Surefoot 15: Flinch

Especially when four of them, the cadets from Delta and Epsilon Squads, seemed more interested in gossip, led by Zajan, Delta's Suliban Science Specialist and Guforg, their Tellarite Engineering Specialist. Guforg led the conversation, clicking her hooves for punctuation as her beady black eyes lit up with glee over her narrative. "I swear, it's true! She cried. She was actually crying! The Captain had to go over and console her. It was a pathetic sight."

"You're kidding. That big blue bruiser? Hard to believe."

Zajan grunted. "Yeah. Well, I'm not counting on that Flinch to watch my back-"

"HEY!" Jonas nearly dropped the panel in his hands as he rose to his feet and glared at them. "Watch who you're calling that!"

Zajan smirked. "I call 'em as I see 'em. You weren't there."

"I don't have to be! I know she's not that!"

Guforg chuckled, clicking her hooves in amusement. "You sweet on that Flinch?"

Jonas strode towards them, as the other cadets rose, some stepping forward to physically intervene. He ignored them. "I said don't call her that!"

Kit drew up as well. "Forgive my ignorance, Good Friend Jonas, but what is the meaning behind this disagreement?"

Jonas never took his eyes off the offending cadets, nodding towards them. "They're insulting Neraxis! Calling her a Flinch!"

"Forgive my continued ignorance, Good Friend Jonas-"

"It's a midshipmen's term, Kit," Beta Squad's Nancy Yeager explained, shooting dirty looks at the Deltas and Epsilons. "A nasty one. It means someone who's a coward."

Kit seemed to absorb this, then turned politely to the new cadets. "I understand. I must respectfully correct you. I can assure you that Good Friend Neraxis is not a coward. I have personally witnessed her in physical combat against Nausicaans and Ferasans. She has proven to be a dauntless individual."

Zajan smirked again. "She wasn't so dauntless on the bridge today. In fact I think she left a big blue puddle on her seat-"

Jonas charged at him, as the rest of the cadets swarmed in to pull the two men apart, voices raised.

Until one new voice dropped them all into silence. "Explain yourselves." T'Varik stepped into the centre, eyeing them all coldly. "I said explain yourselves." When no one was forthcoming, she turned to Jonas. "Mr Ostrow?"

He straightened himself up, shaking the hands holding him and staring at Zajan and Guforg. "They accused Neraxis of cowardice. Called her a Flinch."

"That is no excuse for aggressive behaviour. Report to my office immediately."

Jonas started, as if about to question why he seemed to be singled out, before nodding, "Yes, Ma'am."

As he departed, the smirks from Zajan, Guforg and several other of the newer cadets vanished as T'Varik focused on them. "Was the aforementioned insult employed by yourselves?"

Zajan's pebbled green skin was shifting in colour with the scrutiny, an obvious genetic holdover from his people's genetic experiments of centuries before. "Yes, Commander, but it was-"

"I did not ask for an explanation, Cadet. And was it in reference to the events that I know you and Cadet Guforg witnessed on the bridge today?"

Somehow his colours seemed to race more. "Yes, Commander, but-"

"I still have not asked for an explanation. Captain Hrelle provided you with information regarding the nature of the exercise you witnessed. You were also ordered not to discuss the events with anyone else. Did you wilfully disobey his orders, or did you simply forget?"

Zajan looked to Guforg, allowing the Tellarite to reply, "We, ah, forgot, Commander."

T'Varik nodded at that. "Your replicator credits are revoked for the next two weeks. You will have access to emergency rations only. They should assist with your memory problems."

Louder now, she turned and addressed the rest of them. "Return to your assignment; this discussion is ended."

She left them at that.

*

Sickbay:

Neraxis' bed slid out from within the claustrophobic enclosure of the deep scanning device. Dr Ling stood nearby, next to Cadet Bernadette Quinn, the Medical Specialist for Delta Squad. "Okay, Cadet, you can get back on your feet. You're in good health. Maybe a little too much alcohol in your system, and you could lay off the Bolian soufflés for a while, but-"

"No," Neraxis said simply.

"Excuse me?"

"There's definitely something wrong. I couldn't move my arms to carry out my job."

Quinn looked to Ling. "Did you want to run further tests, Doctor?"

