Spanish Lessons Pt. 01

We talked about starting a family. Well, in reality, I brought it up a couple times, and she kept putting it off. She finally got angry with me, and said she wasn't at a point in her career where she was ready for children. I wanted her to be happy, so I backed off and things calmed down.

That is, until Sofía was assigned to another development effort over in Bluff Springs. She started working late one night a week, then two. When she told me she had to work on a couple of Saturdays, I had had enough. "Honey, what's with this job? You've never had to work this many hours before."

"I know baby, this one is just complicated. Lots more red tape. We're getting there, I'll be able to get back to normal hours soon."

Only she didn't.

**********

In the years up to and after our marriage, Mitchell Construction had done pretty well. Jeff decided to throw a big party for the company, as well as some of the businesses that we'd partnered with and who had contributed to our success.

It was more than our biggest room could hold, so we rented out - where else - Katie Elder's. Sofía and I had been socializing and dancing, mostly with each other but sometimes with others. I danced with Jeff's wife, and a few of the other ladies there, and Sofía danced with Jeff and some men from her office, who were all polite enough to check with me first.

At one point I was talking to Ralph Hughes, one of our site foremen, when I noticed Sofía dancing with Ray. They were dancing pretty close together, and I saw Ray's hand slide down to her ass. When she didn't immediately remove it, I asked Ralph if he'd please excuse me. I walked over into Sofía's line of sight, and she just smiled when she saw me. She said something to Ray that I didn't catch, and kept dancing.

I waited, fuming, until she eventually came over to me.

"Getting pretty cozy, Sofía," I said flatly.

"It's just Ray, we were only dancing. Why, are you jealous?" She smirked. She'd had a couple of cocktails, and obviously missed a few warning signs.

"Do I have a reason to be?" My tone was getting even more strained. "I mean, you do usually let 'just Ray" grab your ass in public?"

"Oh fuck you, Brendan, I told you we were just dancing,"

I stared at her, flabbergasted.

She realized what she said, and tried to grab my arm. "Brendan, I'm sorry. I think I've had too much to drink."

"Apparently. I'm going to get some air."

"Brendan, wait," she called after me, but I just walked off. I noticed she didn't try to follow me.

**********

I wandered over to the bar. Jason came over and raised an eyebrow. "Just a mineral water, bro." I sat there sipping, and staring into space.

Then I heard Jason say, "Dude." And he looked toward the stage. I followed his gaze to see Sofía disappearing though the back stage door.

"The fuck?" I started to head that way. Jason stopped me, and jerked his thumb over his shoulder toward his office.

I nodded, and went.

**********

I turned off the light in his office, and cracked the door to the hallway beyond. I could see Sofía and Ray, each leaning against the wall across from each other. They were speaking Spanish, but I was able to catch most of the conversation.

Sofía said, "Brendon is pretty pissed. You shouldn't have grabbed my ass, Ray."

Ray just smirked. "Screw him. It's my ass and I'll grab it if I want."

She pointed her finger at him, and said "No, it's MY ass, and I told you, you can't do that shit in public, especially when HE is around."

"What the fuck? Am I supposed to just wait around?"

Coyly she said, "Don't I always give you want you want? You just have to be patient. You know we just have to be careful."

"Yeah but that's what makes it spicier, knowing he's probably sitting outside crying because he thinks you're mad at him," Ray said in a mocking tone.

"Come on baby, I'm so fucking horny right now," he continued. "We can knock one out right here. Just turn around."

Sofía looked up and down the hallway, and said "Okay, but be quick."

She turned and Ray moved toward her. Just as she started to lift up the back of her dress, I stepped through the door and cleared my throat.

Sofía jumped and let out a little scream. Ray glared at me.

"Hey guys, I missed you at the party." I took a couple steps closer to them. "So whatcha doing, hiding out back here?" I took a couple more steps.

Sofía looked pale, but she just said, "Oh, umm, we were talking about the project, you know. It was too loud out there."

"Wow, such dedicated professionals, getting in some work at a party! Impressive." I gave them a slow clap.

"Brendan, why are you acting like that?" Sofía was definitely nervous. She wasn't sure what I'd seen.

"Oh I don't know. Maybe," and I switched to Spanish, "because my wife was just about to hook up with this piece of shit right in this hallway. And it's pretty clear this has been going on for a while. That's why I'm acting this way."

