Semper Fi Pt. 02

**********

Surprisingly, she saw him by accident, caught in another spring rain, his wet dark hair raked back by his fingers and his jet-black T-shirt clinging to every muscular curve of his chest. This was the same man she had loved five years earlier? It was impossible and yet, it was true.

Along with his new short back-and-sides haircut, his face had changed. The planes of his face, his hazel eyes below his furrowed brow, they were still deep enough to drown in, although they, too, had changed... where they had been so very kind they were now cool, closed, guarded... and his face sported a thin scar down the left side.

But if everything else had changed, the mouth would have clinched it for her. That mouth would have dragged her in all on its own. The natural curve was just so kissable and the corners were forever turned with the hint of a private smile.

From deep down in places she had forgotten about, a mix of sensations and emotions dragged themselves to the surface. Her reaction to him was out of practice but as it had been... inevitable... knee-weakening... and blinding. So much so that her heart raced and she could hardly breathe.

She recognized how little her feelings meant in the grand scheme of things... the intense passion of new love that burned so hot with lust and then burned out so quickly with fear. She hoped what she felt now was just a faint echo of years earlier but in her heart knew that wasn't the truth.

She remembered... his lips, gentle on hers... his tongue seeking out the taste and texture of her mouth... a wave of new sensations flooding through her... feeling his muscled body pressing against her own... fingers stroking her face... his mouth working its magic... She fought her way back to reality, struggling against the growing intimacy of her memories.

"Hello, Frank," she almost whispered yet shocked how loud it was, her hand going to the necklace he had given her a week before she broke up with him... the necklace she had never taken off once in all these lonely years.

His head snapped up; his eyes narrowed. A moment later, they softened, lit from within, their hazel depths flickering with warm gold and beneath the oh-so-changed exterior he presented, he gazed back at her... and she all but melted as vivid memories of love and sex and comfort flew through her soul.

That last night... putting his hand behind her head... kissing her... saying her name... the parting of lips and the possession of her mouth... the slow, sweet kiss deepening and growing hotter as the moments passed... arms encircling... straining to hold her body... drowning in the pleasure of her mouth.

"Hello, Caitlyn." His smooth, low voice washed over her like warm golden sunshine. The five years since he had heard from her vanished as if it had been no more than five minutes, five seconds, five short moments. "I would appreciate it if you would just leave me alone." he said. "You sent me away." You broke my heart. He counted to ten in his mind. "No such thing as romantic, everlasting love between a man and a woman? Caitlyn, you're such a liar."

Frank remembered... he gave her what she was asking for, what she wanted, covering her breast with his hand and roughly caressing the nipple. She shuddered as he rolled her onto her back as he bent his mouth to her breasts. He slid his hand down over her hips and then between her legs. A few gentle caresses and she was burning up from his touch, he knew it. His mouth returned to her lips. "Let me," he said, "let me make you happy."

"Me? I'm a liar? How dare you...?" She WAS a liar, wasn't she? She never told him she was pregnant, let alone that Kelly was his daughter... let alone that she loved him more than life itself... let alone she felt miserable every day of her life except for those moments with her little girl.

Her heart's response was broken by the buzzing vibrations of his cell phone. He turned away and answered it, his voice switching to a more professional tone. After a few moments, he put his hand over his phone and said, "It's my office... please, wait."

He continued to speak to someone, outlining how he wanted something done regarding an open case. So, she surmised, he's still with NCIS.

Her self-consciousness returned. She was worried that compared to her former self, she now looked too thin, too old, too tired, too... just, too. She pulled out her compact and inspected her face... her eyes... for the lines of life.

She flashed back... "I want you to make love to me..." He represented safety and security and an oblivion from the world she found herself in every day. He caressed her breast and she felt her nipple harden under his touch as the ache returned between her legs...

Caitlyn tugged at her skirt, smoothed out her hair, ran a finger beneath each eye to make sure her eyeliner was even. She sucked in her stomach, puffed out her larger 'I've had a baby' breasts and waited for her one-time lover, for the man she thought she'd live the rest of her life with, to return.

