The Arrangement Ch. 02

Dylan couldn't have felt more out of place at parties. The incessant loud blaring of music that reverberated in his eardrums, the sporadic bursting of lights casting the room in an array of shifting colours, the sweaty sea of writhing strangers that erratically shifted and contorted as they danced. It was a claustrophobic maze of sensations to say the least, and one he didn't intend to join in with as much as he could help it.

So as per usual, he had made himself comfortable nursing a drink, taking long sips as he absentmindedly took in the scene before him. He didn't think he'd ever understand the appeal, but he'd come to grow familiar with the party scene since Jessica tended to drag him out to the occasional one with her friends. Currently, she was lounged across his lap, her legs draped over his knees and a hand absentmindedly fondling his dark curls as she chatted to one of her friends.

It had been several months now since the two had started 'dating' and so far it had played out fairly well. After Jessica's parents had calmed down upon discovering their 'relationship' they of course had been wary of Dylan, who as far as they'd known had been sneaking around with their daughter behind their backs all this time. But as the months rolled on, it seemed like they'd simply come to accept that they were a couple, and Dylan no longer got the stink eye from Mrs Grayson, or at least not as regularly.

Dylan's own parents were ecstatic their son finally had brought a girl home, enamoured as soon as they met Jessica. His mother had even gone as far as to gush about the prospect of grandkids to him, a prematurely enthusiastic topic that had Dylan cringing in embarrassment. Though on some level he had to admit he found it nice to see his parent's happy reactions as he'd known they'd long since worried about him finding someone. After all most guys his age or even younger had had a girlfriend by now or at least gone on a date, none of which Dylan had done as far as they were aware. Finally knowing their son wasn't a socially awkward outcast was surely a relief.

All in all, it had been a successful case of misdirection for all audiences concerned, whether or not they liked the idea of them as a couple was another thing but they all bought it. They had no reason not to Dylan guessed, though it was reassuring that their ruse had been unquestionably acknowledged within the new status quo.

However, dating Jessica in practice... had been a learning curve.

They of course had to start doing normal couple stuff, hold hands, go on dates, cuddle and kiss. All things that Dylan had plenty of experience with Patrick, only now he had to do all those same things with Jessica, a task which might have been more digestible if not for the fact this was his boyfriend's own sister. But he supposed beggars could hardly be choosers when picking out a beard.

Over the following months, Dylan liked to think he put up a plausible performance as Jessica's boyfriend, going through the motions enough to keep the ruse going. But inside, he couldn't help but still internally recoil, a bitter aftertaste to his actions when the simple act of walking hand in hand with her down the street fed into a well of shame seated deep inside his gut. The feel of her hand entwined with his instead of Patrick's all to appease others simply felt wrong.

Still, both Dylan and Patrick did feel like they could breathe easier now, the overhanging threat of being outed as easily not bearing down on them so heavily. It was all worth it at the end of the day. At least that was the idea.

So here he was with Jessica on his lap, the two having tagged along with her friends to some big house party. Dylan sorely missed Patrick especially now, engulfed in a crowd of strangers that if not for Jessica's social circles he in all likelihood wouldn't have mingled with. With a small sigh, Dylan took another sip of his drink, the buzz of alcohol a pleasant lull to the senses.

"Dylan!" Jessica suddenly shouted into his ear, making him flinch.

"Huh?" he replied, refocusing on Jessica and her friend who looked expectantly at him, waiting for an answer to a question he clearly hadn't paid any attention to.

"Sam was just saying there's a little get-together coming up in like two weeks, she was asking if you'd want to go," Jessica nudged him.

"Oh! Well erm, I mean I might have plans that week. I'd need to check."

"Oh come on Dylan, it would be great to have you guys together. I mean Jessica hasn't come along at risk of feeling like a third-wheel since it's kinda ended up being a couples thing but this is her chance to go! Really, you should come, it's a really cute cabin by the lake a few hours out. Last time me and Mark went and we had a picnic one day in the hills and it was sooo romantic."

"Yeah it sounds fun, I'll definitely have to get back to you on that."

"Not much of a romantic huh?" Sam pouted.

"Well I mean he has his moments," Jessica laughed as she ruffled his hair.

