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"Ti amo, miá bellá Annie." I said as only a lover could.
"What does that mean older brother?" She asked innocently as she leaned back into my embrace almost drunk on pleasure and satisfaction.
I whispered back slowly with that same tone still in my voice. "It's Italian for I love you, my beautiful Annie."
She never replied to that verbally, but from the side angle I got of her face as I lean over her shoulder from behind, I could see the smile on her face deepen and her cheeks flush red again. She turned around in my arms to face me and gave me a long, sweat kiss on the lips.
When we finally stopped after hearing our parent calling for us, we began heading into the house, wondering how we'd control ourselves in front of them, and how we'd go about keeping any of this our little secret when all we wanted to do was rip each other's clothes off from that point on.....
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 7 years agoIf I were to try to write a story like this in another language, I'd struggle. In my language I'd struggle. Still, spelling counts.
Taverneralmost 8 years agoOkay, there were spelling errors and some paragraphs repeated, but the premise and the way the story was written were pretty good overall. As for the fact that on a farm they would have seen animals having sex, I don't think this story was meant to be a documentary, it was just meant to be a little erotic fun, so some dramatic/literary licence is okay. If CtMurphy can straighten out his proofreading but keep going with his descriptions of hot sex, he will be on to somewthing.
Goddess_Meridiaover 9 years agoYou just need to have someone else proofread, I saw entire paragraphs copied twice. However, the story was very hot. Find someone who can help with grammar, word choice, and details. as is I give it a 7/10. Would like to read Chapter 2 and see about two things: your improvement and what happens between these two lovebirds :-)
Anonymousalmost 10 years agoI know you said this is your first submission, but for god's sake, please don't think about posting anything else before you spend some rime working with one of Lit's volunteer editors!
I dare say you have never spent a minute of your life on a farm. If you had, you'd know it's hay, (not hey), and that having it shoved inside your clothes hurts enough that you would never, ever do it again.
All-in-all, a major fail here, but I guess there's hope - maybe - if you're prepared to work with an editor.
Anonymousalmost 10 years agoVery hot. For someone claiming to be new at writing erotica, you did remarkably well. THere were quite a few grammar errors, but other than that, this was great. You definitely need to do a follow up.
Anonymousalmost 10 years agoThis was a nice premise, but you had a few descrepencies. First, how can your characters not be exposed to some amount of sex (and breeding) around farm animals. Second, how can parents ignore "the talk" when they have taken it upon themselves to educate their own children. Then, we have no reference as to where (country) this farm is located -- though the fourty degree celsius (centigrade) would likely point to Australia, New Zealand, or even South Africa (taking in the long distances to nearest neighbours). The first two do not seem to have a problem with sibling incest (from what I have read). What I am saying is, it might be nice to have a little more information to help the reader's imagination. And I won't even go into the "hey" vs. "hay" references. As there needs to be a follow-up chapter, I would strongly advise you to seek out one of the volunteer editors on this site.
Sex4lf57almost 10 years agoHaven't read the story yet but I laughed my ass off reading the comments! Funny shit!
