Seduce me, Jack... Ch. 13

But when she was in Jack's arms and he was fucking her with the tenderness and passionate intensity he showed her that night, she knew she'd remember that way before the awful guilt she'd feel later...

Amanda was in an awful quandary... she was also still facing the fact that she was going to have to tell Jack about the baby at some point but she hadn't a clue as to how or when. Just a week later, cruel fate made that question a moot point...

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"Amanda, what's wrong?" Heather asked her worriedly when she saw Amanda suddenly double over in pain in the kitchen one morning before they left for work.

Amanda looked up at her friend and gasped out, "Oh God... Heather... get me to the hospital... quick! I think... something's wrong! Oh, God... not the baby!!!" she cried as she collapsed onto the floor.

Heather exclaimed, "Oh, my God! You're pregnant?!!! Why didn't you tell me? Come on... let's get you out to my car and I'll get you to the Emergency Room!" She helped her friend to stand and out to her car and then drove as fast as she could to the nearest hospital. While the ER staff took Amanda back to examine her, Heather took care of getting her checked in. When she was going through Amanda's purse to find her I.D.'s and insurance cards, she found the card that Jack had given her that night he'd brought Amanda home after their weekend in Santa Barbara.

Heather knew right away that the baby must be Jack Nicholson's and she had a feeling that Amanda had never told him. She could almost understand why Amanda wouldn't want him to know, since he'd gone back to Anjelica Huston right after that weekend, but she also knew that Jack loved Amanda because she'd heard them in her room that night just a week ago, after she'd gotten home from her date. Jack had moaned loudly several times how he felt for Amanda... She felt he deserved to know about the baby...

"Mr. Nicholson... Hi... I don't know if you remember me... I'm Heather Morris... Amanda's friend? ... I found your card in her purse and I felt I should call and tell you that I've brought Amanda to the ER at Cedars-Sinai... I'm not sure what's wrong yet, but... she's pregnant and she thinks it's something to do with the baby... Mr. Nicholson? Mr. Nicholson... are you still there?"

Heather shook her head as she hung up the pay phone in the lobby and went back to the registration desk to see if they needed any further information. Then she called the travel agency and explained to them that there was a medical emergency and Amanda wouldn't be in, probably for at least a couple of days.

About twenty minutes later, she saw Jack Nicholson come rushing into the ER and over to the registration desk. She got up and walked over to hear him anxiously asking about Amanda's condition only to be told by the registration clerk that they couldn't give out patient information except to family members.

Jack leaned over the counter toward the older woman and said, "Look, lady... you know who I am, right?" The woman just stared at him like he thought her stupid or something. He continued quietly but menacingly, "Amanda Lewis is pregnant... with my child. Now... you tell me where I can find her or you get someone out here right now to tell me what's going on before I start tearing this place apart looking for her... you capiche?" he gritted through his teeth.

"Please, Mr. Nicholson, have a seat and I'll get someone out here as quickly as possible to let you know what's going on... all right?" the older woman replied as patiently as she could.

"You do that..." Jack growled before he turned away and started pacing back and forth in front of the hallway he knew led to the examining rooms for the ER. He glanced at Heather standing several feet away, looking nervous. "Tell me what happened, Heather!" he demanded desperately.

"I really don't know anything yet, either, Mr. Nicholson. I just found out myself this morning that she was pregnant... I had no idea. But I do know that you're the only man she's... been with since she's been living here, so I knew the baby had to be yours... that's why I called you, because I figured you had a right to know. I just hope Amanda won't kill me for this..." she said quietly as she turned away from him.

"Why didn't she tell me herself?" he muttered miserably as he stopped pacing and dropped his forehead into his hand to rub his eyes tiredly.

Heather ventured a guess. "Why do think, Mr. Nicholson? You went right back to Ms. Huston after your weekend with Amanda... Why would she try to mess up a long-term relationship just because she'd gotten pregnant from a one-weekend encounter? I wouldn't want to think that some guy would leave his wife or long-time girlfriend just because I was stupid enough to get knocked up by him! I wouldn't want to go through life feeling like the only reason he was with me was because I had his child..."

