Slowing Down

That feeling only increased when I sent out a Facebook invitation the following day and less than five minutes later it was accepted. When I explored her page I found that her relationship status was It's Complicated and most of her friends were women, indeed most of the pictures on her page were of Lamara in the company of women. One picture certainly got my attention because Helena was one of my ex girlfriends, as to how she'd become friends with Lamara was a mystery because she was very much a butch lesbian, right down to the high powered motorcycle. I could well imagine Helena approaching Lamara but I couldn't see her reciprocating.

"She's the reason I asked you to come along," Lamara explained that night, "I just didn't know that you and her had been an item. Look, if you'd rather back out I'll completely understand."

"I'm not backing out," I flicked through the dresses on the rack, "I just thought it was a small world indeed."

"Where are you? I can hear music."

"Forest Hill shopping centre," I replied, "I dropped in after work to see what they've got in the way of dresses, I've got plenty at home but nothing that would suit a wedding."

"See anything you like?"

"Plenty of prom style dresses but they're a bit too jazzy, lots of white, cream and a hideous baby shit green colour."

"What're you doing tomorrow arvo?"

"Working."

"All afternoon?"

"Well I can take breaks, we do get meal breaks."

"Can you meet me out at Camberwell market? There are a few op shops there, and they have some really nice dresses, and considering you're going to be my plus one maybe I could help choose the dress," she chuckled, "sorry, that was a bit too forward even for me."

I hesitated before agreeing.

"Okay, I'll send you a text when I'm about to take a break."

I know it was because I was meeting Lamara that I chose the outfit I did that next day, a dark grey trouser suit and chocolate-coloured blouse. To make it clear, I wasn't trying to out dress her, it was just that I wanted to fit into her world even if it was just on the surface.

***

Camberwell is an old suburb not far from the city and famed for its terrace style houses and cosy front yards. My parents remember back when they were kids and middle class families would sit on the front porch with their beer and up market cigarettes. These days it's become decidedly more expensive, you'd have to be earning a pretty penny to buy a house here. I met Lamara in a café on Burke Road. It must have been her day off because she wasn't wearing office attire judging by the red, designer overalls over a short-sleeved white blouse, the overalls were actually shorts and she'd accessorised with a gold-weave belt.

"How's my new girlfriend?" Lamara reached out and fingered the collar of my blouse, now that's an improvement."

"It is?" I glanced down at her hand, "to be honest I wasn't thinking about it."

"Never bullshit a bullshitter," she chuckled, "so, how long have I got you for?"

"About forty five minutes," I replied, "I've got to see a potential witness."

"Is it about that case or a different one?"

"The same case," I replied, "I still haven't heard back from the boss about helping Mylene out, I'm not even sure they're going to use her testimony in court but she's certainly helped out."

"It's all right, I understand," Lamara eyed the board behind the counter.

"To be honest I wasn't even sure about how much help she'd be and God knows she tends to be her own worst enemy."

"How is she?" I asked.

"So so," she glanced at me, "all right, executive decision, we get takeaway coffees and walk and talk, what're you having?"

"Latte," I put my hand into my handbag.

"I'll be you can't say that in French," she slapped my wrist, "sorry, bad joke and get your hand out of there, it's my shout."

Some ten minutes later we were wandering into the shopping centre with our coffees, I was feeling a little embarrassed that I hadn't been able to help Mylene but Lamara's attitude had taken some of the sting out of it. She seemed quite lackadaisical as we headed for a store I knew would be selling more expensive dresses but I was too much under her spell to argue and I tried on all the dresses she selected. It occurred to me that I was doing something that felt unnatural, don't get me wrong I had a sense of style but I was not a girlie girl.

"I like this one," I finally plucked a beige off the shoulder number with a sash belt, "but it almost seems too," I paused.

"Feminine?" Lamara nudged me.

"That's the word I always stumble over."

"It's a word that is often misunderstood," she pursed her lips, "even Helena has a feminine side, I only met her a couple of times because she was best friends with the woman who's getting married in a week but I noticed she modified her outfit every time she saw me. It's like she was trying to fit into my world by buying similar clothes and it's so not me, be you not me."

