Stanley Steamer Ch. 15: Tanya & Imani

I did not focus on the finances. I knew Talia would.

Next item: Who owns what here.

Rancho Relaxo is all Stan's. Anny insisted on spending some of the money she "came into" here: her steel barn, the domed pool, the house expansion, and her threatened gyroplane hangar. They worked out some complicated lease-back deal that keeps them both happy. I'm glad we don't have to talk it out.

But everything else is crazy enough. Kaylee and Nikki really are international superstars with fanatic fans already. Our condo is secured but people try to break in. The money in our accounts is unbelievable. I have these urges...

Daddy gave advice, not orders. We stood beside him. He mouthed our boobs. Between slurps, he said, "You both have more money than you know what to do with. You want to buy... stuff. That's fine. But maybe look for 'stuff' that will last beyond this month's hipster madness. What's current will be old soon and won't be retro-cool for a few decades. Buy what you want. Just think what you'll do with it next year."

Sure thing, Daddy. But I'm still buying new clothes and shoes. And Navaho jewelry. And gifts. Do you think a ten-foot-tall bronze Ganesha will look good in front of the Rancho?

Talia, Megan, and I, and I guess Daddy too, are lucky because our faces aren't everywhere on media, so we can mostly be in public without being mobbed. Nikki and Kaylee have to wear disguises. Their musical families must fend off rabid fans and interviewers. Nobody asks about us.

I think it's safer to be almost famous, than famous.

Next item: Gyroplane rides.

"You promised rides," Anny said ominously, her cousin's scrotum in her grip.

"Rides are cheap," he said, standing and aiming his dick at her mouth. "Pretend the pilot is a balloon."

She pushed him down, stood, and shoved her muff in his face. "I'm a pilot too. Start lubricating."

The cousins took turns ferrying aloft those not discussing family business, which eventually was all of us. Like me. We swept over mountain lakes and desert peaks. We buzzed the Orgasmatron dome -- "Eighth time today," he said. He killed the engine; we auto-rotated down a few thousand feet in near silence, almost as good as a steam car. He took knife-cut Whitewater Pass too high to see the Cabazon dinosaurs well. "Winds below are tricky," he said.

Anny flew Daddy Stan on the demo flight. They were gone awhile. She looked happy when they returned. The FlyMobil is too small to fuck in but they likely had a blanket for a spot of soft sand.

What a Daddy!

That was the afternoon. Dinner was good. After dinner was music. We four instrumentalists each ventured a line that the singers took and detonated. Then we all fucked. We had to.

=====

Talia and I were alone in the big bed with our Mommy and Daddy. We all asked about each others' lives. Maybe some answers were truthful. Talia asked about their drive back from Kansas.

"Well, we made a lot of business stops," Mommy said, "and we stayed at good hotels most nights. Dinner and a club, usually, and sleep"

"Did you have a lot of fun with Daddy those nights?" I asked.

"We were only alone a couple of nights," Daddy said. "We usually had guests."

"Guests? Like, you picked up strangers in clubs?" Talia asked.

"Yes," Mommy admitted, "we were not used to fucking alone. I guess we still aren't." My mother kissed my boobs and fondled my twin.

"So what was it like?" Talia asked. "Did you have a pattern? Can you show us?"

"Show you?" Daddy asked. He rolled toward the bathroom. "Just a minute."

Daddy had added an expansion to his big bathroom, a nook for a moderate hot tub. I heard him turn on the water. Then he went through the bedroom door and returned with two bottles of white wine. One went into the hot-tub room.

"So it's like this," Daddy said. We four sat up in bed together. Daddy passed the wine bottle. We all drank.

Daddy lightly touched my leg. I saw him touch Talia. Mommy did the same.

"So we see some likely prospect or prospects, and we sit with them, drink with them, and touch them. Everyone knows we're there for sex. We tell them we have a good room upstairs with a hot tub and ask, would they like to 'relax?' They never say no."

We drank more wine. Daddy and Mommy left for the hot tub. We followed.

"So then we get naked and get wet," Mommy said, sliding into the water. We and Daddy followed. I sat across from Talia between Daddy and Mommy.

"And we drink more wine, but like this."

Mommy took a drink, held my face, and squeezed the wine into my mouth. Her tongue danced with mine. I saw Daddy feed wine and tongue to Talia. Then Mommy wine-kissed her and Daddy wine-kissed me. Their hands brushed our breasts. Then their mouths suckled us.

Talia and I got the idea. We drank wine and fed out parents. Then nipples were sucked and flesh was fondled.