Jack stared at the young woman and felt as if he'd been punched between the eyes and it had suddenly cleared his vision. That was a perfectly legitimate reason for Amanda not to want to tell him... but it still didn't excuse the fact that she'd outright lied to him about it... He groaned in confusion, as he had no idea whether to be pissed as hell at her or scared to death that he could lose her and their baby...

He was about to make good on his threat to tear the place apart to find her when he saw a young doctor headed his way, looking directly at him. "Are you the doctor who's treating Amanda Lewis? Please tell me what the hell's goin' on before I go crazy..."

"Mr. Nicholson... I'm sorry... there was nothing we could do to stop it... she suffered a miscarriage about twenty minutes ago. There was no physical cause for it to happen; sometimes a woman's body just knows when something's not right and nature takes its course. Miss Lewis is in perfect health; if this had been a normal pregnancy, there's no reason to believe that she wouldn't have carried a healthy baby to full-term. And she will still be able to after this... there was no damage to her internally. She'll be fine in a couple days... physically, that is. You may have to help her with the emotional healing... she didn't take it well at all..."

"Thank you, doctor," Jack muttered numbly. "When can I see her?"

"When she heard you were here, she said at first that she didn't want to see you. But then she said she was afraid to see you because she thought you'd be angry with her, but I can see you're not angry so, I can take you to her now if you promise not to upset her," the doctor stated sternly.

Jack shook his head, "I don't want to upset her, doctor... but I don't know how she's goin' to handle seein' me upset..." he said hoarsely as tears filled his eyes.

The doctor took him by the shoulders and started leading him down the hall as he said, "Come on. The best way to handle something like this is for the two of you to grieve together... not separately."

Jack stopped at the door to the examining room and leaned on the frame for support for a moment when his heart lurched at the look of utter devastation on Amanda's face. Her face was crumpled and she was sobbing silently, her eyes squeezed tightly shut... she didn't even know he was watching her. She opened her eyes and looked straight at him when the doctor quietly told her he was there.

"I'm so sorry..." she mouthed at him just before fresh sobs shook her body and her face once again crumpled in sadness as her head dropped forward. Jack took a quick deep breath and swallowed the pain that was choking him at seeing her so devastated over losing his child. He pushed away from the doorframe and approached her slowly.

He so badly wanted to rush to her side, push the nurses out of the way to gather her in his arms and never let her go... But he could only get close enough to her to reach down and take her hand in his. He turned his hand to clasp her thumb with his so that they were palm to palm, then he lifted her hand and kissed it gently and then rubbed his cheek against it as he said softly, "It's OK, sweet girl... it wasn't your fault. I just can't handle seeing you in so much pain. Please don't feel that you've angered me or hurt me by not telling me before... I think I understand why you didn't... I'm just so sorry that it wasn't meant to be..."

That prompted a fresh wave of silent, wracking sobs for her as she turned her face away from him because she didn't want him to see the pain she knew was etched into her every feature by his voicing her worst fear...It wasn't meant to be...

"Oh God, Amanda... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say anything to upset you further! I just want you to know how badly I feel because this happened... that it didn't work out for us." He stopped and winced when she whimpered painfully.

Jack looked around at the doctor and nurses and said quietly, "Would you mind leaving us alone for just a few minutes, please?" He wasn't about to lose control of his emotions in front of a bunch of strangers. The doctor nodded and they all left, leaving the door to the room open.

He perched next to her hip on the bed and spoke gently to her as he reached out his right hand and cupped her left cheek to turn her face toward him again. "I wish it had worked out for us... I really wanted to have a baby with you... I hoped for it so hard, sweet girl... because I love you... so much..." he choked hoarsely as his throat closed up from the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him at any moment.