I took that throwaway line home with me, along with the dress. It was the clearest sign yet that she was questioning something, I just didn't know how far she wanted to go and to be honest I was quite willing to let it remain in the fantasy world. I had amassed quite a few fantasies about her and they were vivid enough. Slowly but surely I was being drawn deeper into her world and as a result I was beginning to undergo my own changes.

***

The week before the wedding was quite busy. The case we'd been building against Barrows was becoming stronger. Acting on information from Mylene, we'd put one of our own under covert observation and it had produced results when we filmed Danni meeting Barrows at the pub he was part owner of and it was obvious they were intimately involved. Acting on that we set up a fake telephone survey about banking and finance to 'gift' her with a new smartphone that had software installed on it that would allow us to monitor her movements more closely. The Friday afternoon was especially fruitful when she called Barrows to tell him she had some information that might help him avoid prosecution. I had a minor anxiety attack when we learned that because she was set to meet him the next day but thankfully my boss decided to let me attend the wedding.

"But be ready to move if we call you," Byres told me.

That meant taking a change of clothes along with me and Lamara offered to let me keep them at her place because I'd have to take her home first anyway. Her offer took me by surprise because it came from out of the blue after I'd called her on the way to her house to explain the situation.

"So, leave your stuff at my joint, unless of course there's some reason you can't."

"Well no, I mean I'd have to drop you off anyway and I'm not drinking anyway."

"Okay then, how far away are you?"

"Just about fifteen or so, just coming up to the end of Whitehorse Road."

"Cool, see you soon, babe."

Lamara's choice of outfit was quite nice, a spaghetti strap dress in red silk with an angora wrap and white heels. She examined my outfit with a degree of interest as I stood there with my work clothes dangling over my arm and a Cocker Spaniel sniffing my feet.

"Very nice," she stepped back, "come on in, I hope you're not allergic to dogs, this is Milo."

Lamara's Canterbury home was small but tastefully decorated, the street was lined with European trees that were shedding their leaves now that autumn had finally arrived. Milo was still sniffing my feet as I stepped inside, Lamara closed the door behind me.

"Well that's a healthy start."

"What is?"

"Milo likes you, he usually disappears to his basket if he feels nervous."

"I'm usually pretty good with dogs."

"Okay, well if you want to wait in the living room I'll finish putting on my face."

Milo was lying on his back when Lamara finally returned from the bedroom, he was twisting back and forth as he scratched his back, I was scratching his front but as soon as Lamara stepped into the room he stopped moving and glanced around to look at her, a moment later he rolled around and getting to his feet, trotted over to her.

"Hey there," she patted his head, "mum has to go out for a few hours with Lisa, how's about we put some water in your bowl?"

***

The wedding was held at Yarra Bend Park, not far from the restaurant, which had been booked for the lunchtime reception. I felt somewhat out of place when we first arrived because I didn't know anyone, apart from Lamara but then Helena turned up in her tuxedo and both of us stared at each other from opposite sides of the outdoor seating area that had been set up. She noticed that I was with Lamara and inclined her head to whisper in a woman's ear.

We didn't have a chance to catch up until after the ceremony when the happy couple exchanged wedding vows. Even that was somewhat reserved because by then Helena had attracted the eye of another woman, or perhaps she was simply trying to send out a message to either Lamara or me, it's the way her mind operates and why we only lasted a week together before I ended it.

"You're not jealous are you?" Lamara asked me as I sucked down a quick fag.

"Not likely," I grinned, "it's the way she works, she'll have one woman lined up for appearances sake while she waits for your response."

"I was kind of tempted the first time I met her but then she started coming on a bit too strong and I backed off. I got rid of a husband because he used to come on too strong, it's not like I haven't got a mind of my own."

"Which is why you asked me to be your plus one."

"Precisely," she adjusted her sunglasses, "you get it."

"Of course I get it, although I was a little confused at first because it seemed as if you were giving out hints but here we are on a beautiful autumn day about to have lunch and so far I haven't gotten a call to turn up for a shift."

"And your phone is turned on, isn't it?"

