Telling It As It Is

I am not a weak person! I am not someone who will take being walked on over and over again! Keep trying and you will find out my boots are bigger! My heart and mind and turning to stone again, and you are the cause. Hope you enjoy the ramifications of your actions. I don't do touchy, feelly anymore, I am about go all ouchie, bleedie!

I can only ask for respect and consideration so many times before finding a way to handle shit on my own. I can only take my ass to bed feeling run down from the mind-less idiocy day in and day out so many days in row. I can't take the little jabs at every-one in this house just because you are butt hurt over being asked to contribute to the household bills. You would have to help in any home you lived in. If you lived on your own you would pay them yourself, unless you thought your mommy would support you forever. Oh wait, that is exactly what you think..... You are spoiled, entitled, and narcissistic. I am not afraid to pull the tit from your mouth and tell you to grab your cock and man up!

You are verbally and emotionally abusive. I am not putting up with it anymore. I am not a punching bag for anyone. I put up with enough from others my whole life. You hold grudges when you don't get your way. Yet, can't ever think ever say please, thank you, your welcome, excuse me, I am sorry or think of the good things anyone does for you. I am never and have never done enough for you. I bust my ass and have busted my ass for you.

You say you love me, yet I find it hard to believe. No one who loves someone could treat them with the contempt and lack of respect and total disdain you treat me with. You can't remember day to day the words that come from mouth. You can't act like a man at any given time. You act like a spoiled child. You never can celebrate my achievements. If I come home and say I got a raise you say "Must be nice" yes, dear it is. It is Nice! I got it by working hard, not whining. The kids get something nice and you want to try it and break it, say oh I will replace it, and never do. You are negative in every aspect of life. You talk to me like I am dog shit 90% of the time. Unless we have guests! You say you love me, yet, you can't remember what foods I like or can't eat without being ill. I try to keep stuff you like on hand. I can't always afford to (hence why I asked you for help), but I try.

Your comments and little verbal jabs to the kids are uncalled for and just plain selfish bullshit. The children are not your personal hunting grounds for new victims when you are feeling sorry for yourself. I can fight back and fight back fairly. They are kids. You want to fight? Fine, fight with me! I am the one you are pissed at! I am the one who pointed out you were acting like a low life mooch! Yep I said it! You are mooching of mom and me! You treat us like your personal ATM's and doormats! Leave the kids out of it! Quit trying to get information out of your kids about what Amanda says about you in her home from your kids, that isn't right nor fair! That is not the reason they come here! They come to visit and spend HAPPY TIME with their dad! Not be the inside link for you! Quit being a dick to my children! They don't want or need it!

While we are on the subject you don't need to speak about Jim anymore either! He at least is taking the steps to rid himself of a nasty influence in our kids lives. You want to bitch about his faults, but what of your own? You have none you say????? Umm I can beg to differ! Don't even try to say you don't or that it is someone else's fault! I am sorry it is at least 50% your own fault! You can and should try to rectify many of them. Hell I have told you how to fix many of them! But, oh wait! You would have to work on it, and actually make a plan and give up beer probably 5 of 7 nights! And oh wait; give up a bunch of other stuff to! Hmm that would be too much for the ego and perfect asshole!

In short, I love you, hell if I didn't I wouldn't of bothered with your ass, but I am no longer in love with you. You killed that word after word, deed after deed. I doubt it is coming back. Each time you hurled an insult through deed, inaction, and pushing me away it tore it from my heart. I am trying my damndest to figure out what I want, but you show me daily what you want. You don't want me. You don't want us. Unfortunately for you, your mom deserves someone in this house and in her corner to love her and protect her from your abusive nature. You treat her like shit worse than me. I am able to deflect it myself most of the time. THANK GOD! Thank of how you want your kids to treat their spouses and be treated by their spouses. You are showing them that men are assholes. They yell, drink, cuss, hold grudges, throw tempers and never have kind words. You are giving a legacy to Brea and Ryan of forever being unhappy and I pray I can undo that and teach them that men are not to be that way. You are not a man. You are a child!