Secret Canyon

With the liniment well rubbed in, and the baths completed, it was time for bed. Josiah's own conscience was nagging him, for he too had his secrets. He wasn't ashamed of his love for James, but he wondered if it would be more helpful to let Billy know what he did with those other men wasn't wrong...would it help him to know that loving unions are more common than what he had experienced? In the end, a lesson Josiah had learned a long time ago whispered; "A secret long buried tastes more foul." He knew it was true. Billy would wonder why I had not been more open with him, especially since I had encouraged him to be honest.

"Billy, would you like to lay with me awhile tonight? I want to share some of my own secrets, if you want to hear them," Josiah asked gently.

Billy had wanted to lay with him every night since the first time, but didn't say that. Instead he said meekly, "I'd like that a lot Josie."

"Then let's get you dry, I don't want to rub the liniment off, so just dry the rest and I'll help you get you long-johns over your back without rubbing the medicine too much."

As promised, Josiah opened the covers of the big bed for Billy to climb in. Blowing out the lamp, Josiah joined him. They were both chilled from the bath and snuggled together waiting for the bed to warm up. Billy found the strong arms he craved and wormed his way into being held close to Josiah's warmth. After several minutes of just laying and letting all the soreness and tensions of the day slip away, Josiah said, "I just wanted you to know that I have also known the love of a man. I could tell by the way you talked about it that you were afraid I might judge you harshly, or some such. I don't judge you Billy, not at all. I've learned that none of us, be it man or beast, are all the same. Some like this kind of food and drink, another likes something different. And it goes on and on like that to every little thing you can think of. You name it, and there's some do it one way and some do it another. That includes the passions and hearts of men and women. I've known men who lived together and I've known men who live with a woman. I've seen dogs where two males carry on like a male and a female. I've known of several men who have lived together almost their whole lives. I figure it's about what's inside, has to be...'cause the outsides are pretty standard...one's male and the other female. Does that make any sense Billy?"

Billy snuggled closer without realizing it and said, "Yes Josie it makes a lot of sense. I maybe ain't seen as much as you, but I've seen enough to know what you say is true. It's just that I've also seen people who think it's all wrong. But knowing that you have loved another man means more to me than you can know. And I believe every word of what you said. But what about them others, Josie? The man that hurt me said he was teaching me a lesson...what about them?"

"You ever known a bad dog Billy? I mean one that has to be chained to a stake or he'll kill even a little baby?"

"There was one like that near where mama and I once lived, I was so afraid of him I'd walk extra steps just not wanting to go by him."

"Well, the man who mistreated you was just like that dog. What I'd do to that dog you was afraid of, would be to put a bullet in his skull, drag him up to the owners porch and tell him, "You don't owe me nothin', it was my pleasure," Josie said with a passion of anger at just the thought of the man who harmed his angel. Now don't get me wrong, I ain't promoting violence...I'm just saying if need be, some folks just need to be put out of their misery. The man who hurt you is one of 'em...and if you ever see him around these parts just be sure to point him out...promise me that."

"I promise Josie, I'll sure point him out!"

"And on that topic, you just point out any man who barks at you like that mad dog you was afraid of as a boy, okay?"

"I will Josie, I sure will," Billy told him and with one of Josiah's arms under his head, Billy stretched his free arm over the strong chest and buried his face in Josie's shoulder. Josiah used the arm that wasn't pinned by Billy's head and pulled him even tighter. The two men...one a little older and wiser and the other finding love for the first time...lay there holding each other as the jumbled fears and worries began to flee both of them. Those dark doubts and hurtful memories found it unpleasant to remain here any longer...and being the kind of spirits that can't abide the light, they began to pack up their wares of fear and worry, getting themselves ready to move on to a more habitable place. Both men felt the old demons drifting away, and were not sorry to see them go.

*****

The days seemed brighter as Fall stretched into Winter. The secrets no longer clouded their happiness at just being in this amazing land...being here, and being alive and of having hope. The fall hunt was less a hunt and more like going to the store. The elk were plentiful, and the meat locker filled with all they would need for months. One benefit of the cold, was the ease of keeping the meat. The downside, was the extra work caring for the stock. But with two men to do the work, it was manageable and kept them busy as the days grew shorter and the nights longer.

