Tea, Coffee, and Me Ch. 03

"David, I'll let you into a little secret: Neville, and all the rest of your tiresome here-today-gone-tomorrow runaway predecessors ...? Most of them fled, less, because of the refreshments-break impositions placed on them by our female clientele, but more, because of the uncompromising requirements and non-negotiable demands put upon them by Zoe and me.

"Because, David, let me tell you now: Zoe and I are not prepared to compromise our expectations and see still less reason to negotiate particular requirement exemptions with our at-work fringe benefit - our shared foot servant.

"Neville, and the rest? Their hearts just weren't in it.

"Unable to forget the past; mentally unequipped, to realise that what's gone is gone for good and to accept as permanent and irreversible the changeover to the way things are now in this new era of female-rule, in their simmering resistance and smouldering resentment they'd turned their minds against us.

"In their unalterable antipathy to the ideological principles of the AFP government's Female-Friendly Code concept and their outright rejection of its fundamental values, irrationally entrenched in their pointless pigheaded stubbornness they'd steadfastly refused to adapt.

"And, because we had to win their obedience because we could win neither their hearts or their minds, I can't tell you, just how utterly tedious it was for Zoe and me to continually have to cajole and compel the irreconcilable knuckleheads to compliance.

"All we wanted, was for them to do as we told them; is that too much to ask?"

To say that I was surprised, by Amanda's candid revelation regarding her and Zoe's overenthusiastic personal use, misuse, and borderline abuse of my under-enthusiastic absconded predecessors and taken aback by her frankness as to the uncompromising and non-negotiable usage her and Zoe's latest replacement at-work fringe benefit foot servant could similarly expect, would be colossal understatements.

"But, David Manners, right away, in you I saw our missing team player: our male-worker role employee, who would not abscond; would not let us down - and, who might even learn to adapt.

"Our key-role male employee, of the required calibre.

"Right away, I intuited that you possessed the right qualifications; the prerequisite credentials, that, until now, we have sought so long in vain:

"The prerequisite credentials, of a genuine Compatible."

I stared at Amanda in incomprehension.

"Oh, we know you are out there, you Compatibles.

"As do Caroline Flynt's Authoritarian Female Party government.

"Through collaborating government agencies such as our Job Centres and with the supplementary cooperation of various Compatibility Programme-participating CCTV-equipped social hubs which, as the case may be, either summon or attract a conducive congregation, the AFP are tapping into this previously underexploited resource and extracting like diamonds this coveted commodity from virtually untouched seams.

"And what, previously underexploited resource; what, diamonds, am I talking about, David ...? Why, you foot fetishists, of course."

Amanda paused, allowing me the opportunity to reply.

Upon seeing that I was too dumbfounded by her astounding assertion to respond, Amanda then went on, to elaborate and to enlighten.

"By and large, and by degree, admirers of the female foot are known to be of a submissive nature.

"Many of you, although you may never have thought of yourselves as such, are inclined towards feminism.

"Some of you, have the propensity to be not just feminist-light but outright, full-blown feminists.

"A few of you - although you might not yet have realised, understood, acknowledged, accepted, and admitted it to yourselves - are ultra-feminist.

"And, in the case of many of these males of an ultra-feminist persuasion, devout woman-worship is embedded in their DNA.

"Already naturally inclined towards the Female-Friendly concept, they are readily receptive to the alluring overtures of its fundamental message - though as yet they may not be responding to it, they most definitely hear it.

"Therefore, already they are more than halfway towards embracing the principal tenets enshrining the female-friendly cause and are just a short step further from burning their bridge and scuttling their boat and committing themselves wholeheartedly to adopting AFP ideology as a lifestyle choice.

"All they need, this extreme-element, dyed-in-the-wool, ultra-feminist category of males, is just another little push in the right direction.

"Scoping out social settings and patrolling public places, either singly or teamed up in pairs are AFP female operatives deployed by the Department of Compatibility.

"Nicknamed the 'Diamond Hunters' because 'diamonds are a girl's best friend', these female agents' routine reconnoitres and random rovings are regularly rewarded.

