Sherry

"Paul, I need to apologize to you. I am so sorry for last night. I just got overly emotional. See, Beth and I talked about some things I'd never told anyone. Some painful things. I didn't plan on telling her those things while she was ill but they just spilled out, like I had no control. And when I think about all those years of...well, what went on, I feel like I had no right to burden her with them when she was so sick. So I feel guilty about that but I also know it helped to talk to someone about things buried deep inside me. Last night some of those things came back. God, I am still an emotional basket-case aren't I?" She was weeping again.

I put his arm around her and felt her stiffen again so I removed it. "Sherry, you know how much I love you, how much all of us love you. I hate to see you with such pain. Can I help? Do you want to talk to me about any of this? I understand if you don't but I also want you to know that I will listen and will love you just as much no matter what you tell me."

...

Sherry

I was devastated when Beth got ill and eventually died. She was so important in my life, really the only real mother I ever had. My mom had so many problems in her married life. As I was growing up, she was an alcoholic and my dad abused her to the point she just had nothing left for me. Later on we got a little closer but Beth was much more nurturing and loving to me than she ever was.

When Paul called, I was thrilled to be able to visit. Like Beth was a mother to me, he was certainly the closest thing I had to a real father. He was strong and supportive and I never, ever heard him raise his voice in anger. I have seen him angry a few times at something Sandy and I had done, and his disapproving look and few quiet, critical words was all it took to make us wilt.

After I arrived at Paul's, we had a very relaxing time, cooking out and swimming the first night. He convinced me to stay over longer and in truth, it didn't take much urging. I was so comfortable with him and...I almost hate to admit this...but I'd always had a big crush on him. He was kind, strong, and...very handsome. He also had a great sense of humor and he always had a way of putting me at ease.

The first night there was very emotional for me, not only because of the memories of Beth but also because of something else that returning brought back to me. When I was around thirteen, my father started sexually abusing me. I told my mother and she said I was making it up. Then she told me that if it happened, I must have been doing something to make him excited. I thought she may have been right even though I didn't know what I did; I just figured it was my fault somehow. I was too afraid to tell anyone else because he said that it would ruin the family and I would look as guilt as he was. And that if I told, he would kill himself.

This all continued for years, until he was killed in an auto accident. I probably shouldn't say this but that was the happiest day of my life.

I realize how much this experience scarred me. All my life, from puberty on, I have had these very confused, bizarre feelings about sex. On the one hand, I always had a very active biological sex drive. On the other, the thought of a guy touching me made me cringe. I could never really separate in my mind that act from the times my father messed with me. So when I would get sexually excited and start to fantasize, I could only do it two ways. One was thinking about a movie star or maybe an athlete that was so different from my dad, sometimes it worked. The other way - and I know this sounds like I am really crazy - was when I would fantasize about Paul. I could think about him for hours and sometimes thoughts of my father didn't intrude. So, most of the time all my life I have masturbated thinking about my best friend's father, and a man that was like a father to me, while my real father seemed like a stranger that molested me several times a week.

I never shared this with anyone until Beth. I didn't mean to do it but somehow she seemed to know already and she drew it out of me. And once it started, it gushed out. One afternoon I was such an emotional wreck, I even told her I fantasized about Paul. She wasn't shocked and she didn't judge me. She said she totally understood it and was glad I had some outlet for my feelings.

So when Paul hugged me last night, I had such mixed emotions I couldn't process it all and just ran out of the room. On the one hand I welcomed it and it felt good. On the other hand, my skittishness seemed to be connected to my guilt for thinking about him sexually and about my old fears about my father. I just didn't know how to react.

So, sitting on the dock the next afternoon, I told him all about what happened in my childhood. I talked well into the evening and he just listened. He only asked me one question.

"Sherry, I should have stepped in somehow because we suspected there was something wrong. Why didn't you tell some of us?"

