Something to Live For

I had really lost track of where we were; I was just enjoying being with Henry, and when the pounding on the cab came I was immediately startled and disappointed.

We quickly unloaded the truck and then Henry and I got back on the road again. I wasn't sure what was going to happen now. I didn't have another load to pick up so was going to head back home to my place in Tyler, Texas. My mom was there watching my 5-year-old son as she did whenever I was on the road.

We pulled away from the warehouse and out onto the street. I took us a few blocks away then pulled over and stopped.

"So, what now, Henry? Do you need to go get your car? Am I taking you back home?"

"I guess I should do something about my car. Do you have somewhere to be?"

"I'm just heading home to Tyler to see my mom and my son and take a few days off."

The look on his face brightened noticeably when I mentioned having a son.

"You have a son? How old? What's his name?"

"Ryan is 5. As angry as I am at Jerry for what he did, I can't hate him because he gave me my little boy, and I'll have him forever. Do you have any kids, Henry?"

Even as I asked I suspected I shouldn't have, and the tears came pouring out of his eyes. I pulled him toward me and held him while the tears just kept coming. This was obviously at least a part of why he had been up on that bridge, and I was angry at myself for bringing it up.

"Come on, Henry. Let's go in the back and relax."

I led him into the sleeper and we lay down together. I pulled him close again and just waited for the sobbing to subside.

"I'm sorry, Henry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I know Kazey. It's not your fault. It's just...it hurts and it won't stop."

"Henry, I want to help, I really do. I'd like to know what happened, what got you where I found you, but you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

He looked at me deep in my eyes. He took my left hand in his right and just rubbed his fingers over the skin on my hands. Something was going through his mind, and then he started telling the story.

"I met my wife at a friend's barbecue. We seemed to hit it off really well and we started dating. We were together for 6 months and I was sure she was the one, so I proposed and she said yes. About a month after that my brother and his wife moved back to town, and I noticed some small changes in Linda's behavior but I assumed it was just me getting to know her better."

"It wasn't?"

"No, but I didn't find that out until later. Anyway, we got married about 6 months after that and she was pregnant with Elias just 3 months later. I couldn't believe how happy I was. It went on like that for 3 years before the house of cards came crashing down around me."

He was lost in thought, his eyes fixated on some spot on the inside of the cab. He'd blink and look in my eyes for a moment then look away again, like he couldn't tell the story and look at me at the same time.

"My brother and Sara had been together for 7 years and had been trying to have a baby but with no luck. They were getting very frustrated. Sara went and had herself checked out and she was fine, but Michael wouldn't go. He insisted that he knew he was fine and didn't need any damn doctors to confirm it for him. Eventually they got into an argument about it and Sara brought it up again. She was pissed that he wouldn't get checked and blamed him for being the problem. Apparently without thinking he yelled at her that he knew he was fine because he had knocked up Linda and that Elias was actually his son, not mine."

"Oh my God, Henry."

"The exact events that happened after that aren't really important. In the end, it came out that Michael and Linda had fallen in love shortly after he moved back to town. Linda wanted to marry him but he refused to divorce Sara because it would tear the family apart, so she decided to marry me just so she could still be close to him and it wouldn't be suspicious when they got together. They started having sex just a few weeks after he got there as well."

"I can't imagine, Henry; your own brother."

"The week we were gone for our honeymoon was actually the longest Linda and Michael had ever gone without having sex since they met. She did it with him as much or more than with me, but then she actually loved him."

"And the baby, it was actually his?"

"Yes. Sara filed for divorce the next day, and Linda followed a couple days after that. The DNA test proved Michael was the father, and it turns out that had been intentional. Linda wanted his baby, not mine, so she used a diaphragm and some other things when she and I had sex and took it out with him."

"How old was Elias at this point?"

"He turned 3 while this was all going on. Anyway, I tried to get visitation. I loved him and was the only father he knew. But they found a judge that was sympathetic and convinced them that my presence in his life would 'interfere with the bonding process of the child and his biological father', especially since they were getting married. So not only did I not get custody or even any visitation, they actually got a permanent injunction keeping me from even seeing him."