"Trained to spot and recognise the guarded and disguised downward glances of their unsuspecting targets and to then, seemingly casually, provide their surreptitious spectators with the full-hit stimulus: the eye-catching, attention-grabbing, apparently absentminded shoe-playing performance-extraordinaire that within seconds will reduce their unwitting subjects to a state of helpless avid captivation ... thus these female agents perform their specialist remit and accomplish the first stage of their mission.

"After a precautionary few minutes, maintaining the ruse that she is oblivious to the apparent proclivity of her baited and now ensnared prey and preserving the impression that his little secret is safe, under the guise of a routine Stop and Question procedure the successful plainclothes honeytrap agent presents her AFP credentials to her unsuspecting victim.

"Thus, with an everyday, entirely regular show of official authority that will not alert or alarm him unduly, she has enabled herself to 'routinely' examine his Male Citizen Identity Card.

"Based upon the intelligence filed in the agent's subsequent report, a surveillance-led follow-up investigation is undertaken to ascertain the exploitative extents of her uncovered foot fetishist's compatibility.

"Predominantly, though, although the out-and-about, on-the-prowl plainclothes female Diamond Hunter agents play an important role, it is their deskbound colleagues back at base, nicknamed the 'Diamond Sifters', who most frequently hit paydirt.

"It is from information gleaned by these dedicated specialist teams of giveaway-clue searching and telltale-sign detecting operatives at the Department of Compatibility, that from their daily expert evaluation and painstaking analysis of hundreds of hours of officially submitted, sympathist-forwarded, and otherwise obtained/appropriated/confiscated CCTV footage, the AFP is extruding its main supply of Compatibles.

"Comparatively willing and submissive, the amenability and the malleability of the Compatibles is prevailed upon to mitigate the troublesome inefficiencies and minimise the irksome inadequacies of the unwilling and resentful and hence recalcitrant and unmanipulable mainstream female-friendly service provider workforce. Who, either Placemented, forcibly induced or otherwise coerced, facilitate the AFP's most demanding, demeaning, demoralising and therefore the most difficult to man and hence the most critically underprovisioned female-friendly programmes, projects and schemes.

"As a direct consequence of their Compatible husbandry, the AFP is beginning to benefit from significantly improved female-friendly service facilitator cooperation. And, as a knock-on effect, is also starting to see a reduction in the burn-out rate of Placemented males who, reassigned, to lighter duties, their in-post physical afflictions and psychological torments are hence reduced and so are less traumatic to bear.

"Better still, rising numbers, of both the female-spy-at-large Diamond Hunter uncovered and the deskbound CCTV-footage scrutinising Diamond Sifter discovered Compatibles, are responding to the AFP's national appeal to in-work males to sign up at their local Job Centre to volunteer to man a female-friendly service in their free time.

"And, to the barely credulous delight of the AFP, not just donating an occasional day-off or even sacrificing their weekend offtime, many of these formerly shy and retiring but now outed and liberated Compatibles are applying to pledge their annual holiday entitlement to free-time fill some of the most difficult to man high-burnout posts.

"Of particular high take-up, are the Air Purification Technician slots: Facilitating the incredibly popular and increasingly widely available in-flight female-friendly service, by manning one of a modified aircraft's railed under Seat-Line APTSVs - Air Purification Technician Service Vehicles.

"Which, according to sequenced demand, automatically conveys the supinely strapped-aboard air filtration specialist to the retracted footwells of the seat-number locations of the pushbutton-summonsing female air passengers of his assigned Seat-Line.

"I'm not just talking short-endurance Domestic. And not only mid-endurance European - or even long-endurance, aircrew hours limit, multiple-flight pattern.

"Having enjoyed their introductory, gentled-in, short-haul in-flight experiences so much, some of the Compatibles are putting their name down to man the Air Purification Technician Service Vehicles on the flight deck and cabin crew replacement long-haul there-and-back trans-Atlantic and other inter-continental flights.

"Some of them, even volunteering to man an SV to Seat-Line serve on one of the scheme-participant airlines' Heathrow, Gatwick, Stansted, Manchester, Birmingham, Bristol, Cardiff, Belfast, and Glasgow Airports' around-the-world routes - including the particularly draining and debilitating eternal-night flight East to West 'sun-chasers'.

"The air hostesses say the Compatibles are a delight to work with: unlike their Placemented, constrained, compelled, or otherwise cajoled charges, they don't have to threaten, browbeat, and bully those guys aboard their dedicated Seat-Line serving foot-service buggies!

