Scenes from a Marriage Pt. 16

During the rest of that week, I spent some time reading a book called "Uniquely Rika," which I'd seen recommended by a number of people on one of the fetish groups I've been reading. The book was written by a female dominant who describes a practical framework for real-world female dominant relationships, and I thought it might give us some useful ideas to incorporate into our own relationship.

I wasn't honestly sure what I thought of the book at first. It described a 24x7 D/s relationship, which is not what my wife and I had, and it stressed the importance of focusing on the domme's pleasure, not the sub's. My initial reaction was that I liked the idea of focusing on my wife's pleasure, but I didn't like the idea of not focusing on mine. But the book did also point out some things that did resonate with me, such as the need to keep our relationship sustainable. I knew that always chasing the next exciting activity to explore would ultimately escalate until there was nothing new left to turn me on. And I knew that if my wife were in control, she would keep our rate of escalation more manageable than I would if I were driving.

The book also made me really think about whether any given activity we engaged in was done to turn me on vs. to turn her on. My wife and I had a few conversations about that. At first, she seemed upset that I kept asking her whether she was doing something for me or for her, as if I was constantly questioning her motives. But I explained that if she is always in charge, and she is most of the time going to do things for herself and sometimes do things for me too, then I can't just assume that everything she tells me to do is for her. And I explained that the difference does matter to me, because even if she tells me to do something that I don't inherently enjoy, I might very well still really like it if I'm doing it for her, but if it's something that she's doing for me and I'm not actually enjoying it, I'd like to know that so that I can communicate to her how I feel about it. I think this was another area that we were going to continue to need to work together on.

My wife did say that she would read the book as well, so that we could discuss it more when she finished.

The next week, she told me that I was going to edge myself for her each night, leading up to the end of my month of denial that Friday.

On Monday night, she took off my cage and had me edge myself for her three times. She seemed to enjoy watching me, but when I offered to pleasure her, she said that she wasn't really in the mood.

On Tuesday night, she didn't take off my cage, but she had me edge myself twice while still inside it.

On Wednesday night, she took off the cage again. I had been thinking about some of what I'd read in "Uniquely Rika" about men frequently stopping too early when edging themselves, and I realized that I'd probably been doing that without really thinking about it. I was determined to get myself much closer this time, to increase my frustration for Mistress' pleasure. Unfortunately, I think I cut it a little too close - by the time I stopped, I had to clamp down incredibly hard with my PC muscles, and I flailed around, desperately trying to pull myself back from the brink. I certainly didn't have a full orgasm, but when I did finally relax my PC muscle, I did squirt out a couple little globs of cum. Mistress punished me by spanking me hard with our new leather paddle with metal studs. Even when she was done, though, I was so disappointed in myself that I asked her for more. I felt like I'd let her down by allowing some cum to escape, but the additional paddling helped me feel a bit better about it. In hindsight, it was a very odd feeling, because true punishment (as opposed to the occasional funishment) has never been part of our relationship, and it's not something either of us really wanted. But somehow the extra pain was what I really needed that night to let go of my own feelings of having disappointed her.

Thursday night, she made me edge just once. When I was done, she said that she might wake me up at midnight to let me cum, since it was the 22nd. I suggested that she wait until morning, when we could really enjoy it, and she agreed.

Friday morning, before our son woke up, she unlocked my cage and had me jerk off. I asked if she was sure that's how she wanted to do it and suggested that she might like it better to tease me throughout the day before letting me cum. She said that she was going to tease me throughout the day but that she still wanted me to jerk off. I was disappointed, but I obeyed. It was a very hurried affair, because our son started to wake up before I had really built up my arousal, and I really didn't get to enjoy the orgasm very much. It was really a huge let-down after such a long period of denial.

I had the day off of work that day, and although Mistress had said she was going to tease me throughout the day, it didn't wind up working out that way. We were busy most of the day: she had a doctor's appointment, we dealt with getting a grocery delivery, we were taking care of our son, etc. And then when we had time in the evening, Mistress wasn't feeling well; her period was a little late, and she was starting to have bad PMS. So that quick jerk-off in the morning was the only relief she gave me after a whole month of denial.

