Summer Hire Ch. 07

Melissa blushed and stammered, "I guess, I mean, it's just that, well, sure it was kind of... really wonderful. So I guess we could, sometime..."

Deborah smiled, "Hey, I really did like it. You... you're a pretty cool person. I think I see some of why Erik likes you. And yeah, sure, we can get together again. It doesn't just have to be for awesome girly sex." She smiled mischievously, "We'll leave time for other stuff."

"Thanks. That would be... nice. Does that mean I have to go back to swallowing 'dick snot' though? Yuck."

"Afraid so. And hey, come on, it wasn't that bad swapping Erik's cum. You weren't just faking it out there. I could tell that you were really into it."

"Well, I sort of got turned on, by you actually. And it was really hot, knowing that what we were doing was making the guys all horny. I mean, for God's sake, they went down on each other. That kind of thing didn't happen in any of the porn films that I ever got conned into watching. Sure, I mean, the girls in the movie make a big deal about how much they like sharing some guy's load, but..."

"That's just acting. Being a submissive, on the other hand, is fundamentally different. A true submissive gets turned on just by the effect that she's having on her Master. Sure, there's a little bit of theater, but it's not fake. You weren't just pretending. You were turned on by what we were doing. That's the key thing."

"Okay... I've got a friend. He's gay, and he said something a lot like that. That I had to get to a place where I really liked swallowing down somebody's cum. Playing with it, even. Like licking it off my fingers and all. But that if I were only faking it, then it wouldn't work, and I shouldn't bother doing it. He said that guys have this big thing about their cum being this huge precious deal, and it gets them all happy to know that somebody really wants it."

Deborah thought about what Melissa said for a moment, then replied, "Yeah, wow, I guess a gay guy would know. Sure. I never really thought about it from that perspective. But still, I can't believe a gay guy would like the taste of cum any more than anyone else, except for what it does for his partner. That's what makes it work.

"Anyway, like your gay friend, sucking down my Master's cum is something that I can get honestly excited about. I can get past the whole taste/texture thing because I know how much he likes watching me suck it down, and that makes my little sub-self happy. My problem with Erik was that, try as I might, I just couldn't get into that same sort of place when it came to being spanked and whipped. I could, sort of, but it was more a matter of being enthusiastically willing to submit to him, but not ever really getting off on it. The thing is -- Erik's too good of a dom. He could tell the difference, and I couldn't fake it -- I wouldn't want to fake it. The feelings have to be real. So the whole thing felt sort of wrong and empty to him, because he knew that it wasn't really fun for me.

"That part of his kink is really important to him. Please understand, it's not like he wants to hurt somebody. It's really important to him that the other person gets off on being spanked as much as he likes spanking. But that wasn't me. On the other hand, he doesn't like a total pain slut either."

"A pain slut?"

"Yeah. That's somebody whose wiring is completely crisscrossed. A hardcore pain slut can get a little scary, because they keep on wanting more. And that's just not safe. They wind up getting hurt, for real. Nasty stuff. Plus, they get drawn to people who are into abusing others for their own jollies, like those psychopaths I was talking about. In truth, I really feel sorry for serious pain sluts. It's a pretty fucked-up way to live."

Melissa felt her stomach drop, worried she might be the sort of pain slut Deborah was describing. She hesitatingly asked, "So, if you like getting spanked, then, like, that means you're a pain slut?"

Deborah saw the fear underlying Melissa's question. Reaching over, Deborah patted her reassuringly on the knee. "No, no. I was talking about hardcore pain sluts. That sure as hell isn't you. I knew that much about you right away. Don't worry. There's plenty of people who aren't hardcore pain sluts, but who do really enjoying being spanked. Sometimes those people even come, big time orgasm, just from being spanked. So yeah, there's plenty of people who like being spanked, but aren't serious pain sluts.

"My problem was, though, I just don't get off on being spanked, ever." Deborah stopped suddenly and looked at Melissa wide-eyed, "Oh man, you do, don't you? I am so fucking jealous! This totally sucks. You're beautiful, you've got great tits, you're smart, spunky -- not some wimpy little submissive -- Erik hates those, and you're tall -- oh God, he loves tall. Shit! It's just not fair!"

"Uh, but you're way prettier than I am," Melissa protested, "and you've got an incredible looking body, with amazing breasts..."

