Sign of the Times

I listened and then replied, "I don't know if I can do that."

She asked, "Why not. You might save a lot of money. You could provide the second best possible environment for your children, and there's always the possibility of reconciliation; plus, what if one of you has the better health insurance plan. You've got to think of the children in that case."

I knew my insurance was what we used; it was hands and feet ahead of Daphne's. I said so, "Well my insurance is what we use; hers would be almost prohibitively expensive."

My lawyer went on, "I'd like to ask you a couple additional questions. Hillary you can chime in when you think you can help."

My sister and I both nodded.

Ms. Blackthorn started in, "OK, let's try and rule out infidelity as the reason for divorce. Let's look at some alternatives. Does your wife have any irritating habits you could identify as a cause for divorce, say alcoholism, mental abuse, poor health concerns? Is she dirty? Is the house dirty? Think for a second. Does she physically abuse you? Do you eat off dirt dirty dishes? Can you think of anything like that?"

I piped right up, "Oh no, I can't think of a single thing about Daphne I'd call an irritating habit. In fact, sometimes she's too solicitous, maybe protective. Sometimes I feel like one of the kids; she like takes care of everything. No I can't think of any irritating habits."

"What about family, your in-laws. Are there any relatives you can't stand, maybe a meddlesome mother-in-law? Does your father-in-law embarrass or humiliate you in the presence of others?"

I replied, "Oh God no. Her mom and dad are the best! I mean I feel like sometimes they love me more than Daphne."

The lawyer went on, "All right; think about this. We all go into marriage with certain expectations. Most of the time marriages turn out to be the opposite of what we expect. We romanticize marriage and become disillusioned once those romantic expectations aren't met. Unmet expectations can be a source of conflict. Is there something about Daphne's personality, or her expectations about you or the marriage that might be a cause for the ruination of your marriage?"

I shook my head no, "No Ms. Blackthorn; everything's been fine. I mean more than just fine, they've been wonderful."

Ms. Blackthorn rubbed a pencil against the side of her head, "OK, let' see. Does Daphne pick fights? Does she ignore you? Does she, let's say, avoid problems or issues you think are important. Does she pay enough attention to you? Does she do things like hide unpaid bills? Does she waste money? Does she run up large bills for frivolous or unnecessary things?"

I was dumbstruck, "No none of those things make any sense. Until Saturday I thought we had a perfect marriage. I mean I thought everything was terrific. Daphne takes care of all the bills. Our credit is great. If anything, I'm the one who spends money wastefully. Daphne has been wonderful, like the perfect wife."

Ms. Blackthorn looked at my sister, "I want honesty here. You've been around them since they first got married. How would Daphne have answered these questions?"

Hillary hesitated and responded, "I think Daphne would've said the same thing, but...and this is a big but. Daphne gives in too easily. Cale always gets his way. I can't say it any other way. Cale is spoiled rotten. I'd say if Daphne isn't working with the kids; she's figuring out ways to make her husband happy. Until this I thought she was my best friend. I mean she waits on Cale hand and foot."

Ms. Blackthorn looked at me, "Would you agree with your sister's assessment?"

I nodded and answered, "Yes, that about right."

Ms. Blackthorn pushed her chair away from her desk, "So you have a doting wife who spoils you rotten. She has no irritating habits. Her family loves you like you were one of their own. Your wife hasn't just met your expectations of what you think a good wife should be like; she's exceeded them, and your only serious concern is, except for what you saw on Saturday, something she readily admitted to, your only concern is that she's too solicitous, too concerned about your happiness. Is that right?"

I shrugged, "Yes I guess that's about it."

The lawyer frowned at me, "Mr. McCallister I don't think divorce is ever in anyone's best interest, and quite honestly especially not here. In fact what you've described is essentially what all marriages could be like. You might be one of the luckiest men I've met. I'm not trying to soft sell what your wife did, and I'm certainly not trying to blame you for anything, but Mr. McCallister, Cale, you have, except for this one thing, a very happy home."

I squirmed in my chair, "Yes but she cheated on me. She broke our wedding vows. She ruined my life."

