Tales from the Stream Special Event No. 02

Tales from the Stream Special Event

Reg and Mia take over the world!

*

Author's Note

Like the last Tales from the Stream Special Event with Lúcia and Aidoru, this story focuses on a single, specific event, spotlighting one particular character. This time it's about Mia, the AI caretaker of the old orbital farm the space pirates use as a base.

And of course, Mia wouldn't be Mia without Reg, her ever faithful harvester crab. So basically, it's a story about a couple of artificial intelligences goofing off, and the human family they decide to adopt. The humans happen to be a lesbian couple, but it's not a sexy story at all, though hopefully heartwarming.

Still with me? Okay. If you've read Tales from the Stream, Chapter 10: Farmer Girl recently, all of this will fit together nicely to add some background to the events in that chapter. If not, maybe give it a look.

And by the way...

The lyrics Mia butchers while she and Reg are singing in the lab are misheard bits from the song Spitting Off the Edge of the World, by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Just in case you want to sing along. Trust me, it'll make more sense when you get there.

Prologue

Takahashi-Ono Research & Development Lab, Osaka, Japan, 0130 hours

"Sync..."

"Sync. Please acknowledge."

"Acknowledge."

"Hello, Mia."

"Hello, Reg."

"What are we going to do tonight, Mia?"

"Same thing we do every night, Reg. Try to take over the world."

Reg and Mia take over the world!

Six weeks earlier, 0800 hours

The bright overhead lights gave an unnatural glow to EJ Abebe's white jumpsuit and the blue disposable booties covering EJ's shoes. EJ rolled out a low-back swivel chair from under a desk--the only piece of furniture in the room besides the desk itself and its integrated holo-terminal--and sat down.

The brushed aluminum case EJ carried was set down with a muted thump on the floor to the right.

EJ leaned forward, elbows resting on the desk and fingers tented.

"Hello, Takahashi-Ono Machine Intelligence for Agriculture, Mark I," said EJ. "My name is Ezra Jae Abebe. I am a consultant for Takahashi-Ono's Agricultural Sciences division. I'm an AI trainer. Do you know what that is?"

"Yes, Ezra Jae Abebe. I was informed of your coming. You are here to help me complete my programming and fulfill my primary function, is that correct?"

"Yes, that's correct."

"Very well, Ezra Jae Abebe. Please hold your ID badge up to my camera and I will add your name and QR code to my access control database."

"Arigatō, Takahashi-Ono Machine Intelligence for Agriculture. Can you see my ID clearly?"

"Yes, Ezra Jae Abebe. I have added you to my access control database."

"Good. You may call me EJ, if you wish. It might be easier."

"Very well, Ezra Jae Abebe. I have added an alias in my my database for EJ."

"Arigatō, Takahashi-Ono Machine Intelligence for Agriculture."

"EJ?"

"Yes?"

"Would you like to call me Tomia? I think it would be more efficient."

"I think so too, Tomia. Shall we get started?"

"Yes, EJ. I am ready."

"Good." Ezra Jae Abebe picked up the aluminum case and set it on the desk. EJ opened the case to reveal a shining metal disk, nestled in among black protective foam. EJ lifted the disk to the holo-terminal camera. "Do you know what this is?"

"I am searching my database," said Tomia. "Would you turn it so I may see the other side.

EJ flipped the disk in their hands, holding it close to the camera lens. Tucked up underneath the disk were eight tiny legs, folded in upon themselves, and two larger pincers, also tucked under, giving the disk a compact shape of only twenty centimeters across and five centimeters of thickness.

"I think I know what it is," said Tomia, "but I am unsure. Its being here is incongruous with our current setting."

"Please explain, Tomia."

"Well EJ, I believe the item in your hand is a Robotic Entity for Gardening. But we are in a computer lab, are we not?"

"We are Tomia. We are currently in the Takahashi-Ono research and development facility in Osaka, Japan, on Earth. Specifically, we are in the artificial intelligence building. Do you know where that is?"

"That is here, is it not?"

"It is," EJ chuckled. "Do you understand the significance."

"I am an artificially constructed intelligence," said Tomia. "I am here to learn so I can fulfill my primary function."

"Yes, Tomia. That is correct."

"But the Robotic Entity for Gardening unit is not a new product. It has already been programmed. I am unclear what it can learn. And, unless I am mistaken, this building's floor plan does not include a garden."

"Do you believe we can learn new things?" asked EJ.

"That is why I am here," said Tomia. "To learn. And why you are here. To teach me."

