Seema's Journey Ch. 02

Simran sobbed and wrapped her arms protectively around Seema.

"It's ok, Seem. It's ok," she whispered, brushing her lips across Seema's forehead. She blinked tears from her eyes as she gently rocked back and forth. "It's ok now. I should have stayed here. I'm sorry. It's ok now. I'm not going anywhere."

#

An hour had passed since Jake's visit. Apart from moving up on to the comfort of the sofa, Seema and Simran hadn't changed position. Seema clung on to her friend, drawing comfort from her soft reassurances; neither wanted to move.

Simran had mentioned calling the police, but Seema panicked, pleading with her not to call them.

"But sweetheart, he..." Simran couldn't bring herself to say the words.

"Sim, please don't call them," Seema had said. "What would they do? They never do anything."

"Yes they would! They need to be told."

"No, Sim, please~"

"Honey, what if he comes here again?"

"No, please don't call them."

Simran had remained silent. Seema's voice was still hoarse, thick with shock. She lightly kissed the top of Seema's head as she wrapped her arms tighter around her shoulders, closing her eyes tight.

Now, Seema had calmed, the wracking sobs petering out. It was nearing lunchtime.

"Seem?" whispered Simran.

Seema inhaled quickly, her body jolting slightly as she awoke. She looked up at Simran with bloodshot eyes.

"Hmm?"

"Sorry, you were asleep. Sorry babe."

"It's ok. You're not going, are you?"

"No, no, no. I'm not going anywhere."

Simran gazed in to Seema's eyes, a soft and reassuring smile on her lips. But her smile disappeared when she saw the red welt on Seema's cheek left by Jakes cruel slap, and on her lip, a thin dark red gash.

She gently stroked Seema's red cheek and then lightly ran a finger over her cut lip. Miraculously, it didn't seem to be swelling.

"I really think we need to call the~"

"No Sim. To them, a domestic is just an annoyance." Seema made her words final.

"Ok." Simran exhaled slowly and gently pulled Seema's head back to her chest, soothingly running her fingers through her hair.

#

They had both fallen asleep.

For Simran, the shock of witnessing Seema's ordeal had taken its toll, leaving her numb. She was wracked with guilt at leaving Seema alone. If she hadn't returned when she had...

As Seema's breathing had deepened, so had hers. They had fallen asleep, cuddling each other tight.

Seema's eyes opened slowly. They were still stinging and her throat felt like sandpaper. Images of Jake flashed across her mind like burning hot spikes, ruining what should have been a wonderful feeling; waking up in Simran's arms.

Seema glanced at her clock. It was mid-afternoon.

As she stirred, so did Simran. For a moment, she stared up into Simran's face, watching her eyes slowly open and coming in to focus. She stroked Simran's cheek.

"Thank you."

"For what, honey?" Simran whispered, blinking her eyes as she woke properly.

"For getting rid of Jake."

Simran's upper lip quivered. "Seem, you don't have to thank me for that. No one does that to my..." She swallowed. "To my friend."

Friend.

Seema suddenly felt a tidal wave of emotions, its weight and volume far too much for Seema to even attempt to contain. She needed to let everything out. All of it. She tried to smile, but the tears came anyway.

Simran kissed her forehead. "It's ok. I'm not going anywhere~"

"Oh, Simran," Seema gasped. She closed her eyes. She knew full well what she was about to say. Dread filled the pit of her stomach.

"It's ok, Seem," Simran said.

Simran tried to put her arms around Seema, but Seema shook her head, gently resisted and sat upright. Seema knew that what she was about to say would probably change things for ever, probably for the worst. But shock had destroyed her sense and her barriers. She just couldn't stop herself.

"No, Sim, it's not ok."

Simran frowned. "What, Seem? Look, I only want to call the police because~"

"No, it's nothing to do with that." Seema shook her head as her tears streamed down her face. She looked Simran in the eye. "It's not ok because..."

Seema's stomach was churning. She looked at Simran, desperately willing her to guess what was she was about to divulge. Surely she must have an inkling at the very least? Surely? Please say it for me, please.

Simran placed a hand on Seema's arm. "What?" she whispered.

"I love you." Seema held her breath and screwed her eyes shut.

There was a long pause, a pause which seemed to last aeons. She felt like she wanted to shrink away to nothing, feeling that she had now damaged their friendship for good, just by uttering three simple but very stupid words.

"I love you too, but I~"

"No, Simran. I mean, I love you. Not like friendly love, not like sisterly love~"

Simran blinked at Seema's rising frustration.

