Telephone Blitz

Four years passed quickly. It was a four hours drive to Auburn from my place and I didn't get to see much of my son. He was busy with school and his friends and I was spending way too much time with my work. Janet had the title company send me a check after the sale of the house. It was for the entire amount, she kept nothing. I cashed it and put it in a folder I set aside for her. I bought a small house and spent most of my time doing fix up and improvement type things.

I didn't date or see any one socially. I just wasn't interested. I longed for companionship but was not interested in getting close to anyone.

Graduation day came and I drove down to watch my son get his diploma. We had assigned seats for the ceremony and Janet had the one next to me. I was glad to see her, even after the way we separated.

She looked good but tired. She was a little older and the lack of make up and grooming made her seem a little sad. We smiled at each other and said hello. They were just starting to hand out the sheepskins so there wasn't any time for small talk. I don't think either one of us knew what to say anyhow.

It was all over too soon. The awkwardness of the moment was interrupted when Terry came over to see us. He was excited about getting his degree and was talking a mile a minute. It was great watching him enjoy his moment of glory. A few of his friends came over and introduced themselves and then the whole bunch of them took off for Gulf Shores, to celebrate. Janet and I were left with each other.

"How did you get here?" I was trying to break the ice.

"Bus. I have a round trip ticket and have to get back to the station by six. Can you give me a lift?"

"No problem. How soon do you have to be back?"

"I took a week off but I can't stay here. I guess I will go back tonight and spend the rest of the week painting my apartment."

""Sounds like fun."

"What's my alternative?" she laughed.

"You could stay a few days at my place. I could even drive you back home from there if you'd like. It's better than the bus."

"Anything is better than the bus. I don't think going to your place would be a good idea though. It would be too difficult for both of us."

"We never did talk. I was mad at the time and cut you off. I didn't give you a chance to explain anything and over the last few years I felt bad about that."

"You mean you want me to tell you about what happen now, after our lives have been destroyed."

"Is it too late?"

"I think so. What can I say to you now that will make things right? You wouldn't listen then, why would you listen now?"

"I can't answer that. Even if we don't get to talk, I think I would still enjoy your company for a few days. Are you sure you can't spare some time. I took a weeks vacation also. Do you have any luggage?"

"No, just what I am wearing. I wasn't planning on staying over night."

"We'll stop at Wal-Mart and I'll get you a couple changes of clothes and you'll be all set. It's a four hour drive and I would really like to have the company."

"I can't envision any good coming from this but I'll give it a try. If you do anything at all to upset me, I promise I will walk away without giving it a second thought."

"Fair enough. My car is over this way."

For the first few miles we didn't say anything. We got off near Birmingham and I got her some underwear, slacks and a few tops. I also talked her into a pair of sneakers but she refused to buy any make up. I didn't push it, just hinted. A little further up the road we had supper, at a Cracker Barrel. She always liked to eat there.

We were moving along up I65 at a good clip when she opened up.

"To have sex."

I looked over at her. "What to have sex?"

"The answer to your last question was 'to have sex.' I couldn't say it when you ask me on that day. I don't know why. Either I was too embarrassed or I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I just couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. After you hung up I realized that you already knew and it was stupid of me to deny it. I tried to call you back but you turned your cell phone off. I knew then that my life had ended."

"You broke my heart."

"I know and I don't know how to make it right. I have laid awake so many nights trying to figure out how to make up for it and can't come up with a thing. After a few years I decided that there was nothing that I could do to make things better."

I couldn't think of anything to say. She seemed to doing fine on her own.

"If you knew what was going on why didn't you stop it?"

"I couldn't stop it. Only you could do that."

"You could have said something."

"No. If you had known that I knew, you would have not done it for the wrong reasons. Knowing that you were caught or might be caught was not a good reason for you to not go through with it. You had to stop it because you knew it was wrong, not because you were going to get caught. Am I making sense here?"

"Yes, you are, but I still wish you would have said something."

"I did. The last phone call."

"You mean the one where you said you loved me?"

"That's right. I felt that I gave you the opportunity to stop before you got started. I gave you the chance to make the decision."

"It was a test and I failed it. I was so stupid."

"I won't debate that."

"Did you love him?"

"Gary? Heavens no. Gary loved his wife as much as I loved you. We were just friends."

"I don't understand. Was it lust or what?"

"Gosh no. It was nothing like that at all. It was more platonic than anything else. Gary and I were just friends. We had no desires whatsoever of making our relationship any thing more than that."

"Well how the hell did the two of you end up going to a motel to have sex?"

"It's a long story."

"We still have an hour till we get to Huntsville."

"Gary and I worked together for almost a year. We talked about a lot of different things over time. One of the things that came up was sex. During our conversation it came to light that neither one of us had ever had sex with anyone other than our spouses. We weren't complaining about having sex with our spouses, because both of us were happy with things as they were but we did become curious. The more we talked about it the more comfortable we became with it. I don't know which one of us brought it up, but we finally starting discussing the probability of having sex with each other just to see what it would be like. No strings attached and it would be a one-time deal. It was more like two adults playing doctor or maybe like, 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours'. I know it sounds ridiculous but that is how it all came about."

"Did you ever think what the downside of this might be?"

"Never occurred to either of us. We had gotten to the point where doing it was going to be just about like going to the movies together. I don't know about Gary, but I didn't think you would ever find out about it, so you wouldn't be hurt. I was wrong. I am so sorry."

"How did Gary's wife take it?"

"She was going to divorce him. I went to see her and explained everything to her, just like I did to you. She didn't go through with the divorce, but I don't think their marriage was ever the same again. Gary was fired when I was, but he protested it. It went to an arbitration board. He claimed he didn't violate company policy because we never had sex. The board didn't buy it. They moved to Baltimore and I never saw them again."

