Star Ch. 03

Pt3: Resurgent Star

Part 3 of 5. Back to the usual interview/flashback style.

*

Interviewer: With the successful release of 'More Dirty Work' I'm at the home of Karen Carragher and Dave Gerrard to discuss the difficult path to making what has turned out to be an astonishingly successful sequel. It started with the announcement of the film that re-united the pair, on screen and in real life, and a pair of statements.

Dave Gerrard: Yes, that was all Karen's doing. I had no idea about the testimonial she made, but I'm happy she did. It showed all those people who thought 'how can that lucky sod two-time such a beautiful wife' that I hadn't. And it was very brave of Karen to stand up and say what she did. Like I said, I'm glad she did.

Karen Carragher: Well, I'm glad you wrote me that note. (Hugs Him)

DG: (Smiles). It could have backfired monstrously on me though. Nevertheless, I moved back to our home that very day, but something was still not quite right between us.

KC: We had been apart for eighteen months. We had to rediscover each other.

DG: I didn't mind that. Something else was niggling away at me though. I knew what it was as well. Partly it was the fact that I had dented Karen's perception of me as being, well, perfect, I suppose. But mostly it was my own feelings that I had let her down, that she was still too good for me, that maybe she would find someone better than me.

KC: Why would I want to do that?

DG: (Shrugs.) You could have quite easily, if you'd tried. (Kisses her.) Anyway, because of these notions of my own inadequacies we ended up sharing the house but not the bedroom.

KC: I was surprised but said nothing. I could see that he was struggling with some inner turmoil, and let it go.

DG: (Wane smile.) She had forgiven me but I hadn't, and I didn't want to hurt her again. I had to prove to myself that all those negative thoughts were not shared, that it was just in my own head.

***

The preparations for 'More Dirty Work' were going well. Clint had organised a brief training day where the crew and the cast re-learnt the art of loading bins. Unsurprisingly I was put in charge. What was a little surprising was that after only a couple of hours everyone was loading like a pro. Most surprising of all was Karen's aptitude; it was as if she had been loading bins for the past four years instead of making films. The banter between all of us soon became like that of a team of refuse collectors, smutty and full of invective and derogatory remarks. Things looked good to start with.

It was summer and we were shooting all the outdoor locations first. To begin with I found it easy to slip back into playing 'Pops', after all he was still me, but the scenes with Karen rarely seemed to work properly. She was still a consummate professional, but my personal hang-ups kept getting in my way. Even Clint began to lose patience with me. The problem was, I couldn't actually act. I was playing me, and I had changed. I wasn't 'Pops' anymore, so things didn't come natural to me anymore. Karen and Clint decided on a break in filming, and to try and remount some of the scenes at a later date. It was to try and help me, but if anything it made me feel worse. Even worse than I had felt for that big scene in the first film. I could find no way to bring 'Pops' back. I was on the point of telling them to re-write the part so that it was even smaller. That way they should be able to at least save most of the film.

***

I was driving Karen home for the break. We sat in the car, neither of us speaking, both alone with our thoughts. Karen was staring out of the window, watching the scenery flash past, when she spoke, finally bringing out into the open the dilemma I was still struggling to conquer.

"Dave, what is the problem? Are you still hung up about... well, you know?"

"It's that obvious, isn't it? Yes, I can't help it. I know you forgave me, but I can't forgive myself. I came that close to completely throwing away something wonderful forever, but I just can't get back to what we had before. My feelings for you haven't changed, but my inner demons won't let me feel the same way about us. I'm sorry, but I just can't shake the sense I'm ruining your life."

She stretched across and kissed me on the cheek, resting her hand on my knee.

"You're not ruining my life. But you can't just give up again. Tell me how I can help you. I want us to be like we were before."

"I wish I knew how you could help me Karen, I really do. But unless you can think of something I can't..." I put my hand on hers. "Just be patient with me. It'll come back, but it might not be in time to save the film. Maybe you'd be better ..."

"No! I'm not having you written out, or your role diminished. That bastard manager tried to do that to us and nearly succeeded. I'm not going to let him win. Not now, not ever!"

I smiled at her, saw the resolve in her eyes. I shrugged.

"Karen, it's your film. The other one should have been too. I'll do whatever you want me to."

"Just try your best Dave, that's all I ask. I have faith in you, so does Clint. You can beat your so-called demons, that I do know. You did it for 'Dirty Work', and you can do it again."

"With you two behind me, how can I fail?" I squeezed her hand. She smiled and squeezed my knee.

***

Interviewer: So what happened?

DG: Well, Karen rehearsed me all through that break, told me how the 'old me' would have approached each scene, coached me to put my feelings, misguided feelings according to her, to one side. She was certain I could still play the part I had created by the end of the week. I was still unsure. Would I be able to do it in front of an audience, albeit a friendly audience?

