Second-Hand Barbie

Shit[SJC2]!

******

Jessica and I were at my favorite Mexican restaurant one Saturday night when a couple of my former neighbors were seated a few tables away. I waved at Don and Bonnie Mast and didn't give it another thought at first. Then I noticed the two of them looking over occasionally before I figured it out. The Masts knew that Traci and I were divorced, but I'm sure that seeing me with another woman was disturbing, especially a pretty one wearing a black leather bustier and a very short black leather skirt. I had gotten used to Jessica dressing like a hot 25-year-old, but this was the first time anybody from my previous life had ever seen me with her. I suddenly got very self-conscious being seen with an underdressed 45-year-old... bimbo.

I was incredibly uncomfortable, and I know Jessica picked up on it. Several times she turned to the table where my old neighbors sat. She got very quiet and the two of us ate mostly in silence. She didn't want dessert and we finished eating quickly. To be polite, we stopped at the Masts' table and said hello. I introduced Jessica as my girlfriend and felt really self-conscious when Bonnie eyed Jess up and down, practically looking up her short skirt.

Jessica and I drove towards my apartment in silence for about five minutes, then she whispered to me that I should take her home to her apartment as she was ready to call it a night. I took the hint and dropped her in front of her apartment, knowing I wasn't being invited up.

She didn't even wait for me to go to her side of the car and open the door as I always did; she just popped the door open and started to get out. She stopped, looked back at me and shook her head sadly.

"I thought you were a better man than that, Jake. In fact, up until tonight I thought you were the best man I had ever met," she said almost in a whisper. "I know I'm not the smartest woman you've ever dated. I know I'm not nearly as smart as your ex-wife. I've heard the whispers that I'm nothing but a bimbo. But I'm not pretending to be anything I'm not. I know I'm sexy and I like dressing sexy. You seemed to be very embarrassed to be seen with me tonight, around your old neighbors. I've been disrespected a lot in my lifetime, and after a while you get kind of used to it, but up until tonight you've never done that to me."

She shut the door and walked into her apartment. I sat stunned.

I didn't sleep worth a shit that night. I knew Jessica was right. I was an asshole.

The question I had to come to grips with was whether I could admit to myself that I was in love with a bimbo. If I truly was, than how could I be embarrassed about that? Love doesn't ask you to take an IQ test.

I had been married to an intelligent woman for seven years, and all that got me was heartache and a divorce. Jessica might not have been smart, but she was kind and gentle and seemed to love me unequivocally, in addition to being very sexy. How could I be embarrassed about that?

I sent over an enormous bouquet to her place of business on Monday, with a card begging for forgiveness. I asked her to meet me at our favorite restaurant Wednesday night at 6. I told her that I would understand if she didn't and I wouldn't bother her ever again.

It was 6:10 and I started to get up to leave, figuring that I really had blown it and she wasn't showing. Just then I saw her heading my way right behind the maitre d. My spirit soared, and I knew then that what I felt was real.

We ordered a bottle of wine and appetizers.

"I've just spent two days kicking myself for the way I treated you the other night," I said. "You are a beautiful, sexy woman, and I love that, but I honestly got uncomfortable with you showing so much skin and being so sexy in front of my old friends. I hadn't had a problem with any of that before, but this time there you were, in front of our old friends, and I guess my insecurity showed. I kind of felt like I was a perv, exposing you in front of them."

She watched me hard for about a minute. I was blushing profusely.

"I guess some of the blame might be mine," she responded. "I like showing off my body, and my late husband always encouraged it. Maybe I could tone it down a bit?"

"Maybe you could, but then you wouldn't be yourself, the woman I fell in love with. I admit I love looking at your body, so I guess that means others get to see, too. As long as I'm the only one who gets to touch..."

"Believe me, you're the only one, until you tell me that you no longer want me," she said.

"Haven't I already used up my stupid quota?" I asked.

"Jake, I also know that I'm not valedictorian material. I'll get it if you don't want to keep seeing me."

"Now I'm the one who should be insulted," I said. "You're beautiful. You make me happy. You love me... I hope.

