Ruleskirter

Tags- MF, Romance, Slow Burn, Bisexual Female, Straight Male, College, Rescue, Redhead, Satire, Oral, Handjob, Biker, Polyamory, Wedding.

Intro- This story is fiction and contains graphic sex as well as discussion of polyamory, adult dating and mild violence. Please do not read it if you are in an unsafe environment or lack a mature open mind. Some characters are based on real people, real places are also featured, but they are highly fictionalized and used fictitiously. The same is true of any featured real events. This story features a male original character from my previous Celebrity Fanfic works including "Inside Out", "Passion of Erika Christensen", and "Debrief". However, it is not necessary to read those stories to enjoy this one. All constructive feedback on all my stories is always appreciated, of course.

This is a "slow burn" romance story, so the sex takes a while to happen. Please understand that. Please look for the word "urges" in Chapter 6 if you are interested in skipping to it quickly, or seek another story. This story is set in the near-utopia world similar to our own in which my Celebrity Fanfics take place, an urban fantasy type world. However, it is also a satire and features celebrity characters. The two main characters with sexual roles are Original Characters, and the featured celebrities are just cameos, so I consider it more of a tale inspired by fanfic than an actual fanfic. I enjoy casting my stories as fantasy films, so the cast list below was generated. Regarding the character Silvan Farrow, he is an Original Character of mine, partially based on the character Lorne from the WB TV show "Angel". The plot of this story required a wedding officiant and a benefactor of awesome power for the lead couple. Silvan Farrow fit the role. He is intended as an amalgamation of several mythical figures, but not any specific real world figure. Imaginative readers may substitute the figure they prefer as necessary.

Fantasy Casting for Original Characters-

Lisa Coleman- Natalia Dyer.

Doug Ramsay- Charlie Heaton.

Silvan Farrow- Mel Brooks.

Leroy Brown- Jay White (wrestler).

Baxter Page- Ben Stiller.

911 Operator- Laura Bailey.

Boris the Bouncer- Alexander Kuznetsov.

Deputy Lakestrider- Crystle Lightning.

Officer Jim Wright- Ving Rhames.

Shauna Shapiro- Alexandra Shipp.

Tara Shapiro- Asmaa Galal.

Elena Ruiz- Ariana DeBose.

Lisa (40s)- Cobie Smulders.

Doug (40s)- Seann William Scott.

Boris (40s)- Sergey Bezrukov.

Wedding Coordinator Franq- Martin Short.

Various Celebrities- Themselves.

Other roles minor or kept nonspecific, reader may insert their own actors or look to my stories where the characters are more prominent.

Various songs are referenced in this story, as are various movies, games, stage plays, and other media. I own none of the unoriginal ideas featured. This story was written for entertainment, not financial profit. It is ultimately intended as a Rescue Romance Urban Fantasy story. I hope it is enjoyed.

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Chapter 1: I Need a Hero!

Austin, Texas. October 1997.

Lisa Coleman was fighting for her life.

She was a second year college student at the University of Texas at Austin, twenty-one years old, psychology major, curvaceous figure with medium length reddish brown hair. Her deep blue eyes were accents of her oval face with a snub nose accented by a false diamond stud. Tonight she was in the Downtown Austin Warehouse & Entertainment District, wearing a gray red sun T-shirt, stonewashed jeans, minimal makeup, and black running shoes.

Until a few minutes ago, she had been enjoying her Friday night out. The district was crowded with clubgoers as usual. Not Halloween yet, only mid-October, not too busy. As a young horny single woman, she had been looking for a suitable man to improve her night. The first club she'd chosen to visit, Paradox, was full of good candidates, or so it had seemed at first. Then further investigation revealed most of the prospects were either on-duty staff, already attached, or otherwise unsuitable. No big deal, she had expected that, so she'd narrowed her choices down to three that seemed likely.

The first man, an older long-haired and bearded hippie named Baxter Page, turned out to be gay, so she'd laughed along with him once he shared that orientation. She was bi, so she tolerated gays as friends, but she was looking for a man willing to date her. Baxter was gay, he wouldn't work.

Therefore, she moved on to her second option, who was more her age anyway, or perhaps younger. But that chubby brown-bearded man was reading a Robert Jordan book and looked too deep into it, so she moved on rather than get his attention. Pity, she'd mused, he was the cutest guy I've seen tonight. Too bad he was into his book over the girl looking his direction!

The third choice, a large wrestler or football player type of the same age group as her alone at the bar, turned out to be the most serious disaster.

