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***
They both lethargically leaned forwards almost groaning as they giggled as the fought their hands over space as they stubbed their cigarettes out together in the mountain squished butts on the empty dinner plates that had been stacked up in front of them, as the ashtray had been pushed back out of reach so that they could eat.
"So, cross referencing Tinder, Facebook and Santa Cam, we have a short list, Mark and Adam?" Nicole coughed a little in the thick fog that had filled her office.
"Now what?" Jess stretched and yawned again.
"First, I need to have open a new bottle to celebrate, and then we sleep, and then tomorrow we go to find them?" she pulled open the draw to bring out yet another half empty bottle of port.
"Another bottle?" she yawned wiping her eyes.
"Yes, I need it."
"No, it's you have another half empty one, anyway how are we getting there?"
Nicole shrugged "Err, we wake up, Alabaster sorts all the magic out and we arrive in England, simples." She stated wiggling the cork out of the bottle.
"So, I get to see the magic, I really do?"
Nicole smiled and nodded licked her lips of the red droplets "You know around here, the magic does, what the magic wants, if it wanted me magically with child, I am sure that would and should have had several years ago. I am not with child, as for travel, yes sometimes it can move us and hey I am not spending eight hours stuck in the metal cylinder without a cigarette!" She gulped from the neck of the Port bottle, sighing loudly again "I just couldn't do, and Rudy and team only go once a year!" Nicole chuckled as she pulled the last filter from the now empty pack. She grinned tilted her head moved it closer to the lighter as she flicked it for the flame, exhaled and then took another gulp straight from the bottle of port. "Alabaster better book a room for three!" she grinned.
"Three Nic, wow, we are finding the man that quickly?" Jess asked with genuine surprize.
Nicole labouredly shook her head as quizzically stared at Jess she enjoyed the moment as she held the smoke in her lungs "No babes, we will bring Butters with us. I am not leaving her home alone." She stated with exhale.
"Oh, the three of us..." her shoulders slumped forwards, "...plus, when I talk to my mum, what do I call you now?"
"Nicole?" She laughed and took another long gulp.
"No babes, to my mum are you, just my friend, my lover or my colleague, I have been vague up to now?" Her hand crept towards Nicole's. "What is Butterscotch? Your niece?"
"Butters, hmm, yes, she has Butterscotch Claus in her passport, so yeah, my niece works. As for me whatever you want babes." Nicole removed her hand just after they touched, pushed the chair back and slowly stood up picking up the bottle, holding on to the desk for support. "We need tell Butters she is going on holiday, and we all need to pack enough clean knickers for the pissing rain of Britain. One day will go there when its sunny, I just know I will catch a darn cold." She mused, as she turned looking back at Jess whilst standing in the doorway.
"Oh, Nic, am I in with you, in our, I mean your bed tonight, or my new one down the hallway?"
Nicole chuckled shrugged her shoulders "Yeah babes, mine, I mean ours, I guess if you want..." she replied put the filter between her lips and headed off down the hallway her hips swinging side to side excitedly carrying the bottle as she went.
"Thanks, I was just checking." Jess said with her deepish gravelly voice to the twirling cloud of smoke left behind and sighed loudly pushing smoke further across the room as she rested her chin on her hands, her elbows digging into the desk.
Chapter 8
Leaning against the edge of the unmade bed were two overly large green camping rucksacks budging with the contents. "See told you that you could pack everything in there." Nicole grinned and pointed her fingers at them.
"But if I am staying home, I really need to take the big one home." Jess then pointed at the now emptied suitcase shoved up against the wall next to the chest of drawers. "Not sure we can actually lift them?" She grinned as he gripped her hand through a strap and tried to lift it.
"We will be fine, we have to travel light, and we are not staying long, and you are coming back her with me, I need you here, you are my big one..." Nicole stated adjusting the peak her red baseball cap with NC in large glittery gold letters emblazoned across it, as she tugged her ponytail, and then put her hands on her hips, her figure squished inside overly tight fitted denim jeans, and covered by warm body-hugging fleece, again with matching golden NC embroidered on the side.
Jess bit her bottom lip "If, you are sure?"
"Just stop repeating it otherwise I might just change my mind." Nicole almost growled as she pulled a cigarette from the pack she had wedged tightly in her front pocket, placing the filter between her lips.
"Where has Butters got to?"
