Star Wars Cantina Whores

Han Solo eased the Millenium Falcon out of lightspeed near the desert planet of Tatooine, with Chewbacca sitting right next to him in the cockpit. His wookie co-pilot initiated the atmospheric penetration sequence.

"Grrrrowr," Chewie muttered.

"Yeah, I can't wait to get to the cantina either. They got the best cocktails in the Outer Rim . . . and the best hookers, too."

"Ggggwarrrhhwwww."

"I know you're lonely too, ya big galoof. We'll fly over to Kashyyyk tomorrow, and get you a nice hot Wookie whore to go medieval on."

Chewie laughed in his weird dog/lion/dinosaur-esque way. The Falcon landed on a concrete pad on the outskirts of the Mos Eisley spaceport, on the edge of a vast desert full of savage Sand People. (Political correctness was far, far away from that galaxy.) The twin suns of Tatooine blazed down on the interstellar duo as they exited the Falcon. They were soon approached by two Imperial stormtroopers in white body armor.

"Ah, you again," one of them muttered through a voice distorter that masked his identity. Just like his head honcho, Darth Vader. "You better not start any trouble this time, Solo."

"No trouble at all, officer. This place is a wretched hive of scum and villainy . . . but I'm supporting the legitimate economy."

"Yeah, whatever. Move along, move along."

"Heil Vader!" Han replied sarcastically. He took Chewie down the sandy main street of Mos Eisley, full of sleazy humans, aliens, and droids with artificial "intelligence." They entered Chalmun's Cantina, a squat mushroom-shaped building filled with outlaw Outer Rim mavericks. A cricket-like Arcona with creepy orange eyes looked up at them suspiciously through a haze of glitterstim smoke, playing a game of sabacc with an even creepier praying mantis-like Yam'rii.

Han ordered a Tatooine Sunset cocktail from a human bartender named Wuher, and Chewie ordered a Hutt's Delight, both heavy on the alcohol. They sat down at a booth near a bandstand. A sexy green-skinned female Twi'lek danced in front of Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes. That space jazz quartet of gray-skinned Biths played a very familiar tune.

"Damn, those bug-eyed beatniks play the same fucking songs every time I come here," Han groaned. "Don't they know anything besides 'Mad About Me,' 'Dune Sea Special,' and 'The Sequential Passage of Chronological Intervals'?"

"Aaararrrgwwwh," Chewie muttered.

"You're right, buddy. After a few Hutt's Delights, nobody gives a shit. Not even Jabba himself."

They hung around the cantina for an hour, getting buzzed on fruity booze and winning a hundred more credit chips at sabacc from a dim-witted Mon Calamari.

"Three of a kind and The Idiot!" Han beamed, showing his hand of cards.

"Some idiots have all the luck," muttered Tanko Crumbar, giving him ten more chips. "Anyway, the whores should be coming in soon. There's a great new redhead with amazing tits, and her ass is better than you can possibly imagine."

"I can imagine quite a bit."

The twin suns drifted below the desert horizon, and twelve prostitutes shuffled into that wretched hive, wearing skimpy leather bikinis with metal frills. Six human and six alien hookers. An orange-skinned Togruta had a gray striped head cape and big tits, and a purple-skinned Melkudo had cute little horns and bigger tits.

"Aarrwwwrragggg."

"No way, Chewie. Those extraterrestrial bitches are hot, but my Kiljian faith forbids interspecies fornication. I got my eye on that flaming redhead homo sapien."

His eyes were locked on the sexiest twenty-something ginger he ever saw. Her big blue eyes and pale white skin clashed nicely with her copper hair, and the rest of her bod was totally bangin'. Han Solo strutted toward her like a 1970's porn star. She batted her eyelashes, tossed her hair, and wobbled her hips in his direction. Chewie followed close behind, like his own private bodyguard.

"Hey there, Slutty Red Riding Hood. Are you looking for a Big Bad Wolf?"

"You're not so bad, Mister Solo."

"How do you know my name?"

"I've seen you around Mos Eisley, and heard about your wild parties across the galaxy."

"I'm a real ladies' man."

"Oh really? Something tells me you're a closet cocksucker."

He gave her a dirty look, and Chewie growled softly.

"I'm not a faggot, bitch."

"Then you must be a douchebag wanker who can only get laid by call girls."

Chewie growled louder.

"Han Solo? More like Hand Solo," she remarked, jerking her right hand up and down on her nonexistent penis. "Wandering through outer space with nothing but a hairy wookie."

Chewbacca growled louder, baring his fangs threateningly.

"Easy, Chewie, easy. She's just teasing me. That's what hookers do, to get their johns in the mood."