"No, Cadet." The elderly Asian woman folded her arms across her slim chest. "I found nothing physically wrong with you, Neraxis. But I did hear about what you went through. In the face of such a difficult act, it's natural for you to hesitate-"

"I didn't hesitate! Something is wrong! And if you can't find something internal, maybe it's external! Nanites or some energy being possessing me or-"

"Neraxis..."

The Bolian turned. "Counselor?"

Kami stood at the doorway into Sickbay. "Come into my office with me."

Silently, sullenly, she complied.

Kami slumped down into the couch, cursing as she adjusted her rear end to free her tail. "The Bump is going to owe me a lifetime of Mother's Day gifts." She patted the other end of the couch in invitation. "Do they have a Mother's Day on Bolius?"

Neraxis skid in warily. "Um, no."

"To be honest, neither do Caitians, but it's always good to have an excuse to get gifts. Still, anyone can make a valuable contribution to the family. It can be a big sister, like you. How many siblings have you got? Eight?"

"Nine. Five boys, four girls."

Kami smiled. "And you know all their birthdays, their favourite colours and foods and games who's the Quiet One and who's the Little Devil-"

"Is this going somewhere, Counselor?"

"I hope so. Of all the cadets, you're the one who's come from a large family, where you were a caregiver.

You're more conscious than most about children and their welfare; they touch you on emotional levels the others can't understand. If someone else had seen that fake ship manifest, they might have seen them as nothing more than names and numbers. But you can't do that. You have empathy."

Neraxis rolled her eyes. "Great, that's a useful skill for Security."

"Yes, it is, actually! Understanding the emotional state of a potential threat, having the skills to defuse a hostile situation. It's not all about bare knuckles and photon torpedoes.

You think you failed the Nakatomi Scenario. You didn't. There is no failing it. It's a means of showing you something that, hopefully, you will never have to face in real life. It's an exaggerated scenario designed for maximum emotional impact.

And I've checked the Academy statistics on it: 60% of Security cadets fail to fire on the ship in the scenario, including our current Chief of Security. You have nothing to worry about."

Neraxis stared at a point on the floor. "Counselor... can you guarantee that if a real life Nakatomi happens, that I won't freeze again?"

Kami stared at her sympathetically. "No one can guarantee that, sweetheart. Not me, not you."

The Bolian nodded in agreement. "Then... I do have something to worry about. Don't I?"

She rose.

"Neraxis-"

"I appreciate your help, Counselor. You've given me a lot to think about."

*

Deck 2 Fore, Conference Room:

Alpha Squad Leader Sasha Hrelle didn't like going on first impressions. It was something the Caitians in her extended family did, but Sasha knew it wasn't always accurate; certainly her first impression of Giles was radically different from what she felt about him now.

But from the very start, she didn't like Ledit. The Hermat was an intense, driven little engine, and s/he wore hir emotions on hir sleeve - most of them varying combinations of ambition, contempt and arrogance. She tried to put it down to hir people's short lifespans requiring a focus not seen in most other races, or to Ledit's desire to compensate for the more experienced cadets on the Surefoot.

But then there was hir behaviour in staff meetings like this one, where Ledit would feel the need to add to every point, to volunteer hir squad to do this and that - and to subtly point out that Alpha, Beta and Gamma Squads were somehow flawed for not being as committed - or as obsequious.

More than once she would look at Giles and Falok, and occasionally her father, at the head of the table like a patriarch; Giles would smirk, Falok would offer a raised eyebrow... and Dad would respond with a smile and a rude gesture, the latter hidden from T'Varik as if Mom was still around and not wanting her to see what he was teaching her.

But the attempts at distracting her from getting more annoyed fled when T'Varik offered, "Is there any other business anyone wishes to raise before this meeting ends?"

Almost immediately Ledit raised hir hand. "Commander, I wish to lodge a formal protest against Alpha Squad Cadets Ostrow and Kitirik, for their assault on members of my squad."

Sasha straightened up. "Excuse me?"

"Assault, Ledit?" Hrelle frowned. "That's not how I heard it."

"Is someone going to tell me what the hell this is about?"

"The details are irrelevant, Squad Leader," T'Varik informed her.

"Excuse me, Commander, but with respect I should know what is happening with members of my squad."

The Vulcan looked to Hrelle, who nodded. "Neraxis underwent an advanced tactical exercise that proved emotionally trying for her. Members of Delta Squad witnessed this, and despite being ordered not to reveal the details, they reported this to other cadets. They also intimated that her reactions were a result of cowardice, and employed the derogatory term 'Flinch'. Jonas took offence on behalf of Neraxis, and made his objections vocal, but no actual physical altercation took place as far as I could discern."