"She will be here soon; I sent her to the stores for some supplies, don't worry, she is more punctual than me." Nicole grinned.
"I had noticed." Jess quipped back briefly rolling her eyes, as they both smiled at each other, Nicole then looked away and focused on getting her cigarette lit as they could hear the swishing of thighs down the hallway.
Butterscotch appeared at the door with a concern etched across her small face, she was wearing matching clothes to Nicole, her green cap had BC in gold on it, and matching green hoody fleece with BC embroidered on the chest. Her elf ears hidden behind her unrulily hair poking out under the cap, Jess took in the matching outfits, noticing her black leggings and Christmas tree fleece were decidedly off brand.
"What's a matter Butters?" Nicole asked as she walked over to the bedside unit and picked up the ashtray and walked back where she was standing as she manicured her cigarette ash.
"We've a problem."
Nicole huffed "Go one Butters." Before her eyes closed as her cheeks collapsed around the cigarette.
"Well, you know you asked me to get a carton of cigarettes for the trip."
"Yes, I will need them, we all need them, they are all on the side in the storeroom." Nicole stated with panic in her voice with her thick smoke filled exhale.
"They were Miss."
Nicole let out a large sigh with further smoke within her lungs drifting out. "What Butters?" she licked her lips of the taste of her fresh smoke and nicotine.
"I looked hard, but Alabaster has, according to Twitch, you know, err, well, removed them all."
Nicole sighed, tutted and winced and glared at the wall, before turning back to Butters. "Even the reds?" She looked towards Jess with concern.
Butterscotch turned her lips into a frown and apologetically nodded.
Nicole scowled "Alabaster he is right bastard, I honestly promised to him that I would cut back!" she glared and then pulled hard on her current cigarette, the cherry burning bright red as she did.
"Not to worry!" Jess said clasping her hands together, "We can get some when we are there. I think they still sell them."
"It's not the point!" Nicole glared again angrily stubbing her cigarette out in the ashtray she was holding.
"Are you packed?" Jess asked trying to defuse the situation that clearly wasn't Butterscotch's fault.
"Yes Miss!" Butterscotch nodded.
"So, are we, aren't we Nic?"
Nicole stomped over to the side of the bed banging the ashtray down, it tipped and spilled most of the contents on the side. She shook her head and huffed at the butts, their brown stained filters and black ash now smeared across the wooden top. She turned around, ignoring the problem and then raised her hand to her mouth, coughed to clear her throat, grimaced, then nodded, squatted down to the bed side unit, pulled out the drawer, and pulled out four packs of Marlboro Menthols, she smiled, stood up, raised her head and smiled, "That's me for a couple of days sorted, let's get to despatch, we need to go."
Chapter 9
The two large and one small rucksack got flung on to the large bed with a tired group sigh as the three of them looked around the purple themed and relatively small family room in the cheap city centre Premier Inn hotel room. Check in had been a bit of a faff as the credit card was rejected twice before finally working, and the women were allowed into the room.
Nicole shook her head and fumed as she tugged on the fleece zip. "Alabaster has been a right bastard again."
"Why?" Butterscotch innocently asked, ready to defend her elder.
"Non fucking smoking cheap room!" she huffed as she bounced her bum on the bed and looked around "And to top it off there is no minibar to raid."
"That's not his fault, Miss, about the smoking thing, he said that's the law."
"Oh, at least he bloody warns you, that's good of him, well, I don't care!" she whinged. "I need the silly plastic key, I am going back outside for a smoke, if I can find some shelter from the blinking British rain." she bounced back off the bed, and walked over to the window frame, and turned the handle and pushed, it opened a slither "You can't even open the darn windows." She pushed harder. "For fucks sake, are either of you joining me outside?"
Jess and Butterscotch looked at each other and shook their heads, turning their lips up in a frown "No, I literally just had one on the front doorstep before we came in." Jess replied.
"I am okay too." Butterscotch chipped in too.
Nicole tutted "Fine!" she then moaned and grizzled as she took two attempts to pick the white plastic credit card key off the desk. "I will be back in ten, I am going to need to have a couple, this is just not fun. We need to find a place this girl can get a drink!"
With that she wiggled her hips and pulled at the belt hoop of her jeans, pulling them up again over her smooth glittery red silk knickers and up against bulging marshmallow consistency muffin top and then huffed out the door, attempting to slam it, but it slowly shut on the closer with a gentle quiet click.
