Someone Borrowed, Someone Blue Ch. 02

"Not that I'm aware of."

She took another drink of her tea. "I mean, I get she was upset because she wanted something more serious than you did, but that's pretty extreme."

"Did she?" At her raised eyebrow I added, "Why do you think she wanted it to be something more?"

"She wanted to take you to meet her parents, you dingbat. That's not usually the plan with your late-night booty call."

I mulled that over for a bit. "We... I mean, like I said we had nothing in common. I thought it was obvious that we were just in it for a shared good time."

"I'm going to venture a guess that it wasn't obvious to her." Tish slid us over a lane as a pickup with ridiculously large tires roared past with a black belch of diesel exhaust. "I'm not interested about where blame is to be placed on the failing of your relationship. I'm concerned about you and the somewhat broken thing you are now. You don't need to further elaborate about what happened at Jessica's - I get the picture. So would you say your... issues started after that?"

"The whole episode stayed lodged in my head for a while, as you might imagine it would." I rolled my neck. This was difficult and uncomfortable to talk about but at the same time I was getting the idea that it really needed to be discussed. The 'letting it fester' approach hadn't been working so well. "The second-guessing didn't start until after, uhm, the first time I didn't rise to the occasion. Then it kind of took up residence in my head."

Tish nodded. "Did you seek any help? A therapist, maybe? Doctor? ED pills?"

I kneaded my hands, working off nervous energy. "No. I was waking up with, uhm, morning wood so it didn't feel like a physical issue." Pretty much confirmed given the past few weeks with Tish in my head, but there was no way I could say that out loud. "And I didn't talk to anyone, because, well..." I trailed off, feeling my cheeks redden.

"I speak out of place here, but in my opinion there's nothing to feel shame or be embarrassed about, Bear. I've had partners who experienced the same thing you're talking about, and look at me!" She made a flourish with her fingers. "Can you imagine not being inflamed with desire in my presence?"

Absolutely not, but I couldn't tell her that. "Okay, I get that, but still, it's a rough thing to hear. And it doesn't go away because then I'm like, 'well, what if she was being honest? What if I *am* lousy in bed?'"

"Are you?" The look she was giving me wasn't mocking, but curious. "I mean, you must have some idea."

I hissed with exasperation, then wiped the flecks of spit from the dash pad. "Oops. Sorry. My ego is a little moist, it seems." I fell silent for a few moments, thinking. "I mean, I don't think I'm a lousy lover? This was the first time someone came right out and said it to my face but maybe everyone else was too nice to do so? Or less angry at me?" I threw up my hands. "So I guess I have no idea."

"Ask someone else."

"What?"

"Ask someone else. It's entirely possible that Jessica was just being a vindictive twatwaffle, and if she was then kudos to her for a job well done." Tish smiled over my scowl. "Ask someone you trust, someone you know will be honest and doesn't have an agenda."

"I have no-"

"Marisol, you dope. Ask Marisol." She shook her head. "You're lucky you're pretty, Bear."

Sure, what could possibly go wrong? With a small sigh I dug out my phone and started typing.

Hey, it's me. Was I a decent lover?

"It's pretty early out there, so who knows when she'll see this?" There was a beep. "Or maybe she'll answer back right away."

New phone who dis?

I rested my forehead in my palm and let out a long, slow exhale. "I've always wanted to have a fine meal in Paris on someone else's dime."

Tish laughed. "Don't tell me she answered 'no'."

"No, she's too busy being a smart ass first."

Did you mean to send this to Tinder instead?

I ground my teeth. "Maybe I'm better off staying celebate for the rest of my life."

"Easy now, big fella. You know Mari and you know she's going to have her fun with you first. It's like paying a toll before you cross a bridge."

"Apt, since she's trolling the hell out of me."

LOLOLOL Hi Ted if this is a pickup line it's not your best work

Fine let me start over Hi Mari it's Ted hope all is well I was wondering if you could answer a question for me

Go ahead is it about sex I bet it's about sex

You know it's about sex because I already asked it

I bet you're doing that thing where you scowl and you get that little vertical line between your eyes

I took a moment to stop scowling.