"Yeah, you love how I tease you. I know you have a thing for feisty redheads."

"You got that right, ginger. Let's cut the chit-chat and find out how 'feisty' you really are."

"Only if you got twenty credit chips burning a hole in those tight pants."

"I got way more than money in my pants, Miss . . ."

"Katvana. But you can just call me Kat."

"I will call you Kat. Come on, let's get out of this lousy two-bit watering hole."

Han grabbed her left wrist and led her away from the bar. Meanwhile, an argument near the door got real heated.

"Rebel scum!" shouted a long-bearded human.

"Fascist fucking Vader-lover!" shouted a clean-shaven Advozse.

Punches were thrown, and it quickly escalated to a massive brawl. Ten humans and twelve aliens duked it out, like a Wild West sci-fi saloon. Even the Modal Nodes got involved, using their wind instruments as weapons. Han, Chewie and Kat bobbed and weaved toward the exit.

A buffed-up squid-like sullustan punched Solo in the stomach, and he slugged that rubbery alien right in the mouth. Chewie grabbed its left arm and twisted it around its back, making it howl in pain. It reached into a pocket and pulled out a small laser blaster, pointing it at Chewie's furry head at point blank range. Han pulled out his own laser gun and blew off the entire left side of the sullustan's squid-head.

"Holy shit!" Katvana shrieked. Han scooped that lithe hooker up in his burly arms and carried her out to a muggy Tatooine night. Chewie followed close behind, tossing a bunch of drunken dudes ten feet across the room.

"My hero!" Kat beamed, planting several kisses on Han's face.

"I ain't no hero, honey. I'm just a lucky smuggler."

"Rawrgwawggr," Chewie interjected.

"With a little help my furry friend," Han snickered.

Kat led him around a corner and into a brothel. A dozen working females of various species got fucked by males of various species. It was like a fucked-up XXX version of The Muppet Show.

"I'm not in an orgy mood right now," Han muttered.

"Me neither. I want you all to myself, Mister Solo."

She led him down a hallway lined with private rooms, hearing a symphony of moaning, groaning, and ass-smacking. She stopped at room fourteen and swiped an ID transmitter against a scanner. The hydraulic pocket doors whooshed open.

"Wait outside, Chewie. And don't start any trouble."

"Rorrrwr," the wookie replied indignantly.

Katvana led Han into a windowless air-conditioned chamber with a king-size mattress, a bunch of weird sex swings and platforms, and a GSP-69 Erotix droid. Like a cross between an R2 and a 3PO Protocol bot, with various gadgets for genital, anal, and nippular stimulation. Han glared at the imposing contraption while taking off his sweaty space pilot outfit.

"That's a top-of-the line sex droid. Our Madame is a real tech-savvy dame."

"We don't need no stinkin' droids," he growled impatiently. "Get down on your knees and suck my big fucking dick."

"First things first. Twenty chips please, right here," she replied primly, patting a metal nightstand by the bed.

Han pulled out twenty black-and-yellow RIFD chips and dumped them on the nightstand. Kat verified them with a portable scanner, then she shucked off that kinky leather bikini, revealing amazing milky-white tits with pointy pink nipples, and a nice firm fire crotch.

"God fucking damn," Han groaned while taking off his clothes, revealing an impressive seven-inch sausage. "You're even hotter than that senator's daughter I ass-fucked on Alderaan."

"I love anal too. But let's delay that vote with an oral filibuster."

She knelt down on the hard green Gamorean granite floor and shoved his thick prick through her bright red lips.

"Holy shit," he groaned toward the green ceiling of the brothel, as she twisted her head back and forth on the thick shaft. "This is my first blowjob since New Year's Eve, when I watched the big ball drop in Coruscant Times Square. This 'ball drop' is way fucking better."

Kat laughed with a mouthful of man-meat. She squeezed the base of his thick shaft with a soft pale dainty hand while sucking hard on each upstroke. Moaning and slurping disgustingly. He fiddled with her red bangs as her head bobbed up and down.

"Get my balls, bitch."

She slurped his sack all the way into her mouth, gripping his testicles with her teeth and whipping her head back and forth like a Doberman Pinscher.

"Fuck yeah, you crazy tomboy ginger. Playing hardball with the big boys, just like your schoolyard days."

She pulled her head back, ejecting his testes from her mouth in a mess of stringy spit.

"You never met a tomboy like me, you smuggling scumbag," she growled back; loving this old-school outlaw role-playing.

"Shut the fuck up, you cheap whore! Get that dick back in your mouth!"

She deep-throated him with reckless abandon, gagging over and over. He growled toward the ceiling, hearing the moaning and groaning of other prostitutes through the thin aluminum walls. He grabbed her red head and face-fucked her real fast, gagging her like a laser assault rifle. At the first inkling of orgasm, he pulled out and stepped toward the sex toys.

