Tapestry Ch. 01

Our joyous conversation went on, even after Maureen started picking at her Mom's food. She even plucked the lobster out of its shell and dropped half of it on my plate with a wink.

As I sat there, with my dearest friends and family, I never wanted that night to end.

When we got up to leave, Melanie and Nichole were walking towards the door. I stopped them before they could get away. "Where are you staying?"

"We got Nichole a room at Embassy Suites," Melanie said nervously.

"Go get her stuff and bring her to my house," I said.

"I, um . . .don't want to intrude." Nichole shifted uncomfortably.

"You're already here," I snorted. "And you're not staying in a hotel."

The pair of them gave me a resigned smile, knowing that I wasn't in the mood to argue. Besides, it was my anniversary, and I could do whatever the hell I wanted.

I rode back to the house with Don, Suzie and Maureen. "Thanks for doing this for me."

"Before you get angry, Mommy . . ."

"I'm not mad, sweetheart," I took her hands. "I appreciate you guys thinking of me, and I'm happy to have you here on our day."

"But . . ." There was no sliding anything by my daughter.

"But I wanted to introduce Nichole to you all when I was ready."

"Amberle, we're all on Facebook," Suzie said in a matronly, but unpatronising, way, "You two have been all over each other for two months now. We knew. Even if you didn't."

"I just don't know if I'm ready," I whispered.

"You are, Mommy," Maureen said gently. "You are. Even if Nichole isn't the one, you deserve more than living by yourself in a house that's too big for you without kids or pets."

"It just feels strange." I fidgeted with my wedding band. "On our anniversary."

"The only thing that's strange is that you've spent six anniversaries alone," McKayla's mother said. "We all just want you to be happy, Amberle."

"I know." Maybe this was for the best. After all, left to my own devices, I probably would have lived out my days as an independent, but brooding, widow. I had no plans on remaining celibate for the rest of my life, but I kept putting off any thoughts of dating or moving on with convenient excuses. "Thank you."

The four of us arrived back at my house ahead of the others. I went straight to the kitchen and popped open a bottle of Reisling. Don and Suzie brought their things in and took them to the back bedroom. I made a note to monitor the couch situation in case Maureen and Emily decided to make another blanket fort. Kevin and Melanie would be staying in the fourth bedroom, which probably meant Nichole and I would be sleeping together.

Or at least next to one another.

A few minutes later, our guests arrived. The conversation picked right back up from where we had left off at the restaurant. As the night wore on, McKayla remained the center of our discussion. Maureen broke out our wedding video and albums.

Nichole was a good sport through it all, and she seemed genuinely interested in my past life. The deluge of memories was both overwhelming and comforting at the same time.

After a couple of hours, Don excused himself and the girls retreated into Maureen's bedroom.

Like me, Kevin and Suzie were engulfed in their own pasts with our departed spouse, friend and daughter.

We stayed up until well after midnight when the others finally went to bed, leaving Nichole and I sitting on the couch, surrounded by photos, mementos and empty bottles of wine.

"She was a very beautiful woman." Nichole held our wedding portrait in her hands. "I'd have gone gay for her, too."

"Yeah, well you have to settle for me," I smiled.

"And you are just as beautiful." She took my hands in hers. I scoffed. "No, really, Amberle. You are just as pretty as she is. You just don't realise it."

Through my buzz, I couldn't tell if she was joking or just trying to make me feel better about myself.

"What's with the pointed ears?" Nichole asked.

"My parents named me after a character in some books they liked." I smiled to myself, the thoughts of all the times McKayla called me her "Elven Princess" reminded me of her loving touch. "Amberle Elessedil was an elf. McKayla was into all sorts of fantasy nerd stuff: Shannara and Lord of the Rings and all that. The elf ears were my sister's idea."

"Brin, right?"

"Yes. She and my brother Ander are also named after characters in the same series." Like a lot of people, when I drink, the filter between my brain and my mouth usually disappears. I changed the subject suddenly. "So why are you with me?"

Nichole emptied her glass of wine and took a deep breath.

"Want to know the truth?"

I nodded.

"I'm not really sure," she sighed.

That made me feel better. Not.

"There's a part of me that's tired of putting up with shit from men," she poured the remainder of a bottle of zinfandel into her glass. "It seems like all the single guys our age are either divorced with three kids or are in the middle of their mid-life crisis and want to date their daughter's friends. Or they need someone to take care of all their baggage and debts."