The nights gave them something to look forward to. Walls had continued to crumble, and the word 'love' had been shared. Billy and Josiah shared the big bed after that fateful night when the old demons had fled. They explored their growing love with words and touch. Josiah reflected at times about the love he and James had known and saw it was different than what he felt for Billy. It had been a deep love James and he shared...and that still remained in a gentle and secure memory. The love he was learning with Billy seemed more like he was the one who must lead, guide and protect. As he tasted this new kind of love, he realized that he needed this...it fulfilled something inside that had gone unseen before.

*****

With the battle won...the winds of winter raged in their victory...

As he lay there in bed, snug and safe cradling Billy close...Josiah listened to the wind howl outside, and his long sigh of contentment voiced his thoughts.

"I better make that trip into town tomorrow, if the weather allows. That wind out there makes me wonder just how we're gonna fair up here. I do know, it's probably gonna get worse. For all I know, we could get trapped up here until spring. You got that list of things you know we need to stock up on," he asked Billy.

"I've been write'n things down as I thought of 'em. We should go over it one more time in the morning though," Billy replied.

"I could be a couple of days, maybe more depending on the weather. And you know something?"

"What," Billy asked.

"I'm sure glad you came along, I was just day-dreaming when I come up here thinking I could manage in this country all alone. I thought I'd done that back home, but in looking back there was always family near to lend a hand if needed," Josiah said. After a little more thought he added, "I think I'd best figure a way to corral you. Just in case you get tired of me and decide to move on leave'n me stranded out here alone!"

Billy rolled over on top of this hero and sat up straddled on his stomach. "Josie, you know you ain't never gonna be free of me," as he leaned forward and kissed Josie's rough lips.

Josiah held him there and soaked in the love from this gentle soul. As the kisses continued, he felt his desire begin to stir. Billy also felt the heat of it and eagerly moved down to satisfy his man's need. Billy had slept in the big bed ever since that night all the secrets had been banished. They had abandoned the practice night clothes as soon as Billy no longer needed the liniment on his wounds...it being more comfortable...and more convenient when love needed to be shown with more than a kiss.

As it turned out, last nights wind brought little new snow and the new day dawned bright and clear...and cold! It would be a good time to get to town and back. As Billy cooked breakfast and packed some food for the trip, Josie cared for the animals. Giving Jasper a good brushing and once over, he saddled him and tied him to the hitch rail. He did the same for two of the best behaved of the young horses, except pack frames took the place of a saddle. With all done that he could think of, he hustled back inside to stand by the fire.

"Dayum! It's cold out there this morning! I'm gonna try to get back as soon as I can, just stay close here and be extra careful doing choirs...you get broke down out there, you could freeze to death!"

Billy came over by the fire and gave him a hug, saying, "You're the one best be careful. I'll kill you if you die out there!" They both chuckled at the joke and shared one last hug. Billy fetched the pack of provisions, and set it by the door, as Josiah sat to eat the big breakfast Billy had made.

Josiah had decided to go down instead of up, it wasn't a big difference in distance to Gregory' Gulch or Clear Creek. But, Gregory's Gulch took him higher and deeper into the mountains whereas the other way was down lower. He figured down was the safest bet.

On starting out the road was still hard from last nights freeze, but he soon noticed it was thawing. It was still a worrisome hope that he hadn't staked his ground too high up, a thing he couldn't really know for sure until next spring. He didn't pass another soul all morning until he got closer to town.

His first stop was the livery, both to get Jasper taken care of and to check in with his friend, Clive Owens. "Hello stranger," Clive said as Josiah stepped down.

"Hello yourself, Clive. How's things been for you and the family," he asked.

"I've been busier than I want to be, that's for sure. I sure wish your pa would have stayed here and joined me. I've had no luck at all finding someone worth having around." Clive paused with that look of something just remembered, then exclaimed, "I must be getting old Josie, I've been holding on to mail for you from your folks!"