ANYWAY I would appreciate if you'd answer the question as honestly as possible

Oh you were serious? Why would you even - you're fine at the sexing, Ted. Better than fine I mean I didn't date you for all that time for your mind LOL

Thank you, I think

Why did you ask me that? You know I'm pretty serious with Lance, we talked about it at length a few weeks ago

I'm not trying to recapture the rapture and I was and am happy to hear things are going well for you

Okay then I have to assume someone said you weren't and it's fucking with your head

You're not wrong

"That's a lot of typing, Bear. What did she say?" I jumped as Tish poked me with a finger. "Do you suck or what? Oh, and say hi from me."

I feel like there's a story there that is not meant to be shared via text

Once again, you're not wrong. Also Tish says hi

HI TISH!!!!! What are you guys doing is it fun I like fun

Got roped into being her arm candy at a wedding in her hometown fun level undetermined as of yet

There was no immediate response. I looked out at the sunny sky, empty of clouds, and listened to the highway racing beneath our tires. I was sincere about being happy for Mari and her relationship. There were times I missed her - more so during the past few months although that made a lot more sense now - and what we'd had, but we'd emerged as friends and I was glad that she'd found someone. Checking my watch, I was shocked to realize that we'd been on the road for well over an hour already. How had that happened?

I heard a buzzing sound and looked over to see Tish's phone vibrating in the stand on the dashboard it was clipped into. I couldn't see the screen, and she gave it the briefest of glances before returning her gaze to the road.

"I forgot to go to the bathroom before we left," she said. "I'm going to get off at the next exit, there's one of those places that's like a Wawa but isn't a Wawa. Okay?"

"You don't need my permission to stop and pee." I was still pretty twitchy from the earlier conversation and walking around a bit couldn't hurt. Grabbing a soda sounded good as well.

Mari still hadn't responded by the time we glided into the parking lot of something called a Sheetz. Almost as soon as we'd stopped Tish tossed me the keys before grabbing her phone, stuffing it into her purse, and exiting the vehicle. Hey, when you gotta go, right? I wandered over to the place's store at a much more sedate rate and spent the next few minutes poking around through tee-shirts and trying to decide whether or not I needed a bag of chili cheese Fritos. By the time I'd convinced myself that I didn't and had settled for a Coke Zero instead Tish emerged from the restroom, gracing me with a big smile as she approached. Heads turned as she walked by, which didn't surprise me. She had that 'it' factor, above and beyond her physical appearance, the kind of person who pumps energy into a room just by being there. I felt myself smiling back as she drew near.

"Having fun yet? You know you are."

"I dunno, maybe not until we start unearthing childhood traumas I've been repressing."

She gave me a playful shove on my shoulder as she laughed. "C'mon, I'm going to get a Slushy in a color not approved by nature. You just want a soda?"

I nodded as I followed her to an unexpectedly large selection of machines bearing bright frozen confections. A few minutes later, as we got back into her truck, she stuck out her tongue at me.

"Blue looks good on me, right?"

Oh, the thoughts that raced through my head at that. "You look like you've been eating Smurfs."

She laughed as we headed back off, zooming back out onto the highway and heading deeper into Pennsylvania. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and pulled it out to discover Mari had responded.

Go have a good time! Being anywhere with Tish is usually pretty awesome. And again, I can't vouch for others but you were almost always at least barely adequate in bed HAHAHAHAHAHA I'm a terrible person which is why you love me seriously Ted you were terrific don't let some jerk get you down

Thank you

All this sex talk gettin me hot and bothered gonna go jump my man now

TMI MARI

LOL love you bye HAVE FUN

I felt a ghost of a grin as I thumbed through my email. Mari's kind appraisal had made me feel slightly less grumpy, although Jessica's words still rankled and probably would until things down there worked the way they were supposed to.

"So, are you terrible, or what?"

"Ever tactful, Tish, ever tactful."

"Psshh. I'm not pulling punches with you. You're a big boy."

"You just told me I'm depressed! Is haranguing me your idea of treatment?"

She favored me with some side-eye. "Still waiting for an answer here."

I threw up my hands, dropping my phone in the process. "She said I was fine. More than fine, okay?" Bending over to retrieve it included first getting stopped cold by the seat belt, but after some twisting and blind groping I got it back. "Does this mean I'm cured?" I asked in a peevish voice.

That earned me a slow, cold stare. "I'm telling you this because you're my friend and I love you - take your depression seriously. If you underestimate it and what it can do to you... it would be bad."

"Okay," I said in a softer tone. "I'm just... this has been kind of a lot."

"I get it. Let's take a break and talk about something else." She showed teeth again. "Why is your rugby nickname 'Knock-knock'? It sounds dirty. Is it dirty?"