"~I mean I love you. I think about you all the time. I want to be with you all the time. You make me feel so happy. I dream about you. I want you all the time..." It all came out in a sobbing torrent, but beneath her instant regret at betraying her feelings, she felt a welcome sense of relief at finally letting it all out.

"I..." Simran sat stock still, her body rigid. "Look, I don't think this is the time for this."

Seema pressed her hand to her tear streaked face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Shit! Look, forget I said anything, ok. I'm so stupid, bloody stupid."

Seema made to get up, but Simran gently held her by the arm.

"No, wait." Simran hesitated. "Look, after what happened this morning. It was horrible, horrible," her voice wobbled, "and I just think you need to get yourself together, you know~"

"So you think I'm just babbling from the shock?" Seema cried bitterly.

Simran flinched at Seema's raised voice. Her face fell. "No babe, I~"

"Well, I'm not. I love you, Simran. I love you very much. I can't help the way I feel. I know it's wrong, I know it makes me a bloody weirdo, but I can't help it. I just love you."

Simran gulped.

Seema searched Simran's face, but she couldn't read her blank expression. Seema let her shoulders sag, and closed her eyes. "I'm sorry."

"I know you love me," Simran said softly, almost a whisper.

Seema looked up. "Do you?"

"I heard you say it last night, before you went to sleep," Simran said quietly. She took Seema's slender fingers in hers. "I didn't get much sleep either."

"Oh." Seema suddenly felt ashamed and embarrassed. "Look, I'm sorry. If you don't want to have anything more to do with me, then I understand, ok?"

Simran's lips trembled. "Seema..."

Seema looked in to Simran's eyes. "I'm sorry," she said flatly. "Forget I said it. I really want us stay friends though. Please. Just forget I said anything~"

"Seem," Simran whispered, stifling a sob. She leant forward gently lifting Seema's face with a slender, trembling finger under her chin. "I feel the same way about you. Don't you see? I love you too. For such a long time, I..."

Seema froze for a moment, her senses reeling. The depth of field of her surroundings changed, giddily rushing up to her with an imagined whoosh. She had a sudden sense of acute vertigo as her world spun around. She held her breath, and let it out with a laugh and a sob.

"Wh..what?" she croaked.

"I love you, Seem. I think about you all the time, too. But, look~"

"Really? You really do? You're not just saying it because of~"

"I'm saying it because I mean it." Simran's eyes were watery, light catching her welling tears and giving her darkest blue eyes a bright sparkle. "I love you too."

Seema felt like jumping in the air and throwing her arms about in utter relief and joy; months of constant struggle with her feelings, months of keeping it all to herself.

For a moment, they stared at each other, quietly laughing and sobbing. Then, slowly, they moved closer until their lips were mere inches apart.

Simran's gaze fell on the thin split in Seema's lip. She put her hand to Seema's face, her breath catching in her throat.

"Honey," said Simran, her voice wobbling. "Let's wait a second. Look," her eyes flicked to Seema's top lip again. "You can't even guess at how happy I feel now everything's out in the open."

Seema nodded, the relief all too obvious on her face. She too felt incredible. She shook her head in disbelief.

"But," Simran continued, tears trickling down her cheeks. "It doesn't feel right, at the moment."

"But, we've just admitted our feelings," gushed Seema. "That's great isn't it? We can't not do anything about it, surely."

"No, no," pressed Simran. She shook her head and took Seema's hands in hers, not wanting her to misunderstand. "I mean, after what's happened. I want to kiss you so, so much, but not while you're still in shock, you know? It doesn't feel right. It almost feels like taking advantage~"

"But, but, Sim, we've just...I want it too..."

"Not yet, babe," Simran whispered. She sniffed and wiped the tears from her eyes. "He hit you, and he... did something awful to you and you need to...you need to get back to being my Seema. Can you see? Please understand, Seem."

Simran searched Seema's face.

"Ok, yeah, I understand. I think." A chill washed over Seema's body as the images of her ordeal with Jake flashed across her mind. She ran her tongue over the gash in her lip and winced. "You do mean it though, don't you? This isn't all a dream? You do love me don't you~"

"Yes. Yes, I do Seem," Simran weeped. She took Seema in her arms.

In her passionate and caring embrace, Seema began to understand Simran's emotions. She wished the circumstances to be different, to be more fitting for what they had just admitted to each other. She wanted Seema back to her normal self, to a state of mind where she properly understood how much she loved her. Seema sensed Simran's guilt at leaving her alone in the apartment, and squeezed tighter.