Amanda suddenly leaned forward to bury her face on his right shoulder and neck and Jack wrapped his arms around her to hold her as tightly as he dared... he didn't want to hurt her. Slow, deep, soulful-sounding sobs welled up from inside her and her body jerked against his as he felt the pain pouring from inside her and filling his chest. Tears welled in his eyes and he continued to take deep breaths through his nose and swallow the lump in his throat so he could remain strong for her...

After a couple of minutes, he could feel her sobs subsiding and she was starting to sniffle slightly, so he hoped she was letting the pain pass away from her. The deep emotions he'd been experiencing since Heather had informed him Amanda was pregnant and was possibly losing their child had convinced him that Amanda definitely was the woman he wanted to be with. Now he just needed to tell her that...

He felt her move to wipe her face on his shoulder so he loosened his hold on her and she sat back to recline on the bed as she lifted her left hand to wipe at her face some more. Jack looked around and saw a box of tissues on a counter so he got them and brought them over to her, once again perching on the side of the bed and placing the box of tissues on the other side of her.

He watched as she used several tissues to blow her nose and wipe her eyes and face. Her eyes were red and puffy and her face was blotched, but she still looked beautiful to him... and so fragile... He figured she needed to hear that he wanted her despite the fact that she'd just lost their child.

"Amanda... even though we've lost our baby, I feel that we belong together any way... If you had told me sooner that you were pregnant, I would've told Anjelica and I'm certain it would've made her hesitate about wanting to re-build our relationship, so that you and I could've been together all along. And I really can't stand the thought of walking away from you now and leaving you all alone..." he said softly.

Amanda frowned as her nerves tensed at his words. Her frazzled nerves were not allowing her to think straight.He doesn't want to leave me all alone... What is this... pity?!! Is he trying to convince me... or himself... that we belong together? I don't want his pity...

She cleared her throat and spoke firmly. "Jack... the doctors said that... this... happened for a reason. You said it yourself... this wasn't meant to be. I don't need you to rearrange your life because you feel sorry for me now. I appreciate that you care for me enough to let me know how sorry you are that it worked out this way, but I don't need you to console me about this. In fact... it would be even more painful to know that I tore you away from a long-term relationship with a woman you've loved for years just because you felt sorry for me..."

Jack grasped her upper arms tightly. "Who said anything about feeling sorry for you, Amanda? I love you... that's why I want to be with you! Not because I feel sorry for you! I'm going to tell Anjelica about all of this now and I'm sure she'll agree that I belong with you..."

Amanda adamantly shook her head. "No, Jack... it's too late! I can't go back to wondering and fearing again how long it might be before you finally do something to break my heart! My heart is already broken over the loss of this baby! And as I've said before, I can't be as understanding as Anjelica has been all these years and I don't want to end up hating you! Now, will you please just... go!"

She looked up at where he was standing by her bed, staring at her in utter shock and pain. He had released her arms and stood as soon as she'd stated that she was still sure he was going to break her heart. Then a stony expression came over his face and his eyes went cold. A knot of pain tightened in her stomach as she realized she'd hurt him deeply. But it was her only defense... she could not allow him to hurt her... She doubted she'd survive it now that she'd lost their child...

Well... there you go, you stupid prick... she's never gonna give you the benefit of the doubt... Maybe she never really loved you at all...

She's just in terrible shock and pain, Jack... You have to know that this is some kind of defense mechanism for her... you should recognize that since you've used all sorts of excuses through the years to keep you from loving some women you were sure would break your heart... Hurts, doesn't it?

But she still had no good reason to hurt you this way, asshole... Just walk out of here, go back to Anjelica and forget this screwed up little bitch... And consider yourself lucky she lost that baby so you didn't end up tied to her...

SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU BASTARD!!! You know damn well you wanted that baby... and her...

Jack Nicholson bit back a whimper of pain, spun on his heel and walked out of the ER examination room and away from Amanda Lewis... but not out of her life. He was determined that, one day, he'd make her see that they belonged together...