"Look, thanks, but I'm not in my twenties anymore. And these," Deborah pointed to her breasts, "they cost more than my first car, and that was a Lexus. Well, a used Lexus, just coming off lease. Anyway, those pert little puppies," she pointed at Melissa's breasts, "well, not so little, anyway, they're still original equipment, aren't they?"

Melissa nodded sheepishly.

Deborah looked truly upset, "Life is just so fucking unfair." She shook her head, calming down a little, "It wasn't like Erik was looking to marry me and settle down anyway."

Melissa asked softly, "Was that what you wanted?"

Deborah's expression turned wistful, "I don't know. It was almost two years ago. I was just turning 30. Kids weren't so important to me back then, but yeah, I wanted something more. Don't get me wrong, Michael's great, but he's already had kids and a marriage. Of course, his marriage went south. Imagine a vanilla wife who couldn't stand his kink. She went apeshit when he when outside for it. The thing was, he never had intercourse with any of them. Oh well. She's an ass -- his ex, I mean. The thing is, Michael's done with marriage, kids, and all that. Plus, he's a lot older than me.

"So, I don't know. I'm working 12 hours a day, making shit loads of money, but I like being tied up for sex. So, you know, it's a pretty weird combination. Problem is, us currency traders, we're an obnoxious, totally aggressive bunch. The men, and it's still mostly men, they're real He-Men. Like I said, I can run with the best of them, and I outperform most of them, but, God forbid, if anyone at work ever found out I'm a submissive, they'd totally trash my reputation on the trading floor. It's like a boy's locker room, and those little boys gossip like no one's business. They'd make my life hell.

Deborah sighed, then continued more thoughtfully, "So my social world is completely divided in two, the people at work and the kink community. I really don't know anybody else. Finding that 'special someone' and starting a family, it just isn't working for me." She closed her eyes, momentarily fighting back a look of pain. Abruptly, she straightened up and said bitterly, "Well boo-fucking-hoo. Feeling sorry for myself is a waste of time!"

Melissa reached out and took Deborah's hands in hers. A dam inside Deborah seemed to suddenly break, and she fell forward against Melissa, fighting back against quiet sobs. At first, Melissa went rigid, frightened by the sudden intensity of the emotions. She relaxed as she realized how much Deborah seemed to have needed this moment. Melissa reached up and slowly stroked Deborah's hair.

After a few minutes, Deborah's tears slowed, then stopped. She said quietly into Melissa's shoulder, "I'm such a hopeless ass. I'm so sorry."

Melissa continued stroking Deborah's hair. She answered, "I think you're an amazing woman. I... I don't know... I'm so grateful for everything you've told me. You've been open, and incredible, in ways I couldn't have imagined. I mean, all this stuff has me really off-balance. Scared, sometimes, maybe a lot of the time."

Melissa laughed, then explained further, "My best friend at school is a gay man. I mean, he's great, but I don't really get along with any of the girls there. Sorry, I mean 'women.' No 'girls' allowed in the Ivy League. Anyway, whatever the fuck those females are, they just don't get me. They think I'm weird. And maybe I am." She paused, thinking. "The hell with it, of course I am!

"And do you know what's totally screwed up? I feel more comfortable here, wearing this see-through lace dress and these stupid fucking six inch heels; holding a beautiful, naked woman; hanging out with some really kinky dudes -- I still can't believe that he really pisses in your mouth, wow, now that's so fucking weird -- anyway, I'm more comfortable here than I've felt all year. Hell, maybe more than I've ever felt in my life. So if you're screwed up, yeah, well I guess I'm fucked up right along with you."

Deborah sat back up, smiled, and wiped her eyes. "Thank you for that. Dear God, I wish you were a total bitch or something. It would be so much easier to hate you for having a real chance with Erik, which I never did." Then she shook her head, sadly. "Not that it's likely to make any difference. He's an incredible man, but he's way too much of an island unto himself. And the thing is, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know it."

Deborah reached over to a tissue box on the counter, pulled out a tissue, and blew her nose. Then she giggled, then held it out to Melissa, "Want some dick snot?"

"Ew, gross!"

They both collapsed into laughter, holding each other.

Interlude

Erik glanced over from his driving to see that Melissa was still scrolling through the songs on his phone. The drive back home had settled into a companionable silence. When they were leaving the city, she had asked to see his musical taste and he had handed over his phone. She played bits and pieces over the car's speakers, occasionally smiling in amusement or nodding in agreement.

