, Ronnie Jon! Anyways, let's go get me a few wine coolers and if we're lucky, I mean, this is just about the time of night when your lottery club keno boyfriend guy shows up at the "Stop & Rob" convenience store, right Ronnie Jon, hmm?"

"What, Leela? I don't have a club keno guy and I certainly don't have a lottery boyfriend, so shut it. But we are running late tonight, so buckle up."

"Oh, and what are your 4-spot keno numbers again then, Ronnie, Jon? I mean, as I remember things, they told a story, right?"

"Oh, well, 3 because it trends that 3 is enough and 5 for my undies size and 26 for my belt size and 32 for my sports bra size, unstuffed, of course. I mean, what? What's club keno, huh?"

"And, and, and?"

"Well, I just wanted him to know that I have four personal numbers as opposed to the traditional three personal numbers, I mean, he if ever asked me the same question, so."

"And what might I find in the glove box then, hmm, Ronnie Jon?"

"Well, you won't find an expired club keno ticket with doodling on the back showing a stick man sex tape, if that's what you're asking, Leela, so?"

"LOL, drive stickman."

Well, listen folks, I don't know anything about that guy who plays club keno regularly nor do I even know his name or that he plays a regular 4-spot slip, a regular 5-spot slip and a regular 6-spot easy pack no more than I know he plays his keno numbers for five draws at a time and no more than I know that there are four minutes in between keno draws nor do I know that he's addicted to watching his keno draws "live" on the lottery monitor inside of the store and that his eyes follow the "phew, phew, phew" of the numbers on the display like they were the blood in his veins, so I know nothing of this guy or his gambling habits, so.

"Well, you just like to ride with me to the store, Leela, so that you can mess with the Kitty Corner crew while I'm inside anyways, so."

"And how is that different from your perfectly timed visits to the "Stop & Rob" convenience store then, hmm, Ronnie Jon? And what's this little extra stick line on your doodling stick drawing then? And why does it seem to have, huh, a back and motion to it, hmm?"

"Oh, oh, I mean, ooh, you startled me when last weekend when you opened my truck door and caught me by surprise, so that's just a um, a jerk reflex line, so shut it and shut my glove box, Leela!"

"Hmm, that's a jerking motion alright, so maybe I should mingle and mess with the Kitty Corner crew for a few extra minutes tonight then, hmm?"

I mean, folks, it wasn't a doodling sex tape depiction. It was just two people hugging it out big time over a big keno win, that's all.

[Door dingle, dingle]

"Clyde, did you add Leela to my account without my consent then, hmm?"

"Ronnie Jon, she flashed me her bra and then she used curled and wiggled her pinky finger to let me know that you barely have 3 and then she did that hand motion towards her cheek and then she used her tongue to push her cheek out like my old guy fat cock would do in your mouth and you know I'm a sucker for every fem boy dresser in Middleton, so then I had to run into the restroom and then she filled out the paperwork on her own with a pencil and I can't just undo an official document, so?"

"(Stupid real girls who can flash a real bra!) Well, I'll have my usual snacks, my ice tea and Leela's pink wine coolers then. And you know, where is everybody then, hmm?"

"Oh, your club keno boyfriend hasn't showed up yet, if that's what you mean by everybody, Ronnie Jon, so?"

"Hah, I know of no such keno player and I have no boyfriend, so."

"Hah, I know that he bought condoms two nights ago, so?"

"Clyde, that's way too personal! Besides, he probably has a girlfriend and a Dom Mistress and a horny neighborhood housewife on the side anyways. And he's addicted to his stupid lottery numbers and that's a huge red flag, so."

"Hah, Ronnie Jon, he's addicted to your Denim wrapped keno jackpot and everyone in the store knows that he wants to addict you. And you should talk more about that [clicks on phone voice recorder] because everyone also knows how I feel about these things, so, have you had him yet then, hmm?"