On Sunday, my wife did finish reading "Uniquely Rika", and we discussed it. We had another conversation about the need to communicate about whether she was doing something for her or for me, but I knew that that was going to continue to be a challenging area for us. But we did agree that we both needed to try harder to let her be the one to drive. I needed to try harder to let go and just do what she wanted, and she needed to be more proactive about finding things that she wanted to explore.

For the next week, though, we didn't play. For the next couple of days, her PMS was particularly bad, and then her period finally arrived. I was really missing giving her pleasure more than I was wanting my own orgasm, but even though I knew she wouldn't want physical pleasure during her period, I hoped that she would at least be interested in taking pleasure from playing with me.

On Saturday, our bondage cross finally arrived! We had both been eagerly waiting for it for the last month or so, and I spent a couple of hours setting it up in our spare bedroom. I was really looking forward to being restrained on the cross while my wife took pleasure from my pain. But Saturday night, she just wanted to go to sleep.

By Sunday night, I was a little frustrated, and we had a long talk. I told her that I was frustrated that she hadn't made my orgasm anything special after a month of denial and then ignored me for the next week. I was trying really hard to let her drive, as we'd discussed, but I felt like nothing happened when I did that. We talked about the need for her to drive and for me to be able to trust that she would do that. I mentioned that I had done all the work to set up our new cross, and I thought she would have been excited to try it, but she had barely even looked at it. She acknowledged that she hadn't really been giving me enough attention for the last week or two and said that she'd try to make sure we played more regularly going forward.

On Monday night, as we headed up to bed, I brought her into the spare bedroom to show her how I'd set up the cross. I wasn't actually expecting to have a scene that night - not that I didn't want one, but I was trying very hard to stay in a mindset of letting her drive and not having any specific expectations of when we would play - but I did want to show her how I'd set it up for her, and I also wanted to make sure she knew how much effort I'd put into it.

We hadn't ordered new cuffs with the cross, so I had attached the nylon wrist and ankle cuffs that had come with our over-the-door cross. She told me to step up to the cross, and she cuffed my wrists and ankles to it. At first, I thought she was just experimenting with it, seeing how it worked. But then she pulled my shirt over my head so that it was resting against my chest and pulled down my pants so that they were at my mid-thigh.

"I'll be right back," she said, turning to leave the room.

"Oh, are we having a real scene?" I asked. "Can I fully take off my clothes?"

"Oh, you'd rather take them all the way off?"

"Yeah. Sorry. They're not really comfortable this way." I have some sensory issues, and sometimes the most seemingly benign things can be really distracting to me. "If we're going to have a real scene, I'd rather be naked for you."

"Okay." She released my hands one at a time to pull my shirt off, then did the same thing to my legs to remove my pants. "Better?"

"Yes, Mistress." Then I thought of one more thing. "And can you please bring me my collar?"

"God, you're so demanding," she said with fake annoyance. "You want your clothes off and your collar. Anything else?"

I smiled. "No, I think that should do it, Mistress."

"Okay, I can do that. I'll be right back." She turned to leave the room again. "Don't go anywhere."

I laughed and pulled against my restraints to demonstrate that I couldn't move. "I don't think I have a choice, Mistress."

She came back a minute later with some of our toys, which she laid out on the futon to my right.

She started with the crop, hitting my shoulders and my ass. She didn't warm me up much, starting out fairly hard and escalating from there.

I was crying out and squirming to get away from the crop.

When she was done with the crop, she picked up a feather tickler. She ran it over various parts of me, experimenting to see where I had the biggest reaction. I was surprised that it actually didn't have much of an effect on my sides, but it did make me shiver a bit on the back of my neck and my shoulders. But where it really made me squirm was when she ran it over the insides of my thighs!