"It's always on, that's the problem. I'm married to the job and that puts a strain on relationships," I butted out the cigarette.

"I was wondering something," she slipped a hand into the crook of my arm, "if you could do me a small favour, I'd pay you for it."

"What?"

"I'm going away next week for a two week vacation to Rome and Paris, but I need someone to walk Milo for me, normally my sister does it but she's coming too and mum isn't really a dog person."

"And you don't have friends or neighbours who could do it?"

"I do but I'm going out on a limb here," she tightened her grip, "I'll pay you fifty dollars a week to walk Milo once a day, you don't have to worry about feeding him, even though mum isn't into dogs she'll at least drop by at night to feed him."

I stared straight ahead as Helena glanced over her shoulder at us.

"Okay but I don't need the money, I might just grab a meal or two while I'm there."

"Done," she released me, "but if you want the money just say so, I had money put aside for it."

"Save your money, bring me back a souvenir from Rome or Paris."

"Jeezo, you're easy pleased."

"Ha ha, if only you knew."

She had no way of knowing it but I was the queen of favours. I was always helping someone out and whilst I had ulterior motives when I was younger, age had seen me modify my stance a little and now I tended to just help out when someone needed it. However all that aside, when we got back to her place later that day I had to wonder if I wasn't trying to relive my youth. There were certainly favours I did for women where I definitely was looking for something else, sometimes I got what I wanted and other times I was disappointed.

Lamara seemed very much at ease now that I'd agreed to walk Milo and with that in mind, we took him for a walk after we'd changed out of our dresses. She wore a pale blue, short-sleeved blouse and jeans, I had to settle for clothes I was going to wear for work, if I was called out, a black blouse and black trousers. It brought a smile to Lamara's face.

"You really are the woman in black."

"I am?" I looked down at myself, "I do have other colours at home and the dress I wore today isn't black."

"I'm joking," she smirked, "but seriously you should look at lighter coloured clothes, you've got dark brown hair and a brown complexion, lighter colours would add contrast unless you want to look thin and then it's black."

"I'm not looking to lose weight," I reassured her.

Our walk took us to Boroondara Park where she could take Milo off the leash and see how he'd respond to my commands and he did come when I called but that was because Lamara was there as well. Nevertheless she was quite pleased with my efforts.

"Look, if you're not comfortable letting him off the leash then it's long enough to let him run," she held the leash up, "just click the button and it winds out to about twenty five feet."

"Maybe after a few days, he'll have to get used to me."

"You'll be fine," she looked past me, "besides I'll give you my router password, if you call me on Messenger or Skype from my joint it'll go through as a free call, it's how mum and Maria keep contact with me whenever I'm overseas."

"Do you travel a lot?"

"Two to three times a year, I really shouldn't be doing this trip because finances are a bit tight but the flight was cheaper than normal and I decided to do the hostel thing instead of staying in hotels, so that keeps the cost down quite a bit."

"I keep saying I should travel more but work being what it is."

"It's all right, I understand, my ex was in the police force. Gavin and I could never find time for each other because like you, he was married to his job. We had one trip to Japan planned but then he backed out and I ended up giving the ticket to mum."

"I can't recall a Gavin."

"He worked in Protective Services but then he transferred to Brisbane, his brother bought a block of flats in Jindalee, it's cheap accommodation," she tapped her thumb, "he's close to the prison," she tapped a finger, "he provides unofficial security for the other residents," she tapped a second finger, "and he's also out of my life so we win all round," she tapped the final finger.

"Not your type?"

"I wouldn't say it quite like that," she frowned, "it was more like I was trying to fit myself into his life and it seemed like everywhere was taken. He had a strict gym routine, nights out with the boys, his other brother, a sister and then he taught mixed martial arts to underprivileged kids at a local community centre. In the end, as much as I liked him I just couldn't see where I fitted in," she whistled to Milo.

"To his credit he tried but even he was struggling towards the end, we finally agreed to call it a day when he decided to transfer to Brisbane. I did get a postcard from him not long after he moved, he wished I was here and kind of left it open."

"How long ago was that?"