It didn't sink in right away that I wasn't speaking English any longer. But when it did... Sofía's hands went over her mouth and she sank to the floor.

"Yeah, I heard your whole little tête à tête. Very enlightening." Sofia was crying, and I just stared at Ray.

"Well? Whatcha gonna do, pendejo?"

That's all it took. Ray swung at me. I wanted to let him make the first move, so I could have a clear conscience in defending myself.

As I had passed through Jason's office a moment earlier I had grabbed a roll of quarters from a coin pouch in his office. You know, those heavy zippered bags that small businesses use to carry their silver back and forth to the bank.

Anyway, I had that tucked into my fist, and as he telegraphed a big looping right, I leaned out of the way, and pounded my left just under his ear and he went down like a sack of wet shit. Which is what he was, as far as I was concerned.

Sofía screamed. "You killed him!" And she went to her knees beside him.

"Don't worry about me, Sofía, YOUR HUSBAND... I'm fine. I guess you made your choice." And I walked out the way I'd come, dropping the roll back where I'd gotten it.

"Brendan, WAIT," she yelled. I just went back through the office, nodded at Jason, and headed out to the car. Sofía was hot on my heels.

She was babbling that is wasn't what I thought, that nothing was going on, she loved me, and please would I stop and talk to her.

Finally, I just stopped her. I looked at her and said, "Honey, do you know what a white lie is?"

"What? I don't-"

"A white lie is when I tell you that dress doesn't make you look fat."

She stared at me.

"A white lie is different than a big lie. A big lie is like me telling you that I don't speak Spanish."

Her eyes were already wide, and I swear I could see her skin turn about three shades lighter, and she started to wobble on her feet.

"You son of a bitch." She hissed.

"Moi?" Oh sorry, that was French. "You've been screwing around, I HEARD you. And you were about to let him fuck you right there, and I'M the son of a bitch?" I shook my head

"No no no no no no..." she was shaking her head, begging with her eyes. "Baby it's not what you think...."

I barked a laugh. "Really?"

"It only happened once!"

"Bullshit."

"He doesn't mean anything to me!" she nearly screamed.

"For God's sake, Sofía, how many more cliché excuses are you going to give me?"

She started to blubber. "Please, Brendan, I'm sorry, I love you, please!"

"I see. You love me so much that you were about to fuck Ray at our company party?"

She just continued to sob.

"Whatever, Sofía. I'm done. I'm going to a hotel tonight. You have until next weekend to get your shit out of my house."

"Nooooooo, Brendan, mi vida, you can't leave me!" she wailed.

"I'm your life?"

She nodded. "Yes, baby!"

"You've got to be kidding. If I'm your life, tell me WHY." I looked directly into her tear-streaked face. "This is your one chance. Tell me why, and convince me I should forgive you. But if I smell more bullshit, I am DONE."

She sniffed. "Can we go home and talk?" She wasn't dumb. She wanted time to think of something that I'd believe, but at that point, I didn't care. I certainly didn't want to be at the party any longer.

"You know what? Fine. Come on, you have until we get home to think up a good story."

We rode home in dead silence. Sofía went straight to the bathroom when we got there, stalling for more time, no doubt. I heard the shower turn on. Suddenly enraged, I went to open the bathroom door. Finding it locked, I kicked it open.

She screamed and whipped around to stare at me.

"Oh no. You're not gonna wash that motherfucker off you and then come talk to me. Get your ass in the kitchen."

She glared at me. "How can you talk to me like that?"

"You're kidding, right?" I threw her robe at her, the big terry-cloth one, not the silk, and waited.

Continuing to glare, she donned the robe, and went to kitchen.

I sat across from her and waited. "The floor is yours."

She continued to look at her hands, which were twisting like two small animals in her lap.

I started to get up. "Fine, Sofía, if that's the best you can..."

"NO!" She thrust her arms out toward me, fingers spread wide, and I sat back down.

"No, please..." Her face was all screwed up, and she did look pretty miserable. Which was about how I felt, too.

"I'm so sorry, Brendan..."

I just looked at her. "You said that already. But while we're on the subject, what are you sorry for? For cheating? Or for getting caught?"

She stared at me blankly.

"Never mind. But it's starting to smell in here, Sofía, so make it good."

"I never meant to hurt you, baby, I swear. It was just sex! I promise, it will never happen again!"

