Season of the Wolf Pt. 01

"We've lived on these lands for almost a little over two hundred years. So far, we've managed to keep outsiders out. That's something that can never change. I control my wolf, but to deny him for too long is to risk him taking control of me. We have to share this body and you'll have to learn to share yours too. It's give and take, Grace and it's a delicate balance between man and the beast inside."

"Are there others out there like us?"

"I've never come across anybody, but it is possible. Wolf packs are territorial by nature. I'm not sure what would happen if someone like us accidentally stumbled into our territory."

"It could end badly."

"Yes. Grace, you're free to go if you decide that's what you want. But, you do it at your own risk. If you should wander into another pack's territory, there's nothing I can do to help you. I won't risk all of us for one person, even if it is someone I love."

"Do you think that's what happened to my mother? That she got too close to another pack?" Grace asks.

I'm silent as I consider how to answer Grace's question. Deep down inside though I've never spoken of it to anyone. That's exactly what I think could have happened. I've thought about it, why, if that were the case, Grace was allowed to live. Why would they leave her alive and kill her mother? I can't imagine a pack surviving for long without being sighted in a city the size of L.A. The possibility that Grace could be on another pack's radar was just one more reason to bring her home as quickly as possible. The pack would know if someone like us had followed her here. We've been watching and waiting and so far nothing has happened. I could lie to Grace and feed her the story the newspapers fed the general public, but decide on the truth. I keep my speculations to a minimum and settle for telling the absolute truth. "I don't know, Grace."

We swing in contemplative silence, her lounging against my shoulder and me gladly bearing her weight. I stroke the crown of her head and run my fingers down the length of her braid. "How can you love me, Han? We don't even know each other."

I roll my eyes out of Grace's view at her question. She might as well ask me why the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. "I can't explain it. How does anybody really know if they're in love with another person? I only know that this is right and that when we're together the world somehow makes sense and I feel complete.

"You say I don't know a thing about you. Superficial things, like what your favorite flavor of ice cream is, no, I don't. But, I do know the big things. I know you're brave. I know you're caring and kind. I know you love deeply. You sometimes annoy the shit out of me in the way you have to pick everything apart until it makes sense to you. You're not one to go out on a limb on a leap of faith. You're stubborn and hardheaded, sometimes argumentative and brash. Oh no, I have absolutely no delusions about the woman you are, Grace. But, I take the good with the bad. It isn't all nature or destiny that has me wanting you so very badly. Don't kid yourself about that. This between us is real."

Grace licks her lips and blurts out, "Mint chocolate chip."

"Huh?"

"My favorite kind of ice cream is mint chocolate chip. I'm an equal opportunity color kind of person. I don't have a favorite. I like seventies soft rock and the feel of the spray off the ocean on my face. As a kid I never wanted a pony or to be a ballerina. I'm a realist to the core of my being. I know that's not very girlie or romantic, but there it is. I don't believe in love at first sight. At least, I didn't, till I met you."

"And that scares you."

Grace nods and gets off the swing. She stands, leaning on the porch rail staring out into the night. "Terrifies me. For so long, I thought I was alone in the world. Oh, there's Christine, my best friend, but even she couldn't take the place of my parents. I've never been in love before. I'm not sure I want to be. You learn to rely on someone, let go and love, and then like that, they're gone. I don't want to hurt so badly ever again."

I move and stand behind her, drawing Grace back into the warm shelter of my arms. I rest my chin on the top of her head and rock our bodies gently back and forth. Finally, I understand her reluctance to trust. The paranormal world she's learned she's a part of is scary stuff, but not nearly as terrifying to her as letting go of the pieces of herself she's held back from everyone for such a long time. She doesn't want to get hurt and can't understand that I'm incapable of harming so much as one hair on her head. "Grace, you're not alone. You don't ever have to be alone again, unless it's what you choose."

"I don't know what I want."

And that is where we're stalemated. I've known exactly what I want for longer than Grace has been alive. I hold her and cling to the hope that she'll open her heart and mind to all the possibilities within her grasp. I press a chaste kiss to the gentle curve of her neck and inhale the shift of her scent. I know her acceptance of me and of her wolf has to be on her terms. But, I don't want her fears holding her back. "Don't be afraid, Grace. Please. I have so many things to show you."