Then she put down the feather and picked up another implement. I could hear her removing the rubber bands, so I knew she was picking up the spiked paddle. We had bought this just recently and hadn't tried it yet, and I was actually a little nervous about it. It was a wide leather paddle with little metal spikes sticking up from one side, and I was really worried about how badly they were going to hurt.

She started on my ass, initially using fairly light blows, but slowly getting more intense. I was definitely feeling the impact, but it actually wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be! It was a pleasant surprise.

Next, she moved to my shoulders, still using the spiked paddle. The impacts definitely stung, but they still weren't as bad as I expected them to be.

When she finished paddling my shoulders, she uncuffed me, turned me around to face away from the cross, and re-cuffed me.

She picked up the crop and smiled at me. I loved being able to look her in the eye as she played with me, even knowing what was coming.

She cropped my upper chest, starting on my nipples and then moving up toward my shoulders. The repeated strikes on my upper chest really hurt! The skin was burning even after she stopped.

As she cropped me, I asked her if she was enjoying herself. She told me that she was really enjoying it but was trying not to get herself too turned on because she was still having her period. I hated the fact that her period prevented her from getting the full pleasure from our play that she might have gotten otherwise, but I loved the fact that she was using me for her pleasure.

When she finally released me, I realized that my left arm was all tingly. It actually stayed tingly on and off for the next couple of days, so we knew that we'd have to find a more comfortable way to restrain my wrists for future play on the cross. But despite that, it had been a fantastic first experience with our new cross.

Wednesday night, as we were eating dinner, she said, "I'm going to give you a choice about tonight. The strap or the flogger?"

Apparently we were going to play again that night! I thought for a moment. "The strap. I hate it much worse than the flogger, but I know you enjoy it more, Mistress."

She smiled. "Okay. I'll also give you one more choice: nipple clamps or blindfold?"

"Nipple clamps, Mistress. Same reason: I know you enjoy using them on me."

After I put our son to bed, I stripped and put on my collar, and we went into the guest room. Mistress restrained me to the cross, my front facing the cross. This time, we used the leather wrist cuffs from the thigh sling, in the hopes that they'd help avoid making my arm tingly again.

She started out with her small blue suede flogger. She flogged my shoulders, warmed me up slowly, then did the same thing to my ass.

Between each set, she stepped up next to me to caress my back and tell me I was doing a great job. It was something that I had suggested that she do to help me deal with the pain, and I appreciated her effort. But as it happened, she had been starting out so lightly that it wasn't really hurting me much yet, so I didn't need the reassurance yet.

She slowly increased the strength of her blows with each set, but that particular flogger is small enough that even at the end, it wasn't hurting me that badly. Eventually, she tired of the small flogger and set it down.

Next, she opened up the new container of nip balm that we'd bought and put some on my nipples. I could smell the strong chocolate mint flavor, but I didn't really feel much of a sensation on my nipples. (I remarked to her later that I thought it might have been more effective in a sensation play scene, where all of the sensations were light enough to heighten my senses. But in an impact play scene, I was dealing mostly with much stronger sensory input, so my senses weren't turned up high enough to really even notice something that subtle.)

Mistress then picked up her crop. She again ramped up the strength of her blows slowly, again pausing between sets to tell me what a good job I was doing.

After a couple of sets with the crop, she was finally hitting me hard enough to make me cry out. She gave me a rolled up towel to bite down on to muffle my screams so that I could avoid waking up our son. (We decided later to order a ball gag to experiment with.)

When she tired of the crop, she picked up her leather strap. She once again started out striking me fairly lightly and increased the strength of her blows gradually with each subsequent set.

Before long, the blows were really hurting me, and I was bucking and squirming with each strike, tugging against my wrist cuffs.

Mistress stopped and unclipped my wrists. "I don't want you to risk cutting off your circulation. Wrap your arms around the cross in front of you and clasp your hands together."

"Yes, Mistress," I said, complying.

She resumed striking me. At this point, the blows were strong enough that I was crying out into the rolled up towel with every strike.

After that set, she again stepped up next to the cross and leaned around it to look me in the eye. "You're doing such a good job. It makes me so happy that you're taking this for me."

