Ships that Collide in the Night

"They left the church and moved away. They're good kids and I love them. They'd help me if I asked but they're all trying to undo their own damage from the church and struggling with their own lives. I don't want to burden them, so I try to be strong for them when we talk. I give them money when I can. But with them gone, I was even more on my own."

He frowned. "But you had friends, right?"

Barbara gave a weak laugh. "It's not the same. When you have a partner you can trust, who knows you, who looks out for you ... and then all that is gone, it creates a gap in your life. I mean, you told me you've been doing casual hookups for several years. Can you honestly say that of all the women you've met that any of them replaced what you thought you had with your wife, in terms of your heart?"

Trey licked his lips. "No."

"And I didn't even have the human contact you did. Isolation is so damaging, Trey. Oh, sure, one of the other women might pat my arm or something but they were busy with their own lives and I was the old widow. They didn't cast me out but I sure was shunted down the list. I ... I miss the touch of a lover on my skin. Aside from those brief friendly contacts and an occasional hug when I see my children, I haven't been touched in six years." Her voice trembled with every word. "Six years! Do you know what that's like?"

"No."

"My husband wasn't my soul mate but I did like him and I felt good in his arms, and then I lost him. And facing the rest of my life alone ..." Small sobs rippled through her body. "Oh, God. I was just so lonely! I just wanted to be held, to be desired. Not just as a member of the community or as a mother but as a woman and a partner. I wanted someone to show they cared!" She erupted into tears again, shaking against him.

Trey clutched Barbara tight, not knowing what to say. Conflicting emotions swirled in his head: compassion and empathy for the woman in his arms; anger at Barbara's community for ostracizing her in practice, if not in fact; and the desire to show that he, Trey, did care. He waited until her crying stopped. "I'm sorry, Barbara. You didn't deserve any of that."

She stroked the hand still laying on her thigh. "I got so desperate that I signed up for a dating app. I was terrified, of course. Had that fact gotten out, I would have been thrown out of the church. I don't know, that probably would have been better for me in the long run. As it was, I was desperate. I really just wanted contact with someone, to hug and be held. But I knew what the price for that would be."

Trey tensed. A sinking feeling took hold of his gut.

Barbara continued, her voice taking on a clinical tone. "I had absolutely no idea what modern dating entailed but it's all out there online, available at the stroke of a finger. I surfed for weeks and it opened a world I knew nothing about. Hookups, sexual liberation, all of it. It was revealing and shocking, and some of it made my stomach queasy. I read enough to understand that most men wouldn't just want to hold me. They'd want something in return. That was scary since I had almost no experience. I mean, Henry and I always ... uhm, we always did it face to face, with me on the bottom. The position you and I did just now? I knew such a thing was possible but had never done it. This garter belt and underwear? All brand new. If you look closely, I bet there are still plastic prongs in them--you know, the ones that hold price tags to garments."

He was silent.

"The first couple of times I talked to someone, they immediately asked me to come over, without much talk. I got scared and blocked them, though I think I was more scared of myself than of anything. I met one guy in person. It was here in this same town, an hour away from home. It had to be. I would have died if anyone I knew saw me. I wore the same old suit I wore today and told my friends I was interviewing for a secretary position. They all wrinkled their noses at the thought of outside work but I think they understood that as a widow with no kids at home, I had to do something. The guy ... he pretty much just wanted what he called a 'Home Depot date.' Do you know what that is? 'It's when the man screws, nuts, and bolts,' he told me. He laughed. I didn't understand so he explained it. I ran out of there and didn't get back on the app for weeks."

His stomach churned as he dreaded her next words.

"But once loneliness takes root, it's hard to weed out, so after a month I came back on ... and that's when I met you."

Trey's voice rasped over his tongue, hoarse and raw. "Barbara ..."

"You know I've never taken a man in my mouth before today? The church considers that an abomination. I didn't really want to do it ... but I knew I would need to. I knew it was expected."

It was too much. Trey rolled away from her, to the opposite side of the bed, planted his feet on the floor, and hunched over, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Flames of guilt scorched his soul. He'd heard all manner of sob stories in his life and rarely had they gotten to him. But something about the hopelessness in Scarlet's voice had been like a dagger in his heart. Even though the rational part of his mind argued that he had not done anything wrong, his feeling that he had taken advantage of someone's loneliness and despair shouted over his reasoning.

I didn't know ... I didn't know ... But is that an excuse? Does that make it better? Face it, man, you're hardly different than everyone else who's victimized her.

A soft hand touched his shoulder. "Trey?"

Without raising his head, he said, "Why didn't you tell me, Barbara? I ... I'm sorry you went through all that. If I had known, I wouldn't have pushed you to bed."

