TGI Chronicles Pt. 1 Ch. 05

Phil, who I guess had heard all this before, just sat quiet. I listened intently, while Denny told her story.

"So why do you think I was right with these ultimatums?" I asked.

"As I say, I don't think she really has any idea of how serious her action was. She knows it's unacceptable, but to her that means society, family and everyone will condemn her. What she doesn't see is that it was intrinsically wrong, or maybe she's kidded herself that it was forgivable. She was always very proud of how strong a marriage you two had. Of how much you loved each other, that you were fated for each other. That nothing could interfere with that. So I guess, a little affair on the side didn't really matter, the marriage was stronger than that in her eyes. I can't explain it any other way."

"Did she give you any clue as to why she did it? That's the question that plagues me. Why? Why would she take a lover? Wasn't I good enough? Did he seduce with promises or money? I just need to know why, and in everything she's said she has never answered that."

"No, I don't think she did. I think I asked her that, but she was in the blubbering and sobbing stage by then, and if she did say anything I certainly didn't understand it. I can understand that you need to know, but I don't think I can help you. It was one of the things that Phil and I talked about 'til the early hours on Friday night." Denny looked at me, straight into my eyes, but I couldn't read anything but her own bafflement and sad sympathy for me.

Phil got up and came and put his hand on my shoulder. Somehow it was a comfort. This conversation was getting me nowhere, and was just dragging me down emotionally.

"So what are you going to do now? How did you leave it?" I asked.

Phil answered, looking at his wife to ensure he was saying the right thing, "Well, actually I think that's up to you, Tim."

"Why me?"

Denny turned from her husband to me "Well I was a bit shell shocked when I put her in a taxi, but when I got home I got more and more angry with her. Personally I think you should divorce her, but that's up to you. I do know that, at the moment, it wouldn't worry me not to see her again. So, I'll take my lead from you." Denny picked up her tea cup, took a sip of tea, and looked at me.

I drank my tea, slowly, while I thought things out.

I looked at Denny, then at Phil, and then back to Denny "I don't want either of you to fall out with Beth. Her views on fidelity don't really matter to your friendship. And, anyway, friends are meant to accept their friends' faults. She probably needs all the friends she can get at the moment."

"That's rather generous of you." remarked Phil "I would have thought you might like to hear that she's lost her friends over this. I would have thought there might be some satisfaction in that."

"Well there is that side to it, but selfishly, it might just help me, or even both me and Beth, if I have some other link to her, someone else who can tell me how she is, or what she's thinking." I replied.

Denny looked concerned "But how can we stay friends with both of you. We'll be giving our usual 4th July all-American barbeque in a week's time. Do you really want us to invite both of you?"

"That's up to you, but if you invite me, I promise you, I'll be here. I'm not going to let this mess spoil my friendships. Don't even tell me if you invite her, it'll only give me sheer hell if I'm certain that I've got to face her. Let it be a surprise."

"Oh, by the way. Who is this Ken?" Denny asked.

"He's the one with a Bentley" Phil answered.

"Oh. Him... Yuck.. How could she.. He's old enough to be her father." Denny responded.

I, for some unknown reason, came to Ken's defence "No, not quite. And yes he does have a Bentley, and a Mercedes and a Mitsubishi Shogun. And a villa in Spain. And a flat in London."

"Oh. That's alright. She fucked around in comfort then. Beth didn't strike me as the sugar daddy type." Phil smiled, but looked at me to see if it was alright to do so. I laughed and that eased the tension.

We really didn't talk much more about Beth, or me for that matter. We drifted into a comfortable evening of friendship and discussions on cinema, politics and the one-way traffic system in town.

About eight o'clock, we were sitting outside, keeping warm under their new patio heater, but discussing the fact that all three of us were beginning to feel chilly, when we heard the front door bell. Denny volunteered to answer it, saying she'd make some coffee at the same time. Then we heard Denny call "Phil, can you come here a minute."

The next thing I knew was Phil was back out on the patio telling me that they had Beth in their hall, demanding to see me. Would I be willing to see her? What could I say, but Yes?

She came into the living room and faced me as I came through the garden doors.