KC: When we went back to the location, Dave was really nervous. I had to keep telling him that it was easy; all he had to do was be the old him.

DG: It was easy to say, but a lot harder to put into practice. I managed though.

KC: Yes, those early scenes were definitely difficult for him, but he came through.

DG: I wasn't great, nowhere near as good as I had been in 'Dirty Work', but considering what I was battling, my own insecurities, I was pleased enough. Clint was too, which was the main thing. Everyone was supportive, they all obviously still believed in me. It made me believe in myself.

Interviewer: It was a sort of redemption?

DG: In a way, I suppose. It enabled me to carry on that's for certain. (Pauses.) Can I tell you what other piece of redemption inspired me?

Interviewer: Sure.

DG: You'll need to bear with me a bit on this. You remember Euro 96? England against Spain. Penalty shoot out. Stuart Pearce steps up to the spot. Six years earlier he had missed a penalty against Germany in the semi final shoot-out of the world cup that resulted in England getting knocked out. He hasn't taken an England penalty since. He places the ball on the spot, calm as you like, steps back and buries it. And then six years of hurt disappeared, just like that. The look on his face. He had faced his demons and beaten them. The fans forgave him instantly; mostly I think because he had the bottle to stand up and say 'I'll take a penalty'. I had that in the back of my mind when we started filming. I'm not saying I was anywhere near as brave as Psycho was that day, I could still have backed out, whereas once he had the ball he was taking the penalty, but it was that which ultimately inspired me to step up and take my shot again.

KC: You never told me this. It seems a bit odd as an actor to take inspiration from a football match.

DG: I keep telling you, I'm not an actor, just someone who happens to be in a film. And I can't expect someone who was only a six year old girl to remember what a feeling it was when he slammed the ball into the net that night.

Interviewer: But the film was back on track again?

KC: Not exactly. Something still wasn't clicking.

***

Karen, Clint and the scriptwriter, Douglas, were meeting in our hotel room, trying to work out what was going wrong, what it was that was missing from the production. I was only half listening, feeling that there was nothing I could contribute, when Clint called me over.

"Dave, you had some ideas last time. Is there anything we are missing?"

"I'm not sure you should be asking me. I still feel it might be me getting things wrong."

Karen leant over and kissed me.

"Not everything is about you, you know. Come on, what have you got?"

I sighed. She could twist me around her finger.

"All right. Maybe you need some more bin man humour. I know it's meant to be a drama, but we binnies don't take anything seriously for too long. You've got to laugh sometimes."

"Anything specific?" Douglas asked, picking up his notepad.

"How about a sequence where Pops keeps looking at passing women, it gets boring just driving you know, and Emily notices."

"How is that funny?" Karen asked.

"Look at those legs. Slap! She's got a nice... Slap! You don't get many of them... Slap! Etcetera." I sat back. The other three looked at each other and the scriptwriter started to scribble.

"Anything else?" Clint asked.

"Well, there's a lot of stuff we aren't supposed to do that has humorous potential."

"Such as?"

"Loader hanging on the door, driver heads for a bush or a bin, loader get face full of bush or has to lift up over bin. I know it's not cerebral, but it makes us laugh."

"You never did that sort of thing when I was with you." Karen said.

"Well, we aren't supposed to do it, but when the management aren't about..." I shrugged, "We all do it. Clip a wet bush just right and you can shower the guy walking under it."

"Sounds a bit one sided?"

"They can get their own back. Flicking wet gloves through the open window, a judiciously lobbed berry when you're not looking."

"I've always wanted to ask, why do you drive with the window open?" Clint broke in.

"I don't really know, I just do." I shrugged again.

"Well, thanks for the input Dave. Anything else?"

"There is one thing."

***

Interviewer: And what was that?

DG: I didn't want to mention it because I thought Karen would oppose it, but she told me to go ahead and tell them. They could always say no afterwards.

KC: At that point though I was willing to listen to anything. Things just weren't slotting together properly.

Interviewer: So what was this change you wanted to make?

DG: In the original script, Emily and Pops were considering leaving to take up a new challenge together somewhere. I explained that in my experience long-time bin men don't just up and leave. Any one of us who has been doing the job for so long just can't leave. People with less than, say, fifteen years service come and go. You reach fifteen years and the only way you're leaving is by some sort of retirement or by dying.

KC: I said at the time you put this forward that you had left though.

DG: Yes, I know. But that was to be with you. And what did I do when I thought I'd lost you? I went back to the bins.

KC: I hadn't thought of it like that.

DG: (Smiles.) We're creatures of habit after that amount of time, all bad ones. Anyway, I thought that Pops was accepting this talk of leaving too easily. I suggested that he would be torn by his two loves, Emily and his job.

KC: That isn't all he suggested. He came up with a whole new ending.

Interviewer: Did you use it?

KC: (Nods and smiles.)The film as it was completed has Dave's ending.