"Three years ago, I got Milo about then and that's not an accident. He used to suffer terribly from contact with animals, he'd be on antihistamines so getting a dog was my way of closing the door on the relationship."

It was food for thought, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Our investigation took a dramatic turn the a few days after Lamara and her sister flew out when Barrows was arrested after bashing a motorist who cut him off at an intersection. Most career criminals would have ignored it or maybe given the woman the finger but he was high on his own product and after running her off the road, dragged her out of the car and bashed her. If not for the timely arrival of two policemen who were on a routine patrol she might have been put into a coma or worse, he did manage to escape but it was grounds to haul him in for questioning and while we had him locked in an interrogation room we began to ask other questions.

One of the good things to come out of that particular incident was a revised report on his state of mind, especially when it came to people who might have information that could put him away. He had denied bashing the woman even though we had eyewitness accounts from two cops and when he said that the woman would never testify against him the CPS acted decisively and he was charged with other offences. Bail was denied because there was a chance he might try to seek out potential witnesses and we finally had a budget to put people into protection. One of those was Toni, who was willing to talk about a deal if she could be protected but there were others who also needed protection but the powers that be had to prioritise as it wasn't an unlimited amount of money. Mylene was mentioned but it was totally out of my hands.

Danni was also suspended from duty at the end of the week and that same day was the first time I met Lamara's mum, Danita when I dropped in to take Milo for his walk. She was in the front yard watering the shrubs when I opened the gate, Milo came running to see me and after saying hello I turned to the woman with the hose. I could tell she was Lamara's mum, she had the same colour hair and you could see Lamara in her features, she also had that unhurried contentment about herself as she twisted the nozzle.

"You must be Lisa, I'm Danita, Lamara's mum."

"Yeah, g'day, I'm here to walk Milo."

"Are you staying for dinner?"

"Huh?"

"Dinner, it's a meal that comes after lunch, usually about six but sometimes later. I've done the weekly clean and thought I'd stay and make some dinner so you're welcome to stay."

"Um, okay, sure."

"Go on inside and make yourself at home, you can walk Milo afterwards."

Danita came in not long afterwards, she was on the phone to someone who I assumed must be her partner because she ended the call with, "love you."

"Men," she stared at the phone, "they claim to be independent but if you leave them alone for too long they get abandonment syndrome."

"I wouldn't know, I'm more into women."

"She said that," Danita smiled slyly.

"We're not," I stopped.

"Fucking?" Danita lifted the kettle, "it wouldn't bother me if you were," she stepped over to the sink, "I have three beautiful daughters and they all have their own mind. She chooses her friends carefully though, especially when it comes to leaving Milo with someone."

"It did surprise me though, I didn't know her that well."

"She's a therapist, she can read people like a book. Let's just say she's probably seen something in you that not even you're aware of," she set the kettle on its stand and flicked the switch.

"I was her plus one at the wedding."

"I saw the pictures," our eyes met, "you looked beautiful," she opened the cupboard and took down two cups, "I'd offer you a beer or a wine but she doesn't drink."

"That's okay," I shrugged, "coffee is good."

"White or black?"

"Black and strong, no sugar."

"Ooh, that's too much for me," she winced, "even I need my sugar hit. Why don't you go on into the living room, I'll come through in a minute."

"Don't you want a hand?"

"Too many cooks spoil the broth," she shook her head, "I'm a gourmet cook in my spare time," she glanced at me, "for real, I wrote a cookbook and published on Amazon as an e-book."

She showed me the book a few minutes later when she brought my coffee through, it looked quite professional and more out of a sense of curiosity I bought a copy there and then.

Lamara called me while I was reading the introduction on the Kindle app.

"Hiya, you met mum, finally."

"Yeah," I leaned back against the back of the couch, "I met her in the front yard. What time is it over there?"

"Just gone past ten thirty in the morning," she replied, "we're just about to head out to the train station for the train to Paris."

"Take lots of pictures."

"I will, providing you comment on them, I've been waiting for you to comment all week but I know you've been busy with that case. We talked about this, remember?"

It only occurred to me then that her story about Gavin had been told for my benefit. Truth be told I'd been quite busy with the case and as usual I threw myself into it full tilt.