I don't know if he's drunk, stupid, or just too into the idea of forcing himself on me, Lisa thought as she ducked his punch in the alley behind the club. I just know he won't take no for an answer!

She had hit the brute several times with her favorite mixed martial arts combo- punch to the solar plexus, kick to the instep, slap to the nose, knee to the groin- but he was not flinching even when she connected as hard and fast as she could.

What is this guy's problem? she wondered again. I talked to him a bit at the bar, he seemed into me, then I had to go to the restroom. The minute I come out, he's on me, forces me out the club's back door- I guess he disconnected the alarm at some point- before I can scream for help. Then he threw me into this alley and advanced on me with clear violent intentions.

I recovered quickly and started fighting with all my training. I've kept it up what feels like at least three minutes, but he's not giving up or going down! Neither am I. I've dodged most of his blows, absorbed others, hit back whenever I can. And still he keeps coming. He changes tactics a lot too. It's like he's not even here or something. What the... Oh well, I'm still going to defeat him. You don't know what you're in for, brute!

Damn it, Lisa thought in the next instant as she avoided his lunge. I might have given myself to him freely if he had just kept being nice and waited an hour or so till we could find a good local motel room! Not now that I know he's like this of course, but he didn't seem like it before! What the heck! How did he change so fast? Of all the days to forget my pepper spray at home! Now I'm trying in vain to fight off a guy who's at least eight inches over my five foot seven inch height and fifty or more pounds heavier than me. He's aggressive too, a real brute! He told me to call him "Leroy Brown, Treetop Lover", like in that Jim Croce song. I wonder if that's even his real name. No way I'm calling him lover now!

She crumpled as the brute hit her in the stomach with a shove, knocking her back against the wall. She screamed for the third time she'd been able to scream, even knowing it was useless. The club music was loud, the alley was empty except for her and the brute, no one appeared to have seen him force her into their current environment. Not wanting to get hurt too badly and having heard enough horror stories about what was clearly going to happen, Lisa steeled herself with her back to a wall and held up her fists.

"You may take this body," she told the brute with fire in her South USA accented voice, quoting Lady Marian in her favorite Robin Hood movie, "but it will not be me! It will not be me!"

I need a Hero, she prayed a favorite Bonnie Tyler tune quietly to herself. I can be a Hero, but I need an additional Hero. The only thing I see before me is a brute!

The brute shook his finger at her and glared, then raised his fists and advanced on her again. Before Lisa could strike or dodge, he'd hit her twice in the face and stomach, nearly toppling her. Then he was grabbing her and holding her prisoner, pushing her against the wall. They were too close for any techniques she knew to be effective, he was too strong, and she could not hurt him. It was going to happen, the one thing she never wanted. She shook, feeling hope slide away.

Then a loud British-accented voice shouted another film quote Lisa recognized. "Hey, you! Get your damn hands off her!"

Blinking, Lisa looked away from her attacker to see the young brown-bearded man who'd been sitting in the club reading a fantasy novel. He was standing in the alley now, posed in a martial arts stance with his eyes on their mutual enemy. Blue eyes a lighter shade than hers flashed in the dim light. His red button down shirt and light blue jeans showed the chubby figure she'd noticed before, but he didn't seem chubby now. He looked like a warrior instead, like Sonny Chiba in those old Hong Kong action flicks she adored. He was shaking a bit, but stood firm, determined.

The brute relaxed his grip on Lisa and glared at the new threat. "What was that?"

"Hey you," Lisa's would-be rescuer again quoted the film "Back to the Future". "Get your damn hands off her!"

He was speaking deliberately now, emphasizing each syllable. Lisa recognized the signs of a speech impediment similar to her own. She covered hers with various Deep South USA accents, when necessary. Usually her confidence made it unnecessary. This guy, who seemed less confident than her, used a British accent and machismo to cover his impediment. I usually don't like macho crap, Lisa thought, grimacing, but I guess in these circumstances, it's warranted.

The brute did not seem frightened by a witness. He threw Lisa aside and advanced on the newcomer. "Or what?"

"Or you'll find out!"

Lisa, seeing the brute distracted, quickly assessed her condition. She was fine. Her lip was bleeding, her nose bruised, but neither injury was serious. Her ankle was twisted also, but a quick application of leverage snapped it back into place.

Meanwhile, the two men- the brute and her rescuer- were standing before each other, still exchanging challenges.

"You know what, fool?" the brute scoffed. "I can flatten you easy! I'm on angel dust, and you will never beat me!"