I just started laughing. I had this mental image of Sofía industriously ticking off reasons from a long checklist in a big hardback copy of "The Cheater's Handbook," and I couldn't stop laughing. Sofía just looked confused.

I slowly bent over, rested my arms on the table, and lowered my head. My shoulders continued to shake, and I wasn't sure if I was laughing or crying now.

I felt, more than saw, Sofía tentatively reach out to touch my shoulder. I jerked away, and she jumped.

"Please don't touch me." I sat up and scrubbed at my face with my palms.

"I'm so sorry, you have to believe me, just give me a chance and I know we can get past this, Brendan! I love you!" she cried.

I sighed, and shook my head. "I love you too, and that's why this hurts so much. But I did give you a chance, Sofía. We gave each other a chance. When we said our vows to each other in FRONT OF YOUR WHOLE GODDAMN FAMILY!"

She shrank back in her chair.

I tried to get my temper under control. "Remember, Sofía? 'I take you to be my faithful partner'? Do you remember saying that?"

She sniffled, and nodded.

"Ok." I slapped my hands flat on the table, and she jumped again.

I pushed myself up and went to the bedroom, with Sofía hot on my heels. She started to clutch at me, when I grabbed a bag out of the closet and started shoving clothes into it. She followed me into the bathroom, still crying, as I grabbed a razor, toothbrush, and other toiletries.

I headed for the door. Before I opened it, I turned back to her. "Next weekend, Sofía. I bought this house before I met you, so I plan to keep it. Get your shit out by next weekend. And get a lawyer."

I'm still not sure if she actually fainted, or she was acting. But I didn't care. I left her there, lying on the floor.

**********

The next day was taken up with visits to a lawyer, the bank, the company HR and financial offices, and my boss. I didn't want to ruin Sofía, and I didn't want to have to pay alimony, if I could avoid it, so I asked my lawyer to file a no-fault divorce. I divided the bank accounts, and moved my half into separate accounts. I removed her name from all my other accounts and policies. It was one of the more difficult days of my life. But the next day was worse. I put on my suit and went to visit Sofía's parents.

Eventually, the lawyers got everything hammered out. Sofía requested that she be able to speak to me before we signed any papers, and I just wanted to move on, so I agreed. She wanted to meet me at the house, but I said no fucking way. I'd meet her at her lawyer's office and we could talk there.

She was already there when I arrived. She looked amazing, but she always did. She smiled tentatively, got up, and tried to hug me, but I just moved around the table and sat down across from her.

"Okay, Sofía, talk."

She looked at me, then looked down. "Brendan, I'm so sorry. I love you, you have to believe me."

"I do believe you, Sofía, that's why this still hurts so much." I asked, "Can you please try to explain why? Did you ever really cut it off with him?"

"Yes, I did, I swear, Brendon. When you asked me the first time if we were exclusive, I had already ended things with him."

"Okay, so what the hell happened?"

"I don't know, I guess when I got moved over to the new project, we were working with the realtor that Ray worked for."

"Hold up. You didn't think it was important to tell me you were back working with Ray? You're really not helping your case here."

"I'm sorry, Brendan, I didn't think it was important."

"Exactly, Sofía, and that's just another part of the problem," I said sadly. "But please continue."

She looked at me. She really didn't understand why that little revelation upset me.

But she went on, "I was with him for a long time before I met you, Brendan, and I don't know, he was easy to talk to. At first, we really did need to work all those extra hours. Just... one night we worked until late, but we still had some things to get ironed out. So he said we should have a working dinner. I didn't think it would be a big deal. I had a couple glasses of wine, maybe more than a couple, and he started rubbing my shoulders... I know I should have stopped him, but I was a little drunk, and I told myself it was just harmless. Next thing I knew he was rubbing my breasts, and it just felt so good, I just let it happen."

Tears were rolling down her cheeks. "When it was over, I realized what I had done, and I was disgusted with myself, and horrified. I screamed at him and ran out the door."

"I couldn't look at you the next day. I just knew you'd take one look, and see what I'd done. But you didn't!" she cried.

"Why would I, Sofía, I trusted you. And who knows, maybe if you'd come clean right then... explained what had happened, not that being drunk is any excuse, but maybe we could have talked and worked things out."

"I couldn't! I was so ashamed, I couldn't tell you."

I just nodded. "But even so, you didn't stop, did you?"