I snorted. "Alas, it's more stupid than salacious."

"And yet you're going to tell me why because we're back in the Zone of Truth. Is it because you fumble a lot? That's called a knock in rugby, right?"

"No, and yes. I don't commit too many knock-ons. My hands are pretty good for a scrummie."

"Not according to Jessica BAHAHAHAHAHA!" Tish let out a smaller giggle. "Sorry, but I couldn't resist."

Maybe I should have been irritated but she looked too good while cracking up. Besides, it was pretty good. "ANYWAY, you vituperous harpy, a long time ago - a REALLY long time ago - we were at a post-game drink-up at a bar in the Village. We'd been there a while and suffice to say we were pretty well-lubricated."

"Got your excuses all lined up, I see."

"Hush, you. What I have been told was that an extremely attractive woman broached our little gathering, walked over to me, and said, "Tell me a good joke."

Tish stuck out her lower lip. "That's a pretty good ice-breaker, to be honest. I like it. So what did you OHHHHHH" She covered her open mouth with her hand. "Bear. BEAR. Did you tell her a knock-knock joke?"

Amazing that I still found myself somewhat embarrassed about this a good ten years later. "I did mention I'd had a lot to drink, right?"

Tish exploded with laughter again. "Shit," she managed to get out, "I don't know if that's adorable or pathetic. Maybe a bit of both." After taking a moment to gather herself she added, "Do you remember which one you told?"

"The only thing I could come up with was 'interrupting cow.'"

"I don't know that one." After a long pause she added, "Tell me!"

"Ugh. Do I have to?"

"Do I even have to tell you the answer to that?"

I sighed, shook my head. "Fine. Knock-knock."

"WHO'S THERE?" asked Tish in a sing-songy voice.

"Interrupting cow."

"INTERRUPTING CO-"

"MOOOOOOO!"

Tish laughed so hard that she snorted. "I like that one! You would have gotten a laugh out of me and been allowed to continue the wooing." She abruptly slowed down, glancing at the shoulder up ahead. "I see you, Mr. Policeman." Her eyes flicked to the rear-view mirror as we drove past, lingering long enough to make sure she wasn't in trouble. "No cherries and berries, thank you very much. So shall I assume that your lady fair was not as amused by your offering as I would have been?"

"She rolled her eyes, said 'lame,' and walked out of my life while my teammates roared at my failure. And thus, 'Knock-knock' was born."

"Given that it's a rugby thing I expected something much more disgusting."

"Sorry to disappoint you. If you want I can tell you how Puddles and Fester got their names but to be honest you're better off not knowing." I paused. "I kinda wish I didn't know."

She showed me her palm. "I'm good, thanks." We rolled along for a while in companionable silence as I responded to a few messages on my work Slack. Part of being a boss, even one as low on the corporate ladder as I am, requires almost constant accessibility. Which sucks. Then I fell down an internet rabbit hole or two for much longer than I realized, only snapping out of it when Tish cleared her throat.

"So," she said in a tone much less boisterous than her usual one. "Only fair that I also allow the Zone of Truth to affect me as well."

I arched an eyebrow. "We are intrigued. You may proceed."

Tish gave a nervous chuckle that seemed out of place. "So, well, it will probably get mentioned on air but I wanted you to know before that happens." She flipped a few of her braids over her shoulder, which allowed me to notice that she'd removed her red hair thingy at the rest stop. "I'm, uhm, leaving."

My mirth vanished. "Oh? The company?"

She nodded. "The company. And my field. And the East Coast." She looked over at me and then quickly away. "I'm moving to California."

"For good reasons, I hope?" I did my best not to let my disappointment show but I'm not going to lie, I was pretty shaken by the news. She'd become a big part of my life.

"Yeah!" She perked up for a second, then reined herself back in. "La Jolla State University is making the jump from D2 to D1 and they've hired me to be the coach. For softball, obviously."

"Good thing you told me that, because I was figuring it was for rugby." I managed a small grin as she stuck out her blue tongue, my insides roiling. "That's amazing! Congrats!" I leaned over and performed the best hug I could given that we were both belted into seats, letting go far more quickly than I wanted to as I did my best to blink back tears before they could fall. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. "You must be so excited! You, uhm, never elaborated about what happened when you left to coach last time... was that four years ago?"