The rescuer blinked, then smiled. "That's right. I can't defeat you..."

"No! So, run away then, and you can live! Or wait your turn, and you can have sloppy seconds! Well?"

Lisa's rescuer looked disgusted. "No, and no! You leave her alone!"

"But you can't beat me!"

"Right." The rescuer grinned, his eyes moving quickly towards Lisa and then back at the brute. "I can't beat you by myself... but my friend Boris, who is a bouncer inside that club, is calling the police and gathering help right now. Can he and I defeat you...?"

The brute did not give the rescuer time to speak further. He charged his adversary, fists swinging. Lisa's rescuer fought back, dodging and weaving. Lisa recognized the motions of kung fu, karate, jeet kune do, and other martial arts.

Whoa, she thought, he knows how to fight. You'd never know it at first with that body, but... Wow. He's scared but he knows what he's doing. I see that now. He's distracting our enemy with feints, taunts, meanwhile setting him up for overexertion and hitting hard whenever he can. Not his fault the brute isn't going down, I tried all my best moves already. Why isn't he going down? Maybe the outside helper my rescuer described, this Boris... Is he a reality or... She shook her head. It did not matter. She needed to take action quickly! She reached into her pocket, took out her cell phone, and dialed three digits.

"911," an operator answered. "What is your emergency?"

"I need the police," Lisa told the operator. "Can you hear me? Um, my friend and I are being assaulted. We need the police!"

"I hear you. Where are you? What is happening?"

"We're in the alley behind Paradox Nightclub, 4th and Colorado, Downtown." Lisa spoke slowly and with emphasis, keeping her eyes on her rescuer in combat with the brute. Both men were breathing heavily, neither had fallen yet. The brute was larger and had more stamina, while her rescuer had more speed and agility. They seemed evenly matched, more or less. She called upon her skills at creativity and knowledge of criminal justice procedure to describe the events. "I was being threatened with sexual assault and my... friend stepped in to help me. He's keeping the... aggressor distracted while I speak to you."

"I understand. Are you injured? Can you describe the suspect? Yourself? Your friend?"

Lisa gave the descriptions as prompted, adding that she was injured but not seriously. "Send EMS and Victim Services if you can, but police immediately please!"

"Are there weapons involved? Witnesses?"

"Um, I don't see any weapons. Witnesses, maybe. My... friend, er, Hero said he had a buddy calling you also, someone named Boris."

"Boris Garin?"

"Um, maybe..." They must be getting another call! Lisa realized. "Is he a bouncer at Paradox?"

"Yes, ma'am. He is speaking with the dispatcher next to me right now. Ma'am, is the suspect intoxicated?"

"I... I think he is intoxicated, yes." Lisa remembered something the brute had said. "He said he was on angel dust! That's a drug, I recognize it from my college classes now. It's... PCP!" A powerful hallucinogen, Lisa recalled, and a pain duller. The drug was also a cause of violent mood swings. That explained the brute's changes in demeanor, his high tolerance for injury, and his lack of compassion.

"I understand, ma'am," said the operator. "Now give me your name, please, and..."

"Dulcinea!" Lisa's rescuer sang suddenly, earning her attention. "Dulcinea! Aldonza! I need..."

Lisa looked and saw her rescuer faltering, flung back by a powerful blow to the face. The brute was grinning now, moving in. He hit her rescuer again and again. Lisa looked around, then realized what she had to do.

"Ma'am?" the operator asked her. "Ma'am? Are you there?"

"I have to go!" Lisa told the operator quickly. "Excuse me!" She dropped the phone and leapt to her feet. Her Hero was in trouble, and no one was around to save him! No one but her! She grabbed a nearby trash can's lid, lunged at the brute from behind and smashed the lid across the back of his head.

The brute shook, then crumpled for an instant, staggering away from her.

"Good, Dulcinea!" her rescuer chuckled manically, recovering all of a sudden. "Let's rope this dope!"

"Rope this dope...?" Lisa blinked, confused. Then she recognized the boxing term. Vague memories of things she'd studied in the past were flashing into her head. She stared at her Hero, keeping an eye on the brute also, as her instructors in such situations had always cautioned her. "You call me 'Dulcinea', 'Aldonza'. Who are you?"

"Don Quixote de la Mancha!" her Hero answered, grinning like an imp. "No, wait, call me... 'Frost-Fire'!"

Frost-Fire? Lisa grimaced. Is he some sort of role-playing nerd? Oh wait, I am also. I'm a theater actress, just haven't done it in a while. I see what's going on here! He wasn't lying about the bouncer, but he's still fostering an illusion to be brave! He...