"Well that's guys for you, and admittedly the picnic was my idea so I can't even say Mark is the exception. Speaking of, I'm going to get another drink and see what stupid shit him and his friends are up to."

"You should relax you know, at least look like you want to be here," Jessica said after Sam had left the two. "Otherwise, I look like just another controlling girlfriend, and this is kinda for your benefit y'know."

"You saying you wouldn't be at this totally awesome party if not for me?" he replied, an eyebrow raised as he knew full well how much of a party animal she could be.

"I mean you got me there, but try to enjoy yourself at least a little. Relax, have fun."

"Okay okay, I'll try," he laughed.

"You know, I do enjoy spending time with you. I hope you don't find it too much of a drag coming out with me."

"Well maybe not so much the stuck in a room of sweaty teenagers but yeah I like spending time with you too," Dylan smiled. And he meant it. Despite the strange circumstances they'd had to navigate through together, Jessica herself had been an easygoing and relaxed person to be around and the two had grown to be pretty good friends.

Jessica smiled back, something flickering in her eyes. Dylan would later recognise it for what it was, though at the time he had mistakenly taken it as a look of simple fondness. One he was sure was reflected in his own eyes which she too had equally mistaken for something else.

Moments later Jessica tilted her head closer to his, but instead of a fleeting peck that Dylan was expecting, she captured his lips firmly to hers in a passionate kiss. He was taken aback, his lips parting slightly in surprise which only allowed Jessica to slip her tongue inside and deepen her advances. When the shock finally wore off moments later Dylan pulled away, parting in a breathless gasp.

But before Dylan had a chance to speak, Jessica had already quickly risen from his lap, an indecipherable expression crossing her face. Without a word or a glance over her shoulder, she rushed off, disappearing between the throng of the crowd.

What exactly just happened? thought as he watched her go. Was she just more drunk than he'd thought?

They'd shared plenty of kisses before but this... this was different.

Not sure what to do, Dylan sat there dumbly, and when Sam passed by again and asked where Jessica was he told her she'd gone to the bathroom. When a little while later Jessica still hadn't returned he began to worry. Dylan sorely hoped that she'd return imminently, telling him that the booze was stronger than she'd realized and they could both then laugh it off. But with no sign of her, he knew he had to go looking for her.

So Dylan found himself parting a way through the crowd, going in the general direction that he'd seen Jessica go which was the main hall. In between the crushing movements of the crowd he asked a girl, shouting loudly over the music if she'd seen a girl matching Jessica's description. Surprisingly she quickly pointed up the staircase, though Dylan couldn't tell if she'd heard him correctly or just wanted him to get out of her face elsewhere. Nonetheless, he trudged up the stairs, the crowd thinning as he ascended to the upper landing where there were several closed doors.

For a moment he considered heading back down, maybe it was better if he left her alone? But no, he had to check if she was okay. No telling what a drunken upset girl was vulnerable to especially at a party like this.

The first door Dylan knocked to no response, and when he turned the knob he found a group of guys smoking in the half-darkness, their stares far and distant. No use asking them for sure. At the second door, he was greeted by the sight of a guy sandwiched between two girls on the bed, their current predicament having Dylan closing the door sharply and a rush of blood going to the tips of his ears.

The third door similarly bore no response and he hesitated to turn the handle lest he was met with a similar scene to the last one.

"Jessica?" he called out tentatively.

"Go away," Jessica called out from the other side of the door.

"Please Jessica, I just wanted to check if you're okay?" he asked, cringing a little as the answer itself was glaringly obvious.

Again silence.

"I'm coming in," Dylan announced as he slowly turned the knob and slipped inside. It was a bedroom, spacious and luxuriously furnished, at odds with the depraved activities of the party outside. Briefly, Dylan wondered how the host was going to clean up before his parents came back home. On the far side of the room was a ridiculously large bed, flanked by two tall windows, though currently the curtains were drawn leaving the only source of light being a small lamp in the corner. Jessica was sitting on the bed with her back to him.

"Jessica, what's wrong?" he asked, approaching the bed slowly. When she didn't protest any further to his encroaching presence he sat down next to her. In the dim shadows, he could still make out recent evidence of tears streaked down her face, her makeup smudged.