We left the water, dried, and returned to the big bed. Our parents nursed on us and tickled us and fingered us. Our parents went down on us. We squealed. Daddy dog-fucked Talia while she ate Mommy, and then fog-fucked me when I did. My twin and I found ourselves 69'ing, Talia on top, Daddy poking into her, his balls hitting my forehead, and Mommy's tongue with Talia's on my clit.

We fell apart and drank more wine. Then they kicked us out.

"That's how our trip went," Mommy said.

We snuck back in later.

===== [Sunday]

This weekend was supposed to be special for Daddy Stan and Mommy Carole and us kids, Talia and me, but we woke with a bedful of musicians -- Kaylee and Nikki with Talia and me, like at home (Home! In San Berdoo!), and cousin Megan and Daddy. Like we are after a performance. Too bad the big bed isn't even huger -- we would have mamas Pam and Carole in here too.

Daddy with seven hot naked babes in his bed. That must be a porn dream. But the bed should be huger.

Breakfast was good. The morning was warm. We walked or jogged the Rancho's rough desert trails, minimally dressed. Lazlo and Anny gave more vista flights. Daddy Stan emailed to order the Rancho's fuel tank refilled. Maybe he should swipe one of Anny's railroad tank cars before she cuts it up and turns it into floral port.

Lunch was good. After lunch was much chatting in small groups. Dinner was good. Dessert was flan and hashish. We would have gone on to music and sex -- Anny was already in Lazlo's lap, and Talia and I snuggled Nikki and Kaylee -- but...

The landline rang. Daddy Stan put it on speakerphone.

"Funny farm; quack quack," was his usual greeting.

"Duck you too, boy," our grandma Ursula's voice purred. "But later for that. I have news. Is anybody else there?"

"We're all ears, Mom," Pam said, "except where we're not."

"Funny girl. Okay, here goes. Are you busy next weekend? I'm getting married."

The pendulum clock in the greatroom's corner ticked its one-per-second cadence for quite awhile.

"Hello? Are you still there?" Ursula asked.

"I didn't think A.I. was so advanced. Or maybe she's being held captive and threatened with torture. I thought I just heard my mother mention marriage."

"I thought I heard that too," Kaylee said. "Did we eat bad sushi?"

"Back off and listen, everyone. I'm at Terri's with her guy this month... and his sister, his wife. The guy is Crown Prince Tahne'e of Rotaruta, that's a rich South Seas island kingdom. His wife-sister is Hiriwa'a and she's a babe. Terri and I have lots of fun with both of them."

"Mom's guy is married to his sister?" Jeri asked.

"Royalty and aristos have to do that there. My upcoming son will probably have to marry Hiriwa'a. Anyway, Tahne'e is a top surfer, which is how he got to Terri. She's such a sucker for surfers. But I think he just used her to get to me, really. He likes swimmers. Most of his wives are swimmers. I know most of them. Hell, I've fucked most of them. They're an okay bunch."

I heard giggles in the background. Ursula continued.

"So I got here and met Tahne'e and Hiriwa'a. We surfed naked down at Black's Beach -- poor surf but good sun -- and came back to Terri's and fucked. And then Tahne'e proposed to me! While Hiriwa'a was blowing him!"

"I didn't know you had divorced Dad," Pam said. Daddy Stan nodded.

"Oh, the royal marriage will only be legal in Rotaruta. But they don't have a treaty with USA so there's no problem. I'll be the oldest wife, which makes me senior wife, Crown Princess. When Tahne'e takes the throne, I'll be Queen."

More silence broken by the clock's pendulum swing.

"This alleged crown prince," Nikki said. "He doesn't care that you're six months pregnant with somebody else's kid? Stan's kid, probably."

"No, he says he's admired me for a long time, and the stars are right for him to take me as his wife next weekend so our baby will be the next crown prince."

Daddy Stan and his mother Ursula's child, my unborn cousin, a king. What?

I felt dizzy.

Talia whispered to me, "What do you bet that grandma Ursula will stage a coup and take over?" I shushed her.

"Where is this royal wedding taking place?" Mommy Carole asked.

"That's part of why I called. The state wedding will be in Rotaruta with all his wives and children and the kingdom's aristos eating and drinking well. Next Saturday will be the ritual wedding with only close friends. A lawyer at the Rotarutan consulate here in San Diego is also a traditional Kahuna -- what you would call a shaman. He'll do the rites. Thing is, ritual weddings need water. Terri's boy Larry's pool is a good size but there's not a lot of parking in his neighborhood. So I wonder if we could use Anny's pool there at the Rancho?"

"Sure, use the pool," Anny said, "but at a price. Would this lawyer-kahuna perform more marriages at the same time? And are they legal in California?"

She eyed her fuck-cousin. "Want to get married, Lazy?"

"Yes," he said.

Ursula laughed. Female voices and a male conferred off-mike. The male voice talked on another phone.