"Clyde, no, I haven't had him, just the same as he hasn't had me (yet), so? Also, stop staring at me like that. I may have worn my "possible encounter" shorts tonight, but not for you and your 72 wrinkle rims, so."

Now, Clyde might be a little gross and disgusting at times, but he's basically harmless. I mean, I'd caution anyone over using his store's restroom for fear of what kind of gooey condition mess that might be in, but other then that, LOL, he's still low on the gross and disgusting ladder as compared to what I hear at the gas station, right? And it's only a rumor that I go to the gas station more than I need to every week, but it's a good training camp, so.

But back to Clyde, the owner of the "Stop & Rob" convenience store. He's not exactly a man's man, but he likes to dream about doing a man or getting head from a man, but the word is that he would literally pass out from fright if any one of the Tranny's in town gave into his gross requests or not so stubble faggot comments. And he's not fooling anyone about how it's his wife who counts and posts about how many wrinkle rings his cock has. Everyone already knows that his wife hasn't touched him in years, so.

"Oh, so I don't even have to ask you to direct the side security camera to keep an eye on my friend, Leela, any more than while she chit chats with the Cobra's then, Clyde? Never mind, I'm happy that you still like girl ass, Clyde, so is the extra beer for the Kitty Corner crew guys then, hmm?"

"Well, they don't cause much trouble and the longer your fake girlfriend hangs around, I mean, it's not like I'm dying to see you bottomless and bent over in the alley, Ronnie Jon (aha, aha, aha, aha), either from one of the hoodlums or from your club keno boyfriend, so."

I mean, gross for sure, but that's the price you pay when you dress from the other closet and go out, I guess. Not that his stupid faggot vision was going to come true, so.

[Grabs phone voice recorder]

"Clyde, I'm so fresh and smooth that a guy will bust just from seeing me naked on my belly with my ever so sweet buns pointing up and wiggling back and forth and the word is that an fem boy ass as tight as mine would be like an ironing board for a cock that has wrinkled it's way through 50 years of life."

[Squinting eyes, crotch grab, drool]

[Door dingle, bang, door dingle, bang]

"Clyde, Clyde, Clyde, I'm running late and I'm going to miss a 10X Kicker! Run my keno slips quick, run my keno slips quick (aha, aha, aha), oh, hey, I mean, you're Ronnie Jon, right? OMG, OMG, Clyde, Clyde, run my slips! The next draw is coming on screen!"

Nah, this guy isn't addicted to his lottery, LOL, right?

[Live action lottery monitor, ting, ting, ting, ting, 4X Kicker]

"[Phew 16, phew 45], snap, [phew 12], cool, [phew 24], snap, [phew 77], damn, wait, oh, Ronnie Jon, we were going to, ooh [phew 34], damn it..."

And on and on and on. And on I went to deliver the beer and wine coolers to the Kitty Corner crew and Leela.

[Twist fizz, twist fizz, twist fizz, twist fizz, twist ooze]

"(He could be Zack's boyfriend, Leela)."

"(No, he can't Chewie, he's trying to talk to someone these days). Cheers."

[Clink, clink, clink, clink]

"So, Ronnie Jon, are your lottery boyfriend's eye balls bleeding yet from all the missed numbers, hmm?"

"Oh, his left eye was spinning clockwise and his right eye was spinning counter clockwise and you know, I'm just an old keno play slip, so."

[Muffled screaming sounds heard through the store wall. Screams could go either way]

"Go check on that, Ronnie Jon while I check on Chewie's Mexican jumping beans, so."

Wait a minute! For most of his life, Chewie drags and shuffles his feet, but all of sudden, he can jump? And jump like three times as he grabbed Leela by the arm? And snatch my SUV fob from my hand? And not look back as he skipped away with Leela?

"Ahh, ahh, ahh, I need an escort, Chewie! Chewie, I'm in the alley alone! Chewie???? Leela??"