Jess chuckled and sat down on the edge of the bed and patted beside her. "Butters, come here, I think we need to have a chat."
"What's actually going on?" Butterscotch asked with genuine concern, taking her cap off her head, and letting her hair frizz free.
Jess went on to explain the best she could why Nicole was so moody, that life was going to change for her, for them all, especially if she actually gets pregnant, and how ill Nick Claus really was, and Alabaster demanded that Nicole find a man, and produce a baby quickly, and that Nicole wasn't ready for the change and she really didn't want it to, Nicole was going to have to grow up, and that was going to be hard for her. It was going to be an interesting couple of days for them all, but they should be okay. But they all had to work together to support Nicole, as she has an interesting adventure. She explained that Alabaster and Nicole had loaded a combination of apps on to the iPad for them to find the selected men. Wherever they were, supermarkets, at work, they had to hunt them down and Nicole had to try and woo them.
"But one thing we must make sure Butters, is that she doesn't bring them all the men back here!" she said looking at the double bed and then the pull out single one on the floor, "I don't want to listen to her scream with pleasure, unless I am the one making her do it!" Jess laughed, coughed, and then laughed some more, and then for the first time in a long time, Butterscotch laughed too.
***
The three of them were all sitting on the edge of the bed huddled around the red Santa Pad balanced on Butterscotch's lap as they stared at the screen, watching the several red dots slowly moving across the map.
"Okay Jess babes, what's the first step?" Asked as she leaned over Butterscotch's shoulder.
"Nic, what do you mean?"
"Well, how do I do this?"
Jess sat up straight, and with shock, swallowed air, then coughed hard, then tapped her hand on her leg as the confusion reigning across her face, "Wait, I thought you and Butters had discussed this with Alabaster?"
Nicole shook her head "No, he gave me a week to get pregnant...that is it...babes, how do I find the right man and then how to I ask him to get me pregnant?"
Jess looked at Nicole as her brown bushy eyebrow slowly raised, and then she glanced down to Butterscotch and then back at Nicole, her mouth moved but no words initially came out, "Wait, what, ask?"
"Yeah, you know, to get pregnant?"
"You've never been taught, have you?"
"Taught what?"
"Birds and the bees?"
Nicole blinked and with her wide blue searching eyes looked blankly back at her.
Jess winced, then smiled, nodded biting her bottom lip and took a deep breath and exhaled, gulped for air, then winced again and nodded as her thoughts turned in her head as Butterscotch and Nicole looked on, "Right, okay Nic, Butters..." she sighed and shook her head again, "...lets head downstairs to the bar, bring the Santa pad with us, we need to choose a man first, and as I now very much now need a smoke, then a very large drink or two before we even try to tackle the next phase, yup, the man hunt properly will have to start tomorrow."
Chapter 10
By the time they had had all got up, taking in turns to use the bathroom, got semi-dressed, gone down for a desperate smoke, come back up to the room for each of them to have a shower, back down for more cigarettes before breakfast, had breakfast, more nicotine and then got back up to the room for Nicole and Jess to do their makeup, it was getting late in the morning.
Whilst Nicole and Jess got ready, they had sent Butterscotch out shopping, but she had returned unsuccessful yet again from buying more cigarettes as the lady behind the till at the corner shop down the road wouldn't believe she was 425 years old as per her passport, and that try and smoke as someone no older than twelve at was silly thing to do, almost threatened with calling the police, and was sent packing without any tobacco.
"Shall we try that young Adam guy first?" Nicole suggested nodding with her face make up done making her look the most girly she had done in her entire life, whilst looking at the screen again.
Jess nodded in agreement "Yes, he heading to the supermarket, that would be useful for all of us." She looked across the room at the last pack of Marlboro's leaning against the kettle in the room and rubbed her lips together.
"How are we going to do this?" Nicole asked.
"I don't know, bump into his trolley or something, use your personality?"
"Can either of you do this for me?" Nicole bit her bottom lip and fluttered her eye lids a couple of times.
Jess looked at Butterscotch and then back to Nicole
"No." they said in unison.
***
Nicole's hand shook as she flicked the lighter and pulled the smoke into her chest, and conducted a deep double pump inhale, before exhaling and letting her smoke drift off within the wind.