"You didn't push me. You did everything you could to talk me out of it."

"Not enough. You didn't want sex."

"No, I didn't exactly. You're right that most of what I craved was contact and touch but ..." She hesitated. "I might be naive and ignorant of the world but I was married for nineteen years. I knew what would happen if we came to the motel. I wasn't looking forward to it, really, but I was prepared to do it, provided it was with the right person."

Her hand tugged his shoulder. Trey lifted his head to look at her. Barbara had pulled the bedsheet up over her breasts and tucked it under her arms, leaving her shoulders and arms bare. She looked so alluring, a pang of desire shot through him. Barbara offered him a tentative smile.

"Then why did you start crying?"

She sighed and looked down. "Obviously, I've never been with anyone other than Henry before this. I was already having misgivings about being here. That was why I faced away from you on the bed. I don't think I could have followed through if we'd been face to face. I was able to forget about it during and concentrate on the pleasure. After we were finished, it suddenly hit me that I had done it, I had sex with a man other than my husband. All the years of the church whispering in my ear, along with my own guilt, just got overwhelming." She touched his shoulder again. "Thank you for holding me while I cried."

Unsure what to say, Trey nodded.

"And for cuddling with me just now. It was so nice to be in a man's arms again. And for ..." Yet another blush tinged her cheeks. "And for being so gentle and loving with me. I mean, I know we got into it and the sex got a little more lustful but it was wonderful. All the buildup meant that I felt as loved and cared for as I ever did with Henry and that was nice. I did ... climax and it felt really good. Even though I had a ton of apprehension, I have to admit, I enjoyed all of it. And the longer we've lain here, the less guilty I feel."

Trey wondered if she was trying to convince him or herself. "I'm sorry--"

Barbara placed a finger on his lips, shushing him. "No, don't apologize. I know we're not married or not even in love. But somehow I knew you'd be warm and considerate. During all our chats and phone calls, and even today when having coffee, you always put me at ease, Trey. You were always kind to me. You never made me feel pressured and I appreciate you for that. During the sex, even with all my guilt, I could tell you desired me. It was a good feeling, and probably good for me too. Please believe me that you didn't do anything wrong. I'm happy I kept our date." She leaned forward and kissed him again.

Trey's cock, which had wilted during the conversation, sprang to attention again. He twisted his torso to face her as their lips pressed together. Her hands roamed across his skin, leaving trails of inflamed passion wherever they touched.

Barbara slithered from beneath the sheet and into Trey's lap, facing him. She wrapped her legs around his torso. The heat of her body beat at his thighs and belly, and her breasts pressed into his chest. Her hands held his face as she kissed him. She broke her kiss and whispered, "You can have me again."

Trey froze. "I ..."

"Trey, I wouldn't be in your lap if I wasn't onboard with the idea. I know I'm not great at this--"

"It's not that. You're fantastic. I just ..."

"Hey. I told you, no guilt." She grinned. "I have enough for both of us, so get rid of yours, okay?"

His eyes flicked to the nightstand.

She followed his gaze. "You don't need a condom. I can't get pregnant and I'm certainly disease-free. But you have to be comfortable, so you get it if you want. Can I ask one favor?"

"Sure."

"Will you make love to me this time instead of fucking me?"

Trey blinked. It was the first curse word he'd heard out of her mouth. More than that, her soft-spoken appeal made his already-steely cock even harder. "Yes."

With his left hand, he lifted her ass from his lap and using his right, guided her down onto his pole, taking care to move slowly. Barbara inhaled sharply as his head split her apart, then sighed as she slid down the length of his shaft until he was fully buried in her molten center. She stared into his eyes the entire time.

Trey moaned. Skin-on-skin, she was even more delightful than the first time. He lifted her ass and lowered her several times before she found the rhythm. Barbara began to rock her hips, rising slightly with each backward roll. Trey matched her and for several long moments, they moved together in silence, save the slight squeak of the bed and tiny gasps from her. She held his face and neck and kissed him several times but mostly she just gazed into his eyes as she rode him.

Trey held her hips and watched her watching him. The longer he did, the more he fell deep into those blue orbs that reflected sadness, joy, and satisfaction all at once. Her pussy wasn't so much as sliding up and down his cock as massaging it with each roll of her hips. He could not take his eyes from hers.

Windows to the soul, right? I'm ... no. I can't ... aw, man. He grimaced and let his heart open wide.

Trey held her hips, bringing her to a halt. Barbara half-tilted her head, her look questioning. Trey stood and her legs instinctively tightened around him. He turned and laid her on the bed with delicate ease. His cock stayed in her the whole time.

