Secret Prayer Ch. 04

Gage took it out of the tissue paper to get a feel for how much it weighed and then smiled over at Jarek. "It's amazing, thank you. I'll need to start looking up new music. I think most of the music we played at home was Mormon in some way or form, though I've heard enough pop and rock at school. I'd like to listen to more though."

Jarek smiled. "I wanted to get you started, so I pre-loaded my playlists. There're several of my favorite albums on there, all the way from oldies recorded in the 1900's to modern music," he said, still sounding mildly apologetic. It occurred to Gage that he may not share this much of himself with people and may feel insecure doing it right now.

Gage got up from where he was sitting, the MP3 player still in his hand, and came across the room to kiss Jarek. "I love it, thank you. I can't wait to listen to the songs. I can't put into words how much this means to me."

Jarek smiled, "I'm glad you like it."

When they got to the gym, Gage put the headphones in and turned the MP3 player on to play music while he warmed up by running. It was an eclectic mix of music, but Gage found that he really loved most of the songs that he heard during their workout. They took some time to shower the sweat off back at the house before Jarek had to go to work.

Gage sat down once he was gone to look through how to get his birth certificate and passport sent to him if he had to go that route, still listening to music, before he laid down to read a book for a while. When Jarek got home from the club, he found Gage asleep on the couch with the book laying open on his chest.

Jarek smiled at his sleeping form before taking a shower and getting his shorts on. He came back into the living room and gently picked up the book. He bookmarked the page and knelt beside the couch. Jarek gently brushed his fingertips over Gage's brow, brushing back the forelock sitting there. Jarek considered throwing a blanket over him and leaving him to sleep in peace, but he didn't think Gage would want to face the meeting tomorrow after having slept on the couch all night.

Kissing him gently on the forehead, Jarek quietly and soothingly called Gage's name. All of the little touches and his name being said made Gage stir and open his eyes, looking up at Jarek like he couldn't quite figure out where he was for a moment before it clicked and Gage smiled. "Hey, sleepyhead. You fell asleep on the couch. Wanna come to bed?"

"Yeah," Gage replied and sat up. He let Jarek help him get standing and followed him into the bedroom. Jarek was usually pretty turned on from dancing all night but Gage had started noticing that it seemed to correspond more to whether or not Gage made it out to watch him dance. Tonight, he simply stripped Gage down for bed and held him sweetly, expecting him to fall back to sleep quickly.

It took a little longer to fall back asleep, though, as his mind kept racing about what tomorrow was going to bring. Part of him wondered if he shouldn't have met with the bishop and Mr. Hartman at the church or something, but Jarek had mentioned that it wasn't the smartest or safest choice. He couldn't picture them trying to go to extreme lengths, such as forcing him to stay or forcing him to go back to Utah, but he was willing to listen to Jarek's worries there to make him feel safer.

Jarek had a class in the late morning, and then Kennedy showed up with Gage's lawyer, Lucia Oliver, and the two founders of the Silas Foundation, Jeremy Thayer and Jimmy Sparks, who Gage found out were married to each other. Gage let them come into the house while they waited for Jarek to get home.

Jeremy explained that he normally let the people working the foundation in the city do the work on their own, but Gage's current case could turn much bigger if his family and the church tried to make it so, and thus Jeremy wanted to be there to deal with any backlash that could happen. The LDS Church wasn't one Jeremy had dealt with yet in the Foundation, but he'd fought against people getting away from Catholic families and Church of Christ ones as well.

"What, am I a legal liability to the Foundation?" Gage asked.

"No, not at all," Jeremy replied. "Churches like this will sometimes do whatever they have to in order to get their members back in line, though. Families within churches like this will do so as well. I can handle whatever your family or church might say about my foundation and what we are doing, but I wanted you to have the best representation and help that we could get you just in case."

"Do you really think my parents or the church might try to pull something?" Gage asked them.

"Always consider and expect the worst angles and then you can't be too surprised later," Jeremy replied.

"That sounds like it comes from experience," Gage commented.