I was glad when we arrived at the house. The conversation we had was long over due and it was a little stressful. Some of it was hard for me to hear. I put Janet in my bedroom and I took the guest room. After making sure that she had everything she needed, I said good night. Tomorrow there would be more conversation. I hoped it would be more pleasant that the talk we had today

The next morning she had breakfast waiting for me. The first time in a long time that I didn't have to get my own.

"So tell me about the sex with Gary."

"You son of a bitch. You know there was no sex and you also know why."

"I guess I ruined a romantic afternoon for you."

"Get real. You know the situation, and even though he brought wine and strawberries, it was not a romantic get together. Don't make it worst than it was."

"Well, did you guys do anything?"

"Oh yah. We answered a dozen telephone calls and we answered another dozen knocks on the door. Some nasty bastard had everybody and their brother either calling us or knocking on the door. The closest we got to sex was when I took my shoes off."

"You didn't have a good time?"

"It was the most miserable half hour I ever spent in my whole life. While that biker was trying to get in the room, to grab Gary, I was able to sneak out. When I saw my car was gone, I started to cry. Just then, Nancy pulled up. You called my sister, and worst than that, you called my mother. She still isn't speaking to me."

"I'm sorry if I ruined something that was so important to you. I accept full blame for what I did. It was a rotten thing to do."

"Oh no you don't. The blame is all mine and if you think you can jump in here five years later and take credit for everything that happened you are crazy. It was my doing. It was my fault. I am to blame and don't you ever try and take that away from me. I didn't wallow in misery for all these years just so you could pull it out from under me."

"I still feel partially responsible and should assume some of the blame."

"Don't do it. When I went into that motel room I lost all my self-respect. I will never be able to get that back. At least, when you made your phone calls you saved my virtue. I still have that, and I thank you for it everyday. I only wish there would have been a way for you to do something earlier but I understand now why you couldn't. It is a sad thing, John. I love you and I have always loved you. I didn't want to hurt you and for that, I am truly sorry. I won't ask your forgiveness because I don't feel that I deserve it. Losing your love and trust has hurt me more than anything else you could do to me."

"Janet, you never lost my love."

"I am glad to hear that John, but what about the trust?"

"Sorry, That's gone, and I don't know how I can ever get it back."

"I understand and that is only fair. What are we going to do for lunch?"

"How about sushi?"

"Sounds great, are my clothes ok?"

We had a good time that afternoon. After lunch we did a little more shopping to get Janet some outfits that didn't make her look like a nun. I even got her to buy a little lip-gloss, but nothing too dramatic. We had a light supper, soup and some cheese and crackers, and then we sat down with a nice glass of wine. It was nice to see Janet returning to her old self. The more time we spent talking the more comfortable she seemed.

"Are we going to have sex tonight, John?"

"I don't know. I still have some issues."

"What issues?"

"Well I am afraid that if we make love that I might be thinking about you and Gary the whole time. I am a little anxious because I don't know how it will go."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"Well how would you know?"

"I'll tell you how I would know. About thirty years ago, when we first started going together, you told me that every time you jerked off you fantasized about Pam Kramer, the cheerleader. Do you remember that?"

"Did I really tell you that?"

"Yes, you sure did. And every time that we had sex for the next four or five years all I could think about was that you were having sex with me and thinking about Pam Kramer."

"You are kidding, right?"

"No, damn it, I am not kidding. Now the shoe is on the other foot and you can't handle it. I had to put up with it and I don't see why you can't."

"Well, whom do you think about when you masturbate?"

"That's none of your business."

"Come on, we all fantasize. Who is your dream lover?"

"OK, OK. Most of the time it is you, even after we separated."

"What do you mean most of the time? Who is it the rest of time?"

"You really want to know? You aren't going to laugh?"

"No, I promise I won't laugh."

"Mel Gibson."

"You are kidding."

" No I am not. I have always dreamt about having sex with Mel Gibson and I don't think there is anything abnormal about that. He is a very desirable guy. Which brings up another question. For the last five years, whom have you fantasized about while you were getting rid of your tensions?"

"Mostly you. I still think about you a lot."

"Same question back at you. What do you mean 'mostly'?"

"Well sometimes I think of Gary and you together."

"You sick son of a bitch. You fantasize about Gary and me having sex so you can get your jollies off. That sucks."

"Not exactly. After your tryst, I wondered why you would want to have sex with Gary. I didn't have any answers so I assumed that he was a better lover than I was. I was sure that I had failed as a partner in some way and I convinced myself that you were looking to upgrade. I used to think about how he would please you and bring to orgasm after orgasm. After awhile I found myself getting excited, not thinking about Gary having sex with you, but about you having great climaxes. I found it erotic that you were getting pleasured and blocked out the fact that it was with another man, even in my fantasies."

"Ok. We're even. Now deal with it. I am going to take a shower and after that we are going to have sex. You can think about Pam Kramer and I am going to think about Mel Gibson. It's settled. Tomorrow morning, we are going to go and get my stuff and I am going to move in with you. Can you handle it?"

"Are we going to get married?"

"No, I can't marry a man who doesn't trust me. Maybe in a couple of years we will talk about it again."

"Oh, I see. You want to stay single just in case another guy like Gary shows up."

"Bastard. One more remark like that and I'll smack you up side the head. Now go disconnect the phones. I don't want to be interrupted."

It only took about an hour to load her stuff in the car. Terry was right. She really did get rid of almost everything. She sold the furniture that was left, to the landlord for two hundred dollars. As I finished loading the car she went over to the bakery and told them she was leaving. Shortly after that we were on the interstate, heading south.

I looked over at her and we both smiled

"I have just one more question and I won't bring it up again."

"Ok, what is it?"

"Where the hell did you get a Mel Gibson poster?"