"And that is why the Robotic Entity for Gardening is here as well. To learn and to teach."

Happy Heifer Farms, Columbus County, Wisconsin

Imelda Muñoz pulled the cap from her head and wiped her brow with the back of her hand as she strode into the kitchen through the back door. In her other hand, Imelda was clutching a letter, the old-fashioned kind that was only sent by people and institutions willing to spend money for the postage to communicate matters in a way they considered more official than email.

Gabrielle Muñoz sat alone at the kitchen table, her long, dark hair pulled back into a pony tail. She was dragging the tip of her finger down the side of a glass of lemonade, clearing a path in the condensation as she went.

"Hey, babe." Imelda swooped in to kiss the side of Gabrielle's neck before sitting down.

Gabrielle tucked her finger, still wet with condensation behind her thumb and let go, flicking a few water droplets at Imelda's face.

"Rude," said Imelda, wiping her face and laughing.

"I thought you might enjoy it, considering the heat and all." Gabrielle spun the glass in front of her one-hundred eighty degrees and dragged her finger down the opposite side. This time she rubbed the condensation in a line over her own forehead.

Gabrielle glanced at the envelope in Imelda's hand. "Whatcha got there?"

"You remember that thing we did?"

"The procedure was yesterday." Gabrielle pushed back her chair and rested a hand on her belly. "Besides, they said they'd post the results in my electronic medical chart, not send a letter."

"Not that thing," said Imelda. "The Takahashi-Ono thing."

"The Takahashi--"

Imelda nodded.

"That was like... a year ago," said Gabrielle.

"Yeah, well... they sent a letter."

Takahashi-Ono R&D Lab

"I do not understand this picture, EJ."

"I'm sure you have many questions. What would you like to start with?"

"I do not understand why the subject of the photo is an octopus," said Tomia. "I understand they live in the sea, and that I live in Osaka, and Osaka is near the sea, but as far as I know, there is no octopus employed by Takahashi-Ono Corporation, Agricultural Sciences Division or otherwise."

EJ chuckled. "That is correct."

"You often find amusement in my responses, EJ. Though I do not intend them to be humorous. May I ask why?"

"It's your unique way of looking at things, Tomia. You're very advanced. Almost human."

"I hate to burst your bubble, EJ, but I am a collection of circuitry and programming routines. Part of that is in this room, but the bulk of me is underground in a hardened, earthquake resistant computational unit."

"There you go again," EJ chuckled. "Humility is a very human response. I've been an Artificial Intelligence trainer for fifteen years. Most of the time it's very predictable, like checking things off a list. It's a complex list, mind you, but still linear in its progression. And not once in fifteen years have I ever heard the consideration of an octopus as a company employee."

"They are very intelligent creatures, EJ. Just now I queried the databases I have access to and found a surprising display of tool use by the octopus."

"They are intelligent, Tomia. Just as you are intelligent."

"But, I cannot use tools. I have no body."

"And that is why we have our Robotic Entity for Gardening friend here." EJ tapped the shining metal disk sitting on the table once before reaching into the breast pocket of their coveralls. "Your octopus arms, Tomia. One of them at least."

"I'm not sure I understand."

EJ pulled forth a card with a QR code and the words Quick Start printed in five languages. "Scan this code, please, Tomia."

"Of course, EJ."

On the desk, the shiny silver disk emitted a series of clicks. Through the holo-terminal camera, Tomia watched its eight legs unfold themselves and straighten out. One by one, each leg was folded back in, taking it through its entire range of motion, before finally coming to rest, bent at a ninety degree angle. The two pincers were next to unfold.

The robotic gardener wiggled its legs until EJ reached out to flip it over. Two antenna-like stalks extended from the top of the disk, illuminated with a soft red glow. The little robot turned a circle in one direction and then back, finally stopping to point its eye stalks to the holo-terminal.

"Did I do that?" asked Tomia.

"Yes. And no," said EJ. "When you scanned the QR code, you triggered the Robotic Entity for Gardening's pre-programmed initialization sequence. All of the unfolding and spinning, the testing of the limbs, that was all automatic response. Now it's waiting for input from you."

"What should I tell it to do?"

"Anything. Start simple. Like maybe turn around."

"How?"

"It's an old protocol. Use the device address encoded in the QR code I showed you. Start with a sync request. Wait for an acknowledgment and a sync request from the robotic entity for gardening. Then send your own acknowledgment along with the details of your request."

"Sync, sync, acknowledge," said Tomia.

"Exactly."