Jeremy just smiled but didn't reply to that, which was all the answer Gage really needed. Jimmy sat forward and started trying to prepare Gage for the types of things that the bishop might try, though Gage could tell that most of his experience with the LDS church was mostly second- or third-hand. He stopped when he noticed Gage's attention begin to drift and said, "Okay, I admit I don't know much about the LDS church, but I do know religious types. Can you tell me some things that they might try so I can be prepared?"

Gage considered that for a moment, turning over in his mind things he had seen done before in the church and by Mission Presidents. They could use the fact that he was now the oldest and only boy in the family against him, as girls always left their families to make new ones. They could also use the fact that his way in his mission was originally paid for by his aunts and uncles and parents, and some of the church members who believed in him, and that he owed them back the money or to finish what he started or go home now that he was doubting.

The church could also threaten them with his entire family shunning him. For most people in the church, people or things that were more or less out of sight were out of mind. He had watched it with three of his own cousins who moved away to live with their mom in another state. The only time the family seemed to remember they existed was when they visited their father, and no one put a lot of thought into them anymore, though Gage always wondered what they were up to and how they were doing.

Worse than anything, though, was that they might try to act like Jarek was a predator who preyed on a weak and innocent Gage by leading him astray, and that one he could definitely see happening.

"My brother just killed himself," Gage added after he explained all of that. "So I'm sure they'll bring up my mental state. It's still very new right now, and it does have something to do with why I left, but it's not in the way they will try to portray it. I left because Craig made it clear that if I didn't release myself from my family's expectations, that I'd wither the same way he did. They'll tell you he claimed he was bisexual, so he was able to make a better choice, but it's not much choice when they are making you leave the person you're in love with, is it?"

Jeremy and Jimmy exchanged a look that said they could understand exactly what Gage meant. They all offered condolences on his loss and while he was sure it was heartfelt, Gage just wasn't feeling very receptive to it just then. He said as much and they all nodded knowingly. Just then, while everyone was no doubt trying to come up with a way to break the uncomfortable silence, Jarek walked through the door. "Hey everybody!" he greeted them, "Get your game faces on, there's a car out front with a whole pile of people in it."

Jarek disappeared into the bedroom and reappeared in completely different clothes and smelling amazing just as the doorbell rang. Gage cleared his throat as he got up, like he was trying to calm himself a little bit and went over to open the door. Mr. Hartman was the first person he saw standing there, followed by the bishop of the nearest church to where Jarek lived, which happened to be a bishop Gage had only met once. Bishop Aaron Hawley was just starting to get some gray all through his hair, and he was looking at Gage with an amiable smile on his face though there was some tension there too. These were the two people Gage and Jarek had been expecting. Tate stood not far behind them, which was a surprise to Gage, but not an unwelcome one.

What Gage wasn't prepared for was to see his dad, mom, and sister Kayla standing behind those three. Gage stood there stunned for a moment before Mr. Hartman cleared his throat to get Gage's attention. Gage moved aside and turned to look at Jarek and the people from the Silas Foundation with a look that said he was suddenly terrified.

Neither of Gage's parents had his beautiful blonde hair or green eyes. They both had brown hair, though Gage's father, Arthur, was starting to bald while his mother, Valerie, had her curly brown hair down to her shoulders. Valerie was a heavier set woman who was far shorter than her children, while Arthur towered above even Gage. The man was easily six foot five, and made like a brick house of a man. He was muscled but had a bit of what looked like a beer belly and he smelled of tobacco.

Kayla was just a few inches shorter than Gage, standing around five foot ten, with long dark brown hair that reached down to her mid back. It was just slightly wavy and very thick, and she had the same brown eyes as her mother. She had those eyes narrowed at her brother now, like she was looking at some gum on the bottom of her shoe.

Gage looked outside once they had all come in, as if he was expecting someone else, before he turned to his family. "No Addison?"

"Addison is still so young," Valerie said to him. "She doesn't need to see her brother like this..."

Gage stared at her for a moment in shock. "Addison is engaged to be married, and an adult. It should have been her choice."

"Don't you back talk your mother!" Arthur growled, making Gage go silent.