The brute suddenly shattered her reflection, knocking her down and back. She dropped her trash can lid weapon, and felt her ankle twisting again.

"You wait, Princess!" the brute ordered her. "You let me smash this..."

"Idiot Knight?" her rescuer chuckled, catching the brute's attention. His fist hit the brute in the face, and Lisa heard the snap of nasal bone. "We're taking you down, Ogre! Dulcinea and Frost-Fire, me! And Boris is... he will soon join us!"

Lisa looked around while Frost-Fire and the brute fought, getting to her feet quickly. The brute was looking around too, aware but uncertain. Then he flinched, something inside him clicking again. The angel dust, Lisa realized as the brute lunged at Frost-Fire. It's driving him. My Hero is scared yet skilled, same as me. But I am independent, and... she hurried to the club back door, which was one way, locked from her side. It was metal, no handle, no way she could open it or break it down. But she could still slam her hand into it! So she did, as hard as she could.

"Boris!" she screamed to punctuate her knocking. "Boris! Are you in there?! We need help... now!" She remembered a common limitation of club bouncers- they could not leave their assigned venues unless there was a clear emergency. "Boris! Bouncer Boris! We need help now! Life or death! Frost-Fire and Dulcinea versus an Enemy Ogre on PCP!" Her Hero knew Boris, she hoped he would recognize her words also.

Remembering someone else who had been nice to her in the club, she shouted another name. "Baxter! Are you still in there? Remember me, Lisa? I need help, Baxter! If Boris can't come out here... Help me!"

The door opened suddenly, and her gay acquaintance Baxter Page was standing framed in it with two other men beside him. "Lisa?" Baxter blinked, staring at her.

She beamed a smile back and pointed at Frost-Fire and their mutual enemy, who were still locked in scuffle with one another. Her Hero was on his feet, but shaking, his nose dripping blood. The brute was in better shape, laughing and lunging, swinging fists.

Lisa waved at them, and Baxter nodded. He then motioned at the two men with him, who were larger and younger. "Get them! Help her!"

The men rushed forward, one at Frost-Fire and one at the brute. "No!" Lisa stopped them quickly, yelling and pointing at the brute. "He's the bad guy!"

Understanding, the two men both united their direction and moved at her attacker, each taking hold of one of the enemy's arms. The brute roared, struggling, while Frost-Fire stepped back, recovering. Her Hero beamed a smile at Lisa and Baxter, giving them a raised thumb.

"Boris!" he then shouted. "Boris! We need you!"

The brute was throwing off the two men who'd come out of the club, Lisa saw, pulling his arms out of their grip and grabbing each man by the neck. He slammed their heads together and knocked them both out of the fight. Then he lunged at Frost-Fire, who was grabbing a board from a trash pile in the alley. The improvised club shattered as it impacted the Ogre in the face, knocking him back. But he was still up!

Lisa looked at Baxter while the brute shook and Frost-Fire kept him occupied. "Get Bouncer Boris!" she shouted. "Get the police! We need help now!"

Baxter nodded and slammed the club door closed.

Lisa checked herself quickly. Her ankle was twisted again, but easily fixed. She was unsteady, yet she could still stand and fight. Okay! She grabbed the trash can lid again and slammed it into the brute from behind, yelling like a banshee. Her enemy was faltering, distracted, but still standing.

"Yes!" Lisa's rescuer shouted triumphantly. He now had a large metal dustpan in his hands, swinging it like a club. "Shield bash! Shovel bash! Enemy... down!"

Lisa smiled, understanding. She had acted in theater productions and enjoyed enough other role-playing games to guess what sort of fantasy was in play behind her Hero's manic eyes. He's imagining himself a Knight, she mused. Fighting an Ogre. And I'm the Lady Fair, the Princess, but I'm no shrinking violet. I'm Marian, Leia, She-Ra, a Badass Princess, and that's what he needs me to be!

Pleased with this power, this critical role, she wielded her shield with new vigor. She slammed it at the enemy in combos with Frost-Fire's shovel. The brute shook and swung his fists at them, having trouble with two strong threats.

"Take him down!" Frost-Fire shouted at Lisa. "Let's take him down, Aldonza! Help me take him..."

"Stop calling me Aldonza!" Lisa interrupted, smiling. "I've acted in 'Man of Le Mancha'!' My name is Dulcinea, Frost-Fire! My! Name! Is! Dul-ci-ne-a!" She emphasized each word and syllable with a slam of her shield at the brute.