Fresh tears coursed down her face, and she just nodded. "I know it sounds so stupid when I say it now, but I never meant to hurt you. It only happened a few times. Please Brendan, can you give me one more chance? I'll do anything."

I looked at her, my heart breaking all over again. "Sofía... I do love you. But I just don't think I can ever trust you again. Every time you had to work late, I'd be wondering if you were really at the office. If I called your phone and you didn't answer, I'd wonder who you were with. And that's no way for a relationship to work. You'd start to resent me, and then where would we be?"

She was shaking her head. "No, no, no, we can get past this, please..."

"I'm sorry, Sofía. Please just sign the papers."

I walked out of the office, her sobs echoing in my head.

**********

As much as I wanted to punish Ray some more for what he'd done to us, it turns out I didn't have to. I heard from Jaime that Ray had wound up in the ER with multiple contusions, a broken arm, broken nose, and a concussion. Apparently he had fallen down the stairs.

I asked him and Hector to meet me for a drink, on me. We toasted Ray's misfortune, and I ignored the scrapes on both the boys' knuckles.

Sofía tried calling me several times, and I eventually blocked her number. A couple of months later, I heard that she had moved in with Ray, and that was pretty much the final nail in the coffin. Soon after, Hector told me that Sofía had caught Ray cheating on her with his freaking cousin. You just can't make this stuff up.

I laughed, and invited the boys out for drinks again. I think she moved away after that.

**********

I'd never been much of a drinker, and really didn't feel the need to crawl into a bottle. Well, except for the day I saw her for the last time. Instead, I threw myself into my work. Eventually, Jeff got wise to me, and ordered me to take two weeks off.

"Brendan, you're gonna burn yourself out. Go have a couple beers, go fishing, and get laid. Just get out of your head for a while, son, okay?

Dealing with women, romantically, anyway, was the last thing on my mind, so I didn't get laid. But I did head over to Lake Travis and drowned a few worms. I came back to work two weeks later with a sunburn and at least the beginnings of a new lease on life.

Jason and I had commiserated, and like a true friend he told me I was better off without that crazy bitch. I continued to gig there on the weekend, but I still was nowhere near ready to get back in the saddle, although I did have a few opportunities. I tried to be kind, and mostly they understood, and let me know that the offer was still open if I chose to pursue it. Which made me feel a bit better.

For some reason Jason installed a karaoke machine, and Thursday nights became official karaoke night at Katie Elder's. Surprisingly it was pretty popular, and I started coming by to catch the action.

**********

One particular Thursday, about six months after the last time I saw Sofía, I was at the bar when I heard a feedback whine from the stage. I winced, along with half the bar, and then, from out of my memory, I heard a voice say, "Sorry about that... Hi everyone, I just wanted to sing a little song about trying to decide where to go next. Something I've had to do recently. Hope you like it."

I heard the guitar intro, and then the voice started to sing Heads Carolina, Tails California, by Jo Dee Messina.

I was afraid to turn around. I used the reflection in the bar mirror to do my recon, and couldn't believe what I was seeing. I had recognized her voice immediately. Now, seeing her, I saw the same wavy auburn hair. She had lost the acne and about 35 pounds, but she looked like the same beautiful-to-me girl I knew in high school.

Then I had a crazy idea. I sprinted to my truck and grabbed my guitar case. I kept my head down and headed straight for the bar.

"Jason!" I stage-whispered. He came over.

"Yeah, Brendan? What's with the guitar?"

"No time!" I need to get backstage, can I use your office?"

"Sure, no problem. But what's-"

"No time!" I repeated. "Just turn down the volume on the karaoke when I tell you, ok?" He looked even more puzzled, but I had already leapt through the office door. I ran to the stage door, and got out my guitar. A quick check for tune - close enough - then I quietly opened the door and stuck my head out. She had her back to me, so I stepped out onto the stage, and sat on a stool behind her. I made the finger-and thumb twlrly "turn in down" gesture at Jason, and started to play.

The singer looked up in surprise as the canned music faded and my guitar started. She started to turn around. I kept my head down, just making another hand-rolling "keep going!" gesture. The sign-language practice was really paying off tonight. She looked a little puzzled, and faltered slightly but kept singing, with occasional glances at me. She finished strong, to some pretty good applause. As I said, I had gigged there before, and I think maybe some folks recognized me. Also, she was still really good.