"Would you like some lunch?" she tentatively asked. "Maybe, Claim Jumper's?" It wasn't a coincidence she chose that restaurant. It was the night of their first sexual encounter, the first of so many and its memory had been burned into her.

"So," he said, "we've done this before... you taking charge." He shifted on one foot to the other. "You always have to be the one responsible for everything... at work... and at love. You see how well that's gotten you."

He got into his car, followed her over to the restaurant and after they had been seated and ordered, he asked her, "WHY am I here, Caitlyn?"

Her hands stopped moving on the tablecloth. "I miss you, Frank." How I've missed you, she cried inside... every damned day of my life.

He had no intention of letting her know the power she held over him, just by being there... so close. "It's been over five years, Caitlyn. Five, long, impossibly lonely years... how could you?" His face fell in dejection.

She must have sensed his insecurity but it might have been resentment... it might have been sadness... it might have been just grief over what might have been, what should have been. Her face was as red as his.

"Love is an illusion," he said, "that's what you told me." The words felt rehearsed, as though he had repeated them a thousand times before... a million times before.

His glance shifted her way and all the armor in the word couldn't protect her from the heated look he gave her. Her breath faltered... her skin warmed... and her libido, dormant all these years, stirred back to life. He seemed to be as far from an illusion as possible and for the first time since the day started she was alive.

Caitlyn swallowed. "Do you really believe that?" she asked.

"I do believe it," he said, hoping he meant it... knowing it wasn't true. "That's what you told me; that's what you taught me."

Caitlyn shook her head and it was all he could do not to reach out to her, to help her with her pain, just as he would have years before. How could he ignore the physical sensations he experienced when he was with her, even now? All the more reason to be strong, he knew, and not let her do it to him, again.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"Here? You asked me to lunch."

"I mean, here..."

"All sorts of reasons... I live here."

Their food arrived and as the waitress set their plates down, Caitlyn lost her appetite. She tried to smile, the corners of her mouth turning up for just a moment before sinking back down.

Frank grabbed a piece of bread, heavily buttering it. He stared at their food. How had she remembered exactly what they had eaten that night? It was all too intimate... all too familiar... all too far from where he thought he'd be when he woke up in the morning.

But his physical hunger overruled his emotional conflicts so he began to eat but the bread stuck to his dry throat as the memories that it invoked came tumbling down upon him. He left the remaining food on the plate and wiped the crumbs from his fingers.

"How long have you been back, Frank?"

"A little over a month... maybe... six weeks... maybe, more or less... something like that."

Her heart broke. All that time... it had taken all that time and they found each other by accident? What cruel god had done that to her? Despite her promise to be strong, it ached to think they had once been lovers and here they were engaging in useless conversation.

She thought back... she moved astride him, taking both his wrists in her hands and holding them to the pillow. "We'll see," she whispered, "which one of us is in control..."

She snapped back to the present. He made no apology and did not seem to even notice the awkwardness of the situation. She was crushed and could feel a tear forming.

"It's taken me this long to get transferred back," he continued. "I was filled with sadness that you would not tell me what happened to us. What did I do wrong?"

He stopped talking and looked her over. Caitlyn straightened up under his meticulous attention. She had no answer for him. "Frank... it's been five years. Let it go." Please... let it go... and yet, why did I ask him to eat with me?

"I can't," Frank said, sadly. "After five years of nothing, after five years of not having the courtesy to let me know if you were dead or alive..." Five years, he thought, of not knowing if you were healthy and happy... if you had moved on to other relationships... or if you missed me so much it hurt, just as you had hurt me? He took another slow bite of his bread but his gaze held hers.

Caitlyn looked at him. He had something more to say, she knew it. She waited in agonizing anticipation for his questions. She had no answers other than she had become frightened how fast their situation had evolved. Cold feet...

"Well, this is ridiculous. We can't go on." He made to leave. "Was there someone else you wished to be married to? I wasn't good enough? Was that it?"