The lawyer stared at me like she was trying to frame the words for her next sentence, then she said, "Cale you saw your wife and another man leave the same motel room. Is that right?"

I nodded affirmatively.

She went on, "They didn't leave at the same time."

I replied, "No. He came out later."

"You saw no signs of affection, no hugging, no kissing, not even an affable wave good bye."

I shook my head no.

Ms. Blackthorn said me, "Cale no one is perfect, and she certainly might have done a terrible thing. If you really want a divorce I'll take you on, but for your sake, for the happiness of your children, all three of whom seem to be described here as intelligent, happy, but sensitive young people. And last I'd like to add possibly for the sake of a woman I think you still desperately love and who just might deserve a little more consideration if not a second chance you ought to very seriously consider some form of legal separation and counseling in preference to outright divorce."

I sort of fumbled around, "You think so?"

She injected, "Cale you can't prove she did anything wrong. In court it would be your word against hers. A legal separation would give you a chance to breathe. You could weigh all the ramifications. Mr. McCallister going through a divorce can be very painful. You'll suffer. Your wife will suffer, all your family will pay a terrible price, and most importantly you have three children. They'll experience a trauma that will follow them all their lives. Do you want to do that to your kids?"

"So you think I should go the legal separation route."

She sat back and put her hands behind her head. I got a good glimpse of a pretty nice rack, "She replied, "I'd like a new Lexus. I could see myself driving a new corvette. You could do that for me. Think it over, you can buy me a nice car, or you if you went the separation route you just might be able to avert ruining a lot of innocent lives."

I looked at Hillary, "What do you think?"

She didn't hesitate, "Do the legal separation. If it doesn't work or hurts too much you can always drop back and punt."

I stood up and held out my hand to Ms. Blackthorn, "Can you draw up the paperwork?"

She stood also, "Consider it done. Stop by tomorrow morning. This isn't nearly as harsh as divorce. You can take them to your wife personally."

I knew I couldn't do that, but then I had Hillary. I shook the lawyer's hand, "See you tomorrow then."

We all smiled and parted company. I still felt terrible. I still felt like my world had come to an end, but this might be cheaper, and who knows, it might work out better.

When Hillary and I got outside I dumped my plan on her, "Hillary I want to disappear. I'm going to the beach. You have my cell phone number. I want you to take the separation agreement to Daphne."

She looked at me scornfully, "You really are a pussy."

I asked, "You'll do it?"

She said, "I'll do it."

After that we drove back to mom and dads. We explained what the plan was while I packed a smaller suitcase with the few casual clothes I had with me. I figured I'd stop on the way and buy some more stuff. I'd stay away for the rest of the week. When I got back Hillary and I could talk over what I might do next. 'Gee,' I thought, 'it's great to have family.'

++++++++++

Back home, that is back at my parents, like I said, we talked some more. By then I couldn't think of what I had with Daphne as home anymore. Why didn't she try to call? She could've called. I wanted her to call so I could hang up on her.

It was only Monday, I'd been away from my kids just two days and already I missed them terribly. In the past, in fact just a few weeks earlier I'd been away at seminars for up to four days. Sure I missed them then too, but it was different now. I hated to admit it; I missed Daphne even more.

Since the lawyer's my cellular phone was up and running; but no calls had been put through. I guessed my wife really didn't care. Was what I saw at the Holiday Inn more than a dalliance? God, to lose my wife, my family, all I'd so foolishly thought was important over a selfish affair was bad, but to think I was losing everything to the likes of Ralph Stevens, that was beyond comprehension.

Before Saturday I would never have thought of Stevens as a threat to my marriage. I hadn't been able to sleep Sunday night so I'd spent most of that time wandering over the Internet investigating the reasons for divorce and why women, and men, had affairs. The things I found out were interesting; in my case maybe more than interesting, maybe appalling was a better word.

What I found out was there looked like three main reason why women had affairs. For men the reasons were a little different, but they didn't matter since I wasn't the one having an affair. The biggest reason was money. Second was intimacy; women often sought a man outside marriage because they weren't getting enough attention, by that the research seemed to indicate affection. The last thing was sex.