"I was married to a smart woman for seven years. Smart's not all it's cracked up to be."

Both Traci and Dr. Kincaid looked shocked when I walked into the master bedroom about 20 minutes after the pair got together. I had given them enough time to get going because I wanted the shock factor on my side, and I definitely had it. Two heads turned and two pairs of eyeballs about bugged out of two skulls when I opened the door, walked in and fired off two photos with my iPhone.

"Surprise!" I yelled cheerfully and very loudly.

Traci pushed Kincaid off of her and immediately tried to shrink into the bed, while Kincaid just froze in place. I calmly walked up to him and clocked him with my absolute best shot, connecting with his chiseled nose and splattering blood everywhere as he fell back on the bed.

I considered clubbing him into unconsciousness, but I knew the police wouldn't give me any slack beyond my initial shot. Traci started to yell something, maybe an apology, I couldn't be sure. I didn't want to hear it.

"Shut the fuck up, you stupid cunt!"

Instant silence from her. Much better. I got a suitcase out of our closet and proceeded to load about a week's worth of clothes. I went into the master bath and got my toiletries.

I left the house in silence... well, except for dickhead's constant moaning.

Dickhead actually threatened to have me charged with assault. My attorney told his attorney that considering the circumstances, the one shot showed great restraint, and a jury would probably agree. Or else he could show Mrs. Kincaid the two photos I had taken with my phone. The good doctor decided discretion truly was the better part of valor.

Turns out the affair had been ongoing for more than a year. They met when the college art gallery had an art exhibit featuring works by area doctors. Apparently the good doctor enjoyed putting acrylics on canvas.

The good doctor was about 45, handsome and obviously a smart man. As a physician, he was obviously much smarter than I was, and smart enough to charm his way into my wife's panties.

Not only didn't Traci apologize for cheating on me, she didn't even apologize for hurting me. I had no choice but to divorce her, even though I didn't want to be a part-time dad. She didn't put up any kind of a fight, really, beyond making sure she got to be the custodial parent. I was pretty sure that was just vindictiveness on her part, because if she would have thought it out better, me having the kids more would have given her more time alone with her doctor.

My kids, now 6 and 4, absolutely loved Jessica when I got the three of them together. Jessica told me she always wanted children, but her late husband wasn't a fan. She felt she was too old at 45 to have any of her own, but she was like a mother hen to my two, and they took to her big-time. We did plenty of child-friendly events when we had the two, and honestly, it was almost like I had three kids as Jessica displayed as much enthusiasm as Stevie and Wanda. I found out that Jessica didn't have a good childhood and a lot of the stuff that we did as a family was her first experience doing the activities.

Needless to say, Traci wasn't thrilled when the kids told her I had a girlfriend. I guess she'd thought I'd pine for her until the end of time. The kids said she made several disparaging remarks about my "big-boobed bimbo," but my kids, despite their young age, seemed to be smart enough not to let Traci's actions or her ravings determine their level of ease with Jess.

As Dr. Wonderful had a wife and two children of his own, he and Traci weren't really at liberty to bounce around town as a couple. The kids didn't indicate that any man spent time with them when they were at home, although they did know she went out on dates occasionally.

Jessica and I married a year later. We moved into a small home, which had rooms for both kids. To Traci's credit, she started letting them spend more time with Jessica and me as time went on. Of course, part of that could have been to give her more time alone with her doctor. I really didn't care about the latter, because we both loved having the kids with us.

According to my children, Traci and the good doctor ended their relationship about a year after Jessica and I married. She didn't date again for a good while afterward, but when she started again it was with a mathematician from the college. Dr. Matthew Brickley was a 50-ish math nerd who looked like someone's grandfather, my kids opined. I saw the two at one of the kids' events. While he was supposedly just a few years older than my Jess, he looked more like her father. I was unimpressed.

While Jessica always dressed conservatively when she attended the kids' events, she kept to her usual style when we went out together as a couple. I had accepted her style as her own, and even my friends began to get more comfortable with my sexy and somewhat underdressed wife. Yes, I was aware that some of my guy friends had to try extra hard not to stare open-mouthed, and some of my women friends had to try extra-hard not to frown the evening away, but I think they all eventually realized that Jess was such a nice person that they could forgive her for what they saw as questionable style.

