Sun and Sea Ch. 05

Sun and Sea: It's All True, I Love You!

Narrator: Rohit

We were now a couple and were together for more than a year. I had started college to get my Bachelor's degree in Economics and Anu was in his 12th standard, a model student, always first in class. I never told anyone but in the town of that size they knew, two good looking boys always together was not a difficult equation to solve. Anu kept to himself so no one asked him about us but I was questioned repeatedly and I didn't accept or deny it. I was in love with this idiot, the happiest in my life and proud to be with him. If I denied the rumour of being in love they would have thought I was doing drugs because the way I acted now, like I was high all the time. I was better at everything and constantly elated. I would bounce on my feet till I met him after he was done at school and then were together every minute till I dropped him home. It started with me waiting to pick him up on a corner road first but in the time we were together, I changed my parking spot slowly and finally at the gate of his school and he progressed from greeting me with a nod to a hug and lasting a few seconds more each time.

His parents knew but ignored it and we were constantly at my place, gym or Café Noor. Anu had started singing at Café Noor but his songs were heartfelt and his own, the café got extremely popular for indie music and Open Mic, with other artists showcasing their talents solo or collaborating with him. I would just work there behind the beverage counter and beam at him with pride and love. This idiot here made me crazy and sane at the same time.

I had gone to pick Anu to celebrate his 18th Birthday eve and was standing at the entrance of the cafe looking at Anu, finishing a Hindi song "All you need is that person to fall in love." and he looked at me. It may have been a coincidence but I wanted to shout out across the room to him, "You are that person Anu and I LOVE YOU!" But I had promised him so I just stood there staring and when he smiled at me, I stared some more with a big smile plastered on me like a complete idiot in love.

Bhumi stopped me on my way to the kitchen of the cafe, "Rohit! I know you and Anu are together and he tells me and the news is you have come out to everyone important to you, but you know our family right! Anu may not be able to do it till he gets out of our home." She looked expectantly towards me, wanting to know my intentions and future of her twin brother and best friend.

People started talking about me as I came out to everyone who asked but did not exclusively divulge the name of my boyfriend. I smiled at her itching to say it aloud to someone for sometime now, I had the response rehearsed in my head for so long.

"Bhumi, I love that mess sitting there and staring at us right now wondering if we are talking about him. I know now more than ever after spending so much time with him, I have loved him from the first time I saw him at your restaurant on that chair under that light and I will love him till he wants me to and then will love him without telling him. We are in this forever and I will do whatever it takes and stalk him wherever he goes to be with him. That guy there, your brother is my soulmate."

We celebrated his 18th Birthday, just the two of us in my car with a muffin and one candle but I have never seen Anu so happy. "This is my best birthday ever, so much better than the way we were treated at my 17th birthday by my parents at my place last year. I shouldn't have called you." He said this a hundredth time in the past 12 months as he opened the gifts I had bought for him. I smiled and kissed him, sharing a bit of the muffin with him, "You know I will happily do it again, I was not going to leave you alone in your room on your birthday anyways and ever. And next year we are having a real birthday party and you have no say in it. On your 18th, I want you only for me but on the 19th, we share it with everyone."

He looked down, his hair falling on his face. "You know I topped my class again." He tried changing the subject and turned around to keep the gifts in the back seat. "I want to do something special on your birthday." I insisted. "I am special!" He blushed and smiled, touching my face softly. "Shit! See you can make me do anything you want, with words and a look. You are dangerous to me!" I kissed him, keeping the muffin on the dashboard and moving on top of him on the passenger seat, hurting my back and scraping my arm.

"Fuck RK! You are crushing me, you fucking tree!" Anu started giggling as he pushed me away, I pressed my weight on him more and kept kissing his face as he moved it away. "We need a bigger car!" He was now laughing heartily.

I quickly opened the driver's side door, got out and opened the passenger door and picked Anu out of the car, making him giggle even more. "You know how emasculating this is? Being picked up from the car, off my feet by a man!" but he weaved his hands around my neck and kissed my cheek and neck. "We do it in the wild today." I was laughing with him but was extremely turned on by a happy Anu.

