Scenes from a Bar: Celebration

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Stan entered a neighborhood bar where there appeared to be a celebration going on. Before he could order a drink, Edward, yelled, "Drinks are on me!" A loud roar went up and delayed the time it took for the man to get a drink.

After a while he went over to Edward, "Thanks for the drink, man. Do you mind if I ask what the occasion is?"

"No problem friend. Emma, here, and I can get divorced now." Emma grinned and held up her drink in support of Edward's statement.

"I don't understand. Usually in a divorce, either both of the couple are unhappy or only one is. Why isn't either one of you sad?"

"I can't hear with all the noise. Let's get a table and I'll tell you." They went to a table in the back. The celebrating man introduced himself as Edward and the stranger said he was Stan. They shook hands and Edward spoke.

"Stan, my grandfather was a rich man. He was also a very controlling, cantankerous old man. He left me a sizeable trust under a couple of conditions: 1) I had to be married before I turned 25. My grandfather thought that marriage would help me mature. 2) The marriage had to last at least five years. When I was 22, I found Emma and made a deal with her. If she married me and stayed married to me for five years, I would give her $500,000."

"Wow. So, did you really get married?"

"Hell yes. We married, got a house and lived together for five LONG years. Now we're free."

"So, was there any love between you or just sex?"

"The house was a duplex. I lived on one side and had various girlfriends live with me during the five years. Emma had the other side where she mainly lived with her boyfriend. There were a couple of times when both of us were alone, and we fucked for the hell of it. She's actually not too bad in bed."

"So, you are inheriting a lot of money and paying Emma off?"

"That's right." He grinned widely.

"I don't see how that is possible."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Well, most trusts like that have a fraud clause in them."

"Fraud clause?"

"Yeah, something about if the trust recipient has perpetrated a false marriage in order to gain the trust, it becomes null and void."

"Really? I don't think my trust has that clause."

"Are you sure?"

"No. Even if it does, nobody knows what we did except her boyfriend maybe."

"What about me?"

"You got no dog in this fight. Why would you say anything?"

"What if I'm one of your grandfather's estate lawyers."

"Oh, shit! Look, I was just kidding about Emma and me. We were married and were real husband and wife for five years. I swear."

"Please, don't add lying to your crimes."

"Is there anything I can do to get you to forget what I told you?"

"I was just going to get around to that. Your grandfather was a hateful old man, and I don't particularly like the charity that will get all that money if I turn you in. What about giving me half?"

"Half! Hell no. I put up with that bitch and a fake marriage for five years. I earned that money."

"Okay, half or nothing." Stan got up to walk away.

"Wait. Wait. How about 40% for you?"

"Okay, I don't want to dicker. You need to ask the lead attorney to have your payment ready in two sets of bitcoins. One for 60% of the amount and the other for 40% of the amount. You will pass the code for accessing the 40% bitcoins to me without looking at it."

"Okay."

*****

At the reading of the will, the head attorney of the team read the terms of the trust. He stated that the grandson had met the terms of the will and would receive the trust in bitcoins as requested. The papers with the account code were passed to Edward. After the meeting was concluded, Edward passed the 40% bitcoin account number to the lawyer who immediately left.

The head lawyer came up to the grandson. "Congratulations. I hope you use your money wisely."

"Thank you."

"Can I ask you one thing?"

"Sure, what?"

"Who was that man sitting next to our paralegal?"

"He's one of your lawyers. Isn't he?"

"I've never seen him before."

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AkSh4BloOdAkSh4BloOdabout 1 year ago

Smart man.

Just fucking hilarious.

5 star.

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

Hilarious!

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