Josiah was both surprised and elated. So far he hadn't taken the time to see how and where to send a letter. He watched through the window as Clive shuffled through some papers on his desk. Then with a big smile he came over and handed him two letters. One was from Travis and the other from James. He wanted to tear into them on the spot, but remembered all he needed to do, and Billy at home alone. As he thanked Clive and put the letters in a safe place he realized it would be better to read them when he had time to enjoy every word.

"Clive, if you got space, I'd like to leave Jasper and the other horses here while I take care of some shopping. I'm gonna try to get back out today, but it may be tomorrow morning."

"Don't worry son, I'll treat them like my own, you go take care of your business," Clive said.

"If I have time, it'd be nice to sit and talk later. I'll stop back in later and let you know, I should know by then if I'll head out or go tomorrow," Josiah told him.

"I'd like that Josie, if you have time we could take supper together tonight."

"That would be nice, I don't get much news up to my place," Josie said with a laugh.

As he was leaving, he stoped to say, "I'll probably be in and out bringing the supplies here to pack."

The shopping was sort of a mixed thing, on the one hand he was out and seeing new things, but it was also tedious and time wasting it seemed to him. The one pleasurable highlight was seeing the little indications that Christmas was near and folks seemed even more friendly than normal. Josiah noticed a selection of knives in a glass case, and his eye settled on the perfect surprise for Billy. He bought it and the owner wrapped it in brown paper at no extra charge. He tucked it away in one of the inside pockets of his coat for safe keeping...and to keep Billy from seeing it, he thought with a smile. The town grew every time he came. There were more supplies and more people. But as he had told Clive, he bought some here and some there, and toted them back to pack them away for the trip home. In the end, it took longer than he wanted, and there was no way he could get out of town early enough today.

Josiah went ahead and secured a room for the night at the same place he had stayed the night he met Billy. For some reason, it looked a bit shabbier that he remembered. But it was good enough for him, and it was only one night.

He showed up at the livery about the time he figure Clive would be done for the day. As good as his word, Clive said, "I was just about to close 'er up and head home. I stopped by the house earlier and told the wife to expect you, so let's go see what she's been up to."

It had been a long time since Josiah had sat at a table with a tablecloth and china dishes...a long, long time. For some reason he felt out of place and awkward. But the friendly faces and genial conversation soon helped him to remember that this is how things used to be back home. He imagined Travis and all the family doing this same thing, and the vision brought a smile to his face.

"What in the world you so happy about Josiah," Clive's wife asked.

"It'd take all night to tell, but this fine dinner brought me memories of home, and how we'd all sit down together and tell of the days happenings," he told her.

"That's a sweet thought Josiah, I admire that in a man."

"Speaking of the day's happenings, a fellow come in today whilst you were out running around and asked me if Jasper belonged to the feller up towards Gregory's Gulch that was raising horses. Said he had heard of you, and wanted to talk about buying. I told him that you were working on some young ones and would pass on it on to you. But he was just heading out of town, so he asked where your place was and I told him best I could. I told him you was about half way up the road and off to the south side down a little canyon. If he watched, he'd probably see the trail in to your place."

"Well, I imagine he'll be disappointed if he rides up that far. I already got them horses sold three or four times!"

They all laughed at the joke that was so true. The way people were pouring in, there wasn't enough of anything, it seemed.

"What was his name Clive?"

"He never said. To be honest, he looked a little rough. He wasn't a pilgrim, looked more like a cattleman if I had to guess. You'll know him if he comes up, he has a scare cut'n down across his left cheek," Clive told him, dragging his finger over his cheek bone.

Josiah froze with his fork halfway up to his mouth. "Clive did he have a skinny fellow with him?"

"I didn't see no one with him Josiah. Son, you look like you seen a ghost. Do you figure you know this fellow?"

"I'm afraid I do Clive, and it ain't good. I'm sorry but I gotta get back home folks," he said getting up from supper and pulling on his coat.

Clive had jumped up too, and asked, "You need some help Josie?"