She no longer went out with her friends by herself on Friday nights, though. When she felt the urge to get out, we went out as a couple. We usually danced as a couple, but when I got tired, I would let her dance with a few other men, if they showed me proper respect and asked me first. Every now and then one would get a little adventurous with his hands, but Jessica quickly moved them off the unacceptable setting, and she never went off with any man if I was in the restroom or at the bar. She was mine and never for a minute forgot that. Of course, I was hers, and didn't forget that either.

Jessica and I were out at one of our city's nicer steakhouses about a year later when things got out of hand one night. She was wearing that little black dress that I've mentioned before, and toward the end of the meal she needed to use the ladies' room. I helped her out of her seat, and I was returning to my seat when I heard a slight commotion behind me. I turned around to see Traci, her math professor and another couple jawing at my wife. As I headed over to their table I heard Traci mutter, "Jesus, bimbo, how about wearing a dress that actually covers your tits and ass!" The four exploded in laughter as Jessica burst into tears and practically ran into the restroom.

I'm not exactly a hulk, nor do I have martial arts training, but some things you just can't ignore. The foursome didn't see me until I was right up to their table, then they got silent.

"Really, Traci? You're going to be a piece of shit to my wife in public, just because she's prettier than you?" I hissed, not exactly quietly.

Traci's face went from a derisive smile to flushed with anger in a millisecond as half the restaurant patrons turned toward us.

"If you were a man, I would kick the shit out of you right now. But since you're a woman, I guess I'll just have to beat the fuck out of your date here. Stand up and get ready to take an ass-whipping, grandpa!"

I glared at her math professor, hoping he would get out of his seat. He looked terrified, and was shaking his head rapidly side-to-side. By this time, Jessica had returned from the restroom and was trying to get me to return to our table, but I was practically snorting from my nostrils and was running on adrenalin. I wasn't moving, and I glowered at all four, practically daring any of them to say anything.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," the maitre d' said from somewhere behind me.

I ignored him a second time before I picked up math prof's plate of food and crushed it into his chest from alongside him. He jumped back and made an unintelligible noise before someone grabbed me from behind. I started to shake off the hold until I heard Jess's soft voice trying to calm me down.

"Excuse me, sir, but you're throwing out the wrong party," said a man's voice from the table next to where I was standing. "These people insulted the lady in the black dress, and her husband was coming to her defense."

Other people in the area started to voice agreement. The maitre d' looked around before coming to a decision.

"I'm sorry sir," he said to me. "I didn't realize you were the offended party. We would be more than pleased if you would stay and enjoy your meal on us."

I nodded wordlessly because I was breathing like an enraged bull. Jessica gently led me back to our table. I nodded a thanks at the man who first stood up for me.

Accompanied by what looked to be a manager, the maitre d' quietly asked Traci and her companions to pay their bill and leave immediately, and never return. Traci's face was blood red, and I heard her mutter something to the maitre d. He shook his head negatively. The others got up, red-faced, and they left quietly.

"Wow, I had never been treated that badly by anyone in public before," Jessica said to me as we sat at the table "What the hell does your ex care what I wear? She gave you up, you married me. You like what I wear, right?"

"Yes, I love the way you dress. You are a sexy beast, and I'm okay with it. I just assume she's jealous," I answered.

"But she's got so much going for her. She's smart and beautiful and I'm... just a bimbo."

"No, you're not," I said harshly. "You are an amazing woman, the love of my life. You are kind, courteous, sweet and loving, in addition to being beautiful and sexy. And you understand the concept of us. It's a concept that Dr. Bitch didn't seem to understand, despite her three degrees and all of her brains."

Jessica's sexy style and her sexuality were almost always on display, but because she lacked the intelligence of a woman like Traci, it was easy to tell she didn't have an agenda, other than trying her best to be the partner I most wanted. She was an excellent cook and housekeeper and was also a gym rat, which helped explain how she still looked so good in her late 40s.