Suddenly, she burst out loud laughing, "Neil Diamond!"

"Hey, that's my uncle's favorite song. It's on there because it reminds me of him."

She stared over at him, assessing. "You're just a softy, aren't you?"

"Hah! When it comes to my uncle, always."

"What's his name?"

"Jacob. Uncle Jake." Erik stared out at the dark road ahead, feeling a little uncomfortable talking about his uncle.

Melissa seemed to notice. She fell into a thoughtful silence, and then went back to going through his music.

In the quiet dimness of the car, Erik found himself wondering about his feelings toward Melissa. He hadn't really considered his own feelings up to now. As usual, he had mostly operated on instinct. When they first met, something had just clicked for him with Melissa, so he had pursued that feeling with the same single-mindedness that had served him well in business.

At first, he thought his attraction to Melissa was the same as his other flings over the past few years, but now he wasn't so sure. He had shocked himself by casually committing to a full summer, assuming she really stuck it out. He hadn't had a relationship that long for years. And he was between assignments. They'd both be around each other most of every day. He shook his head, wondering what the hell he'd done.

Stealing another quick glance over at her, he couldn't say that he regretted his impulsive action, at least not yet. She was very attractive; perhaps not "drop-dead" supermodel gorgeous, but as far as he was was concerned, she was beautiful. Something real and wonderful danced in his heart when he looked at her. He knew, of course, that most of this reaction was hormones at this stage. The rush of an unfolding relationship was always strong in the beginning. But more than that, far more than he had hoped, she seemed to be the sort of sub who resonated completely with him, her yin matching his yang. He was sure there would be places where their interests diverged, but what was in consonance seemed very strong.

Her willingness to throw caution to the winds was amazing. While her willingness to embrace new things was delightful, it also scared him. The responsibility of being her guide into this world felt weighty, and her trust in him was a bit intimidating. He also worried about what he didn't know. Many of his former partners had turned out to have emotional landmines hidden away. Some of those carefully hidden surprises had been truly unpleasant.

Melissa interrupted his musing to ask a question about what it was like dating Deborah. He had been so lost in thought that it took him a moment to respond.

"Ah yeah, we went out for awhile. Deborah's, well, she's awesome. I guess you could probably see that. So we had a nice time. At the end of the day, though, it turned out that we were looking for different things. I still think she's a special woman. I know Michael feels that way. Plus you two seemed to have hit it off really well."

She replied wryly, "Yeah, well I guess having you order her to eat me out sort of got us off to a bang, so to speak."

Erik laughed, a little chagrined. "Hey, it worked out pretty well. Besides, I warned you what your duties would be."

"True," she agreed. "All true. But... is that the way it is in this kink world of yours? Just hooking up for awhile, then drifting on. I mean, it seems kind of lonely."

"To tell you the truth, I'm not sure how it compares to the vanilla world. I didn't date much before I stumbled into kink, but I do have some kink friends who are in long-term committed relationships. Some of them even have kids and all. I'm just not sure the idea of a soccer mom with a ball gag in her purse works for me. It just seems a little weird, mixing kids and a white picket fence together with kink."

"What's wrong with a soccer mom whose got a... ball gag? I mean in her purse."

"Ah sure... I'll show you what a ball gag is when we get back home. As for what's wrong, well, the world I live in doesn't have much of a place for all those normal suburban expectations. I mean, me personally, I'm away for months at a time. My love life is... somewhat unusual. Plus, the truth is that most of my relationships haven't been very long-term. Anyway, with all that, I have a hard time seeing myself settling down, going to parent-teacher nights, that sort of thing."

"Can't see it? Or won't?" she asked bluntly. "Are you sure it's the whole kink thing or is it just that you're not willing to risk loving?"

He felt an angry jolt stiffen his back. "Sounds like Dr. Phil psychobabble to me."

She paused for a minute, considering. Then she said, "I know you look like some hard-edged, big-business, dominant macho man, but the Erik that I've seen, most of the time, well, you're obviously thoughtful and... I don't know, compassionate. That last bit, though, was easily the most jerk-ass thing I've ever heard you say, which is kind of telling me that something hit a bit close to home there."