"And then there is the bonus benefit. The hosties say that since the introduction of the depolluting 'Techies' who, with their mouths taped over, sniff up the stinky fumes from the pushbutton-summoning female air passengers' feet - as well as the hosties' feet, too, during destination turnaround intervals and the aircrew changeover/passenger drop-off interludes of longer-range flights - the cabin's recirculated air is discernibly fresher.

"But, for us at Harper's Conference Catering, with our limited resource of just one well-placed sympathising Job Centre contact, you Compatibles are so tough to find; so frustratingly tricky to unearth - look how long it has taken us to uncover you: more than a year.

"More than a year, of relentless, spirit-sapping search.

"A search that - when yet another male employee hopeful proved hopeless; the seemingly brighter prospect's promise soon coming so disappointingly and discouragingly to nought just like all of the apparent possibles before him - has tested Mrs Harper's perseverance with her entrepreneurial niche selling-point business idea to the brink of abandonment and her resolve to the edge of disillusion.

"Either you still-in-the-closet Compatibles are too timid or self-conscious to come forward and make yourselves known to authorities as encouraged, appealed to, or otherwise propositioned on AFP TV, AFP Radio, in the AFP Times and other governmental printed media, or - and David, you are a case in point - you were oblivious of your latent compatibility.

"You - who I am convinced are an extreme-element, dyed-in-the-wool woman-worshipping ultra-feminist - were waiting for it to be triggered.

"Miss Tonya Tomkins, our sympathetic contact and your Job Centre interviewer yesterday, saw it first.

"Not only the prerequisite, perfect suitability of your short-statured and robustly structured upper-bodied physical build to ideally acquit you in your male-worker role, but like me, Tonya also intuited your unusual and, far more important, to us, compatibility.

"In fact, to her amazed delight, Tonya believes that through a cunningly clever combination of implementing her Job Centre training skills and employing the instincts of her own, wiles and guile - she was the girl to trigger it.

"Such was her astonished glee, Tonya had struggled to control her feelings; had striven to keep her euphoric emotions in check, as you unmasked yourself.

"Tonya had thought it impossible that you could not sense her jubilance; incredible, that you could not discern her exultancy; unbelievable, that you could not pick up on the sheer ecstatic thrill of her incredulous delight, as you revealed yourself to her ... as it were.

"Tonya said that at yesterday's end-of-shift staff meeting, her colleagues congratulated her and her supervisor praised her on her responding with such cool-headed professionalism - considering it was her first personal experience of the Compatibility phenomena.

"After watching your interview as recorded in full-colour HD by the Job Centre's strategically sited CCTV cameras, overlaying the laughing and the cheers and high-fiving of her exultant colleagues was the accompanying loud snappy bangs and shrill whistles cacophony as Tonya found herself covered head to toe in the multicoloured streamer-paper from a dozen party poppers.

"Tonya's supervisor told Tonya that such was the evidence they'd just watched, it was irrefutable; beyond all possible doubt or dispute that Tonya had earned her first commendation and made her first contribution in the Job Centre's collaboration with the AFP in resourcing and advancing the government's latest female-friendly project: The Compatibility Programme.

"Cause for celebration also was that Tonya's confirmed, personal duck-breaking success had earned Brighton Job Centre three points and had moved them up to joint-third place in the Southern League of the keenly contested Job Centre Cup: the kudos-according and prize-winning inter-Job Centre trophy.

"Yet another brainchild of Prime Minister Caroline Flynt, the much-coveted cup is contested by the UK's Northern, Eastern, Western, and Southern 20-team leagues.

"Brighton Job Centre was now level with Southend; just one point behind second-placed Bournemouth and only two points behind Southern League leaders Portsmouth.

"And, kept cold in the office fridge for these occasions are an AFP-supplied selection of celebratory bottles of Sauternes, Chardonnay, Mouton Cadet, and Pino Grigio. Of which, two of the latter were eagerly opened and joyously partaken of by Tonya, her five Interviewer colleagues and their supervisor.

"In their jubilation, they clinked their chilled wineglasses in twin-toasting with the tasty and refreshing white wine, Tonya's first recorded Compatible capture, and Brighton Job Centre's improved and now Title-contending position in the Southern League table.