For a moment Jessica said nothing.

"I'm supposed to have a boyfriend," she finally uttered, barely above a whisper so that Dylan strained to hear her.

"Yeah... but Jessica, it's not real," Dylan replied, not knowing what else to say.

At that, Jessica turned around to meet his gaze, something darkening there with the furrow of her brow and narrowed eyes. She looked away again and Dylan nervously idled, not knowing if it was better to say more or if it would be worse if he did.

"It's just I'm kind of sick and tired of this," Sarah sighed. "When I started this whole thing lying to protect you guys I was cool with it, I thought hey why not, it's a good thing to do right? But now I'm just so sick and tired of it, acting like I'm in this happy relationship when it's all one big lie. It's just so exhausting."

Now it was Dylan's turn to go silent, Jessica's words making him feel like he was shrinking in on himself. She'd not raised her voice, nor had she lashed out at him, but her words alone felt loudly accusatory.

He had to admit... that something like this had crossed his mind before.

Jessica had committed herself to the lie of their relationship without a second thought and had seemed happy to do so. But at the end of the day it was all to his own and Patrick's benefit, she didn't gain anything from this. In fact, she was sacrificing her freedom in exchange for theirs. While attached to Dylan she couldn't have a boyfriend or even go on a single date herself, a sure path to loneliness which probably stung even more seeing Dylan happily slink away from her to be with Patrick.

But not once did he bring it up, and Dylan knew deep down he had been wilfully ignorant. A coward. If Jessica gave up on this ruse him and Patrick would have to return to desperately hiding themselves like before. And he simply didn't want that.

"I'm sorry. I know it's been... selfish of us to use you in the way we have. We didn't mean to hurt you and I'm not excusing us from that, but I guess we got carried away and caught up with it all without thinking," Dylan conceded. His words sounded pathetic even to his own ears, clumsy and insufficient, but he couldn't find any other words to say.

Jessica let out a mirthless laugh. "You could say that."

She passed him a drink and he gladly took it, throwing his head back and taking a large swig. They both took turns passing it back and forth between them then, the throbbing beat of the music from outside seeming to emphasize the painful silence that had settled between them.

Dylan sighed. "Look, I know you deserve better. Me and Patrick... we're grateful that you've stuck it out as long as you have, really. If you want to end this whole thing then that's your choice, we'll manage. You deserve better. And... if there's anything I can do to help you, repay you or just make you feel better. I'll do it, just say the word."

Jessica turned to him, the hardness in her gaze softening as she mulled over the sincerity of his words. Then she leaned forward, her face inches away from his.

"Kiss me then," she murmured. "And not one of those fake ones we do, I mean a real one. At least give me that."

For the second time that night, Dylan was thrown off. But this time, he didn't automatically recoil from Jessica who at that moment had a deep pleading desperation in her eyes.

Surely he could do this? Jessica had been putting up with the charade for all this time without so much as asking for anything, while Patrick and him had only ever been taking and never giving. The guilt was burning white hot inside him now, conflicting emotions roiling inside him as he contemplated the nature of her request.

He could give her just a kiss, right? It was just a kiss. Nothing more.

So it was through this train of thought that led to Dylan leaning forward, his face inclining towards Jessica, a mixture of alcohol and guilt swirling around in the foggy depths of his mind as his lips met hers. It was highly doubtful a pitying kiss would resolve anything, but in the moment Dylan didn't dare let himself overthink it. He'd give Jessica whatever she wanted. Whatever this was.

Their lips moved tentatively at first, unlike the quick familiar pecks and unlike her kiss downstairs, this had the anxious hesitancy of a first kiss, the soft glide of their mouths against one another slow and delicate. Vividly, Dylan could taste the peach chapstick that Jessica always carried around, now mixed with the bitter taste of alcohol.

Gradually they found their rhythm, moving in sync with a building intensity. Dylan parted his lips allowing Jessica the access he'd denied her earlier, and eagerly she leapt at the opening, their tongues colliding in a heated dance. None of their kisses had ever before gone near the wild frenzy that it was now. So needy, hungry and passionate. Ever so briefly, all Dylan could feel was the fierce thumping of his heart against his chest and the feeling of Jessica's lips on his.