"I was too ashamed to admit it, I guess. I figured it was all my fault somehow. And my father said if anyone found out he would kill himself, and I was afraid he might hurt my mom before he did. I was so mixed up. I realize now that I was terribly wrong about all that and that I should have told someone. I almost told Sandy a few times but she was so happy and rosy-eyed about things, I didn't want to tell her about the ugly things in my life. All I wanted to do was escape them. That's one of the reasons I stayed here so much. It was like I could enter this never-never land where bad things didn't happen, and I didn't want to ruin that world too by bringing you all into it. You can't believe how many times I thought about running away or killing myself."

Paul felt as if he needed to offer something.

"Sherry, let's get you some counseling. You don't need to handle this alone. I'm here for you and you know Sandy will be. We can get you some counseling and help you cope."

I told him that I had gotten some counseling after I moved away but I didn't have the money to keep it up. But, more to the point, my conversations with Beth was the best therapy I could get. I felt that I was starting to come to grips with it. But I also told him that I'd started therapy again a few months before.

After that visit, Paul and I talked at least weekly. I told Paul that my conversation with him and my earlier ones with Beth had helped a lot with my therapy.

Three or four months later, in one of our calls, I told Paul that I had a vacation coming up and was thinking about going somewhere. After what seemed like hours of urging, Paul finally convinced me to visit. Sandy was going to be there for a three days during the two weeks of my vacation, picking up some things of her mother's - mostly recipes and photos - so Paul said we could all have a great time together. So I agreed.

The three of us had a wonderful visit. The weather was beautiful so we spent much of two days out on the boat, swimming, picnicking, and going out to dinner at one of the lakeside restaurants. I was the most relaxed I had been in a very long time.

After Sandy left, Paul and I continued to boat some during the day and cook-out in the evening, all interspersed with reading and shopping. It was a terrific holiday for both of us. The last few months Paul had been working more so he was glad to get a few days break as well.

...

Paul

One of the things that I needed to do was clean out Beth's closet. Sandy had helped a little a couple of months after her mother's death and it overwhelmed her so I didn't ask her again. I mentioned to Sherry how much I dreaded doing it and she insisted that we do it together. So we pitched in early one morning.

All of the clothes were in great shape so we'd planned to donate them to a local woman's shelter and to a group that helped women prepare to enter or re-enter the workforce. We split up the jobs...Sherry would go through the clothes and I would find boxes to put them in and load them into the car.

We worked until late morning and then took a long lunch near to pool. We were both tired so we lingered over iced tea and didn't get started back until around 3:00.

"Paul, I've never seen so many clothes. We worked all morning and we're not nearly through. Most of them are beautiful. Some of these may fit me. Do you mind if I try some of them on? If they fit, I'd love to have something of Beth's"

I replied, "Are you serious? Of course not. Beth would be thrilled if you wanted some of these. I insist. Take whatever you want."

So for the next couple of hours, the work slowed down because Sherry tried on several things. Some of them were a little tight but many of them fit her pretty well, even if a few needed to be altered a bit. So she made two stacks, one for herself and a much larger one to be donated.

Around 5:30, I told her it was time to knock off for the day. We had leftovers from the meal the night before so we didn't need to go out or prepare anything so we decided to take a swim. It was a tad chilly but I had heated the pool so it was very pleasant. I changed and went out and started swimming laps. Sherry was taking a long time but I thought she must have been showering or checking email or something. Finally I heard the pool deck doors open and she came out.

She was wearing one of Beth's swimsuits. It wasn't terribly revealing but much more so that the things she'd been wearing.

Paul whistled and she blushed. "Sherry, that looks great. Very, very nice. You must have been working out. You look fabulous." And she did. The suit was a little tight; Beth had put on a few pound in the few years before she her illness but the suit was still pretty tight, particularly in the top. But I was astounded how...sexy...she looked.

"That suit looks great on you. You need to take that one. Want to come in a swim?"

Sherry was smiling broadly. "Do you really think it looks good? I tried on several of them...there must be 15 or 20...before I found one that covered everything, or at least covered almost everything." She smiled as she adjusted the suit around her breasts and legs. Paul noticed some curls sticking out the leg-holes. Apparently, she didn't trim her pubic hair.

"Well, you look marvelous. Did you find any others you liked?"