"I paid for all this weird shit, so I might as well try it. Get your ass up on that jungle gym thingamabob."

Katvana hopped off the bed and hopped onto the criss-crossing white bars of that thingamabob, stretching out her body in a wide x-shape. She pushed a red button on a control panel, and the platform whooshed upward, tilting horizontally, raising her fire crotch to the level of his face. With the push of a blue button, a pair of robotic hands reached around and grabbed her outer labia, spreading her cunt real wide.

"I'll be damned. They built a better pussy-licking mouse trap," Han remarked. He grabbed two white bars and buried his face in her well-gaped pussy. Slobbering her pink cotton candy. Spitballing her tuna can.

"Fuck yeah, Solo! You lick pussy better than a gungan!"

He jammed his tongue deep in her snatch, driving her crazier. Flicking it all around her pink tunnel of love while squeezing her big tits with both hands.

"Oh god, I'm gonna cuuuWAAAAAAAAH!"

Kat's pussy exploded with fluid fireworks, soaking his face. He finger-fucked her with four digits, draining her dry. That redhead hooker squirmed and squealed like a Krayt Dragon on the metal bars. She pushed the blue button again, and the robot hands let go of her labia.

"Holy fuck, that was the best orgasm I ever had!" she uttered breathlessly.

"I'll give you a better one, ginger. Bend over on that anvil platform."

She draped her body over a solid piece of black hermaform shaped like like: T\. Han grabbed her pale heart-shaped ass with both hands, noticing a tattoo of a snarling Krakana predator on the small of her back. Krakanas were native to the cool seas of Mon Cala; a far cry from this blazing desert planet. He slammed his schlong up her wet gaping anal sphincter.

"Oh my god," she shrieked. "Pound my fucking asshole, cocksucker!"

He kept ramming his manly rod into her toned Tatooinian bod. She pushed a button on the base of the platform to activate a robotic recoil feature. It pushed her body back down his shaft after every thrust, doubling the friction. She pushed two more buttons, turning the platform into a giant vibrator and delivering a steady current of static electricity right to her sweet spot.

"Holy fuck, that's so good!" she exclaimed. "How did women ever get off before this stuff was invented?"

"Good question, you dumb fucking whore."

Han gave her ass a nice loud smack.

"That's right, spank the shit out of me. I'm your naughty fucking streetwalker."

He spanked her heart-shaped ass in a rapid blur while sodomizing her like hell. Turning her milky flesh a bright shade of mauve. Growling fiercely with an insatiable libido, after patronizing every brothel in the Outer Rim. He lost count after hammering 468 hookers. 290 redheads and 178 blondes. (He needed a good domineering brunette to cut him down to size.)

"I wanna fuck you for real, Mister Solo. Lie down on the bed."

"Sir, yes sir!"

He flopped down on the king size mattress, with his big dick pointing toward the ceiling. She strutted slowly in his direction, swinging her wide hips tantalizingly. She grabbed a remote controller from the nightstand and summoned the GSP-69 Erotix to do her bidding.

"Greetings, madam. I am a humble sentient sex droid, programmed to service all your intimate needs," the droid announced in a comical British accent, like Jeeves the robo-butler. "How may I enhance your lovemaking with this fine gentleman?"

"I want you to keep this 'fine gentleman' from busting a nut until I give him permission."

"As you wish, madam."

The droid rolled over to Han, grabbed his left wrist, and beamed a strange kind of energy into his nervous system. His aggressive mood suddenly changed to pleasant catatonia. He drooled and murmured incoherently as Katvana mounted him like a wild bantha. Sliding his seven-inch saber all the way up her snatch.

"Oh shit, that feels so gooood," Kat purred. "Nice and slow, easy does it. No more light speed for you, space cowboy."

She squeezed her tits with one hand while massaging her clit with the other. Fucking him agonizingly slow. He wanted to smack her ass again and giddy that horse up, but the droid's scientific magic kept him in sloth-like apathy.

"Oooh yeah, your big cock feels so good in my tight Tatooinian twat. You're the best john I ever had, baby."

She leaned down and massaged his rock-hard pecs while grinding her pussy on his penis. He tried to call her a crazy fucking bitch, but his tranquilized voice box emitted only garbled nonsense.

"Cat got your tongue, Solo?" Kat giggled. She leaned way back, bracing her arms next to his feet and thrusting her hips in an inverted C-shape, hitting her g-spot just right in the "bantha rodeo" position.

"You want me to get this over with, doncha?"

"Uhhhoooa," he murmured incoherently.