She could see the pain on his face. "No!" She almost shouted, turning heads in the restaurant. Caitlyn shook her head and pushed her hands in front of her face.

"So, what's the rush to get rid of me, again? ...considering you never answered my letters for the first three years, I gave up."

"You gave up?" She couldn't understand what he was saying. Letters? What letters?

"What did you think I do?" Frank asked. "You never answered."

She looked at him in shock. "After you left, I realized how stupid I had been. What was I supposed to tell people? Oh, my lover has disappeared..." and I have to raise this baby by myself, she thought, no matter how much Garrett and Clara and Mellissa and Maria help but that's the breaks? She started to cry, unable to tell him about Kelly.

"You never answered," he said. "I had to get on with the rest of my life." Who was I fooling? I never got on with my life no matter how many times I tried.

She was silent but secretly overjoyed that he had tried to reconcile with her... for three years but... where had the letters gone? "I never got them." It sounded so stupid. Why would he ever believe something like that?

It made him furious. The hurt, the confusion and the loss he had undergone was more than what she had felt that he was sure of. He had been all alone... for five long, lonely years as he fled his demon, staring at the ceiling every night with his empty heart in his empty apartment.

He pounded his hands on the table, stood up and walked to the door, his legs all but turning to jelly beneath him. He looked her way one more time; his heart shattered as he saw her slump into the dining room chair and lower her head into her hands, but he had to leave. It hurt too much to leave but it hurt more to stay.

**********

Caitlyn still felt miserable when she finally went home. When she opened the door to her top floor apartment, Kelly was playing with Maria, Caitlyn's live-in maid and their kitten, Discard, for someone had left the calico-colored cat in the apartment dumpster two months earlier. "Hey, baby doll," Caitlyn said, as her daughter ran to her, practically bouncing across the floor in her furry bunny slippers.

She picked the little girl up and took the elevator back down two flights until she came to her friend Clara's apartment. She knocked on the door. Her other 'girls' night out' friend, Mellissa, opened the door while chewing on a piece of honey-covered toast.

"Hey, Kelly," she said, touching the little girl's cheek. "Hey, Caitlyn..."

"Hi, Mellissa.... I need someone to talk to." Caitlyn entered and set her daughter down.

"Sure, let me get some food for our little girl, here, first," Mellissa said, walking into the apartment's kitchen. A bowlful of Cheerios quickly went in front of Kelly, who ate them, one at a time with the promise of an orange if she finished it all.

"He was here, today," she said, warily.

"Who was here?" asked Clara, coming from the bedroom, drying her hair with a thick towel. "Oh, no, you don't mean..."

"Yes. Clara, what am I going to do?" Oh, God, what AM I going to do?

The three women sat down on the living room couch, sipping white wine, wondering how this unexpected turn of events was going to change Caitlyn's life... change all their lives, really, as Frank came back into their little universe.

**********

Frank drove back to his San Diego apartment overlooking Mission Bay. Walking in, he changed his clothes to sweats, went down to the fitness center and took out his frustration on the weights and the punching bag. All the pain of five years ago came rumbling back. What did he expect, though, coming back to San Diego? Not to run into her, that was for sure. With over three million people living in San Diego County, what were the chances? Maybe, he should have stayed in Honolulu where the nights were warm and the women took your mind off your troubles... even if all you did was look.

After the sauna, he was invited by that girl in 206 for dinner. "Hey, handsome... I have steaks," she had said, "and you can barbeque them on the sundeck."

As pretty and friendly and willing as she was, he finally kissed her cheek and went to bed, alone. Five years and nothing and now he had Barbara, Maria, the girl in 206 and now Caitlyn back in his life...

Did he still want Caitlyn? There was still something there but she had broken his heart badly enough he had to leave, first to Seattle, then San Francisco, then Virginia Beach and finally Hawaii. He did, he knew... and he didn't, he knew... and, he had Barbara to consider. He really liked her and didn't want to hurt her.

**********

Chapter 10 You Were Always on my Mind

"How'm I going to get him back, Clara? There's got to be a way."