Ten years later, my kids came to live with us full time, and life got even better. Seven more years passed, and I was proudly walking my daughter down the aisle at her wedding. I had tears in my eyes as I remembered Wanda as a toddler, climbing up on top of me on the sofa as I tried to nap. I finally got her up to the altar, gave her a soft kiss on the cheek and took my seat next to Jessica on the wife's side. Traci and her husband, Dr. Brickley, sat next to me in the aisle.

Jessica looked absolutely stunning in a frilly, dark blue mother of the bride gown that was open to the middle of her big boobs. Her hair was swept up in a tight, high ponytail that was professionally curled into what looked to me like a long roll hanging down her back. Although she was 12 years older than Traci, she looked to be that much younger than my ex-wife.

For her part, my ex wore an off-the shoulder red gown. I will admit she looked good, despite the extra 20 or so pounds she had gained in the last few years. She had chopped her dark brown hair into what I'm told was a stylish pixie cut. I'm a long-hair freak, so I wasn't too thrilled with the look, but it didn't matter to me as she wasn't my wife.

I could see she wasn't pleased with Jessica's gown as she spent much of the ceremony looking down my wife's cleavage and grimacing. I know that Jessica made an effort to sit up straighter and breathe well.

The wedding was a group effort between my daughter, my wife and my ex-wife. Jessica had to convince Wanda to let Traci be a part of things as my kids and their mother had drifted apart in the last few years. I happily paid for the affair, but stayed far away from the plans of the three women. I wasn't born yesterday.

As the evening went on, it was easy to see that Jessica was definitely the hostess of the event, moving from table to table and going around the room happily chatting with our guests. Wanda's friends especially seemed to get along with my wife. Traci, on the other hand, seemed to be out of the loop, occasionally chatting with some of our old friends and family, and spending much of the night watching my wife. I almost, almost, felt sorry for my ex-wife.

Grandma Jess was probably the favorite among all the grandparents for our three grandchildren. Little kids can just sense good, and my Jess would crawl around on the floor, do tea parties and make special cookies at a moment's notice. I did my best to keep up with my wife, and we were definitely the grandparents of choice.

We were having our annual Christmas party, an event we had held for the past several years since we moved into a bigger house that Jessica had to have. The woman absolutely loved to entertain, especially family gatherings. Our Christmas party, held on Christmas Eve, included our kids and their families, the kids' in-laws, several friends and their children and even Traci and whoever the hell she was with that year.

Traci had divorced Dr. Brickley a few years back, and since then had a string of boyfriends, according to information provided me by my kids. I couldn't have cared less what she did with her life, but we did share great children.

About midday, I was making the rounds with refills of both alcoholic and non-alcoholic eggnog. I was moving down a hallway when I caught an exchange between Wanda and Traci in the restroom. I probably should have just kept going, but I have to admit to stopping to listen.

"The woman's a Barbie doll. In fact, a second-hand Barbie. She doesn't have a brain in her head, yet you and everybody else seem to love her like Mother Teresa. Your father looks at her like some lovestruck teenager, for God's sake. He never used to look at me like that," Traci complained.

"Yes, he did look at you like that. You just choose not to remember," Wanda said.

"And Mom, Jess might not have a doctorate like you do, but she's smart enough to know things that you don't have a clue about. She doesn't give a shit about Jean-Paul Sartre, but she has a Ph.D. in Dad."

"Whatever!" Traci replied angrily.

I was incredibly proud of my daughter for seeing the important things. I stifled back a tear, and went back to my appointed rounds of refills.

Hours later, Jess and I were lying in bed, me on my back and Jess half on top of me after a very satisfying but quiet lovemaking session, as we had a houseful of guests staying over. I love the whole process of lovemaking, from foreplay to cuddling after the act. I loved having Jess in my arms during our afterglow, my mind pretty much a blank but my heart absolutely filled with love.

"I'm smart enough, you know," she whispered unprovoked.

"I know. That's why I love you," I whispered in return.

"I'm smart enough to hold on tight to a man I love and who loves me back. Smart enough."