Her face scrunched up as she did some calculating, nose wrinkling in an absurdly adorable way. "I think it was almost five years ago that I left, and you're correct that I was maddeningly vague about my tenure. But this is the Zone of Truth so I kind of have to and besides, I would love to get it off my chest." She turned her dark, dark brown eyes my way for a moment. "You know, if I can trust you not to share the NDA I'm about to violate."

I was doing my best to focus and ignore what felt like a heavy blanket settling over me. "Hmm, tough choice. I'm a big fan of 'chained heat' movies and I can already picture you in an orange prison jumpsuit with the arms torn off."

"Perv. Although you're right, I'd wear the hell out of that." Her arm muscles bulged as she flexed, favoring me with a smirk. "But if you're done playing shower fantasies in your mind can I tell you what happened?"

"Fine, fine." I mean, now that she'd mentioned it I couldn't help but have those images. "Tell me your tale, which sounds like it's way more salacious than my rugby name story."

"You got it, Knock-knock."

"That can be not a thing and I'd be okay with it."

Her reply was a giggle. I sighed.

"Anyway, before I tell you that story I need to tell you another one. What do you know of my softball career?"

I plumbed the depths of my memory. When we'd first started hanging out I'd done some research out of curiosity. "Uhm, well, you won the college World Series in... oh-eight? Right?"

"Yup. And not only did we win it, but I was the Most Outstanding Player." She radiated pride. "I hit.675 over the tournament, which is still a record. I threw out all seven runners who tried to steal against me. I was on the All-Tournament team and before I graduated I was already invited to try out for the Olympic team."

"So you didn't suck, is what you're saying."

"If I wasn't the best player in the world I certainly could have been included in the conversation, to be sure." She pursed her lips. "Pretty amazing time."

"And then you got hurt."

She nodded. "Indeed, although that's kind of like saying summers in Arizona get a little bit warm. Do you know the details?" At my headshake her gaze fell to her right knee for a moment, which bore a myriad of scar tissue snakes. "First day of Olympic tryouts. Foregone conclusion I was going to make the team. Little bit of scrimmaging for fun. And then I stepped on a bat."

I remained silent as Tish grimaced before scratching at the side of her face.

"The doctors, well, they told me they'd never seen anything like it. Not only did I tear everything in my right knee - and I do mean everything - I also managed to tear things on my ankle and foot. Some clean from the bone. Never been one to half-ass things, to be sure."

"Going to assume that's why you missed the Olympics," I said in a soft voice.

She sniffed. "Pretty much missed everything for a while except for getting operated on, got really good at that. Remove this, reattach that, put this thing in from a dead person, and so on. I did the work they told me to and then some, until they started warning me to throttle back before I blew everything up again."

"Did you?"

"Did I what? Re-destroy my knee?" Tish curled a corner of her mouth. "No, but not for lack of trying. I spent the better part of two years pushing myself to the edge in order to get back to what I'd been. Women's team lost the gold medal game in 2008 and I was determined to be part of the crew that would win in 2012."

I knew that hadn't happened. "Ah, shit."

"Yeah, exactly." There was no missing the bitterness in her tone. "I never did get back to what I'd been, but I was doing well with my rehab. And then the IOC announced in 2009 what had been rumored all along - no more softball. Never thought they'd follow through with it" The edges of her eyes glittered with moisture. "Bastards."

"I'm sorry, Tish," I said, leaning over to rub her shoulder. "I can't even imagine how much that sucks."

She reached up to squeeze my hand before rubbing at her eye. "Thanks, Bear. It's been a long time since I've talked about this, maybe too long." She sniffed again, and I fumbled around before finding a napkin in one of the cupholders and giving it to her. "Sometimes you have to air this shit out, though. Otherwise it'll just rot you away from the inside. I appreciate you listening."

"Not like I had a fucking choice - kidding!" She narrowed her eyes for a second before joining me in a laugh. "Pretty fair tradeoff since you had to listen about me getting whisky dick, sans whiskey."

"I'm not done yet, though."

"No?"

"No. I still have to tell you about what happened when I left to coach a few years ago BUT we're not done with this sad tale yet." She looked at me, her expression unreadable. "Never told anyone but my therapist about this before, so as mentioned before please keep this between us or I'll put you between my thighs and squeeze you like a grape."

"Don't threaten me with a good time," I joked. Well, half-joked. "You don't have to keep swearing me to secrecy, Tish. You're my best goddamned friend and I'd never do anything to hurt you." I paused. "Well, knowingly. I can be pretty clueless sometimes."