"I can't believe this. I've never heard anything like it."

"Oh, then they really started getting mean. Somehow in Linda's mind I was the villain in this and she wanted to make me suffer, and they used my parents to do it. Since I couldn't be around Eli I was suddenly not welcome at family gatherings since he was always there. I asked my parents to intervene for me, to try and get them to relax. And what did they tell me?"

"No, I'm guessing."

"They said I was a grown up and would be fine on my own, and they wouldn't do anything that might risk their contact with their grandson. They had basically disowned their own son at Linda's whim in favor of their grandson. I could visit, of course, but only when Eli wasn't there, and if they showed up I had to sneak out the back without saying anything."

"I can't believe they wouldn't even ask your brother to relax about it. I mean, what could happen?"

"It just went downhill from there. To save money for a house they all moved in with my parents. My room was remodeled for Eli. So now I couldn't go over there even if I wanted to. Then Linda became uncomfortable with having my pictures on the wall, so down they came. I had been erased from the house I grew up in based entirely on Linda's antagonism for me and my parents didn't put up even the slightest resistance."

I couldn't believe the story I was hearing. What did that...that...that bitch have against him? Just because he wasn't his brother and she didn't love him is no reason to go out of your way to be cruel.

"So, in the span of a year I found out my wife never loved me, had only used me to be close to my brother, discovered my son wasn't mine and was cut off from him entirely, and lost my entire family. I tried to go on but I couldn't manage to trust anyone. My work, such as it was, started to suffer. I couldn't manage relationships with anyone. I was miserable all the time and in more emotional pain than I can describe. I just reached a point where it was too much. So, I drove around until I found myself where you found me."

I held him close to me trying to will the pain from him even though I knew it wasn't possible. I was glad that the tears had stopped; I had expected more as he got through the story but none came, for whatever reason. I pulled him away from me so I could look him in the eyes.

"I won't let anyone hurt you again, Henry."

Our lips came together again. I wanted him to use me to comfort himself. There was a little more emotion, a little more passion behind these kisses than the ones before. I slipped my tongue out first but his quickly met mine.

I felt his hand slide inside my shirt and feel the bare skin on my back. In no time at all I was on fire from his touch. I wanted him so bad.

"Take my bra off, Henry."

His hand moved up between my shoulder blades and, after a little bit of a struggle, I felt the clasp release.

"Touch them, baby. Touch my tits."

I hoped Henry didn't mind my bossiness but I just wanted him so bad. I wanted his hands over every inch of me and could hardly wait for him to do it on his own. His hands slid up under the lace fabric and across my rock hard nipples. I moaned involuntarily and kissed him harder.

I tugged at his shirt so I could get my hands on his bare chest, and was a little surprised that he was as muscular as he was. I hadn't expected that from an office worker. But the fabric was still in the way so we, rather clumsily, worked together to get it over his head and off, tossing it aside.

"No fair that you still have a shirt on, Kazey."

I sat up and pulled my shirt off over my head, and slid my bra off my shoulders as well, and then lay back down with him.

"God, your breasts are beautiful."

I was actually surprised when he didn't go straight for them. Oh, he touched them, but I had expected his mouth not his hands. His mouth returned to mine. He didn't rush, and I really liked that. Jerry had always been in a hurry to get me undressed and get between my legs. He redeemed himself by having good stamina so I had no problem getting off, but I would've liked to enjoy the journey a little more instead of rushing to the destination. Henry was apparently about the journey.

Eventually he did make his way to my breasts, suckling my nipples like they were giving him life. It felt so good. My nipples were always sensitive. I hate to admit that I sometimes had small orgasms when Ryan was nursing. I never did tell Jerry about that, wondering not only what he'd think of me but also worried about what he might want me to do for him along those lines.