"Yeah, I saw several that were great, very pretty, but they seemed, well...too...well, some of them wouldn't have been appropriate to wear in front of you. You would think I was too bold or something. A couple of them were very, well, let's just say, un-Beth like."

She was right. Beth always dressed conservatively when other people were around. But when it was just the two of them, she often wore very revealing swimsuits...lots of very brief bikinis, and oftentimes we wore nothing at all when we swam.

I chuckled at Sherry's description. "Come on, Sherry, let yourself go a little bit. Believe me, I won't be shocked. I insist that you try on some others and take them with you. But, on one condition. You need to get a little less modest. So, try some on and show me. You have a very nice body you know and should let people see more of it. So...I'll fix us a drink and you try on some suits. Okay?"

"Well, there were a couple of others that were...well, that didn't reveal all my rolls and humps." She smiled mischievously when she said that.

...

Sherry

I had never considered myself at all attractive and I was very shy, or maybe just had a hang-up about how I looked so I'd never worn things that revealed much of my body. Until Paul, I'd never even worn a swimsuit, even the really modest ones I owned, in front of a man that knew me. My apartment complex has a pool but on the few occasions I used it, I generally went when few people were there. Besides I don't really know anyone there anyway, or at least any men.

But, I decided to put on another one of Beth's suits that was a one-piece type but a little more revealing. It was pink and it was cut higher on the legs. The big problem was my bust. I was pretty large so the top was tight and cut lower than other things I had so I kept pulling the suit up.

Paul lit the outdoor fireplace and had the drinks ready. When I came out, he was surprised and looked at me admiringly. I was embarrassed, and probably flushed but I did turn around to show him the backside as well.

"Wow, you look great Sherry. That is a very becoming swimsuit. Don't you like it? I love the color on you."

I replied, "you know what? I do like it. I didn't think it fit me very well but it does mostly, except up top of course...it doesn't quite cover everything there but I guess it does the important parts."

Paul smiled, "and I hope I'm not out of line saying this but the parts that is revealed, and some are those hidden, are very nice. A very sexy suit Sherry."

Nobody had ever used Sherry and sexy in the same sentence before so I was shocked. I didn't so how to react so I clumsily blurted, "I have to get a robe."

The reason I was nonplussed is that I was just not a sexual being. Sure, I had sexual needs and I masturbated often, maybe too often, but I knew it was all just a fantasy. I knew how screwed up I was about sex, even though I'd gotten better. I'd shared all those mixed up feelings with my therapist who told me they were not unique to me considering what I had experienced. But, I had not had the nerve to tell her about my fantasies about Paul.

When I returned with the robe wrapped around her, Paul asked, "Did I upset you Sherry? I didn't mean anything by it. I just said what popped into my mind. You just looked so nice and all. And it did look sexy but I shouldn't have just blurted that out I guess and made you uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry Paul. It was nice of you to say that, even if you didn't mean it. I just over-reacted. See, ever since my father...well, no man has ever really paid any attention to me. I think a few tried over time but I wouldn't let them. I didn't want them to. I was afraid. I used...whenever my father would touch me, the only thing I could do was close my eyes and try to pretend I was somewhere else. I normally tried to think about being with you and Beth and Sandy. If I could do that, it was like I was not there and after a while it would be over and I could take a shower. So, whenever a man has accidentally touched me in some way, just running into me or something like that, I freeze up. I can't help it but I think it is getting better. My therapist tells me she thinks I am getting better. When you told me that I looked...sexy...I...well, I thought somehow I was just leading you on or something...that I'd done something wrong to make you say that, to have that feeling. I know that doesn't make sense but I think that's common for women that have been molested...to somehow believe they are doing something wrong by feeling sexual. I...I don't mean I felt sexual, just that you said I looked sexy. At least I don't think I felt sexual...I don't know what I mean. It did feel good to put on something a little different and have a man look at me and think I look sexy but at the same time, I felt awkward and wrong somehow. I can't explain it."

"Sherry, I didn't mean to make you at all uncomfortable and awkward. I'd never do that. But, well, the fact it, I do think you looked...sex...I mean really good. Please don't take it the wrong way."