"I swear, If I get bitten by any creepy crawlies in there, I will break off with you and become a monk." he laughed. "I have arranged for a room there,Cutie!, I am not putting my most precious thing on the ground." I kissed him and put him on his feet, held his hand and guided him to my friend's farm house I had arranged for the night.

"How many psychopaths do you know? Looks like everyone in your circle owns a murder cabin." He wondered but followed me. "You tell everyone we are together and I will not have to find such places." I said it with a smile but meant every word.

"I will baby, give me time and I will say it to the world that you are mine." He promised.

I got up to keep the cups in the kitchen as Anu recounted some of our fun time together, like when we are playing WWE moves and I was giving Anu a chokeslam when Pa walked in and thought I was hitting him. Pa started hitting me with his slipper almost immediately and chasing me around the house till Anu stopped him, laughing hysterically which Pa joined and I pouted at them all night.

Some things you don't talk about but these episodes live in your memory vividly forever. For me it is the first time I saw Anu, our first kiss, the day he came to see me after us loosing our virginity together and our first almost breakoff.

Around Diwali time, a couple of months before our 2nd anniversary, Pa and I had to go to Amritsar for a week for a family gathering. This was before FaceTime and unlimited minutes. The first couple of days were fun, meeting my cousins and seeing the place and trying the local food. I and Anu talked on the phone at night but not as much as I wanted to, since he had to use the public phone. I told him about my time in Amritsar and he constantly spoke about cricket practice and the team.

On the third day, I got restless and lonely without Anu and that night we didn't speak much as he was tired from practice and wanted to sleep. On the fourth morning I woke up sad and irritable, constantly thinking about Anu and missing him. By the weekend I was angry, angry at me for coming here for so long without him and at Anu for letting me go.

I was also experiencing a new nasty feeling, as Anu spoke about his teammates, especially Ravi, a career guy. His parents were doctors and he was studying to go to the UK for medical college, so basically he was a nice looking rich boy who was way smarter than me. The feeling of jealousy was new for me and completely unpleasant, by the end of the trip, I was not much of a company for anyone including myself.

I dropped Pa and left the luggage at the door and drove back to look for Anu. Bhumi picked up the call at the restaurant and told me he was at the school grounds for practice. I reached there but couldn't get in without my ID. I walked around to the public gate of the school cricket ground and saw it was only Ravi and Anu practising on the pitch. Anu was bowling in different styles and Ravi was batting them. They were laughing and Ravi would run to Anu after every ball. Laughing and talking, coming very close to him.

When he suddenly hugged Anu, I saw red, "This is it, I will kill this motherfucker!" I muttered and shouted, "ANU!" He looked around and spotted me, Ravi instantly moving a foot away from him. Anu dropped the ball and ran to me without looking back, smiling ear to ear, but my eyes were fixed on Ravi.

As Anu reached me, I hugged him to me, a little longer and more intimately than we used to because of his fear of getting in trouble with his parents, "You done?" I asked without looking at him, jealousy and anger now mixed into something vile and moving around my head. He turned around and waved at Ravi and got in the car. I sneered at Ravi and got in.

"How was the trip? What did you get for me? Was it cold? It has been crazy cold here for the last two days." Anu started talking as he laced his fingers into mine over the gear stick.

"Why was he hugging you?" I blurted out still not looking at him.

"Oh! I was telling him that he has a bad left side defence and he was showing me ....."

"Can't he do it without touching you?" I interrupted him in a clipped tone.

"Stop the car!" Anu said quietly.

"Sorry! I ..." I panicked, my anger now changing to fear.

"Stop... the... car... Rohit!" He enunciated each word separately.

As soon as I stopped the car on the side of the lonely driveway to our street, Anu got out.

I was now in full panic mode. This is it! I thought, I fucked it up. I am going to lose Anu and will live in our spot on this street, a mad homeless man without him.