I had my hands behind his head, gently encouraging him to keep doing what he was doing. His hands were on my back, and then I felt his fingertips slip briefly under the waistband of my jeans and then out again, like he was testing the waters. I didn't object (and was silently trying to will him to go even farther) but it still took him a few minutes to venture there again. That time he got his entire hand under the waistband and even brushed his hand across the top of my crack, again I think fishing for some negative reaction on my part. There was none.

On his third pass he finally went all the way, sliding his hand fully inside my pants and rubbing my bare ass. His sucking on my nipple also increased in intensity, and I realized I was nearing an orgasm. My hands help his head tighter to me, and when he ever so lightly caught my left nipple between his teeth it was like shoving me over the edge. I took a sharp intake of breath and my body shuddered all over. It wasn't the biggest I'd ever had, not by a longshot, but it was no small thing either.

There is a reality about the sleeper in my truck cab: there's just not a lot of room to move when there's two people. It was fine for sleeping, if you didn't mind being snug, and was workable for making out and the heavy petting that Henry and I were doing. But for much else, specifically the 'much else' that I wanted to do with Henry as soon as possible, there just wasn't enough room to do it the way I wanted to do it.

"Henry."

"Yes Kazey?"

"We need to find a hotel room."

"You drive; I'll pay."

I slid my t-shirt back on but didn't bother with my bra. I did a search in my GPS and found a motel with truck parking just a few blocks away. It was just a few minutes but it seemed like an eternity before we were checked in and walking toward our room. My shirt was on the floor before the door even closed, and the rest of my clothes soon followed.

I was a little self-conscious about the dark bush I was sporting. Jerry had liked me smooth so I did it for him, but I found I liked it better this way. I would certainly do it for Henry and silently wished I had thought ahead during my last shower, though I had taken care of my legs and pits then. I needn't have worried.

I watched Henry's eyes take in the entirety of my naked body with a smile on his face, and he locked in on my crotch.

"Natural; just how I like it."

Oh yeah; we were meant to be together.

We spent the afternoon making love. I got him off quickly using my mouth, taking in every drop I could and licking up what I lost. He returned the favor, licking me to climax a couple of times before I became too sensitive for him to continue. He licked my ass while he fingered my pussy, something Jerry had never done and I found I really enjoyed.

But nothing could compare to the feeling of when he entered me for the first time. Henry is big but not huge, and I daresay he fit me perfectly. But it was as much about my feelings, my love, and yes, I was sure it was love, for him that made all the difference. I was lost in the feeling of his body on top of mine, his cock sliding slowly in and out of me, and the love I felt for the man I had really only known for about 24 hours. God, is that really all it had been?

As we built toward the inevitable, I quietly congratulated myself on having religiously gotten my Depo injection every 3 months since Jerry had left, even though there had been no reason to before now.

Henry got me off twice before he finally filled me for the first time, and I wanted to keep every ounce of it inside me, even as I could feel it dripping out of me. But I knew he had plenty and that it was all mine.

<><><><><>

HENRY

To my everlasting surprise I felt a ton better after telling Kazey about my problems. Just being able to get it out had taken significant weight off of the burden I felt; as someone once said to me: 'There's more room on the outside than there is on the inside.' And they were right.

But even more than that, Kazey's desire to be with me had done wonders. Linda had really done a number on my self-esteem, making me doubt that I was good enough for any woman or that one would even want me. But Kazey did, even with all of my imperfections, and that had made all the difference. And the best part was that I wanted her, too. She was beautiful, yes, but that was the not nearly the most important thing about her. She was caring, and independent, and confident, and giving, and a whole list of things that were more important than her physical beauty.

And we had a connection; it was a strong one. I could feel it as we kissed and it just got stronger as we proceeded in the sleeper cab. And by the time we were in the hotel and I was thrusting deep inside her I felt like we were one and the same. I was incomplete without her, and she was incomplete without me. I had loved Linda, foolishly as it turns out, but that had been nothing compared to this.