I snorted sympathetically.

"And then you came along," she said with a wistful smile. "You're smart and pretty and I'm fairly certain you don't need my money."

That much was true. Not to sound too arrogant, but McKayla made sure that Maureen and I would never want for money for the rest of our lives.

"Listen, Amberle, I'm sorry if my surprise visit upset you," Nichole said softly. "I didn't know if it would be a good idea . . ."

I took her hands in mine, and looked her in the eyes. "Don't be sorry, Nichole. I'm happy to see you and I wanted you to meet my family . . . and in a way it was right for you to be here with us tonight."

"Even on your anniversary?"

"Yes, even on my anniversary." I took a drink from her wineglass. "McKayla always said she wanted me to move on after she died. I know she would like you."

"So what do we do now?"

I reached out and pulled her to me. I kissed her gently. Her hands cupped my face and I lost myself to her soft touch.

"When we sober up, we're going to have a long conversation about that," I whispered. "We need to talk about a lot of things . . . but for right now, we're going to bed."

Nichole didn't say a word. I took her by the hand and led her back to the bedroom. We changed, I took a handful of ibuprofen and we slipped under the sheets. I pressed my body back against her and she wrapped her arms around me as we dozed off.

******************

The sun woke me the next morning. I reached for the covers, not realising that I had left the blinds open, but they weren't there.

Someone's head rested on my shoulder. I turned, expecting to see Nichole, but it was Maureen.

I blinked the sleep from my eyes and it took me a moment to recognise that I wasn't in my room. Nor was I in my house.

We were sitting on the beach, the first rays of the sun coming up over the ocean. We were both wearing our pajamas, and I had a short robe on, too.

My daughter was waking along with me. I'm sure she was just as confused as me.

"Did you dream about Mom?" Maureen blurted out.

I nodded.

"Did she say anything to you?"

I nodded again.

"What did she say?" Her voice trembled.

Over the last six years, both of us have dreamt intermittently of McKayla, but never on the same night. Usually it's when we're under a lot of stress; I think it's our brain's way of coping.

"She said to tell you that she loves you more than anything." I cradled our daughter in my arms. In my dreams, images of my wife are fleeting. I can feel the love we shared radiating from her. But she almost never speaks. And try as I might, I can never touch her. It's like she is always just out of my reach. I try to pull her close to me, and just as we are about to embrace or kiss, I wake up, often drenched in sweat and shaking.

"Mom hugged me last night," Maureen whispered. "She didn't say anything. She just held me. I think she was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't hear the words or read her lips. And then I woke up here with you."

I smiled and kissed the top of her head. We both had the same dream. But I had heard what she said.

"Is this the last time she's going to visit us?" There was fear in our daughter's voice. "Was that good-bye?"

"Of course not," I said, although I would be lying if the same thought hadn't crossed my mind. "Look at me, Pumpkin . . . Your mother will always . . . always . . . be watching over us. She is with us everywhere we go. She laughs with us, she cries with us, her heart breaks with us and you will never be without her. And when we die, she will be the first person to welcome us to Heaven."

Maureen started to cry softly. I choked back tears of my own.

"Your Mom was in our lives for fourteen years." I stroked Maureen's curly hair. "Fourteen wonderful years beginning before you were born. And she gave us a lifetime's worth of love in the time that God let us have her. She loved you . . . no, she loves you . . . completely and unconditionally. You are her pride and joy, Maureen, and don't you ever, ever forget that."

The two of us sat there on the beach, in the spot where McKayla used to hold me as we would watch our daughter play in the sand or swim in the ocean. When the sun was well over the horizon, and signs of life were heard from the house, we gathered ourselves up and went inside to attend to our guests. I held my daughter's hand as we walked back to the house.

It turns out that was not the last time Maureen and I dreamt of McKayla. It was, however, the last sleepwalking episode either of us had, and it was the only time we ever had the same dream.

I love you, Amberle, and I always will, McKayla had also told me in the dream. I don't know if my mind was playing tricks on me, but it seemed very real. She smiled at me. She smiled with that loving, haunting smile that made my heart melt. The smile that made you think she knew something you didn't. The smile that turned my world on its side and made a straight girl go gay. You have a life to live, my dear Elven Princess. Don't spend it alone. Tell Nichole that Michael and I will be waiting for you.