"Clive, this sounds like the man who threatened Billy earlier in the summer. Remember that ruckus we had at the diner?"

"Now you mention it, I do. Was that man one of 'em?"

"I don't know Clive, but Billy's up there all alone and I can't take the chance now that he knows where I live."

Both Clive and his wife were shocked and upset. Clive said, "Josie, I never thought about anything like that...I'm so sorry I told him where to find you. You want me to ride up with you...I could get some men together, if you want.

"Clive it ain't your fault. I should of killed that dog when I had the chance. I would like to leave the pack horses and the supplies, if it's okay. I need to ride hard to get back up there. When was this man asking about me?"

"Son, it was just a little after you came in. You was out getting supplies, and it plumb slipped my mind until just awhile ago," Clive told him.

Josiah felt sick to his stomach...if it was them, they were probably already at his cabin!

"I gotta go folks, thank you for everything...I'll be back as soon as I can. There's still hope it isn't them," Josiah said as he walked out the door into the early twilight.

*****

Darkness and light duel every day...life and death the very same way...oh blow ye north wind and come ye south...that all may see just how it plays out...

It was too dark by the time Josiah made it back to Secret Canyon...too dark to see and too cold, but he pushed on. He could barely make out in the starlight what he thought was his trail. Thankfully, Jasper was better equipped to know and Josiah relaxed when the horse turned into the even darker canyon. From this point on in, he relied on Jasper to get them home. Josiah, guessing at the time, figured Billy would already be in bed...if he was there at all. He had schemed and planned all the long ride home about how to approach the house. The horses would be the biggest problem, they would smell Jasper and call out. He'd have to leave him out a ways and sneak in on foot.

Once he broke into the park itself, he could see that the house was dark, he was hoping that was a good sign. Tying the horses back in the trees, he took the carbine from it scabbard and commenced to working his way around the edge of the meadow where the trees might give him cover, if need be.

Finally close enough to see the silhouettes of the buildings, Josiah sat on the trunk of a fallen tree and watched...and listened. After fifteen minutes or so, he had heard nothing and seen nothing suspicious, so he quietly crossed the open space to the back of the house. The closer he got to the house the more worried he became...there was no smell of smoke in the air...and not a hint of firelight in the small glass window. Everything was as still and quiet as a graveyard. Finally, he was pressed against the north wall of the cabin, and he eased along it toward the front where the door was. He waited and listened at the corner for any sound...any sound at all. Slowly he peeked around into the shed roofed porch...and stepped into the open...trying to ignore that feeling of his skin crawling in fear of a gunshot he would probably never even hear.

Josiah's heart sank like a stone...the front door was wide open! Still taking no chances of a trap, he silently creeped to the side of the door, and hoping he wasn't about to get his head blown off, glanced into the dark interior of his and Billy's home. He was gone...his angel was gone....

Josiah broke and fell to the ground under the shed roof porch...the porch he an Billy had sat under so many times. He told himself this wasn't the time...he had to find him...he had to! He was startled out of his pain by a whimper by his side, and looking he saw Billy's puppy. The poor little thing was almost froze to death. I'm gonna kill 'em, if I die trying, I'm gonna kill 'em!

Josie scooped the pup up and put him inside his coat, then stepped inside the cabin. It was dark inside, but he dare not strike a light. Looking around the dim room it seemed that they hadn't stayed long. Probably just grabbed Billy and lit out, he figured.

Common sense told him they were gone, but Josiah was a cautious man. A clever man would have waited in one of the outbuildings if he was wanting to shoot me. He'd wait till I lit a lamp and ran around the place exposed. He bundled the pup into it's box and turned to do what must be done. With the darkness being a friend in this instance, Josiah carefully checked around all the likely places a man might choose for an ambush. Finally concluding they were indeed gone, and Billy with them, Josiah started to prepare the things he would need to go after them at first light. First on the list was to get Jasper into the barn, brush him and feed him a hearty meal. With the pup still soaking up the warmth of the fire he had started, he walked back to where Jasper waited.