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Click here"Oh come on, don't you think I deserve a hug?" I said, opening my arms. He didn't hesitate to return it, wrapping his arms around me shoulders in an innocent hug. We broke apart and I felt the warmth of his body leave my skin. "It better not be complete goodbye though. You promised to keep in touch." I said, cracking a half smile.
"One that I intend to keep." He said.
- COMMENTS
TimothyMover 10 years agoat least they both came to the same conclusion, but it's still sucks. Good thing you added that in your comment, as I wasn't quite sure either.
Like most of the other readers this is the chapter I liked the least. Partly because it's upsetting even if the outcome is logical but also because it's such a short chapter. But I can see why you felt that writing more would be just dragging out the pain.
The one bright spot was Ben, nice to see a stepdad who is a good guy and who tries to help.
But I'm glad I can go on to the final chapter without waiting.
curiousfemmeover 11 years agoYou got me all weepy! I'm really enjoying this story and crossing my fingers for HEA.
musicfreakalmost 12 years agoAuthorYou know you guys are just awesome. If I was the emotional/sensitive type I would cry right now. Lol.
@ gobletholly182: your comment just put a smile on my face. It's always nice to see such comments. Your in depth analysis of the story just make me happy. Lol. And your constructive advice is noted. :)
Anonymousalmost 12 years agoThis is a awesome and touching story but to those that have cruel things to say if you dont like the damn story thats your problem stop being so insensitive and go read something else or write your own damn story since you think you can do better than musicfreak.but I love your work keep writing
GobletHolly182almost 12 years agoanon, your enumeration of events was boring. musicfreak, yours was not. you're telling a story, and telling it well. you're exploring your characters' dramas in order to share with us readers your insights regarding the nature of love. stylistic elements -- diction, syntax, tone, imagery, structure/organization, POV, etc. -- should work together to support the theme and purpose of a piece of writing as a whole. i'm soo sick of haters who equate good prose with complexity, with grandiosely elaborate rhetoric, just by definition, regardless of purpose or context or audience (#firstworldproblems). in this chapter, justin's occasional recitation of events (i count 3 short - 1 paragraph - passages like this, interspersed with much longer sections of dialogue and internal reflection) underlines his emotional state of mind; he is clinging to routine after love reintroduced chaos into the life he'd finally put into order after his father's death. i would say your style is simple in a good way: it flows easily, without distraction, so that i am easily submersed in your world, to the point of forgetting i'm reading. put crudely, your words get the fuck out of the way and let the story shine through.
not saying there's no such thing as bad writing. even accounting for fads and personal preferences, there is absolutely such a thing as painfully bad writing. but i find this quite readable, and am really enjoying the story. this chapter made me feel depressed and anxious and sad for the boys. triggering emotions in your readers is not easy, so good job:) (and to keep beating a dead horse, relaying occurrences clearly and directly, erring on the side of understatement, is an effective technique for provoking honest emotional responses. spare writing can be powerful.) part of me does want to yell at both of them for turning their backs on what would obviously be a wonderful, supportive, loving and passionate relationship. but at the same time, i do respect them for sacrificing their own desires to do what's best for the other - very gift of the magi.
to prove i can offer constructive criticism as well as enthusiastic praise: when punctuating dialogue, the dialogue and the tag line should be separated by a comma, with the period only at the complete end of the sentence. so your last sentence should read:
"One that I intend to keep," he said.
but yeah, good story and looking forward to the last chapter. lovers gonna love ... what can i say, i'm a lover :)
musicfreakalmost 12 years agoAuthorWell thanks for the nice feedback guys. As for the anon comment, I was contemplating on deleting it but I figured by doing so, I was just going to be showing that it bothered me so I left it. I have made no secret that I accept criticism as long as its constructive. If you think that my writing is mediocre then don't read it. This isn't some school reading assignment. You can click away anytime you want. And if you think I write at a primary school level then fine, because there are other people who like the story and I am extremely flattered by that, regardless of what you think of it.
tilly6almost 12 years agoI try to ignore comments like yours. I can understand constructive comments but your comment was just a waste of space. There is no reason to be so rude. If you didn't like the story then just move on. One thing I've noticed about most negative comments on all stories usually come from Anonymous experts.
@ musicfreak, I'm enjoying your story & I feel you have a great talent!!!!