Sasha felt like she'd stopped listening after the mention of cowardice, and just scowled furiously at Ledit, who appeared to remain cool and superior. "I was assured that an assault took place; I have no reason to believe that my squad members would lie. And you responded by punishing Cadets Zajan and Guforg for being victims of this assault. And having directly witnessed Cadet Nemm's behaviour during the exercise, I will certainly corroborate the intimations of cowardice."

"Hey!" Sasha rose to her feet, turning red and looking ready to climb over the table to throttle him, shaking off Giles' restraining hand on her forearm, to stab a finger in the Hermat's direction. "Don't you dare say anything bad about one of my people! You have no stroking idea what you're talking about!"

Ledit stared up at her with open contempt. "It's clear where your squad members get their aggressive tendencies from. Perhaps you should be their Security Specialist? As for Cadet Nemm, she would obviously serve Starfleet better in another role. Anything would be more effective than her current one."

"You fakakta little prick-"

"Sasha," Hrelle said simply, softly - but unignorably. "Sit down. Now."

She looked over at her father, silent, reluctantly complying, shooting daggers at Ledit with her expression.

Then Hrelle turned to Ledit. "Cadet, how many people have you killed?"

The question took hir aback. "Killed? Sir, I haven't killed anyone. But-"

"I estimate that in my lifetime to date," Hrelle continued quietly, "I have killed over one thousand, two hundred and sixty people. A handful of those were with my bare hands, or with a hand phaser or other close-quarter weapon. But most were people I have never seen, people whose names I would never know, because I killed them from a distance, either in my role as Tactical Officer for various ships, or when I was in command of my own. You might think that I didn't really kill them, that I was operating under orders, either from my Captain or from Starfleet Command. I think differently.

You would also think that with so much experience it would get easier for me to take a life, or to order a life to be taken. It doesn't. And it shouldn't. Every life taken, no matter the justification, leaves a scar on your soul, and a Tactical Officer who goes into a situation taking lives without understanding that, is not one who will ever serve under me, or any other Captain of note.

Neraxis' reaction to the scenario she was thrust into, without warning and preparation, was perfectly natural; it does not make her a coward. I respect her - and I will challenge any snot-nosed little punk who calls her Coward, or suggests she change her career path." He leaned in over the table towards Ledit. "And I bet I'll win, too."

"Well said, Sir," T'Varik added, focusing on Ledit, "And for the record, Squad Leader, Cadets Zajan and Guforg were punished not for being alleged victims, but for disobeying orders not to reveal details of the scenario."

Now she looked to the other squad leaders. "Those of you who have served under my authority know of my acute intolerance of disrespect. Not just towards superior officers, but towards each other. Consider this a warning that you will immediately forward to your respective squads: any use of the aforementioned word to describe any fellow crewmember will earn the one responsible severe penalties - and depending on the circumstances, up to and including expulsion. Is that clear?"

Sasha, Giles and Falok nodded.

T'Varik looked at the other side of the table. "Mr Naavos, do you have a problem with this matter?"

The Bajoran male dipped his head. "In my experience, Commander, most people who equate the willingness to kill with courage, have never had to face the onerous task of doing it themselves. Those members of my family who served in the Bajoran Resistance all said that it was the victories they celebrated, not the killings that made those victories possible. I will forward your orders to my squad."

Then all attention focused on Ledit, who drew up hir narrow chin, strands of truculent purple hair dropping in commas over hir high forehead. "I of course will obey all orders given to me."

"Of course," T'Varik concurred. "Dismissed."

Sasha made sure she caught up with Ledit outside in the corridor. "Hey! Next time you have a problem with any of my people, you come to me, not to the First Officer or the Captain."

S/he looked at her like some sort of insect climbing along hir arm. "I followed procedure by bringing my concerns to the First Officer. I would not approach your father anyway, as his bias towards you is obvious."

"Excuse me? You think he plays favourites?"

Behind her, Giles and Falok drew up, Giles confirming, "T'Varik has final say on the cadets, Mr Ledit."

"I'm not a Mister," the Hermat informed him archly.

Giles flushed. "Sorry, no offence. But it's true, Captain Hrelle doesn't play favourites. In fact he's twice as tough with Sasha compared with the rest of us."

