Somebody That I Used to Know Ch. 03

"A little nervous."

I held out my hand to Miranda and she smiled as she looked at my hand. She looked from me to Sylvia then back to me. I took her hands in mine as I stepped behind her, wrapping our hands around her waist to pull her closer.

"Hey, beautiful." I leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"Hey, gorgeous."

"Professor McCalister is your girlfriend?" I couldn't tell if she was disappointed, surprised, or mad.

"Yes, she is."

"Wow. Well, best of luck to both of you." As she walked away I knew we needed closure. We both knew it and we both needed to hear it. I let go of Miranda as I kissed her forehead.

"Give me a sec." I went after Sylvia and held her for a second as she turned around. She gave me her best fake smile, and I knew she was hurt.

"Sylvia, I'll always care about you and you'll always hold a special place in my heart, but neither of us was ever ready for the other. The timing was never right and at least we both know we gave it a shot in our own way. Nicky really cares about you and she loves you. You and I, we would have never worked out because we were too young. I'm letting go, but if you need me as a friend I'll always be here." I gave her a hug and she whispered in my ear.

"You were the one that got away." She took a step back and looked at Miranda when she spoke. "But you're right; our timing was never right because what we had was special in its own respect. It taught us that when the real thing came along we wouldn't have to work so hard to find it. Goodbye, Toni."

I knew in that moment that we would never see each other again because this chapter in our book called 'Life' was over. We had both turned the page and were ready to move on. She was somebody that I used to know, and I was moving forward. I would no longer wonder 'what if'.

I turned to look at Miranda and she was smiling. As I walked towards her, her smile only became wider.

"I'm your girlfriend, huh?"

"Of course. Now, do you need an escort?"

"That sounds good, but, as much as I would love to hold your hand the whole way there, I think I might need to keep us a secret for just a few more days."

"Yes, dear."

"So that's Sylvia?"

"Yea."

"Do I have to worry?"

"No, we're definitely done."

I kissed her one last time before heading back to the graduation area.

After the graduation ceremony, we all went to dinner- that included my dad, Jada, mom, and Sandy. I should have invited Miranda but that stubborn part of me wasn't ready to take such a big leap. It was a pretty big mistake considering how important she had become to me, but I felt that would be moving too fast. She took it well and we went to dinner on our own the next day.

As the days went by and I spent more time with her, I realized I missed her when she wasn't around. In a matter of months she had stolen my heart and made me dependent on her. I mean I was still the independent fool I've always been but more often I caught myself wondering how would Miranda feel or what would Miranda think?

When the day of the concert arrived I was a happy idiot. I mean, I was looking for the perfect outfit to impress her. She was at Autumn's since most of her clothes were still there in the spare room. She had me drop her off in the morning so she could get ready without me.

There was one thing I had come to realize with having a girlfriend and that was how long it took girls to get ready. I mean Jesus H. Christ it takes the woman two hours to get ready. Do you know how frustrating that can be when it takes me forty-five minutes to shower get dressed and do my hair?

I've been able to see many different aspects to my woman since she's been staying with me. I get to see her casual side, her carefree side, her elegant side; I mean this woman is just so intricate to get to know and understand. I can't believe I ever thought she was a bitch.

I was wearing a pair of Rock & Republic Jeans Miranda had bought me on a trip to buy her a pair of stockings. She had made me try them on and then proceeded to spank my ass when I showed them to her. I was also wearing a black undershirt with a black long-sleeved shirt, a white vest, white suspenders hook onto my pants but left hanging, and a black fedora with a white ribbon.

I stopped by Starbucks and got her a latte.

Before I met Miranda the word nervous didn't exist in my vocabulary, but here I was again, nervous. I was standing on Autumn's door step with drink in hand as I waited for her.

"Hey, you're early."

"What are you... never mind." I leaned in to hug Sandy. She and Autumn still had no title, but Autumn had made it clear that if she found out Sandy was seeing any one else she would cut her.