[Swoop, swoosh, causes a little breeze]

[Arm wrap, quick lips smooch]

"I got your escort tonight, Ronnie Jon."

"Zack! You tasted my lips then?"

[Hoot, hoot, smack that, hey, share that]

"Well, we don't need to shout all that, Ronnie Jon, but yeah."

[Smack, mwah, smooch]

"So, Ronnie Jon?"

[Mwah]

"I'm speaking for someone, Zack."

"Who? The weirdo keno addict?"

[Mwah, mwah, grope, squeeze, smack]

"I think my SUV is that way, Zack."

[Mwah, ummah, smooch, oomph, mwah]

Well, he was aggressive and sometimes aggressive wins and I'm not even going to mention how I was passed over for a handful of stupid keno numbers, so. And I wouldn't even be mad if Clyde's security camera caught all that, so.

[Back door flies open with a bang]

"Aha, aha, aha, aha [rub, rub, rub]."

"Pause, Clyde! We're just walking and talking."

"Aww, peek the old man your undies, Ronnie Jon."

[Huh, never did that before, meaning that may have been too big of a peek!]

"Ooh, ooh, oh, [rub, rub, rub], put him in the Kitty Corner crew, Zack, aha, aha, aha, aha, aha, put him against the rear of the building, Zack, aha, aha, aha."

I mean, yeah, sure, Clyde can be gross and disgusting sometimes when he gets around guys, especially guys who dress like girls, but as I already said, I go to the gas station a couple of times a week, so Clyde isn't the worst.

Also, damn it, someone should put "undies peek" instructions in a book or something! Or I probably wasn't supposed to flash my entire ass all at once for short, I guess.

"OMG, Ronnie Jon, you wore a thong out tonight then? I have to have these buns, Ronnie Jon!"

"Oh, um, Zack, I thought I might have an encounter tonight and the word on Chang is that guys like the feel of bare skin back there, so?"

"So? So, I'm donating to the community on Chang then!"

[Slip, squeeze, super squeeze, rub, rub, slide, slip, dip, slip, dip, squeeze, dip, dip, rub, rub, ahh]

"Zack, first you taste my lips and now you're slipping and dipping me then, hmm?"

[Mwah, squeeze, ummah, rub, smooch, dip, oomph, squeeze, mwah]

"Oh snap {mwah], slip and dip a little more, Zack. Slip and dip!"

Now, don't judge me, people. I officially dumped my red headed lottery addict before I fell under the charms of being slipped and dipped while smashing lips with Zack in the alley, so.

"Clyde, gather your composure and, ewe, clean yourself and tell that asshole club keno addict who passed me over for a handful of losing keno numbers that he's in the rear view, so."

[Mwah, squeeze, dip, slip, saw, dip, ummah, rub, saw, smooch, dip, oomph, squeeze, mwah]

"Where did you say your SUV is parked then, Ronnie Jon?"

Well, listen, I mean, well, I was slipped and dipped several times and it felt nice, so sue for personally mingling with one of the Kitty Corner crew members then.

But it didn't work out anyways because, whoa, I don't know much about Chewie's Mexican jumping beans and all, but a quick peek through my SUV window clearly told the story of how hot his tamale pepper was and it was clearly setting Leela on fire! Ugh, in my SUV! My SUV that may need a new suspension system soon.

"Um, the back seat will do nicely, Ronnie Jon and it's not uncommon for friends to have sex in front of each other these days, so?"

Well, that's when "Reality 101" set in, right? I mean, what I said earlier about not being a good sex partner was true for the lack of experience and unfortunately, what I said about leaving little bite marks in the cucumbers was also true, but Zack just slipped and dipped me over the thong that disappeared between the cheeks of my butt, so everything else seemed, well, off to side.