Ledit made a dismissive sound. "And I would expect to hear no less from her lover."

"Hey!"

"I am not physically intimate with either of my colleagues here," Falok informed hir dryly, "And I can attest to the Captains equanimity, as well as the First Officer's authority over the cadets... And for that matter, Cadet Nemm's courage."

"Yeah," Sasha agreed angrily. "She's the one you'd want at your side in a fight."

"Not based on what I saw," s/he informed her. "But if you gender-deficient types want to risk your lives trusting her, be my guest. Excuse me."

As Ledit departed, Naavos stood there, looking uncomfortable. "Um, for the record, I think s/he's a jerk, too."

Sasha smiled ruefully. "Well, do my fellow gender-deficient types like to get a drink in the Lounge?"

*

Deck 3 Fore, Gym/Training Room:

Neraxis punched the bag, again and again and again, eyes focused on the soft sighs it made with each connected punch, and the soft chink of the chain it was suspended on, with the sweat she felt beading down her bald blue head. She blocked out everything else: the announcements over the intercom, the ache in her arms and in her bare knuckles. The looks from the other crew in the area.

No. Those last she couldn't ignore. The contemptuous, accusing looks.

Then she started at the appearance of Eydiir behind the bag, reading out and keeping the bag still, offering Neraxis greater resistance. "In Terran pugilism, more deaths occurred in the ring after protective gloves were introduced, because fighters could inflict stronger blows to the head with gloves on. It seems it would be safer all around to feel some of the pain we can inflict on others."

Neraxis didn't answer.

The Capellan peered around the bag. "There is an android in Starfleet, on the Enterprise. Did you know? They say he has no emotions. No hate, no love, no jealousy, no fear-"

"Sounds ideal," Neraxis grunted.

"It sounds nightmarish. Even Vulcans have emotions. I don't want to stand beside someone without fear."

The Bolian stopped punching and straightened up. "Leave me alone, willya? I'm blowing off some steam, I don't need life lessons from you, too."

But Eydiir stepped around to face her directly. "I have killed. I have killed on my homeworld. I have killed in the line of duty since joining the Academy. I have been called ruthless and cold. But faced with the terrible situation you faced on the Bridge... I would have faltered, too."

Neraxis stared at her, before nodding. "Thanks. But you're Medical, not Security. It's expected of you. Now, if you'll excuse me I've got a call scheduled for home now."

*

Deck 3 Fore, Enlisted Mess Hall:

"Ner-Ner!" Mama frowned, then grinned, and then frowned again. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

Neraxis sat in the far corner of the Enlisted Mess, PADD propped on her raised thighs, out of view of the few in the room. "Nothing, Mama. Can't I drop you a surprise call every now and then?"

Her mother drew closer to the household communicator. "Not when it's this time of night! And not when I see that expression on your face! Now what's wrong? Is it your Captain? Is he giving you trouble? I'll drop a note to him-"

"NO! I mean, No! He's amazing... he reminds me of Papa. It's just..." She could feel the purple tears welling up in her eyes. "I don't think this is working out for me. Starfleet, I mean. I thought it would, but-"

"Neraxis-"

She wiped her face. "I just- I just wanted to know that- if it doesn't- can I- can I come home again?"

Mama reached up and touched the viewscreen. "Oh my sweet baby, of course you can. This is your home, it always will be your home. And if you need to come home, you come home anytime. It's just... you seemed so happy being there..."

"I was..." Neraxis admitted, giving up on stemming the tears now. "I was."

*

Security Bay:

Lt. C'Rash didn't know Neraxis well, but saw enough of the change in the girl to know she was still shaken up over the exercise, enough to want to talk to her after the meeting. She also couldn't help but notice the hostile looks cadets Cheung and Adams were giving Neraxis from across the table; she was definitely going to have a talk with them, too.

The Caitian stood by the status board, making sure not only the five Security cadets could see, but also Ensign Gorman and the three Security crewmen, the schedule C'Rash had organised for their duties while the Surefoot remained docked with the Iberia. "Gorman and Sanders, you'll be on Docking Bay 1, managing traffic. Thykrill, you're with Ssilrik at Cargo Bay 1, running standard scans on the goods prior to transport; some of them will be sensitive materials, so ensure the security seals are intact. Cheung, you, Adams and Nemm will man Docking Bay 2-"