"They're in the bedroom; I think she's almost done." She stepped aside and I walked in to Autumn's living room. The first time I had been here the house had made no impression on me because I was a bit preoccupied. Now I could see the free spirit and modern chic interior. From outside the small silver lake bungalow looked very classic and elegant.

"Thanks."

"Most people bring roses and chocolate." I turned back to look at Sandy who was grinning in her torn jeans and tee. She was standing in her bare feet. How could she deny Autumn the one thing she wanted, when she had made herself at home?

"I'm not most people you should know that. You asked your girl to be yours yet?"

She threw her hands up in the air and made some sort of snarl that didn't resemble any sound a woman might make.

"I just don't want to get hurt." I walked around looking at the art work decorating the room as she plopped onto the couch.

"Have you thought of how much YOU'RE hurting HER by not committing to her and being stubborn?"

After a long silence I turned around and Sandy was sitting there staring at me in what looked like confusion. She even tilted her head for effect.

"Well have you?"

"No, I guess I haven't." I continued looking around.

"I get where you're coming from. I don't understand it, but I get it. Think about it; you have this girl who chased after you and not the other way around and it wasn't because she knew you were gay. You have known each other for years so if she were just looking to experiment she would have slept with you a long time ago and done a wam-bam thank you ma'am. But she didn't."

"UH-huh."

"She saw something in you that intrigued her and she went after it, after you. You made her see things differently, and, if it was just about liking women, I'm sure she and Miranda would have had their fun years ago. Maybe it's just you she likes."

Again awkward silence, but when I turned to look at her she was smiling.

"What?"

"When the hell did you grow up and get all wise on me?"

"When she met me." There she was- my girl, my woman, my reason to smile. She walked towards me as Autumn went to sit next to Sandy.

"Hey, beautiful." I handed her the latte.

"Hey, gorgeous, you didn't have to get me anything."

"I know but I wanted to." I lifted my hands to her cheeks and kissed her lips as softly as I knew how. She was my fragile girl and sometimes a small peck leaves a girl wanting more. As I pulled away my blonde bombshell pouted. Automatically my arms went around her waist as I stood behind her.

I caught a whiff of her perfume and the smell of her hair and for a second I was lost in the possibilities of her scent all over my bed and myself.

"Hey, Autumn."

"Hey, Toni. You know most people get..."

"Yea, yea, but like I told your girlfriend, I'm not most people." Oops I said girlfriend. Autumn looked at Sandy and gave her a dirty look.

"Autumn, honey." Shit. Sandy was going to kill me if Autumn didn't kill her first.

"We're not together."

"That's our cue to leave baby." I quickly began pulling Miranda towards the door.

"Bye guys, don't forget the barbecue at my house next weekend," Miranda called out.

"I will be there, but Sandy may not be invited." Autumn had now crossed her arms and Sandy was trying really hard not to laugh. I could see it in her eyes and the way she looked at Autumn; she felt something for Autumn that she hadn't allowed herself to feel in a long time- real companionship. Someone who made her feel like she belonged.

"Good night ladies." As I escorted Miranda to the car I was able to see the back of her outfit. She was sexy in bubble gum pink leggings, a black sleeveless cinched back button down shirt, and black peep toe booties.

I opened her door for her and helped her get buckled in. I leaned in and kissed her softly while she had her hands full.

The drive was peaceful and quiet although it wasn't awkward. It was the kind of silence where you allow yourself to enjoy the company of the person next to you without filling the space with noise.

The concert was even more perfect than I had expected.

I had never had anyone to call my own therefore I never had anyone to hold in my arms when out and about, or even hand someone's hand to hold. Things were different now and I realized that I wanted to hold someone's hand. I wanted to hold someone in my arms, but not just anyone, Miranda.

---------------------------- Miranda

It's difficult to go against society's standards because you wonder if you're doing the right thing, or even if what you're doing is worth the consequences. As a college student dating another woman, I was scared of what my family and parents would think and if they would disown me. I wondered what a decision like that would do to my impending career.