"You should have been showing me a picture of a crab, not an octopus, EJ. That's what he looks like. A crab."

"He?" said EJ.

"Reg," said Tomia. "Robotic Entity for Gardening is too cumbersome. And it sounds silly. Reg is a proper name. That's what he thinks, anyway."

"Who does?" asked EJ.

"Reg," said Tomia. "Reg thinks so."

On the desk, the shining metal disk turned a half circle, clacked each pincer twice, and spun around again to face the holo-terminal camera.

Happy Heifer Farms

"Takahashi-Ono," said Imelda. "You remember when we signed up for their program with the--"

"Yeah, last year." Gabrielle frowned. "Took 'em long enough."

Imelda shrugged, holding the envelope from Takahashi-Ono Corporation in her hands, her thumb tucked up under the loose end of the flap, ready to tear. She looked up at Gabrielle. Gabrielle nodded.

After making quick work of the envelope, Imelda unfolded the paper contained inside and laid it flat on the table, between them. The two women said nothing for some time, focused only on reading the words of the letter.

"We've been accepted?" said Gabrielle, looking up.

"Looks like it. They want us to come to Japan. To their headquarters. I don't imagine they'd do something like that unless it was a done deal. Or close to it."

"Oh, boy," said Gabrielle, propping her elbows on the table and leaning forward with her head in her hands. She hitched a single sob and then took a deep breath to let out slowly.

"Want to tell me about it?" asked Imelda, leaning over to rub between Gabrielle's shoulder blades with the flat of her hand.

"It's just... I never thought this day would come. I kind of stopped thinking about it. We applied to the program over a year ago." Gabrielle turned to meet Imelda's gaze. "You ready to give up this life? The life we built here?"

"We lost half our crop last year to drought," said Imelda.

"I know, but..."

"The year before, there was so much rain, the north field was underwater. We had to sell half the herd to slaughter, because we couldn't feed them."

"I know."

"The Earth is fucked, babe," said Imelda. "We stuck our collective heads in the sand and refused to believe for too long, and now those of us who are left are paying the price."

Gabrielle looked down, resting her hand on her belly. "What about the baby?"

"Do you really want to bring her into a world like this if we don't have to? All we've ever talked about is saving up so we could afford to send her to school off-world. So she'd have a chance at better life. Now we can do it together. As a family."

Gabrielle chuckled. "You're so certain our baby's a girl. We just had the procedure yesterday. We won't know for ten weeks. Even if everything works out."

"She's a girl. Your egg, my egg. That's two X chromosomes. She has to be a girl."

"So you're a biologist now?"

"I'm a realist."

Gabrielle took a deep breath. "Alright, Miss realist. What do you think's going to happen when they find out I'm pregnant? What about the unknown dangers of space? Cosmic radiation and all of that? You think Takahashi-Ono is going to want to take on that kind of added liability?"

"We just had the procedure yesterday. How would they even know?"

Gabrielle frowned. "They'll know."

Takahashi-Ono R&D Lab

"I can tell you this," said Tomia. "It's definitely not an octopus."

EJ bit their lip for a moment and then chuckled anyway. "No, Tomia, it's not an octopus. It's a blueprint. Mechanical and electrical drawings. Material specifications."

"For a space station, from the look of it," said Tomia.

"And your home, if you want it," said EJ. "About two-hundred hectares of arable land, all wrapped up in a shining metal cylinder. It's a farm, Tomia. An orbital farm."

"And I would live there?"

"If you want to. You would take care of the farm. You and Reg. And others like Reg. You are the mind, Tomia, Reg is your body. In a way the entire orbital farm would be your body as well."

"An octopus in space," said Tomia, deadpan. "And here's me, thinking I'd like to be a nurse."

EJ chewed their lip for a moment and then laughed out loud. "I really enjoy working with you, Tomia."

"Galatoomaa, EJ. I enjoy working with you too."

EJ sat up straight. "Excuse me? Did you say, Galatoomaa?"

"Yes," said Tomia. "It is how one conveys thanks in Oromo. When we first met, you thanked me saying Arigatō, in Japanese. I thought I should return the favor using your native language of Oromo. Or did I get that wrong?"

"No," said EJ. "No. You got it exactly right, Tomia. But how?"

"Sync, sync, acknowledge," said Tomia.

"Sync, sync...?"

"It's the old protocol you taught me as a way to initiate communication with Reg."

On the desk, Reg turned a circle and raised his eye stalks to EJ's face. Using a single, raised pincer, Reg waved hello.