"That was embarrassing!" she stated as she instantly brought the filter back to her rosy, red lips and her cheeks concaved once more as she hauled the smoke into lungs.
"Did you speak to him?" Nicole asked.
"He fucking blanked me, I tried batting my eyelids, even pulled my zip down on my fleece in the peas section, just to give him a bit of my chest and he just walked past, didn't even smile." She, tugged at her zip, pulling it back up, then flicked her cigarette to remove the ash and then instantly put the filter back between her lips and pulled again.
"Oh babes, it's difficult, I know, oh, the good news, whilst you were man hunting, we have got a couple fresh pack each. I forgot how expensive it was!" Jess replied digging to the bag and handing Nicole her pack.
"Hallelujah, praise the lord!" Nicole replied grabbing the pack and holding it for dear life. "Shall we find lunch?" As she tilted her head back and dragged yet again on the filter, she exhaled a cone out between her lips "I am starving!" she grinned.
***
"Babes?" Nicole chewed on some fries.
"Yeah?" Jess sighed and licked her lips of the salt particles.
"Its strange?"
"What is?"
Nicole cocked her head to the side listening "There is no Christmas music."
"Nic, its February?"
"I know, but you know, whenever I go anywhere, I hear Christmas songs, they follow me around."
"But McDonalds are not going to play Christmas music in February!"
"I know, but you know...?"
Jess chuckled, "It must be like the Queen and "God Save the Queen" she must think it's played everywhere on a loop with a brass band on every corner." She laughed as she picked up a dozen fries and placed them between her lips and noisily chewed. She then licked her lips "Oh, I do know he is nice?" Jess said as she moved her eyes up and down as took in what she looked at whilst chewing on another handful of fries as they looked across at the queue snaking out the door of the local McDonalds.
Nicole turned her head and followed where Jess was looking and her eyes widened at the neatly dressed man as he stood in the queue, "Oh, he is, ooh is he on the tablet Butters?"
Butterscotch tutted as she wiped her greasy hands on her legs and then dug into the rucksack and pulled out the Santa Tab and swished her finger across the screen, then wiped some more of the grease off her fingers on a napkin as she waited for it kick itself in to life, she wobbled her head side to side waiting for it to load. She tapped, swiped, and hummed to herself as Jess and Nicole took in the guy at the counter. Butterscotch then pulled a face and screwed her nose up and shook her head.
"Sorry Miss Claus, no, definitely not. He is very much on the naughty list, has been for years."
"Oh, how annoying Butters." Nicole replied before putting the paper straw between her lips and sucking hard on the strawberry milkshake, her cheeks again collapsed as she pulled hard and swallowed loudly licking her lips. "We are never going to find anyone." She huffed as she tapped her pack beside the tray.
"Oh babes, we will, there are plenty of fish in this sea. We will hook the right one." Jess grinned and fluttered her eye lids a couple of times before picking up her Big Mac burger and taking another chunk out of it.
Butterscotch made a thoughtful noise making both look at her "So, ladies, I have found Mark Eldan the divorcee with two kids already, so we know it's working, he is up at the village pub, just out of town." She announced as she studied the screen closely.
"Oh, we can get a taxi and find him." Nicole mooted with her hands wrapped around her milkshake. "I could do with a drink." She grinned and the sucked on the straw once more.
"Oh, I know that one, it's a lovely country pub, we can walk up the footpath to it." Jess suggested. "The footpath starts not far from the corner over there." She pointed through the window at the carpark of the fast-food restaurant.
"Up?" Nicole queried blinking a couple of times with a pained expression on her face, her thick makeup cracking as her face creased.
Chapter 11
Jess carefully placed the two pints of lager and an orange juice on the table and then dropped the three packets of crisps from between her teeth, before settling down on the table, pulling her zip up under chin, shivering and picking up her drink. "Cheers!" the girls clinked their pint of lager glasses together under the umbrella on the wooden bench outside n the granite-built pub.
They took a gulp each and sighed.
"That hill was far too steep!" Nicole shook her head as she complained then she flicked as she knocked the ash into the brewery sponsored ashtray on the table and took a gulp of the beer. "My idea of a taxi would have been far easier on my legs and lungs!" she sighed loudly and took a another required hit on her cigarette.
"And both your legs are longer, and lungs bigger than mine!" Butterscotch sniped back as she put a filter between her lips and flicked her lighter.