As I stood in the arms of a woman I care for more than I care to admit, I see how she never even thought of denying herself the truth of living her life honestly. Toni didn't try to hide the fact that she liked girls and she didn't try to pretend to be someone she wasn't for the sake of others.

I am a ghost of the person I used to be because I denied myself the right to be myself in fear of what others would think.

Here I was standing in front of my gorgeous, strong, and powerful girlfriend wrapped up in the security of her arms singing along to "Love hurts" and realizing I was finally truly and helplessly in love. When I looked up and saw her singing while looking at me, I turned in her arms to gaze more fully into her eyes. I wondered if she were simply singing along or if she was singing to me.

"Tonight we drink to youth and holding fast to truth (I don't want to lose what I had as a boy.) My heart still has a beat But love is now a feat. (As common as a cold day in LA.)

Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder Is there a spell that I am under Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts... But sometimes it's a good hurt And it feels like I'm alive. Love sings, When it transcends the bad things. Have a heart and try me, 'cause without love I won't survive.

I'm fettered and abused, I stand naked and accused (Should I surface this one man submarine?) I only want the truth So tonight we drink to youth! (I'll never lose what I had as a boy.) Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder Is there a spell that I am under Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts... But sometimes it's a good hurt And it feels like I'm alive. Love sings, When it transcends the bad things. Have a heart and try me, 'cause without love I won't survive."

There it was laid out on the table; we both knew it and it needed no explanation. She stroked my cheek with the back of her fingers as I sighed and closed my eyes. This obnoxious little punk who had made me feel old, rude and snooty was creating and weaving a spell around my heart, and I was falling madly in love with her. I had hated her in the instance when I had no idea who she was and yet she was there to help me just as she has continued to do. She stomped on my ego and put me in my place like no one had ever done, and, yet, I wondered how it would feel to be in her arms as she made me hers. Only true love can erase all the hurt and pain and feel so damn good at the same time because it makes you feel alive.

As the concert ended and we walked to the car, it hit me. Toni was the reason my life had gone the way it had. In the moments when I felt like my life was miserable and not worth living I had carried on hoping for something better. Toni was that something better and all the experiences and moments in my life were to get me to this moment where I would realize that this love I felt for her was the reason I had survived.

"Thank you for the concert, the coffee, and for inviting me to stay at your place. Actually, thank you for everything you do for me."

"You're welcome." Sometimes I felt like a kid around Toni; her composure can make you wonder if she every really shows her emotions. I could still catch it sometimes how she would hold back from me and it hurts. I can only hope that she would see that I wouldn't hurt her.

"So, I was thinking... about your, um, barbecue that you wanted to have or are having actually..."

"Uh huh?" I can always tell when she's nervous because she avoids eye contact and she'll stutter, something she never does. I mean that in regards to the fact that she never puts thought into what she says, it just comes to her naturally.

"Well... I know you... um... invited your parents..."

"And you promised you would come." She had timed this conversation to where she didn't have to look at me and could just have to keep her eyes on the road.

"I know, I'm not backing out or anything. I was just thinking that maybe... if you're okay with it... that maybe you would want to meet my dad... but only if you wanted to, of course. I mean, I haven't told him yet."

Just a few days ago I was hurt when she didn't invite me to her graduation dinner. I figured she wasn't ready for me to meet him but yet here she was, now, asking if I wanted to meet him. I didn't want her to feel forced to bring me into her life. Besides, from my understanding, I would be her first girlfriend that she would introduce to her father. Of course, it's only fair considering I am asking her to meet my parents- which is only so they can see that I am serious about my relationship with her. I'm not looking for their approval which I have decided I no longer need or care for. But for me, to meet her dad... the one person who is everything to her. He's her only family and, if he doesn't like me, what will that mean for us?

"You know what, its to soon. Never mind I said anything." I could hear the pain in her voice. She had mistaken my silence for a no.

"Baby, don't be negative. I can be scared to meet him just as you're scared to meet my parents. I'm not saying no; I would love to meet him. I'm just scared he won't like me. I mean, what if he doesn't accept me because of my age or because I'm Jewish."

"You're Jewish?"