"Like what?"

"How to live, I mean, really live, and how to love without boundaries."

"Is there such a thing as real life and a love beyond boundaries?"

"Yes."

Grace's cynicism is her least attractive trait. I can see her analyzing and mentally calculating every word I've said and weighing it for the truth. The reality of my world is nothing but a fiction to her. I have to make her understand there are some things that defy the realm of logic.

I take her hand and lead her off the front porch and onto the lawn. It truly is a beautiful night. The stars shine brightly over our heads and give plenty of light to see by. The air is cool with the first hint of fall and thick with the smell of harvests underway. I'm not certain I have enough magic within me to call forth her wolf without the pack's assistance. I know her and she won't like having so many eyes on her when the time comes. I'm going to try. I have to try for both of our sakes.

Chapter 32

This is the second night in a row I've sat on the grass freezing my ass off and covered in dew. Han seems to forget I'm not quite as impervious to the cold as he is. He sits beside me not bothered by the chill or the dampness of the ground in the least. We're out of eyeshot of the house and the barn and there is nothing but darkness and the silvery glow of the moon and stars over our heads. I hear the crickets chirping a sorrowful goodbye to summer and the distant yip of an animal. "Is that?"

"One of us? Nah, it's a coyote. They're fairly common in these parts. Quite fun to chase when we're in our other form, but not very tasty." Han gives me a teasing grin as I wrinkle my nose up at the very thought of eating a coyote. I watch him stick his index finger in his mouth moistening it with his spit and then dig into the ground until he satisfied that the pad of his finger is dirty enough. He moves to rub the spit and dirt mix across my cheeks and I dodge the path of his finger. We've kissed, but I'm not going to let him wipe spit on my face.

"Hold still. I'm improvising here," he commands. "I'm drawing ancient symbols of power on your skin. Usually, I'd use plant based finger paints, but a bit of dirt will do."

"Oh." I thrust out my chin and try not to giggle as he traces the marks over my cheeks and brow. Han concentrates as if he's trying to solve the problem of the national budget, squinting and turning my jaw here and there, finishing the marks. "Do I look fierce?" I ask.

He smiles and reassures me I look very fierce. I hope so because I feel absolutely ridiculous. Han frowns and studies me then asks if I'd mind taking off my clothes. I adamantly refuse and get a little indignant at his suggestion. He pulls off his shirt and the muscles of his chest really are a thing of beauty. I never noticed it before, but he is tattooed. Deep indigo markings circle his collarbones and swirl over his shoulders. I crane my neck to see where they lead. One thing I like about Han is that he indulges my curiosity and twists his spine so I get a clear view of the wolf tattooed across the width of his broad shoulders and down the length of his back to end just above his beltline.

"Wow," I say. The tattoo is beautiful and has turned his skin into a living work of art. Gingerly, I trace my fingertips over the wolf and Han shivers beneath my touch. The attraction between us is growing faster than either one of us can handle. I'm reconsidering this whole getting naked idea if it'll get him out of his jeans too.

He has spread his shirt out over the grass and tells me that I really need to get over my shyness. If I'm going to become a wolf, I'm going to have to be naked in order to do so. He explains the details of it. My wolf could get tangled up in my clothing and strangle herself and inadvertently me as well. He promises not to look and seems a little offended when I suggest that he might sneak a peek. Han is all business and I realize that this is the side of him everyone else sees. Han the pack master and the man they respect.

Naked alone in the middle of nowhere underneath a field of glimmering stars with a man hot enough to melt the polish off my toenails. I put my rampant sex drive in park and steel myself. I can do this. A bit gingerly I pull my t-shirt over my head and shiver in the cool damp air. I'm wearing a sports bra and am hesitant, but take it off and add it to the growing pile of my clothes. Han isn't watching. His back is to me. He stands facing north, chanting in some strange language I've never heard before, and then turns west and does the same, and then faces east as well. I'm next, south, if he continues the turning and the chanting and I'm completely naked, embarrassed, hiding what I can beneath my crossed arms and modest sitting position, waiting for something to happen.