I smiled, "It's okay Paul. It is flattering. It was just a reaction that I'm working hard to deal with, to conquer. But, see, as I said, not only has no man...except...well, you know, no man has ever said I was sexy or looked at me that way, or even touched me romantically. Heck, Paul, I've never even deeply kissed another man, except in my fantasies. The fantasies get pretty vivid but that's it...nothing real...just dreams and fantasies. Anyway, I'm glad you said that, even if you didn't mean it. My therapist has suggested that I begin to push the envelope a little bit, to try to be a little more outgoing and bolder, socially and maybe sometimes with men. She tells me to take a little bit at the time and see what I can do."

"That sounds like great advice Sherry. And thanks for sharing that with me. I'm glad you tried on those suits. That was a step in the right direction wasn't it? Even if it was with an old man. And I did mean what I said."

"Paul, I know I have always looked on you like a father but don't call yourself old. You're still young, and I must say, a very handsome man. So when you said that, I saw it as coming from a man, not an old man, and not from my second father, just a normal attractive man." It took a lot out of me to get that out.

Now it was Paul's turn to blush and stutter. "Thanks Sherry. That's kind of you to say. Er...it's getting a little chilly. Maybe we'd better go in where it's warmer. Want another drink and then some dinner?"

Paul was acting strangely and all of a sudden it hit me. My robe had fallen open and he was admiring my legs! Maybe he really did find me a little bit sexy. And that was confirmed when he started to go inside. He was walking funny and I saw the distinct bulge...he had an erection! Wow!

He got a robe as well and we had dinner. After we'd cleaned up, he asked if I wanted coffee or maybe an after-dinner drink.

"Maybe a glass of port or something, Paul. And you know what? If you wanted, maybe I could try on a couple more of those swimsuits of Beth's."

I don't quite know why I said that but it...well, it felt good to be admired by a man and I have to admit, I was excited. So I went in to pick out another swimsuit to try on. I didn't dare try on a bikini so picked out an off-white, one-piece suit that was more revealing...and a little too small for me. But I put in on anyway. Before I did though, I couldn't help but put my hand between my legs and press against my hairy mound. I felt the heat and dampness and when I slide a finger inside my pussy lips, it was slick with lubrication. What was happening to me!

As I put the suit on, I realized that not only was it small, but the fabric was very smooth, almost like silk and so thin it seemed kinda transparent. As I looked in the mirror, I thought I could even detect my dark pubic mound, and god, there were hairs sticking out the sides. I pushed them in as best I could. But, it wasn't possible to disguise my hard nipples poking through the thin material. I almost changed my mind and pulled the suit off but I remembered what my therapist had said about being a little bolder. And I had to admit, this all felt good. So I walked out to the den where Paul was waiting.

Nervously, I replied "I had a hard time stuffing all the parts in this one. Maybe I should just leave this for the donation pile. I am losing weight but I'm not sure I'll ever lose enough for this top to hold everything in."

It seemed like every time I moved my breasts were going to escape. At first I kept pulling up the top and attempting to hide my bottom part but I decided it was too much trouble. Besides, it was fun! I sat down to sip my drink and I was amazed that I didn't try to cover up with a cushion in my lap or something but I was "letting it all hang out," so to speak.

It was obvious that Paul was looking, both at my breasts, with the poked out nipples, but also my crotch. It was awkward for both of us and for a while our conversation was stilted.

Finally, at a lull in the conversation, he said, "Sherry, you look so, so nice in that swimsuit. I really like it on you and I hope you do take it with you and any of the others you want. It is very becoming."

I smiled and teased him, "So, Paul, am I to assume that this one isn't as sexy? Or did I just make you afraid to say anything suggestive? God, isn't that begging for a compliment?"

He laughed, "begging for it or not, you deserve a compliment. That is a very sexy swimsuit. Well, let me amend that. You look very sexy in that swimsuit. I'm serious. You looked really, really nice. I think you should find ways wear clothes that accentuate your...your body...your figure...more. I think you'd get comfortable with it and like it. I don't mean you have to dress like a tart or anything, just a little more, let's say, revealing, maybe tighter, shorter. You know what I mean."