Gage turned away from him and walked over to where Jarek was, unable to handle being barked at by his father, and told everyone they could sit down in a flat, almost dead tone of voice. There had been some folding chairs brought out to make sure there was enough seating. Jeremy, Jimmy, and Kennedy sat on those, leaving most of the nicer seating for the others. Lucia brought one of the folding chairs over to sit right next to the chair Gage sat down in, showing that she was specifically there to represent him.

Jarek sat on the arm of the chair Gage was in, taking Gage's hand in his. Arthur glared at the two of them but didn't say anything while Valerie looked like she was about to cry.

"To start off with, do you have Gage Belford's papers?" Lucia asked Mr. Hartman.

"I gave them to his father," Mr. Hartman replied.

Lucia blinked at that before laughing in surprise. "Gage Belford is an adult, and thus the papers should be under his possession. The birth certificate, social security card, and passport are all the property of the government. You can't just hand them to whoever you please."

"I gave them back to his parents, who have had them under their possession and protection long before they were given to me for safe keeping," Mr. Hartman explained. "He can get them back from them."

Gage looked at his parents, and Arthur spoke before he could even ask about it. "I will give them back to you once we're all back home in Utah."

Jarek cleared his throat. "Before we continue, I must insist on a point of order. You see, this is my home, and as such I determine what is allowable here. While I appreciate all of you meeting us here, I will not tolerate homophobic behavior or language. The offender will be ejected immediately and will not be allowed reentry. Secondly, as this is my home, what I say; goes. I will brook no argument."

Everyone nodded their agreement, though Arthur looked very unhappy and Kayla rolled her eyes but stayed silent.

"I think those are rules we can all abide by," Jeremy said finally. "Thank you for the use of your home. We'll all show the respect it deserves."

Gage squeezed Jarek's hand in thanks and then looked at his dad. "I appreciate that you are doing what you think is right, but I'm not coming back to Utah. I might be willing to travel back for Addison's wedding, but it would include a return ticket back to Chicago."

"That's unacceptable," Arthur argued. "It's your home, where you belong with your family, and you cannot just cut out on your mission and run off doing whatever you please."

Jimmy spoke up, "Legally, yes he can. And not to belabor the point, but you cannot keep his identification documents away from him as he is an adult and those are government documents."

Valerie piped up, speaking directly to Gage as if Jimmy hadn't said anything. "Gage, you're not in your right mind right now. Craig just died, and it's understandable that you feel adrift and anxious, but this isn't the right direction to go in. I think deep down you know that. We love you and want to get you the help you need back home."

"You're acting like I've had some sort of psychotic break or something," Gage cried, getting up to start pacing between the chair he had been sitting in to the end of the chairs they had set up and back. "I was gay before anything happened with Craig, and I knew it. I was just too afraid to admit it."

"You've dated plenty of women!" Kayla argued. "And I saw you getting..." She paused here, glancing at their parents before looking back at Gage and speaking quieter. "I saw Farrah going down on you in the car once..."

"Did you miss that Farrah and I broke up not too long after that?" Gage asked her, ignoring the shocked faces from his parents, the bishop, and Mr. Hartman. "Every time I've tried to be sexual with women, it hasn't worked out well. Almost like I've been gay the entire time!"

At this, Bishop Hawley coughed and then said, "I understand that you are having doubts in the church right now, and in your path within the church. That is not the time to be talking to people outside of the church though. It is a time to speak with your bishop, your companion, and God. You should be praying for guidance and seeking guidance to ask your questions and calm your doubts with us."

"I did do that," Gage interrupted him as he sat down next to Jarek again, his voice cracking. "I prayed for weeks and weeks, I read the Book of Mormon for guidance, I looked through the Bible. I went to forums on preparation day to speak to other LDS members who have dealt with similar issues. And I read the CES Letters."

Mr. Hartman's face twisted from its neutral look to one of disbelief and disgust. "Those letters would not help someone in your situation right now."

"Maybe not, but it sure was enlightening," Gage replied.

Bishop Hawley shook his head in dismay. "I am afraid of the road you are going down, Elder Belford. You are risking your soul here on earth and in the afterlife. Do you not want to be with your family when you die?"