"I guessed you would be here this evening. But your car isn't outside, and I nearly went away. I rang the bell without much hope of finding you."

"Well you've found me. What do you want, Beth?" The remnants of the visiting iceberg of days ago suddenly returned to my heart.

"On Wednesday you had obviously thought out what you wanted to say, you didn't give me the chance to say what I needed to say"

"Which is?" I asked, icily.

"That I love you, Tim. OK, I did a terrible thing, I was wrong and I know that, and I know that I've hurt you terribly. I sorry about that. If I could undo what I've done I'd do so, but I can't. I have to live with my mistake. But you must realise that I'm hurting too. You may be so upset with your wife that you can't bear to live with her, but that means I'm living without the one man I love, I need and I want. I'm scared, Tim. Scared I'll lose you forever."

The room fell silent. I wasn't sure what to say. But before I said anything she continued, "I know you'll lie awake at night, hurting over what I did, but I want you to know that I'm lying in a lonely bed, wide awake and crying as well. I'm waking up with nightmares of what I did, of what pain I've caused you, that I'm losing you, and you won't even talk to me."

This time I did respond. My cold hearted anger had risen "Maybe you should have thought of that three months ago. Maybe instead of rushing into the arms of a lover, you could have tried talking to your loving husband."

"Yes, I could have, I should have. But I didn't. I can't alter that, I wish I could. I didn't love Ken, by the end I didn't particularly like him. But I can't alter what I did. And if you just go on and on looking for opportunities to throw that back in my face, to score points with clever repartee then we will never get over this. You keep putting the future of our marriage on my shoulders. And, yes I know that I weakened it all by myself, but it will take two to put it back together again. Please stop trying to hurt me and start trying to help me. Help me rescue the good marriage we had."

I took a step forward, I was tempted to hold her by the shoulders and shout into her face, but I knew that any physical contact would be a mistake. "Why, so that you can hurt me again later? I love you, and I want to forgive you, and maybe in time I could, but I don't see how I can forget. You tell me Beth, how can I forget your treachery? How are you going to make me believe that you won't do it again?"

"I don't know. But if you just give me ultimatums, if you just live by some timetable that suits some landlord somewhere, then I don't stand a chance. Please, Tim, let me try to show you that there is a future for us. I know it will be a different future to the one you wanted, the one you expected, but it will be a good future, one with me helping you, loving you, supporting you. Surely that's better than loneliness as some aging bachelor sadly seeking love the second time around?"

God! Phil! Denny! Someone! Give me some breathing space, some distraction to let me marshal my thoughts. I looked passed Beth's shoulder at the open door. I could imagine Phil and Denny standing silently, discretely in the hall, out of sight, but listening avidly to every word. I didn't blame them, I would have done the same.

Before I found any words, Beth started again, "Tim, when I saw you on Wednesday you were different. In ten days you had changed. I expect I'm changing to. We can't afford to wait while I find the opportune moment to cause hurt and pain to an innocent middle aged couple who I love and need at this moment, and all the time you are deciding whether you want to keep the toaster to the left or the right of the cooker. Please Tim, we need to be together to sort this out. I'll jump through whatever hoops you want, I know I've got an uphill task on my hands, but your not even letting me start."

The ice melted, it was still pretty cold in my heart, but the ice had melted. "I'm sorry Beth, but I just hurt. I HURT AND I HURT AND I HURT. You should have thought... you should have realised what you were doing. I promise you, I will think to see if I can find another way, but I can't make promises to you tonight. I'm sorry."

Again, like at The Red Lion, both of us knew there was no more to be said. She turned to leave, and I followed her. As she went into the hall, the kitchen door clicked shut. We got to the porch and she turned to me, "I do love you, Tim. I just can't stop thinking about you...About how important our partnership is..."

The words 'It's a pity you didn't think about me three months ago' formed in my head, and as I opened my mouth she held up her hand to put two fingers on my lips, "Don't, just don't.. Don't you think I know. Its futile, it gets us nowhere. Do you think if you say it a hundred times like some magic mantra we will be able to go back in time and put the wrong right? I can't. We can't. But I can't build a future by myself either, only we can do that. Tim, we have to talk before it's all too late."