I thought about fate, about destiny. I realized I might never have met Kazey if I hadn't gone through what I did with Linda, like being with her had been some test to see if I was worthy of the angel that had entered my life. And I had apparently passed with flying colors, and had the rest of my life to continue being worthy of her.

We spent the night in the motel, even though I had thought we'd just be using the room for a few hours, and even then it would have been worth the price. We left the room for dinner, slept naked wrapped in each other's arms when we weren't waking up and making love again, and also went out for breakfast.

We climbed into the cab of the Kenworth and strapped in. Kazey made her way to I-55 and headed south, bypassing her preferred rural highways in favor of making better time. We'd be getting my car and then I'd follow her home to Tyler. We'd be spending a few days there to decide how to proceed. That it would be together was not in question, but the details needed to be worked out.

We had been on the road for about an hour before we took a break to spend a little time together in the sleeper, if you catch my drift, and after that Kazey decided to share. Without any sort of preamble or lead in she just started telling the story.

"Jerry was a friend of my father's. Dad worked at the paper plant in Tyler and Jerry made deliveries there a couple times a week. Jerry was only 2 years younger than dad. He started coming over for dinner once in a while, then more often as he and dad became better friends. He and I just hit it off, though part of his appeal I think was that I was 22 years old and stuck in a cashiering job without much hope of anything better. Meeting a man seemed like my only hope."

I could hear the sadness tinging her voice. It was a story that lots of girls and young women in small towns could probably tell.

"Yes, he was 20 years older than I was, but he was handsome and strong and seemed worldly, at least to me. I wasn't a virgin, thanks to Joey Sullivan and prom night, but I wasn't very experienced either. It started with me sneaking out to see him on nights when he was over for dinner. He'd leave and then park about a mile down the road, and after mom and dad went to bad I'd ride my bike to his truck. We talked a lot at first but eventually started having sex and he finally asked me to marry him. I said yes."

"Dad was not happy. Jerry asked for his blessing but dad said no. We got married anyway and we were no longer welcome at my parent's house. Like I said before, he taught me to drive. He was a certified instructor so I didn't even have to go to an actual driving school. Ryan was born 3 years later and I was happy. We were happy, or so I thought."

I was hanging on every word. I wanted to know everything about her, and I wanted to be the strength for her that she had been for me when I told her my tale of woe. I tried to remember every detail as she talked.

"We had been married just over 4 years when dad was killed in an accident at the plant. I hadn't seen or talked to him since Jerry and I had left to get married, and even though I had tried and it was him that turned me away, I still felt guilty that I hadn't tried harder or done more. The accident was caused by a known safety issue that the plant owners had ignored too long and mom got a huge insurance payout. It's not enough for losing the only man she ever loved but she doesn't ever have to work and allows her to take care of Ryan while I'm on the road."

"Dad's death allowed me to reunite with mom but I live with losing my dad all the time, for not having somehow found a way to make peace with him before he was gone, to tell him one more time that I loved him. I was very depressed and that was the point at which the idea of killing myself came to me a few times. I never seriously considered it but I did think about it. I took comfort in being able to renew my relationship with my mother. Jerry took comfort in the arms of the 21-year old blonde waitress at the diner. One day he was just gone, along with all of his things. He did leave me half of the money and the truck, and I filed for divorce under abandonment a year later. I haven't heard from him since; not even a birthday card for his son."

I was beginning to believe that we were a pair of broken people that had been pulled together to make the other whole. I was a husband in need of a wife; she was a wife that needed a husband. She had a son that needed a father; I was a father in need of a son. I reached across the cab and simply took her hand in mine.

"I love you, Kazey."

"I love you too, Henry."

<><><><><>

KAZEY

Several hours later we pulled back across the bridge where I had first met Henry and came upon his car. It had one of those orange 'we're gonna tow your car if you don't get it soon' stickers on it but it was still there. We walked over to it and it was otherwise none the worse for wear, but I did realize that this meant we would be apart for the next several hours as he followed me to Tyler. It couldn't be helped but I was still unhappy about it.