Mommy Carole eyed Daddy Stan. "Is that marriage offer still open?"

"Yes," he said.

Kaylee eyed Nikki and then us instrumentalists.

"We offered this before, and we meant it," Kaylee said. "Will you marry us?"

Talia, me, Stan, Megan -- our eyes met. We nodded.

"Yes," Megan said.

Mariana eyed Lorna. They shook their heads.

"We'll have his babies but I think we're better off as kept women," Lorna said. "But maybe Frieda and Tina? And Babs and Newt?"

"Hey Mom," Pam called, "another question. Can this Kahuna perform group weddings? Same-sex weddings?"

More confab on the other end. Then the speakerphone emitted a male voice.

"Hello, future family, I am Tahne'e. I talked with my man Kauri. He can work any legal papers you want. Any marriage legal in Rotaruta or California or Timbuktu, he can finesse it. Almost any marriage of humanoids is legal in Rotaruta. For me and sweet Ursi, the best time is just before your Palm Sunday. Here she is again."

Ursula said, "Stanley, there's a reason your middle name is Kamehameha. Hawai'ian traditional duke Cyril Kamehameha was a champion swimmer -- and really your father. You have none of Stanley Senior in you except all he has given you and Pam. Yes Pam, Stanley Senior is your father. But Stanley Junior is Hawai'ian royalty, bar sinister."

Tahne'e said, "As your TV says: But wait, there's more! Father's senior wife Nao'lu, my mother, is Cyril Kamehameha's sister. Stanley -- we are cousins."

Another beat of silence. Tahne'e continued.

"I just asked Kauri about complex marriages. He says that as soon as I wed sweet Ursi, her descendents automatically gain Rotarutan citizenship. And under our laws, the site of the ritual wedding is Rotarutan territory for the duration. Those present are granted unlimited residency. Weddings there are thus legal in Rotaruta even if nowhere else."

He paused. "One thing you should know. Rotarutan ritual weddings are performed naked. Do any of you object?"

Lazlo laughed first but he is a pig.

Lorna asked Daddy Stan, "Can we have another phone line open? I want to make two calls while we're still live. Yeah? Great!"

She punched numbers on a landline.

"Babs! It's Lorna. Do you still want to marry Newt? How about next Saturday? We're having a wedding-fest here. Yeah, there's a story. Talk to you later."

More numbers punched.

"Tina, it's Lorna. Is Frieda in bed with you there? You guys talked of getting married. How about this Saturday? Sure, you Cahuillas recognize same-sex couples. We're having a bunch of weddings here, and the Kahuna -- yeah, a shaman, he's Polynesian, so is the crown prince -- yeah, I said prince -- so the Kahuna can make you legal on the rez and in the South Seas. Interested?"

Lorna the top-flight editor turned to the speakerphone.

"Tahne'e, can your guy Kauri get legal with the Morongo band of Cahuilla Indians? Their princess wants to marry her girlfriend. Can he handle that? Can we have two royal weddings here next weekend?"

She turned to Daddy Stan. "You won't mind, I hope."

Daddy laughed and he is no pig.

More conferring sounds on the speakerphone. Then Tahne'e returned.

"Kauri said, no problem, he's done business with the Morongos, worked on their casino expansion. A princess, huh? This could be fun. In Rotaruta, everyone kisses the bride."

"On Rancho Relaxo," Daddy said, "anyone kisses or fucks by consent only. Is that a problem with your customs?"

"Not at all, cousin Stanley. We are supposedly a patriarchy but women run--"

"We run everything, piggy," a woman's voice said. "Hello, I'm Hiriwa'a and my big pig brother talks like he knows more than water and wet women. He can balance a surfboard but not a checkbook. It's a good thing my sister-wives like Ursi. We won't mind having her as Senior -- so long as she knows her place."

"My place is sitting on your big, busy mouth while I blow your big brother and he sucks some sister's tits dry," Ursula's voice said.

Hiriwa'a laughed. "And then we trade places. Just like with Terri."

Everyone said my great-aunt Teresa was a wild woman. This proved it.

Events were arranged. Lorna called Babs and Tina again to fill in the background and work out details after patching a conference call at Terri's. Then the excitement grew too great. We all smoked hashish and fucked ourselves to sleep.

===== [Monday-Friday]

Talia and I, and Kaylee and Nikki, and Megan, had to get up early for our classes. We ate a quick breakfast and then Nikki drove the big ZEE steam SUV to our condo where Megan got her car to drive to her school. All this time on the road was really the worst part of our long weekends at the Rancho.

We had our own rooms in the condo but we slept together in one big bed because love. We traded off on the two pianos.