[SUV rear door opens and quietly closes]

And huh, so that must be what "Mesmerized 101" must be like then, hmm? I mean, I had never ever personally witnessed two people having sex before, so it was hard not to watch a little. I mean, Zack on the other hand, well, to each his own, I guess. But to be clear, I only peeked a little. And wiggled out of my jeans.

[Hump, hump, pump, fire, hump, thrust, pump, thrust, thump, thump, grind, thump]

"Aha, aha, Chewie, Chewie, stop talking baby, ooh, ooh, red hot, red hot, ooh, oh, ooh, oh."

"That's not me, Leela, your funny boy toy climbed into the back seat with Zack, ugh, ugh, ugh."

[Hump, hump, pump, fire, hump, thrust, pump, thrust, thump, thump, grind, thump]

"Oh, then turn me, Chewie, turn me like he will take it, Chewie, ooh, ooh, getting raw, oh."

Ahh, back to how Chewie shuffled his feet forever and now he's the guy in the figure skating pair who can flip his partner like as if she floated on a breeze then? Not that my eyes were fixated or anything, but the contrast between their flesh tone was quite noticeable, so. And by the way, Chewie peeked at me too while he was turning Leela and since I had removed my jeans, so everything was at a tie.

[Hump, hump, pump, doggie, fire, hump, thrust, pump, thrust, thump, thump, grind, thump]

"Aha, aha, catch up, Ronnie Jon, ooh, ooh and get a padded cover for your steering wheel, oh, oh."

I mean, mesmerizing 101, right? I mean, I didn't seem to be in control of my eyes or my hands and before I knew, huh, there was a live cucumber in my hand.

[Stroke, peek, fap, peek, stroke, peek, slip, peek, fap, peek, slide, peek, stroke, peek, fap, fap, peek]

"Oh snap, tamale pepper me, Chewie, pepper me!"

[Hump, hump, pump, fire, hump, thrust, pump, thrust, thump, thump, grind, thump]

Um, so, sometimes guys just like to watch the other couple for a few minutes then?????? While absent mindedly getting hand jobbed?

[Stroke, fap, stroke, fap, stroke, fap, stroke, fap, stroke, stroke, stroke, slip, slide, flick, ooh, a kiss?]

"Ooh, gag him, Zack, thrust him, he's your SUV Boyfriend tonight, ooh, ooh, oh, viva tamale!"

[Slash, slush, slurp, ag, ag, ooh, kiss, kiss, sloosh, huh, ug, kiss, kiss, oops, gag, gag, red flag gag]

"I don't want to hurt you, Zack, but I'm not ready to be flipped and taken like Chewie is doing Leela!"

Um, so that was "Trusting 101" or "Won't Be Denied 101" because Zack just used one hand to push my head back down and used the other to slip, saw and dip over my thong again, so, his bad if things go wrong then, right? But it was "Huh, Sex Isn't So Bad 101" though.

"You swallowed, Ronnie Jon, so we're a thing on the side now, right?"

"Hah, Zack! I was just keeping my seats and your boxer shorts clean, so. But I didn't clamp down, so."

"So, so I'm your stud then. That's the rules! Also, I mean, I could last as long as Chewie too, but you had me all worked up and stuff, so."

[Hump, hump, pump, doggie, grunt, hump, thrust, pump, thrust, grunt, thump, thump, grind, thump]

"Nut, Chewie, I'm getting raw, Chewie, nut those Mexican jumping beans, Chewie. I'm out of juice."

[Hump, hump, pump, doggie, grunt, hump, thrust, pump, thrust, grunt, thump, thump, grind, thump]

Ahh, ahh, ooh, um, so, ooh, um, well, um, so Zack just reached over the seats and goosed Chewie like that then? I mean, hello, can you say "Surprise 101" or something?

[Squirt, grunt, blast, condom stretching, blast, squirt, ooh, grunt, grunt, ugh, ugh, drizzle, ahh]

I mean, even with my first ever engagement as an SUV Boyfriend, I mean, even that took a back seat to what I had just witnessed, right?