This time, her words really meant something to me, because I was in a fair amount of pain. "Thank you, Mistress."

"I'm going to give you one more set of 10 on each of your shoulders and on each side of your ass. These are going to be full-strength blows."

"Yes, Mistress."

She wasn't kidding! She struck me full-force with the strap, and I was howling in pain, biting down on that towel as hard as I could.

The blows on my ass were particularly hard. She was hitting me with her right hand, so the strikes were coming at me from my left to my right, and the end of the strap hit me particularly hard on the right side. When she struck my left cheek, that meant that I felt the worst pain near the center of my ass, but when she struck my right cheek, the strap wrapped around the side of my ass and hit the side of my leg, just under my hip, and I howled into the towel as I squirmed in pain.

When she finished, she came over to make sure I was okay. "Here, have some water."

I drank. The water helped a bit, but I was struggling to process the pain and trying to catch my breath.

"Let me give you a minute to catch your breath before switching to the next implement." I knew from what she had brought into the guest room that the next implement was going to be the spiked paddle.

At this point, I started feeling really lightheaded and broke out into a cold sweat. Mistress could tell I wasn't doing well. "Are you okay?"

"I think so, Mistress. I'm just really lightheaded all of a sudden."

"Do you need a break?"

I hesitated. I knew she had more planned, and I hated the thought that I might not be up to serving her the way she wanted me to. But I couldn't deny that I wasn't up to continuing immediately. "Yeah, maybe. I just need to rest for a bit."

Mistress undid my ankle restraints and helped me down. I kneeled down on the floor in front of the futon. She sat down on it in front of me, and I lay my head in her lap.

We sat there for a bit while I recovered, her running her hands over me affectionately and reminding me to slow my breathing.

Every time she ran her fingers over my shoulders, I shivered at how sensitive my skin was. And whenever I shifted my weight slightly, I could feel the side of my left leg throbbing.

"How bad is my skin, Mistress?"

"Your ass isn't too bad, but you've got really big purple bruises on your shoulders." I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Really?" I was surprised. I had always wanted her to experience the satisfaction of leaving lasting marks on me, but we hadn't ever managed it before.

"Yes. Go look in the mirror."

I crawled over to the mirror and twisted myself around to either side to see my skin. I couldn't believe what I saw! The upper outside corner of each of my shoulders was covered with a huge bruise. It was an incredibly dark color, somewhere on the border of red and purple.

I stared in amazement. This was the first time Mistress had ever left such significant marks on me, and I was riveted by the sight of them. If I'd had more energy, I would have just sat there looking at them for hours.

I crawled back to Mistress and looked up at her. "Did you enjoy doing that to me, Mistress?"

"Yes, I did. Didn't you hear me telling you how much I was enjoying it?"

I was so out of focus that I couldn't figure out how to answer her. She had said several times that I was doing a good job, but I didn't remember her telling me that she was enjoying herself. I was trying to remember if she'd said that toward the end, but I had been so zoned out by that point that I might not have registered hearing her say that.

In my unfocused state, the only reply I could think of was to see for myself if she was enjoying it.

I looked into her eyes and said, "Mistress, please scratch my shoulders."

She reached back over my shoulders and scratched her fingernails over my bruises. It seemed like she was a bit tentative about it, not wanting to hurt me too badly.

"More, Mistress."

She gave me a crooked smile, a look that always seemed to me to combine arousal and cruelty. Then she compiled, digging her nails harder into my abused skin, repeatedly scratching right over my bruises in both directions.

I gasped and allowed the pain to show on my face, never looking away from her eyes.

When she was done, she tilted her head at me questioningly. "Why did you ask me to do that?"

I smiled at her. "Because I wanted you to have the pleasure of doing that for me, Mistress."

She smiled back at me. That moment felt so intense that I was filled with a renewed desire to serve her.

"Mistress, may I pleasure you?" It had been weeks since she had allowed me to give her an orgasm, and I was yearning to feel her pussy on my tongue.