He froze, wanting to yell at her. Instead, he forced himself to consider what she had just said. He knew there was something in what she said that he didn't want to see. Giving himself some maneuvering room, he said, "You're pretty fearless, aren't you?"

She nodded in agreement. "Sometimes." Then she looked out her side window. "Other times, the good little Catholic girl in me stays quiet. Then the crap builds up, till I explode." She turned back to him, "It's better when I can stay on top of it. Feel it. Say it. Don't hide it."

He nodded, agreeing with her, without looking away from the road ahead.

She continued, "If a boyfriend can't handle it, then to hell with him. Of course, I haven't had a lot of good long-term relationships either, so what the hell do I know?"

He nodded again, then said softly, "Apparently more than I do." He stared ahead at the road for awhile more. "Okay, so you're right. I'm chicken when it comes to risk in a relationship. The thing is, my saying that doesn't mean that it'll all magically change, but it also doesn't mean that you're wrong. I guess the truth is that I knew, at some level, what Deborah wanted, and it scared me. So I ran. It was a lame-assed thing to do. I owe her an apology."

The highway exit was coming up. He didn't talk again until he was on the secondary road that went to his house. "But my being cautious in relationships, that also doesn't mean that Deborah and I were well matched... in our needs. I mean our kink needs. I've been there before -- trying to make a relationship work when there just isn't a good fit between what each person needs. The compromises build up, and it gets really frustrating. It's like vanilla and kink trying to stay together. Something usually comes off the tracks. People can love each other, but if they don't coexist sexually, well... I mean, it's like a woman who finally discovers her husband's gay, even though he was trying as hard as he could to be straight. They might both really love each other, but it's not a happy place to be."

He shook his head sadly and continued, "All that said, I still can't argue your point. Wanting some distance, some safety in a relationship, that's part of why I'm a dom -- why I like control." He shook his head. "I don't know. I've got to think about it. You should be warned, though, even if I'm pretty good at figuring out other folks' needs and motivations, I'm not so good at looking at myself. In truth, I pretty much suck at it."

She grinned, "Well then it's a good thing that I'm so bashful about calling you on your shit."

He snorted and shook his head again. "Dear God," he gestured imploringly to the night sky racing past the windshield, "what manner of incubus did I invite unknowingly into my home? Please God, what could I have possibly done to deserve such a fate?"

Melissa laughed, "This little incubus will suck your very soul out of the deep recesses where you've hidden it away. And then, you dastardly fiend, your naked self will be exposed to the light of day."

"'Dastardly?' That sounds like fun. I can work with that. 'Naked soul,' 'light of day'? Not so much. But dastardly is good."

Melissa paused, then asked, "Wait a second, isn't "incubus" the masculine form? I'm pretty sure you meant 'succubus.'"

"Oh no! She cuts me to the quick. You're right again. Oh you awful, terrible woman. You're destroying my manhood. Shredding it -- I tell you. My self-image of mastery lies in ruins about my feet. You are indeed a cruel and heartless creature."

"Yep, that's me. Vicious destroyer of puffed-up and insecure men."

"Ouch! Now that was just plain mean and nasty. Impolite, even. You'll pay for that."

"Promises, promises..."

"We're nearly home. Then we'll see."

Melissa sat back in her seat, slipping her hand up between her legs. "I can't wait," she moaned in an exaggerated tone. Then she giggled, breaking the rising sexual tension.

Erik laughed with her. In another quick shift, however, Melissa grew more pensive. Looking over at him, she said, "You may say that you don't do introspection, but when I called you on your shit, you seemed pretty damn open and honest. I don't think I've ever known a guy who didn't get all defensive and pissy when I called him on something like that. I'm not sure what I was expecting from you, but wow! You really surprised me."

Erik felt more off-center than he liked. He was finding it hard to keep up with Melissa's shifts. He nodded, giving himself some more time.

Finally, he said, "I promised myself a long time ago not to lie, to myself or others. Living with my grandparents felt so... disconnected from reality, never saying what you meant, always searching for the coded meaning behind what others said. What made it really glaring was being around my uncle, who was so completely real. He showed me, by example, how important it is to listen to other people, even if what they are saying is uncomfortable. In fact, when it's uncomfortable, that's usually when it's most important to listen with an open heart. For me, my own angry feeling of resistance is my most important cue that there's likely a truth somewhere in what the other person's saying, and it's really important for me to hear it."