I can feel the hairs on my arms stand erect as a chill wind skates over my bare skin. My pulse quickens as some primitive part of me responds to the ancient power Han releases with his words. I stifle a shocked cry as my skin begins to ripple. I don't understand what's happening to me. Pain unlike anything I've ever experienced tears at my body. I fall onto my side and curl up protectively into a little ball. It hurts. The chirping of the crickets has escalated to shrill screeches. My nose fills with the scents of the night and they are nauseating in their reek. My face is wet with salty tears and I begin to claw at the ground, ripping the grass to shreds with my lengthening fingernails.

Human thoughts fly away. There is hunger. There is pain. There is the pack and they are calling to me. My body bucks and limbs contort. Muscles spasm painfully and twitch as my arms and legs change shape. I'm panting and I can't begin to hold back the screams. I barely register Han's voice guiding me through the terror. I want to grab onto him and pull myself back, but my fingers won't obey the command. The warmth of his body is a beacon and instinctively I follow it.

Chapter 33

I shake out my fur and scrabble to stand on unsteady paws. The human...my human is one with me. She is terrified, pounding at the boundaries of my mind to get control of the body we share. But, this is my time, my season, and tonight belongs to me. The male gives me space. I'm defensive, but know him by scent and approach his upturned palm. Come play with me I say. Run the fields. Hunt. Eat. I taste the salt on his skin and bark in encouragement. I know this wolf as he emerges from the wrapper of his human skin. He is mine and I am his.

We run through the night. The pack runs beside us. We are harmony. We are unity. We are family. We hunt. We eat. This life is good and sweet. I never want to return this body I share. I want to keep it forever. My mate is in his human form again, calling to her, my human, drawing her out of our shared consciousness and back into this body we cohabitate.

Chapter 34

I'm confused when I wake up face planted in the grass. I'm naked and shivering, aching from head to toe. My stomach is queasy from the coppery taste of blood coating my tongue. I force my legs to bend and sit up, shakily and unsure. Han is beside me and holds me upright, wrapping his arms around me to keep me warm. My hair is in matted tangles and I'm muddy. I see flashes, images of the woods at night and the pack, the hunt, and I understand what has happened. I move my lips and try to form words, but for the moment they escape me. Han's touch is gentle and reassuring. He helps me to dress and lifts me, steadying me on my feet until my knees buckle and he scoops me up and carries me to the house. "I did it?" I ask, but I already know the answer. I've become a wolf.

He parks me in a kitchen chair and heats a mug of water for tea in the microwave. He is beaming and scarcely able to contain his enthusiasm. I have tons of questions, but am content to sip the tea until I have better command of my thoughts. I want to know everything. What we ate. Where we went. What we did. I just don't trust my voice yet to ask him.

Han isn't wearing anything but a pair of jeans and the sight of the open top button sends a surge of desire straight through me. His eyes glimmer with a shine that is more wolf than man. I know he smells my hunger for him because I can smell his for me. I close my eyes and take a deep swallow from the mug. I'm human. I'm still me. But, I know it's a lie I choose to believe to make myself feel better. I'm not human and never have been.

Han pours a mug of tea for himself and settles into the kitchen chair next to me. The bitterness of the tea on the tip of my tongue and the warmth infusing through my chilled body helps center me in my human skin. I'm not certain, now that this Pandora's box has been opened, if I can contain the demons inside. He is waiting for me to say something. I wish I knew what words to speak.

My mind is a battleground of conflicting thoughts. Being a wolf was everything Han and Coyote said it was. It's freeing, the not having to think and just be. My human senses are amplified and the rustle of a rabbit in the grass outside the kitchen window calls to the predator pacing inside of my mind. My nose twitches under the assault of myriad scents my human sense of smell barely detected.

I'm faster on my feet and across the kitchen grappling with the teakettle on the stove before I realize I moved out of my chair. I can feel the thread of what Han calls pack magic linking me to the others. It's not an unpleasant feeling, more like the sensation of cool silk on bare skin.