He came and wrapped his hands around my neck and kissed my chin, as I was standing next to the car, my hands on my side and head hung. I automatically covered him with my large arms.

"You Jealous, Kakar?" he said playfully, rubbing his body to mine, his gym shorts and thin t-shirt unable to hide his arousal.

I looked at his large green eyes for the first time that day and lost my ability to form intelligent words, "I missed you and I don't want anyone hugging you. You are mine!" I said stupidly and pouted.

He pressed into me hugging me tighter, licking my neck, "Then prove it!"

I almost cried, relieved that he was still here with me and ecstatic to know I was stupid to think that Anu would ever even think of leaving me.

"You know I love you na! And I am a meathead, so you will need to ignore my drama." I said covering his face with small kisses.

"Hmmm! I missed your meathead! And you have nothing to worry, I have told you this many times and will say it again and again all our lives, I am yours! I am crazy for you and there was, is and will be no one else. " He kissed me and I kissed him back, like two crazy boys in love, with young people optimistic myopia that everything will be great and we will be happy ever after.

"And by the way, Ravi and Bhumi are together, why do you think the doctor-to-be was trying so hard to bond with me?" He smiled and kissed my chin. "But I think you scared the shit out of him, standing there, staring him down and flexing your body, readying for a cock-fight." He said as he groped me, "Now do I get some action or I find myself another cock?"

I grabbed a fistful of his silky hair gently and nibbled his ear, "You will not be able to walk for days, Randhawa!" and I pushed him inside my car, like I had promised him on our first date at that very spot.

So we were not the only ones in love, Bhumi met and fell for Ravi one year her senior, the second best guy in our town. Between the Randhawa twins, they got the best looking boys, gay and straight. Like us they were a hot and extremely good looking couple, not as much as us but ya they were a distant second.

If I was crazy about Anu, Ravi couldn't take his eyes off Bhumi and Anu fought his inner demons for me, Bhumi fought her parents for Ravi. The way their mother was and the stifling home environment made them yearn for love and were lucky to find it with us. And we were just fortunate to be in the town and of their age when they moved here, just glad to have met them.

It was their 19th birthday and Bhumi fought her way to invite me for Anu. We didn't really care, if their parents didn't want to invite me, we would have just eloped after he cut the cake and celebrated with him.

I had arranged for a secret birthday party for Anu at Café Noor not expecting to be invited to their house party, but when Bhumi insisted I was there in front of everyone on his birthday, we moved the venue from their home to the café. It was a surprise for everyone on how many friends Anu had made and how talented they were including his parents. We threw caution to the air and were together as a couple in a party, letting them go to hell for all it was worth. I had invited everyone to my boyfriend's birthday party then why should we hide? Midway his mom left and his Dad had to follow her but not before hugging his children and finally hugging me, whispering "Thank You!" the two words loaded with everything he wanted to say to me for bringing Anu back to us.

I sang an old love song badly for Anu but the cake I had baked was a hit. After his parents left, Anu was open and free to express himself and didn't mind my PDA.

He stopped my heart and resurrected it repeatedly as he sat side by side with me on the floor in the middle of the circle formed by our friends and my family, and sang for me a song written for us by him.

"I fell endlessly, never reaching the ground ... held by you and was found.

Not able to form words, so I said it with my eyes.

But when I fit into your arms like this, I know it's not fair to make you live my lies.

Let me be honest at last ... It's all true, I love you.

I was lost till you looked at me and made me trust. Now I don't need the world I live in, there is a new world, just for us.

So I am being honest today, tired of this false shame. Together we are new ...and alone we will never be the same.

It's all true, I love you. I say it out loud, never been so proud ...just as simple as it's true, I love you!"

All of our friends old and new cheering for us including Mumaani, her sons and Pa.

In the middle of the party both Anu and Bhumi went missing. I stepped out looking for him worried as he never leaves my side when we are together. We tell each other even if we have to use the washroom so it was unlike us, for him to disappear on me.