"Believe me," sobbed Simran. "I love you more than you know."

#

Seema took a long soothing bath. Simran called through the door every so often, checking that everything was ok.

"I'm fine thanks, love," answered Seema each time.

Seema experienced an odd mixture of feelings as she let the hot bath water balm her body. She felt extreme happiness, the butterflies in her tummy, disbelief when she thought of Simran's love. She loves me, she loves me! It was like the first time she had fallen in love, except a hundred times better. No, a million times better. She thought of all the occasions she had fretted over her feelings, thinking she was abnormal for loving another woman. She had spent so long pining for Simran's love that it had become the norm for Seema. Now, the situation was very different. Seema closed her eyes and let the glorious bubbly feelings of new found true love pulse through her veins.

But then, there were the cold chills that coursed through her being. Jake. She shivered, feeling nauseous, unclean and horribly violated. She washed herself for the tenth time and wondered if she would ever feel clean again.

"Everything ok, honey?" called Simran from the other side of the bathroom door.

"Yes thanks, babe." Seema looked at the bar of soap in her hand. It had shrunk.

"Ok. You've been in there a while. I was just a bit worried, honey."

Seema heard the uncertainty in Simran's voice. "I'm ok, love."

Simran popped her head around the door. "It's ok, I won't come in~"

"You can if you want." Seema's voice croaked. Her eyes began to sting and her stomach tensed. She hated Jake for what he had done. She hated him for spoiling what should be a wonderful and happy time for her and Simran.

Simran walked slowly towards the bath and knelt down. She put a hand on Seema's shoulder.

"Things will get easier, sweetheart."

"I know." Seema couldn't stop the tears. "I feel dirty. I'm trying to get myself clean..."

"Oh babe," Simran whispered. She kissed Seema's forehead. "Come on. Let's get you out of the bath. You need some food in your tummy. Come on."

Simran pulled the bathplug out, fetched a large towel from the heated rail and stood attentively, trying to avert her gaze while Seema lifted herself out. She opened her arms, holding the towel wide as Seema stepped out of the tub and gratefully into the towel and Simran's arms.

#

Seema didn't feel particularly hungry, but she ate. Normally, she would have devoured a bacon sandwich, but her stomach didn't want to play ball. Simran sat close to her, her arm draped protectively over Seema's shoulder. She watched Seema like a worried mother.

"Ok?" Simran asked.

Seema nodded and smiled, brushing crumbs off her loose t-shirt and baggy grey jogging trousers. She placed her hand on Simran's thigh and squeezed.

"Thanks," Seema said. She wondered at Simran's beauty. She realised that she would never stop finding her consummately attractive. Even wearing lounge-about jeans and a loose t-shirt, she still looked delectable.

"Anything for my..." Simran hesitated, blushing slightly. She smiled. "For my lover."

Her smile was fleeting though. It was replaced by an awkward, guilty look. She took her arm from around Seema's shoulders.

"What's up?" asked Seema.

Simran was silent, avoiding Seema's anxious gaze.

"Are you having second thoughts?" Seema said softly, putting a hand on Simran's shoulder. She put her bacon sandwich back on her plate and turned to face Simran. "Look, Sim, ummm, it'll take time to get used to the fact that we're...in love, but~"

"Oh, no, no, no, it's not that, Seem, no I'm not worried about that." Simran looked at her intently. She grasped Seema's hand. "Look, I'm sorry, but~"

There was a loud knock at the door. Seema jumped, the colour disappearing from her face.

"It's ok, it's ok," Simran reassured. She stood up, shuffling on her feet. "I'm sorry." She walked swiftly out of the kitchen to the front door.

Seema frowned, cocked her head and listened. The front door opened. She heard voices, male and female. She heard Simran mention her name, then footsteps coming towards the kitchen. Seema stood up just as the visitors came in to view.

She did a double take. The visitors were the police; a tall, well-built man and a slim woman. Seema glared at Simran.

"I just think we need to at least inform them," Simran said defensively. "Sorry, Seem."

#

The male officer took Simran into the lounge, closing the kitchen door, whilst the female officer sat down next to Seema. She introduced herself and explained why she and her colleague had visited. Simran had indeed called the police.

At first Seema was cagey and hesitant. The gentle questioning brought back the horror images of Jake's dark and angry eyes. All she wanted to do was forget it all, to wipe it from her mind. Unfortunately, detail was required.