Gage was silent as he thought about that implication. "I'm not sure I believe it, to be honest. So I feel indifferent to that. Your church's prejudices are why my brother is dead. He wouldn't have killed himself if you all didn't oppress him and try to change who he was!"

Valerie gave her son a look that showed just how heartbroken she was by that statement, and Arthur looked furious. Kayla stared at Gage with wide eyes, but Gage noticed Tate in particular, who was standing behind where Mr. Hartman was sitting. He was looking at Gage in surprise, but he looked proud of his friend for saying that.

"He only started acting this way after meeting you!" Arthur said to Jarek, like this was all his fault.

"Excuse me, Mr. Belford, but that's not true," Jarek said, brushing aside the accusation easily. "You have no idea what has occurred here and your assumptions are ugly, sir. The reality of it is that I have not tried to challenge his faith in the least and have been nothing but supportive of him as a person since the day he first set foot on my porch. Furthermore, I was the one who insisted that he get his infected leg checked out at the hospital when Mr. Hartman and his cronies told him it would be fine."

"The doctor at the hospital said it would have turned septic if we left it," Tate added, which earned him a glare from Mr. Hartman. "Big infection, could have lost his leg and life. You know. Nevermind.

"Elder Caldwell," Mr. Hartman warned, and Tate gave a placating smile as if he was going to shut up now.

"We made a mistake when we didn't have you come home right after Craig died, but we're here to correct that mistake now. Come home, we'll get you into the right mental health care that you need, and we'll figure this out as a family," Valerie appealed to her son.

"I'm not going back to die like Craig did," Gage replied.

Jimmy watched the discussion as it devolved into this dramatic display before speaking up again, "So are you refusing to surrender Gage's government identifications to him, as requested and as required by law?"

"I am his parent, and I will give them back to him once he is home," Arthur reiterated.

"Once again," Jimmy nearly interrupted. "Gage is an adult, so your status as his parent no longer matters, in this or any state, with regard to returning government property."

Arthur had a stony expression on his face but finally he nodded and said he had to go get it from the car. Kayla followed him out while Valerie tried to reason with her son for why going back to Utah was the best course of action. Gage just kept repeating that he wasn't going to go back just to become a prisoner like Craig was.

Jarek stayed quiet, preferring not to get involved in family politics so long as everyone was respectful and followed his established rules. Besides, while he had done some research on what the LDS church was like, he did not feel prepared to argue intelligently about their beliefs as an outsider. Jimmy appeared to be on the edge of his seat as he watched the door for Gage's father to return.

It wasn't Mr. Belford who returned though, but Kayla with someone who looked like an EMT and a cop. Jarek stood immediately and placed himself between the cop and Gage. "Folks, the meeting is over, please leave my home now. You included," Jarek said, pointing at the cop. "You were not given admittance to my home by a resident here."

"My brother is in a mental health crisis and needs medical help," Kayla cried.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Gage cried out as he stood up and came up behind Jarek. He wanted to scream in his sister's face but Jarek was shielding him with his body.

"We just want to speak to Gage Belford for a moment," the cop explained. "We got a call that he was a danger to himself and others."

Jeremy was also on his feet now and shaking his head. "I don't believe that's a good idea."

This was when everything devolved into chaos, and things seemed to happen faster than Gage's mind could keep up with. More cops entered behind Kayla, who helpfully moved away to let them in. The people from the foundation were kept away while Jarek was forcefully pulled away from Gage while he told them in a loud voice that they weren't allowed in his residence. Gage only had enough time and forethought to tell Kennedy to record the interaction on her phone before he was pulled away and out of the room towards the front door.

Somewhere in the ruckus, Tate slipped outside the back door and ran for the front yard, stopping at the side of the house long enough to figure out where everyone was before he slipped around to the car they arrived in. Tate was glad that Gage's dad was over where the cop cars and ambulance was because it meant the car was unattended. Mr. Belford had used the identification papers to show who Gage was and then put them haphazardly back into his briefcase, and Tate grinned when he saw them there.