"But Tonya said that she couldn't help but spot; could not miss, the giveaway signs of distraction and tell-tale clues of furtive, wandering eyes that, at a seminar hosted by specialist instructors from the Department of Compatibility, she and her Job Centre Interviewer colleagues had been briefed to look out for, coached to recognise, and drilled to act upon.

"And that by giving you; again, as briefed and coached, enough line with which to entangle and entrap yourself inextricably, it was a formality for her to reel you in with nary a twitch of resistance like a conquered fish into her keepnet.

"In short, David: It was our sympathetic Job Centre contact, Miss Tonya Tomkins, who gave you your little push in the right direction.

"That was why, at the end of your interview yesterday, Tonya instructed you to tell Mrs Harper upon your arrival at her business premises this morning to ring Tonya at the Job Centre before we left for the hotel.

"So that Tonya could give her the good news, which Mrs Harper then could pass on to Zoe and me: She was delighted to be able to tell us without a doubt that she was sending us someone suitable, this time, having achieved her first officially-recorded success - having triggered your latent compatibility.

"And that is what Mrs Harper, Zoe and I have just been talking about while we've had you busy vacuuming the carpet after the SPOILT! Boutique manageresses' coffee break: your now tried and tested, proven on-the-job compatibility.

"Cat got your tongue, David ...?

"Well, don't worry. Trust me: Zoe and I will train you; instruct you.

"Zoe and I spend most of our time on our feet, and so in your secondary capacity as our at-work fringe benefit, we will require your frequent attendance: as often as the constraints of your primary male-worker role duties and whatever other, reciprocity-related commitments allow.

"The soles of the feet are extremely sensitive - full of nerve centres; or, as Zoe and I think of them: sweet spots.

"You could not have conceived of the reflexological education that now awaits you - the soles-of-the-feet services that Zoe and I are going to instil in you.

"You have so much to learn; so much instruction to absorb; so many lessons to assimilate.

"But: learn, absorb, and assimilate our teachings, you will.

"Zoe and I will teach you how to use your tongue - yes, David, you did hear me correctly.

"Not only to soothe us, which as an incidental consequence is beneficial to our whole-body health; and not just to reinvigorate us - but primarily to please us.

"In short: What Zoe and I require of you, what we will expect from you and in fact demand of you, is your unstinting and indefatigable attentiveness.

"But, not only that ... From now on, David, whenever you either come into or leave our presence, you will watch for our prompts for you to demonstrate to Zoe and me your obeisance by kissing the sole of our foot."

I was utterly speechless ... Confounded beyond description, by Amanda's unquestionably authentically sourced and accurately recounted events of yesterday afternoon during my Job Centre interview with Miss Tonya Tomkins, and secondly her matter-of-factly stated requirements as to the extent of my dedicated doting indulgence to herself and Zoe as their at-work fringe benefit.

Once more, Amanda paused, offering me the opportunity to reply.

But I was incapable of reply; unable to respond to any of her profound pronouncements in any way that would be the least bit considered or coherent.

Again, I was glad to be able to take solace and fall back on the safety-net of by-the-book compliance with AFP Female-Friendly Code protocol observance.

In the AFP-stipulated manner for a male when addressed by a female, respectfully I kept my eyes trained on the floor, meekly gazing in silence at the spot between Amanda's feet - which now prompted her to slip free her right foot from its black leather flat.

Meaningfully, purposefully - intentionally - Amanda wiggled and scrunched her olive complexioned clear-varnished bare toes.

I don't know how long I stared down for; for how long I watched Amanda's for-my-eyes-only floorshow as I thought over everything she had just said in attempting to gauge the extent of her involvement, affiliation, or even her fully paid up subscription membership of the Authoritarian Female Party:

Amanda's not mere, awareness, but her au fait, seemingly in-depth knowledge of the AFP's Compatibility Department and their so-called Compatibility Programme.

Her clear conversance, with the vigilant on-the-prowl female agents-at-large Diamond Hunters and their deskbound-colleague analyst Diamond Sifters, ever on the lookout for 'diamonds'.

Her, apparently informed, understanding of the myriad interconnected workings of collaborating government agencies.