Without being able to pinpoint exactly when Dylan registered that Jessica had manoeuvred herself onto his lap, his hands having instinctively settled to wrap around her, keeping her close.

A sting of pain pricked at him as suddenly Jessica jerked his head back, drawing a sharp breath from him that quickly turned to shuddering gasps as Jessica attacked with relish, nipping and sucking on the vulnerable exposed flesh of his neck with a fervent intensity. All of a sudden what had been a pitying kiss had turned into much more, Dylan's mind faltering as all thoughts scattered into the wind by the fluttering pleasure that ignited at Jessica's touch.

He needed to stop this.

Her hands slipped under his shirt, her fingers splayed across the bare skin of his stomach with a wandering caress that sent a shivering pleasure through him.

He really needed to stop this now.

She bit down on his neck, Dylan only barely biting back the moan that threatened to spill from his lips.

Fuck.

It was when Jessica's hand moved down to the fly of his crotch that the sudden spark of clarity pulled Dylan violently out of the moment, sending him reeling as he tore himself away from her.

"Okay thats far enough Jessica," he said, trying to steady his trembling voice.

"Come on, let's just carry on and have a bit of fun," Jessica said. Her hands reached out for him but he shied away out of reach.

"No, this is too far," he said firmly.

"You know you want to," she replied, her eyes hungrily roaming over him. A smile played at the corner of her mouth, fully aware of the effect she'd had on him.

"I don't. You asked me for a kiss and I gave you one, that's all," he said adamantly.

"C'mon Dylan, it'll be our little secret."

"I said no."

A flicker of annoyance crossed her face, so brief Dylan might have missed it. "Dylan... can you really tell me that you don't feel anything towards me? Not a single thing after all these months?" Jessica asked, her tone turning sombre.

"Look, I don't feel that way about you. I'm with Patrick and I really do love him. Even if I wasn't with him... I'm gay and that won't change. I'm sorry."

It shouldn't have been a surprise. None of this was news, yet still Jessica's shoulders slumped, her face turned away in visible disappointment. Dylan could never have guessed before now that she'd have feelings for him and he wondered at what point they had begun, or how he had gone so long without noticing. If he'd seen it sooner maybe he'd have been able to put a stop to it. But maybe acting like they were in a loving relationship for so long had made them both blind.

"Dylan look, like you said I deserve better," Jessica said, her voice hardening as she spoke. "I deserve a boyfriend that will pay attention to what I want, what I need, rather than just being selfish and only acting on what he wants."

"You do. But that someone isn't going to be me. None of our relationship has been real and if I misled you into thinking I felt or wanted more than it was, then I'm sorry."

"Well it's been real enough for you to use to hide the fact you're a fucking faggot from everyone," Jessica spat, a bright flare of anger twisting her features.

Her words struck Dylan hard like a slap across the face. He'd never been called that before, and for it to finally come from someone who he believed up until tonight to be a trustworthy friend made it hurt twice as much.

"You're drunk Jessica, we should go home," he said, giving her the chance to back down and take back what she'd said.

"That's what you are. A faggot. Have I got that right? I know that's a fact at least."

"You fucking bitch," he hissed, unable to contain the sharp flare of anger he felt.

"Now there's no need for that, especially not from my boyfriend."

"Jessica, I think it's best that we end this whole thing."

"You know what? Dylan, you have no bargaining power here. Think about it, I have nothing to lose here but you on the other hand do. So you don't get to call the shots right now. And what I think is best, at least for me, is for me to finally get what I want."

Dylan felt a tight ball of fear coiling within him as Jessica's words sunk in, the dawning realisation that she was right. She was right that she had nothing to lose here, and while he and Patrick had spent so long comfortably benefitting from this arrangement they'd unwittingly made themselves vulnerable to Jessica whom they'd unquestioningly entrusted to safeguard the security of their secrets. Their entire relationship.

"What is it you want?" Dylan seethed, feeling sick to his stomach.

"I want you," she replied with an unflinching confidence in her eyes.

"You're delusional."

"Well think of it like this, I'm going to make this whole fake relationship a bit more authentic by teaching how a shitty boyfriend like you should really treat a girl. I'd be doing you a favour."