"Too bad. I'm gonna get off now, but you won't."

Kat switched gears and picked up the pace, whipping her body up and down on his prick like a racing Rock Hound.

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" she wailed, jacking her clit just as fast. "I'm gonna cum so hard!"

She pounded Han Solo like holy hell, loudly rattling that king-size bed.

"Make me go faster, you lousy fucking Tin Man!" she barked toward the GSP-69 Erotix.

"As you wish, madam."

The droid wrapped its cold metallic hands around her slender waist and increased her speed greatly with wooshing hydraulic sounds. A wild bouncing blur of red hair and white skin. The droid's energy beam kept him from ejaculating, no matter how much he wanted to.

"OOOOOOOOOHH FUCKFUCKFUCKFUUUUUUUUUCK!"

Another massive orgasm burst through her sweaty body, soaking her john even more.

"Oh my gaaaawd, oh my gaaaaaaawd," she groaned pathetically, catching her breath while masturbating idly. Her groans gradually turned to girlish giggling.

"Damn, boy, your balls are bluer than Grand Admiral Thrawn. I better relieve you of your duties," she remarked, waving off the Erotix."Let go of him, you fucking whore-droid."

"As you wish, madam."

The droid released its iron claw from Han's wrist. His lethargy instantly disappeared, and alpha male machismo returned with a vengeance.

"Crazy fucking biiitch! I'm gonna blast your face like a fucking storm trooper."

"Storm troopers couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

"Get down on your knees, you ginger twat!" he growled. She obeyed his order with a comical grin. He grabbed her red bangs and yanked her face up toward his face while jerking off as fast as he could.

"Awww yeaaah. Darth Vader never banged a good hooker good as you."

"Darth Vader? That guy's a flaming faggot too."

"Shut the fuck up!"

Her teasing worked like a charm, pushing him right over the edge to a mind-blowing climax. He howled toward the three moons of Tatooine while plastering her face and tits with thick jizz.

"Fuck yeah, gimme that cum, boy! Oh shit, there's so much. Your balls are richer than Jabba!"

The splooge finally stopped raining down. She shoved his dick into her mouth and sucked out every last drop, moaning contentedly.

"Great job, Kitty Kat," he purred while stroking her silky red bangs. "You deserve a nice tip, after surviving that melee at the cantina."

He pulled ten more imperial credit chips out of his pants and plunked them down on the nightstand.

"Thank you kindly, Mister Solo. You better pay me another visit, next time you're in this corner of the Outer Rim."

"Will do, babe. I'm like a Death Star of love, and you're my rebel base."

Han put his space pilot outfit back on and went reluctantly toward the door.

"Say, why does your wookie wear a sash full of metal bullets? They stopped making the guns for those like two hundred years ago."

"Chewie loves that vintage look. It makes him feel like a pre-laser fairy tale hero."

"Whatever," she giggled. "Get outta here and have some more wacky cosmic adventures."

She blew Han a kiss, and he exited room fourteen with his head in the clouds. Chewbacca wasn't waiting for him in the hallway.

"Chewie? Chewie? Where did you go, ya big galoof?"

He grunted indignantly while walking toward the communal orgy room. He turned a corner, and his jaw dropped open in shock. Chewie was in the middle of twenty fornicating creatures, fucking the living daylights out of a petite Jawa. Hot doggy-style alien action.

"I'll be damned," Han chortled. He watched in amused amazement as his furry co-pilot whacked that dirty whore like there weren't no tomorrow. This was the first time he ever saw a Jawa naked, without their trademark full-body hemp capes. She was like a cross between an otter and a rhesus monkey, with jet-black skin and glowing phosphorescent orange eyes.

Chewie pounded her pussy for five straight minutes, growling steadily in a strange guttural way. He finally pulled out and spun that Jawa around for a facial finish. Roaring louder than a Krayt dragon, drenching her black body with white wookie jizz.

"Aww shit, that's nasty, bro!" Han commented from the sidelines. The Jawa's creepy electric eyes were covered with semen, turning them from bright orange to a muted apricot. Chewie smacked her ass one more time for good measure, then he put his Viet Cong ammo sash back on and ambled toward his favorite space cowboy.

"That little black bitch is lucky to be alive," Han remarked.

"Rwarghrawhbble."

"Yeah, Mos Eisley totally rocks. Come on buddy, we better find a hotel room before it gets too late, with all those savage Sand People out there."

They exited the brothel and turned a corner, hearing another loud commotion. Jabba the Hutt emerged from the cantina, dragging that sexy green-skinned Twi'lek on a chain, with her arms bound behind her back. The same lady who was dancing an hour ago with Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes. The slug-like mafia boss laughed in his typical evil way.