I thought about my life with Daphne. I didn't think money was the reason. That couldn't have been the cause for what I saw happen with Daphne; we had money, I mean we weren't flush, but we were doing all right. Sure there were reasons why Daphne could throw money in as a problem. She'd put me through graduate school. She worked tirelessly for the 'us' part of our marriage, but I'd never denied it, and I'd tried like crazy to make up for it. I'd put in my hours on the job. D

Daphne still worked; she worked right through the first two trimesters with both Brandy and Michael. She'd always carried her weight, more than her weight in fact, but the last few years I'd been working really hard trying to catch up.

Could it have been the sex thing? Maybe. I know Daphne wasn't a virgin when we got married, but she was awful tiny down there, I mean down between her legs. I remember our first few times. She was so small; I hadn't meant to but I'd hurt her when we had sex. I'd been careful. I thought I'd been the loving husband.

I remember when we were dating, or just before I started dating her. She'd been something of a coquette. She dated a lot of guys. In fact she went through almost all my friends. I thought of Ralph as a friend back then, not anymore. She even dated my brother Chris. It was like she'd made a list, and then she went through it. At the time I thought it was kind of strange; she seemed to be running down this list of names just dating one after the other. All of us, except for Chris were younger than her. I guess I ended up the last man on her list; yeah, last and least.

Yeah she'd date some guy; often as not one of my friends. They'd come around and talk about her. They'd talk about how hot she was, how great she kissed, what a terrific body she had, what a great ass, nice tits. How interesting she was to talk to. I wondered before I married her if she hadn't screwed every friend I had. That's one reason why I know I've got a really big Johnson. If she'd gone through all those guys, then why was she so small? It had to be me; I was just that big.

It bothered me a little that she'd hit, or should I say tapped, all my friends, but that was before she got to me. I couldn't very well hold her accountable for the before; it was only the after that I thought mattered, and after me until Saturday I thought I was it. Well I guess I'm not it. Ralph Stevens is 'it'.

Frequency might have been a problem. At first I guess Daphne and me were like all newlyweds; we went at it every chance we got. Just before and shortly after each baby there were times when we'd abstained. The medical books we'd read for one reason or another sort of warned against doing it too much at those times, but at all other times I thought we'd been pretty active. I don't mean we'd been what, profligate, but I thought I'd kept her happy. I know I'd been happy, I'd been incredibly happy.

About the sex; I already recalled we'd kept on the tamer side of sex. I liked the missionary position the best and I always thought she did too. I know some books call it 'vanilla sex', but I didn't and don't think so. I'd read up; humans are the only creatures who are capable of missionary sex. We are the only one of God's creations who can look at their partners while they do it. I thought that meant something. I got see her while we were busy. I got to kiss her pretty face. I got to nuzzle and caress her cheeks and her neck and her breasts while we were doing it. I mean I could see what I thought was the joy we shared while it was happening.

Oh sure we did other positions. I sometimes sneaked up on her during the day, like when she was in the kitchen at the sink. I'd sneak up behind, pull up her dress, then pull down her panties and do her right then and there. A couple times I'd caught her that way while the kids were like just ten feet away on the back porch.

Geena or Brandy would be looking through the window and asking their mom what was wrong; she'd be squealing with delight and they didn't know why. I got a real kick out of that. I thought Daphne did too.

Mostly though I keep thinking about when the kids were in bed; how we'd be on the sofa. First we'd just hold hands, then our heads would touch, we'd hug and kiss and I would slowly unbutton her top, reach in, touch her wonderful warm soft boobs, lean down and kiss those precious dark orbs that were her aureole and her nipples. She'd pull down her pants or pull up her dress. I'd undo my pants and pull them off. She'd slide over on my lap. Mostly we'd be facing each other, but sometimes she'd be on my lap facing away. I'd slowly slide inside her. God it was so romantic.

No I thought the sex was pretty good. The frequency wasn't always the greatest, but when we did it, I believed it was the best. I mean I was never, not once, not ever, a wham bam thank you ma'am kind of guy. I always, I mean I always made sure she got her pleasure. I wouldn't quit until she did. Sometimes I thought she faked it, but those times seemed to be for a reason, like the kids were just outside, or someone was at the door. If I thought she was faking it and I saw no reason for it I'd ask her. Hell, I'd interrogate her. Mostly she came clean, but like I thought already, those times weren't that often.