***

We had integrated my ideas into the film. Karen had enjoyed the head slapping, which was fair enough; I had enjoyed the ogling! Now we were filming my final scene. What I hadn't thought through when I suggested it was the fact I was going to need to do some stunt work; Pops was going to be hit by a car. The scene started.

Pops is making his way back to the cab of the RCV after helping load some bins. A little girl runs into the road as a car speeds around the corner. The girl trips and falls. Pops sprints out into the centre of the road as the car comes past the truck, scooping up the child and throwing her out of its path. The car tries to stop but slams into him, knocking him into the air. Emily runs to his side. She cradles his head as he tries to speak.

"Emily, I would have come with you, I would." He coughs.

"Sshh! It doesn't matter. You must hold on. Help is coming." She starts to cry.

"It's too late." He coughs again. "Wear something flowery for the funeral."

"Pops, you can't die on me now." Tears are streaming down Emily's face.

"I'll always love you." The light in his eyes goes out.

The music, Metallica's 'Nothing Else Matters', swells. Emily wails 'NOOooo!'

The whole crew applauded as Clint called 'Cut!'

"Beautiful. And in one take too."

"I didn't want to have to keep hitting the ground." I laughed. Karen kissed me, tears still in her eyes. "Are those real tears?" I asked.

"Yes. Pops is worth crying for." She smiled a watery smile. "Your first death scene."

"The laws of nature mean I'll have at least one more."

"That's a bit morbid."

"But true. Playing your own death, especially of a character everyone says is you, does that to a guy." I sat up and then Karen helped me to my feet. "Come on, we've still got the funeral to film, and then the final scene."

***

Interviewer: So it was Dave who suggested killing off Pops?

KC: Yes. Although it was something I hadn't wanted to do, it made everything else work. I accepted it this time because he wasn't just saying it because he thought he couldn't act, but because it was what the movie needed and he could see that.

Interviewer: After that scene, how can you say you can't act Dave?

DG: I don't believe I can, I was still playing myself, opposite the woman I love. I did like the heroic touch though; my suggestion was that he was just hit by a car. It was Douglas who added the little girl and I'm grateful that he did. I asked him about it and he said it was to repay the rescue work I'd done on the script.

Interviewer: A nice gesture.

DG: Well, there was some talk of giving me a writing credit, but I didn't want to take anything away from all the hard work he put in. After all, the only thing I'd done was make a couple of suggestions. (At this point Karen thumps Dave quite hard on the arm.) What was that for?

KC: How can you say that? Not only did you come up with the ending, you came up with the music for those scenes.

Interviewer: The music tracks for the final scenes were his idea too? They really set the right tone, if I may say.

KC: Yes, they do. The way 'Nothing Else Matters' soars at just the right point says everything about his final words. 'The One I Love'...

Interviewer: The R.E.M. song?

KC: Well, that was exactly the right song to play over the funeral as we panned out from the cremation service and then out over all the RCV's parked outside the crematorium.

DG: 'Comfortably Numb' was too long. (She punches him again.)

KC: Be serious Dave.

DG: (Grinning.) Well it is.

Interviewer: The last scene is also a panning shot isn't it?

KC: Yes. It seemed that both of those last scenes worked better without words. Again the music helps enormously.

Interviewer: What is that song that plays out until the final fade?

DG: That's 'Against The Wind' by Bob Seger. I thought it projected the idea that Emily, standing on that hill as she scatters Pops ashes, and then walking down the hill with her suitcase, knew what she had lost, but was determined to carry on with the plans they had made.

Interviewer: It does work.

KC: It does. I still keep being surprised by Dave's hidden depths.

Interviewer; My final question; I take it there won't be another 'Dirty Work' sequel?

DG: Probably not. For one thing, it'll be hard to come up with a decent title. (Laughs.)

KC: Personally, I would say 'never say never'.

DG: But Pops is dead!

KC: (Smirking.) It's the movies Dave. Patrick Swayze's character was dead for 'Ghost' and look how successful that was.

Interviewer: Very true. Thank you both.

***

Karen burst out laughing when I came back after letting the interviewer out.

"What's so funny?" I asked. She wiped away a tear.

"The look on your face when I said we might make another one."

"Well, it was a bit of a shock. I thought we'd agreed I was giving up on acting and going behind the camera with Clint."

"Oh, we have. But are you saying that if a really good idea came along you wouldn't want to play Pops again? Even as a ghost?"

"Well, maybe." I sat down next to her and pulled her close. "It'll always be nice to work with you, as long as you don't keep expecting miracles from me." I smiled. We kissed, a long kiss, a kiss from four years ago.

"Why can't I expect miracles? You keep coming up with them."

"Only because I'm with you, the biggest miracle of all. And one that you came up with. Twice. You inspire me."

"Fairs fair. You inspire me too." She got up and held out her hand. "Come on, you've inspired me again." She headed out of the room and up the stairs.

I followed her. I always will.