Our classwork went as usual. After class, time got frantic. Sony insisted on a 'surprise' show at the coolest club in San Bernardino, fortunately near a failed mall with a big parking lot. Lazlo flew Daddy Stan and his mandola in the FlyMobil. We were a smash hit. Patrons were barely kept from openly fucking.

We left San Berdoo as early as possible Friday for the busy weekend. We expected to find the Rancho in an uproar but everyone was calm, naked, and wet. Even Imani. What? Imani Barnes! Our loving 'cousin' was here!

**********

IMANI

**********

Home in Palm Springs had just gotten too weird. I didn't mind swimming and sunning nude, not that I needed a tan, same as Mom, she's Sharli to you. That was okay as long as it was only family. But then Mom and Dad, he's Larry to you, had 'friends' over while I was home. And they all wanted sex. With each other, and with me. But I was way too young. I could not stay.

So I went to stay with Sharli's family in Manhattan, Kansas. Uncle Bretano and Aunt Xenia were great if a bit old-fashioned. That was fine with me. I needed a less exciting scene. But then I met Talia and Tanya LeMay and all of a sudden we were bestest friends. Everywhere. In and out of school. In and out of bed.

I had suspected my bi side before I met the blonde twins but they brought me out. Their mother was almost if not exactly a slut but at least she did not fuck guys or girls in the back yard. She was out slutting around enough that the twins and I could have long snuggle sessions in the king bed they shared. Other girlfriends joined us.

I am not gay. I lust after boys. But girls are so safe! Even after I turned 18.

Then came the Christmas break, and Talia and Tanya were gone! They found their father, Tanya said before they left. Talia sent emails about their new life but without many details. They were in university living with singing girls a hundred miles from their father's place. Their lives were full. That was all.

So they were gone. I felt a great hole in my heart.

Then, a call from my grandmother Teresa just last weekend. She had bought me a flight to San Diego, arriving before Easter Week. There was a big family event I could NOT miss.

Grandma met me at the airport with hugs and kisses that Friday afternoon along with her sister, my great-aunt Ursula the swimmer. I was shocked! Both were pregnant, my grandma more so. And they were almost 50!

But that was not the real shock. Grandma turned me over to a skinny red-headed man named Lazlo, to fly me to Rancho Relaxo, that's Dad's cousin Stan's place above Yucca Valley. That was surprising but not shocking. No, I almost fell over when I saw Lazlo's weird little aircraft.

"It's a FlyMobil gyroplane, not real fast but real REAL safe. I like safety," he said, and I could not disagree. I had seen FlyMobils around the army base but never expected to ride one. I crawled inside when my head stopped spinning.

We flew over the Coast Range and Palomar Observatory and more mountains, then right over my below-sea-level Palm Springs home, and on to what Lazlo called Flamingo Heights. The sun was still above the San Bernardino peaks when we softly landed on a rough ground pad near the boulder-enclosed cluster of stony house and steel barns -- the compound. Rancho Relaxo.

Lazlo offered to carry my bag but I took it myself down the trail past the barns to the house. I knew the Rancho from a couple years past but there was much more here now. More barns and sheds; the bigger house; the dome beside it; the huge metal sculptures atop giant boulders.

I remembered the galvanized horse-watering tank Stan used for dunking. It looked bigger and cleaner now, and the ten-meter dome behind showed it off.

People were in the tank. Cousin Stan, and women. All stood to wave at me. All were naked, dripping, and mostly pregnant.

I recognized pregnant aunt Jeri and her cousin Pam. I did not recognize the improbably structured blonde or the slightly less pregnant Latina. But... holy fuck! Carole LeMay, Talia and Tanya's slutty mom! What was SHE doing here? She had left Kansas just a few weeks ago. And now she was with my dad Larry's cousin Stan! What the holy fuck?

A naked fully-freckled red-haired woman sat in a chair beside the tank nursing a baby. She yelled, "Don't wait, cuz!" I looked behind me. Lazlo was stripping as he walked to the tank.

"Welcome, cousin Imani," cousin Stan said. "This is almost Freedom Hall. The rules are, no footwear or fights in the house, and don't bring home strange men to fuck. Otherwise, do or don't what you want. If you want to stand there and stare, fine. If you want to go inside and eat or sleep, fine. If you want to leave, fine. If you want to join us in the water, even better. By the way, Carole is here because she's your friends' mother and I'm their father."

My head was spinning again. I numbly dropped my bag and my clothes and climbed in. I dunked underwater to clear my head. That did not work.

Aunt Jeri came to me. "We have a custom, Imani. Hello." She kissed my breasts. Older cousin Pam followed her. "Hello, Imani." She sucked my nipples. Numbly, I kissed theirs in return. They held me close. I did not cry.