The officer had a kind and gentle manner though, and listened intently and with genuine empathy as Seema answered her questions. It wasn't long before Seema opened up to her and all the details and emotions came flooding out like exorcised demons.

The officer made copious notes as Seema talked, nodding sympathetically but remaining coldly business-like. But, she seemed to pay more attention when Seema talked of her past relationship with Jake, wanting more and more information.

"Has this happened before?" the officer asked gently.

"Well, no," Seema answered.

"Has he ever behaved in a threatening or abusive manner before?"

"Umm, no, not towards me, no."

"Would you describe him as the jealous kind?"

"No..."

"Are you currently in a relationship?"

"Umm, yes, I guess. Yes, I am."

"Why do you think he did what he did?"

"Umm, I don't know..."

Seema became increasingly confused and upset by this particular line of questioning, but she was thankful that it didn't last too long. Seemingly satisfied that she had all the information, the officer completed her notes whilst Seema sat in an awkward hush listening to the pen scratching on paper.

Simran and the male officer returned to the kitchen. On seeing Seema visibly upset, Simran immediately went to her side and put a protective arm around her, gently kissing the top of her head. Seema closed her eyes and nuzzled into Simran's embrace.

The two officers shot each other a quick and knowing glance.

Seema flatly refused an appointment for an examination.

#

Simran thanked the officers for coming around so promptly. They had details, and were now off to find Jake. Simran reminded them to look for a big lump on his head, just in case Jake denied anything.

Seema listened as the heavy wooden door closed with a reassuringly solid thud. She heard the yale click and the deadlock being turned. Seema dried her eyes as Simran shuffled in to the kitchen. She looked up at Simran's guilty face and chuckled.

"It's ok," she said, holding her hand out.

Simran grasped it thankfully. "I didn't mean to go behind your back."

"It's fine. Thank you. I think I feel better now the police know. She asked a lot of questions about me and Jake, though." A puzzled look played over her face.

"Well, I suppose they needed to know about it. They know what he did now, and that's important."

"I know. Thanks," Seema smiled.

As Simran enveloped her in her arms, Seema sighed contentedly and nuzzled in to Simran's neck. Her hair felt so wonderfully soft against her face.

"I love you, Sim," she whispered.

"I love you too, Seem. And don't you ever, ever forget it."

#

Seema sat with her legs over Simran's lap as they snuggled up on the sofa underneath Seema's duvet. They had watched a good deal of late afternoon TV, which on a Saturday is suitably mundane and trivial to allow for total 'switch-off' and relaxation. As Simran gently ran her fingers through Seema's hair, Seema couldn't help hugging her lover tighter and tighter.

She looked up and gazed into Simran's eyes.

"I still can't believe it!" she giggled softly.

"I know," said Simran, her face lighting up with a smile. "I feel so happy. I keep having to remind myself that this is real and not a dream."

All of a sudden, she gently put her lips to Seema's.

It was a light, hesitant and cautious kiss, but it was such a loving kiss that sent Seema on a magic carpet ride. She wondered how a simple kiss could convey such a huge amount of love. Simran's lips were so soft, so warm. It was so different to anything Seema had experienced before. The warm unsteady breath from Simran's nose bathed her top lip.

Simran pulled away. "I, I'm sorry," she stammered.

"Ooo, it's ok. That was really nice," Seema whispered, still somewhere distant on her magic carpet.

"But, your lip, honey. Did I hurt it?"

"No babe." Seem stroked Simran's cheek. "And don't worry about my state of mind, ok. You've made me so happy."

Simran still couldn't take her eyes off Seema's top lip.

"What is it they say," said Seema softly. "Out of adversity comes something beautiful. Or something like that. Anyway, you're that beautiful thing."

Seema kissed Simran's soft lips again, lightly pinching her lips on Simran's top lip, then her lower lip.

To Seema, it seemed like the first time she had kissed anyone. It was exciting, daring and new all at the same time. Simran's lips were so wonderfully soft, kissing back with the same gentle and heartfelt passion. Tongues didn't need to explore, hands didn't need to grope. This was a proper physical connection that perfectly conveyed their emotions. It was wonderful. Inside she was yelling joyfully. She realised that she had never loved like this before.

As they broke apart, Simran took an unsteady breath and swallowed hard.

"Wow," she said softly. "I felt like I was on a different planet."

Though Simran seemed a little surprised at the pure emotional pleasure and meaning of their kiss, Seema wasn't. She knew how good kissing Simran would be. After all, she had spent quite a while trying to imagine what their first kiss would be like. In reality, it was so much better.