Though it's barely dawn I can see the individual branches on the trees beyond the glass in the backdoor. I spill tea all over the counter as I try to pour myself a second mug with trembling hands. I curse with a throaty rough voice that sounds more animalistic than human. My heart is pounding as the first ripple of pain tears through my limbs. I'm beginning to fall apart at the seams. This human body can't contain me. The sound of a soulful wolf call breaking the stillness of the pre-dawn hours is almost my undoing. The walls are closing in around me. The house is too small. There's not enough air to breathe. The brass doorknob jiggles in my grip as I struggle with the lock. I have to get out of here. I want to run and to hunt, be with my brothers and sisters.

I'm terrified and trying desperately to hang onto my human shape. I'm stuck somewhere in between my human self and my wolf as each side battles for dominance over this body we share. I don't want this. I can't do it. Han scoops me up off the kitchen floor and I'm comforted somewhat by the warmth of his body and the simplicity of skin to skin contact. He carries me up the stairs and into the bathroom.

With a flick of the tap he turns on the shower and deposits me under the spray. I scream under the assault of cold water and scrabble to get out of its path. Han holds me fast beneath the showerhead. He stands with me, enduring the water and getting thoroughly drenched. I'm shivering, freezing, covered with goose bumps, and unpleasantly chilled. But, I'm in my own skin and the urgent fever of my wolf is temporarily cooled.

"Better?" Han asks. I nod and stay put with my teeth chattering as he adjusts the taps and the water begins to warm up. He is coaxing my arms up over my head and peeling my sodden t-shirt free. He didn't bother with the bathroom lights, but I know how well he can see with his heightened vision and resist. He clucks his tongue at me as if I'm a disobedient child. "This isn't an I want to get you naked kind of shower," he chastises. "Although, I do," he adds in a husky masculine voice. "I can wait."

His hands are convincing in their busyness and avoidance of my no zones. I'm stripped naked and relaxing beneath the careful administrations of his fingers brushing against my scalp as he thoroughly shampoos my hair. I watch bits of leaves and grass float down the drain in a trail of mud along with the bubbles from the rinse. He scrubs my back good and clean with a washcloth and kneels to move to my legs. It tickles as he washes my toes and pays particular attention to the arches of my feet.

I'm clean and more importantly, secure in my human skin. I shield my blush and grin behind the curtain of my wet hair. Han is on his feet and enduring a bit of scrubbing from me. The fun in the shower is more than a bit arousing and he isn't nearly as in savior mode as he pretends. Oh, he is into helping me adjust. I have no doubt about that. But, he isn't unaffected by my nudity or the feel of my hands on his back as I make wide passes with the soapy washcloth as he'd like me to think he is.

I don't suggest he get naked in the interest of this just being a getting clean shower because it's way too obvious from the way his wet jeans cling to his hips that he is very much affected. He is hard and bulging beneath the fly of his jeans. I can see the rise of the ripe head of his erection probing against the unbuttoned waistband. He is big and the idea of him inside of me flushes me with heat.

I blame my newly found wild side for the errant decidedly lusty thoughts. It isn't the truth. Oh, I'm sure my wolf has some measure of influence over this part of me, but I was attracted to Han long before she popped out of my human skin. Han groans as my scrubbing turns into gentle strokes and spins to face me. I'm slippery and our skins glide as he crushes me against his chest. His mouth is hungry and desperately seeking out my lips.

This kiss is encompassing and nothing in my entire life has ever felt more right than his lips on mine. His tongue searches the depths of my mouth. I respond with equal fervor and desperation. The light press of his fingertips against the small of my back holds me in place. It'd be so easy to let go and simply fall. I'm just not sure where I'd land. He trembles beneath the brush of my palm along his chest. He feels it too. The inexorable pull between the two of us and it's an impossible thing to deny.

Han breaks away from me with a pained grunt and grapples for towels. He thrusts one into my hands and retreats to safer distances. I dry off quickly and wrap up in the towel. I hear him shuffling through the dresser in my grandfather's bedroom looking for something to wear. He has left a trail of wet footprints and small puddles from the guest bathroom. He shouts down the hall and asks if I'm sleeping in my room or my grandfather's. Obviously, Han is going to stay nearby, in case I slip my human skin. I don't relish the idea of being thrown into another cold shower, but it's reassuring that I'm not in this alone.