Now on top, Trey took his time, with measured stabs deep inside her. Barbara closed her eyes, wrapped her arms around his head, and whispered in his ear. Her words were so soft he couldn't make them out but the tender strokes through his hair and squeezes on his shoulders told him she was liking it. He lowered his mouth to kiss her neck and chin. Barbara murmured at his attention and hooked her legs on his thighs, pulling him in with every thrust.

Physically, Trey had been with many women, but until that moment, he did not feel as though he had ever been with one spiritually. Not even in the best of times with Sarah had he felt this level of connection. He imagined that his and Barbara's essences blended into one union, one soul.

They made love for another fifteen minutes before Trey felt that inevitable swell in his groin. His voice was a gasp. "Barbara, I'm gonna ..."

"It's fine."

Her soft reassurance was all it took before his climax broke. Trey went still as he came. Pulse after pulse of him blasted into her. When it was done, he kissed her again. "Are you okay?'

She smiled and touched his face. "Better than in a long time."

They cuddled up again. When she nestled her butt against his groin, Trey felt the slick mess of their combined juices oozing and squelching between them. Strangely, it didn't bother him. He wrapped his arm around her waist. She sighed and said, "Thank you."

"For?"

"For being here. For being a good person. For wanting me."

"Feel free to always thank me this way."

Her husky laugh filled the room.

Trey slipped into a semi-doze but woke with a start. He glanced at the clock but saw he'd only been asleep for a few minutes. "Sorry."

"It's all right."

"I think it was the sex and the comfort. There's something about having a warm, sexy woman snuggled against you that just knocks you right out."

"I don't know about sexy but I've always been a warm body." Barbara twisted to peer over her shoulder at him. "I suppose I should run through the shower before I go home. 'A failed interview and a little shopping,' will explain a few hours away but I don't want tongues wagging, at least until I'm ready to move."

Trey blinked. "Move?"

"Yes. Leave that town and the church."

"When do you reach that decision?"

"Just now, while we were cuddling. I can't do it anymore. It's scary, thinking about leaving my whole life behind, but I have to. I have to move forward."

Trey thought about his own life. He realized that while lying next to Barbara and holding her, he was happier and more content than any time in recent memory. Maybe she's not the only one who can move forward. Maybe it's time for me to finally put the ghost of Sarah to rest. He said, "I think I understand."

"Good. Uh, this might be an odd request, considering we just had sex twice but would you mind not joining me in the shower? I think I need a few minutes of private time."

"You don't even have to ask."

Barbara smiled. "That's why I chose you." She rolled away from him, slid out of the bed, and stood. His eyes fell on her round bottom as he watched her scoop her clothes and head to the shower.

Trey lay silent while Barbara was in the bathroom. Something about the entire encounter had etched feelings into his soul. He berated himself for letting the emotions--his guilt, Barbara's angst, and the best sex he'd had in a long time--get to him.

And yet, he knew it wasn't just that.

It's not just when we were making love. I genuinely like her, like no one else I've ever dated or hooked up with. For the first time since Sarah left, I could actually see myself with someone. But how does she feel? What happens if I say something ... and she ...

He waited until she emerged a half-hour later, re-dressed and her hair back in its bun. She smiled when she saw him. "Shower's all yours."

"Okay."

"Trey, I wanted to say thank you again. Thank you for being what I needed, and for being you. You don't have to say anything. I understand that this is a hookup and I don't expect anything else, okay? Please don't feel bad and know that you made me very happy." She hesitated, biting her lip. "Well, I guess I should go." She turned toward the door.

"Barbara?"

She glanced back.

"Can ... do you think we can keep talking, either online or on the phone? I'd like that."

She scrunched her eyebrows. "You would?"

"Yes. I'd also like to see you again."

She looked at him, her face inscrutable.

Trey hurried on, hoping he wasn't making a mistake. "I mean, I know you said you've decided to make some life changes and that's going to take up a lot of your attention ... and I know it may be hard for you to get away much. But if you can, would you like to maybe get together for coffee or to take a walk? We don't have to sleep together but maybe just hold hands or sit on a bench. Spend some time with each other? If all you can do is talk online or on the phone for now, that will be fine. If you need some help moving or relocating, I'd be happy to help with that as well." His words spent, he stared at her. Long tendrils of doubt coiled about his heart and Trey had the sinking feeling he'd opened himself up, only to be saddened yet again.

Barbara gazed at him for a moment before lowering her eyes. "I think I'd like that." She smiled. "And if something else happens and we end up back in bed, that would be okay too. Call me this week, okay?"

"I will."

Trey smiled as he watched her leave. He got up and headed to the shower, already planning their next rendezvous.

END

Please note: there is no criticism implied of any one particular religion, denomination, or sect here.

Thank you for reading!