I found him holding Bhumi in the dark backyard near the dumpster sitting on the steps with Ravi standing and heard someone crying loudly. My first thought went for Anu, I am selfish when it comes to him. I was next to him in a flash glaring at Ravi but it was he who was crying.

"What?" I gathered Anu in my arms as Ravi kneeled on the ground holding Bhumi's hand and laid his head on her lap sobbing. "You alright honey? What's with him? Eh Ravi! What's wrong?"

They didn't answer but Anu held on to me tightly, instinctively making me angry at Ravi, I pressed my body to Anu, kneeling in front of him, pulling him almost on my lap. He hid his face in my chest.

"RAVI?" I had started to lose my temper. Why is he hurting Anu? If he has some issue with Bhumi, why is he dragging my Anu in it? But the scene changed in seconds. Ravi moved from his position in front of Bhumi and laid his forehead on my shoulder and continued crying. I reluctantly extracted my hand from Anu, placed it around his neck and held Ravi to me, "Someone please tell me what's going on? Ravi please!"

"I am leaving tonight for Birmingham, my student visa has been cleared but the university doesn't start in the next two months. My Dad is sending me to the UK because I told him about me and Bhumi. Our parents spoke and they decided this is the best course of action."

"So what? You can keep in touch and if you still feel the same about each other, this can continue after your studies are done." I suggested without believing one word I said, I knew I would be lost and driven mad if Anu had to leave me so suddenly. All joy will be sucked out of my life just the way Ravi was feeling now.

"It's our parents again." Anu said.

"We are 19! Anu, what do you expect our parents to do?" Bhumi was the voice of logic between us. "Ravi, I will never forget you but you are not bound to me or us, you concentrate on your career. If we are meant to be then we will meet in the future."

"We are meant to be, Mee, I never wanted to be with anyone, my focus was to study and reach the UK. But you are not just a fling or infatuation, you made me better, my personality, my confidence, my grades everything has improved after meeting you. My life is better, you make me better. I can't leave you, we both will be miserable. Please come with me and let's talk to our parents, we will beg them, there are medical schools in Delhi, they are closer, we will be closer. The UK is very far from you, how will I come back if I want to? It will take me a year to just save money for tickets. Please please Mee, please." He again held on to her hands, kneeling, pleading and crying.

In the end logic won and the heart lost the debate. Ravi left desolate and defeated, leaving Bhumi broken but dry eyed. Anu held on to me, asking me to not leave him like this wordlessly, I hugged him tighter, promising, never.

I dropped Bhumi home while Anu went back to his party to wrap up. Bhumi was silent through the drive, no words and no tears. She got down and walked to her home never looking back, lifelessly, going about the motions like an automation.

When I reached Café Noor, the guests had gone and Anu, Hussain, Khursid and Gafur were wrapping up. Anu and Hussain had become good friends now. As soon as I walked up the steps, Hussain signalled Anu to go. "Rohit Bhai, you guys go home, we are almost done here." We hugged them and said our goodbyes.

I and Anu walked silently to the car with our hands in our pockets. As we turned to the vacant driveway, Anu came up and hugged me from behind, pressing his face to my back and his hands around my waist. I grabbed his hands with mine in front of me and leaned my back to touch him as much as I could.

"Even if I am stupid enough to try and let you go like Bhumi did to Ravi, don't listen to me, don't go please, I will never mean it. I will say it but will secretly want you to say no, want you to refuse to leave me. Please I am an idiot and messed up, but I will die without you, never listen to me please."

"I can't let go of you, Arnesh Randhawa, I just can't. I can't even fight with you, I look at you and I can't help but smile even if I am irritated or miserable. I look at your eyes and forget what I was saying and lose my thread of thoughts. I am saying all this because I can't see you right now or would have just kept looking at you, even if you tell me or I want to, I can't it's impossible for me."

"Good, don't let me go and if I run away come and find me".

"I promise baby, I will stalk you forever."