"Oh, Honey, I don't know. It's been a long time since you two were together. Do you think he still cares?"

"If only you could see his eyes... I know that he cares and... still hurts. Oh, God, I was such a fool. The best thing that ever happened to me and I threw it all away." Caitlyn began to cry.

Clara put her arm around her friend. "Invite him to dinner, if not here, then a romantic restaurant. Do it. What have you got to lose?"

"What if it drives him further away?"

"Then, there's no hope, anyway."

**********

As much as it hurt him, Frank knew he had to avoid Caitlyn. Five years was a long, long time and although his life had been empty all that time, the way she had dismissed him left a sour taste in his mouth and an emptiness in his soul. He had spent all that time desperately trying to forgive her... to forget her... and yet, he couldn't for the life of him.

He remembered that last kiss, with one hand cupping the back of her head and the other moving slowly, deliciously down her spine.

*********

...he put his hand behind her head and turned onto his side. He was about to kiss her when she said his name in a smoky voice that was even sexier than the moans she was always making. Caitlyn parted her lips and waited; she felt the touch of his tongue, the brush of his lips and then, finally, the gentle possessiveness of his mouth. The slow, sweet kiss they shared deepened and grew hotter as the seconds ticked by and when the kiss was no longer enough, their arms went around each other and they strained to get as close to each other as they could.

She startled away, sitting upright in bed. What a dream! She hadn't dreamt about him in months and now he was back in her mind... her heart... her soul. Her body ached in loneliness.

**********

"It's me," Barbara said on the cell. "There's been a possible break."

"I'll be right there," Frank said, "just give me a half-hour. I'm almost done, here."

"Meet me at the admiral's house. He's back, by the way."

Frank looked at his phone. He hated being in constant touch with the world but realized it came with the job. What other situation could let him travel around the world, see the sights and act like the Lone Ranger? At least, in his own mind.

He closed his eyes and tried to picture Barbara in his mind, again as his hand moved its lazy journey back and forth. The problem was, though, that Caitlyn kept intruding on his thoughts and he had a hard time deciding what he wanted.

He gave up, washed, dressed and left for Coronado.

"What's the big discovery, you couldn't tell me on the phone?" Frank asked.

"Look," Barbara said, pointing to the wall near the bed.

His gaze drifted past her finger onto the blood-stained wall. "What?"

"Right there," she said, carefully walking over. "See this? It's a different blood spatter. There was a third person present."

"We know that. The killer..."

"I don't think so. I think there was a third... partier? Is that a word? It is now. A third partier... who escaped."

"You're kidding..." It was something that had never happened before... as far as anyone knew. A survivor. "Well, that's different." He walked closer to the wall, his face only inches away from the spatter. "How soon before there's a match?"

"He... or, she... might not be in the system... or, might be dead by now. We don't know how much blood was lost... or, might be hiding so deep that we'll never find him... or her."

Frank was determined to find that third person, if for no other reason than to answer his own questions.

Two days later, a box-boy on cart duty found a dying man in a car parked behind a Safeway and convinced the store manager to call 911.

To Frank and Barbara's disappointment, though, he had nothing to do with the murders and was the victim of a carjacking gone bad.

**********

Frank put another bite of the cheese biscuit into his mouth and followed it with a sip of iced tea. "I'm for the shrimp salad," he said, putting the Red Lobster menu down. "How about you?"

"I'll have the wood-grilled shrimp and rice," Barbara said. "Give me one of those biscuits, will you? before you eat them all. You act like you've never seen them, before."

He pushed the basket across the table to Barbara and looked at the desserts, making appreciative sounds as he appreciated each one.

"This is going to go just it has for the last five years, probably longer. It's like one of those quadratic equations... no solution."

"Quadratic equations? You're comparing these murders to a math problem? Well, I've got to admit you've got a strange way of looking at things, Frank."

"Barbie, what do you think?"

"I think that we're looking at some military vigilantes who've decided to take revenge on these cheating wives... and husbands."

"And we can't catch them because?"

"They're really good and they keep getting transferred out." She chewed on a biscuit.