Did I go down on her? I liked that, shit I loved it. I knew how that worked. I read up on the G-spot thing. Yeah I found that sucker, and I worked it. I already knew all about a woman's clitoris, and I knew how that worked. I worked that too. Sometimes in the winter, even when the kids were up I'd lay my head in her lap. I'd get a blanket, we'd call it a blankie, and I'd reach under with my right, or my left, take my fingers and get her all wet. It was really kind of exciting. I'd feel her start to squirm and all. She'd jump up and say something like, "All right kids time for bed!" We'd get the kids settled and then go to town. I had so much fun!

I remember we went to see that Sandra Bullock movie 'Crash'. There was a scene where a married couple had sex while the husband was driving. Yeah the wife got down, she leaned down, and did her man right there in the car, right while he was driving! That night on the way to pick up the kids Daphne did me! I liked it, but I was really crazily embarrassed. I thought it felt good, but I felt maybe it was a little selfish too, well just a little bit.

I remember how she did it. She knelt down and unzipped my pants. Then she reached in and found me. She fiddled with it till I got hard, she pulled it out and kissed me on the top, right where the pee comes out. I'm circumcised so she didn't have to worry about any schmuck. Oh she closed her lips around me. She lowered her mouth down as far as she could go. It was so great!

I got this great orgasm; all she got was a lot of stuff in her hair. I never asked her for a repeat performance; well not that way, not in the car.

Was sex the reason? I didn't think so.

Well if it wasn't sex, and it wasn't money then it had to be about affection. That didn't seem fair somehow. I've never been a cold person, and especially not with Daphne.

I've never been violent either. I never ever hit her or hurt her physically in any way. Jesus, hitting a woman? Like what kind of creep does that? I yelled sometimes. OK, maybe I yelled too much. I wish I hadn't. But I never broke anything. I never threw anything. I might have had a tantrum to two, or maybe ten, but I never broke anything, and I sure never broke anything I thought she thought was important.

Well OK, I broke a big green vase, but that was an accident. I was hollering and yelling about something. I don't remember what it was, but my leg accidentally, I mean it really was an accident, it hit the coffee table. I broke this big tall green vase she'd bought at Pier One Imports.

I can still see it now; spinning round and round before it fell off the table and broke on the rug. Like it was an accident! I didn't mean for it to happen. She just stood there and looked at me. She never said anything. She liked that vase. She really liked that vase, and she just stood there. Right away I shut up. I apologized. I told her it was an accident. She didn't say anything. Well she said one thing. She looked at the vase on the rug all in pieces and she said, "I'll clean it up." That was all she said.

I felt like crap. I bought her another vase. She never put it out. It's still in the garage, in the box it came in. Christ it was a fucking accident! I didn't mean it!

I suppose one partner is always a little more mature than the other. Until Saturday I would have given the maturity ticket to Daphne. I remember we'd argue; sometimes we really hollered and yelled. Of course I'm a man. I have a deeper and louder voice. I could always out yell her. She'd stop and just wait for me to run out of gas. The she'd say something like, "Are you through now?" I'd answer, "Yeah. I guess so." Then we'd sit down and work on the problem. I guess sometimes she made me feel like I was one of the kids. It never bothered me, and here's why.

If we had a real problem, I mean like a crisis, if something really big had happened, then she'd turn to me and I got to be the man of the house. I remember one time I got to be the 'Super Dad'!

Brandy had a problem once at school. There was this older girl who started bullying her. Daphne and I talked to Brandy about it. We tried to get her to think up ways to short circuit the bully, but nothing worked.

I went to school, but when I talked to the teacher I felt like I was being blown off. I went to the teacher's vice-principal, and then I went to the principal but got no results. Daphne was completely nonplussed, not me though. I took off from work, got a lawyer, I got my sister, and I went straight to the superintendent of schools. It turned out the bully was age inappropriate; she was too old for that class. I also found out the teacher was something of a bully too. She liked to try to intimidate her colleagues and her supervisors. She'd been getting away with it for years.