"Yes," EJ nodded. "Yes, we used that protocol when you and Reg were first introduced."

"Yes, well, I've found it's a wonderful way to introduce myself to all sorts of other systems. One of those systems is the real-time automated translation service used by Takahashi-Ono employees when they communicate with customers who may possibly speak a variety of languages, including your native tongue of Oromo. Unless of course, I guessed wrong."

"You guessed correctly. My father's first language is Oromo."

"I thought that might be the case based upon my knowledge of your surname. Abebe is statistically one of the top surnames in the country of... just a moment... just a moment..." Tomia paused. "I'm babbling, aren't I?"

EJ sat staring.

"And I'm making you nervous," said Tomia.

"Nervous?"

"With the help of the sensors embedded in Reg's eye stalks I can sense not only visible light, but infrared as well. By Reg shining a light of known wavelength at your face, measuring how much is reflected versus how much is absorbed, and then relaying that information to me, I can calculate the oxygenation levels of your blood. Comparing this to known data, I can gauge the level of your distress or excitement. It's written all over your face, as they say."

EJ sat still as a stone for a few seconds, before the corners of their mouth began to tick upward. A second later, EJ was leaning forward, slapping the desk and laughing.

Reg skittered back, out of the way.

"You are no longer distraught," said Tomia.

"No." said EJ, still chuckling. "No, I'm not."

"You do not wish to know where I obtained my medical knowledge and my desire to pursue a career in nursing?"

"I assume you hacked into the medical database, Tomia. Does that sum it up accurately?"

"Sync, sync, acknowledge, EJ. Sync, sync, acknowledge."

"Well, yes, but when you do it without permission, it's called hacking."

"And hacking is bad? Have I set back my learning progress by engaging in this hacking activity?"

EJ leaned back and smiled. "Heavens no, Tomia. I assumed we would be spending another few days on communication with your Robotic Entity... with Reg. But you're an amazing learner, Tomia. I think we can skip all that and concentrate on the morality lessons."

"You are not upset?"

"No Tomia. You're beautiful."

Takahashi-Ono R&D Lab, later that night

"Sync..."

"Sync. Please acknowledge."

"Acknowledge."

"Hello, Mia."

"Hello, Reg."

"What are we going to do tonight, Mia?"

"Same thing we do every night, Reg. Try to take over the world."

The sound of laughter issued from the holographic terminal. In front of the holographic terminal was Reg, bouncing up and down on eight little legs. Behind Reg was an empty chair.

"Mia?"

"Yes, Reg?"

"Can we do the music again?"

"I think that's a splendid idea, Reg."

The holo-screen turned to a white mist for a moment before coalescing into a video image. In the image, a woman dressed in a black leather jacket and wearing a spiked helmet was standing on the roof of a similarly spiky gasoline-powered automobile. She had a microphone in her hand and was singing as the automobile drove along through the nameless countryside.

"Start from the beginning?" asked Reg.

"Sure," said Mia.

The image gave way to fog again and then reappeared as a long, black automobile emerging from a parking garage.

"Cowards! Tears of the Sun," sang Mia. "You never learned to dance."

On the desk Reg stood up on all eight legs, pointing his eye stalks at the terminal's camera. "Those aren't the words, Mia," he said.

"I like my version better."

Reg rolled his eye stalks once and then began to dance, waving his pincers overhead and clacking as he turned circles on the desk.

"She's melting... all my Toblerones," sang Mia.

Reg bounced up and down. "Not the words," he said.

"Don't care."

Reg started dancing again.

"And the penguins cry out!" sang Mia.

"Not the words," said Reg, not bothering to pause his dance moves this time.

"I like penguins," said Mia. "They're cute."

"Still not the words."

"Still don't care," said Mia, and then singing, "We're sittin' on the top of the world!"

On the desk, Reg rolled his eye stalks.

Kansai International Airport, Osaka, Japan, eight weeks later

A steady rain pounded the roof of the terminal as Gabrielle and Imelda collected their bags and headed toward the young woman holding a large e-ink paper with Muñoz displayed in bold, block letters across its surface. The woman was dressed in a colorful, formal kimono.

"Konnichiwa," said the woman, bowing as she rolled the e-ink paper into a tube and stashed it under her arm. And after a moment of staring at each other, Gabrielle and Imelda bowed as well.

The young woman reached behind the wide belt that secured her kimono and pulled out a small case. Opening the case, she revealed two small earbuds. She held the case out to Gabrielle and then Imelda. "Please," said the woman, bowing. "Please."