"I was, but I no longer subscribe to any religion in theory."

"Damn, I guess I missed that question in our 21 questions. But back to the issue at hand, everyone tells him about you, including me, so he'll love you. He already does, but I'm not saying he won't give you a hard time."

"Alright then. Ask your dad to come and we can have a family get together."

"Thank You."

Everything is falling into place and it finally feels right.

As we arrived at Toni's place I realized tomorrow I would be moving into my house and no longer sleeping in the same bed with her. I already missed her. Our relationship had been completely different from day one- from the way we had met, to our proceeding relationship, our mutual attraction, and now our momentary stint at living together. To say it was unorthodox was an understatement. What had truly surprised me was how quickly she had adapted to us being together. Although, what truly made me fall for her, was how new everything was for both of us. Neither one of us had dealt with anything similar and so we learned together.

In the span of a few weeks she had taught me so much about herself but even more surprisingly about myself.

"You must be thinking something naughty with that smile," she teased.

"Nope, just thinking about how special you are."

"Come on we're home." As she helped me out of the car I held on to her hand which led me to realize she was tense.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yea, why do you ask?" We stepped into the elevator and I pushed her up against the back wall. I took her hands in mine and placed them on my chest. I wanted her to feel my heart beating for her to help calm her down.

"You seem nervous. Is there something on your mind?"

"This is our last night together. We're kind of backwards, you and I. We've been living together from the moment our relationship started."

"Does it bother you?"

"NO! Sorry, no. I've just grown so accustomed to having you here all the time."

As we walked to her door, I could tell there was something still bothering her and wondered how serious it was and how it would affect us. Otherwise why would she be so tense.

I would miss this place. It was so small and quaint, but it felt like home.

She stepped aside to let me go in before her. As I was about to walk past her, she turned me to face her.

"I need you to know that what we are doing here, you and I, is special to me. Nothing makes sense about us being together but it feels so right when I'm with you. The timing in my life had never seemed right until the day I met you. That day, I knew there was something about you that was different. I did and said things I knew I shouldn't, but it was all that that brought us together. I need you to see me for me and see that when I'm with you is when I am vulnerable and weak. The strength that I feel to be with you and do things I never thought I would comes from you. You, Miranda, make me feel like I'm starting over. I know that when I fall you will be there to help me up and continue forward. I know I won't have to face the world alone anymore. You're more than someone else in my life. You are that special someone I have been waiting for."

There it was, all the emotions she hid, laid out in front of me. A few tears dropped and she pulled me into her.

"Toni, you are more than I could have ever dreamed of and more than I deserve."

"You deserve the world, baby, and I plan on giving it to you."

As her lips touched mine it felt like my world was falling into place and becoming set in stone. This is where I belonged. As we walked into the room I noticed a few flickering lights, but nothing was going to force my lips to release hers. She shut the door and pulled me into her arms as she sat down on the bed and I straddled her lap. When she pulled her lips away she brought her hand up to caress my face and the emptiness I felt when her lips left me was sated with her touch. With her other hand she turned on the lamp on her bedside table and then I saw it.

All around the room were flameless candles, roses in white and yellow, and red vases filled with lilies and lilacs. The room smelled heavenly; how had I not noticed before?

"Toni... when did you do all this?"

"Well, I've never done this before and I needed everything to be just right because I know I can't make it perfect. It isn't much but I want you to know that you deserve the world. I don't know how this works, but Miranda I want to make love to you. I want to show you that you're the one I have been waiting for. You're the one I want to be with and learn to fully love with."

"You are so amazing. No one has ever done anything like this for me. You are the only person who has ever made me feel wanted, cared for, and appreciated. This is perfect and more than I could have ever asked for. I am truly blessed."

I kissed her softly, tentatively restraining myself, wanting this moment to last a lifetime and show her that she was perfect to me.

She handed me a white rose.

"I want you to know that I am worthy of you and everything you have to offer me. I am not asking for anything but for you to be with me wholeheartedly and know that what I feel for you is pure and innocent." I kissed her as I accepted the rose and her words.