The Awards Show Ch. 17

For the first week at Rhett's, everything seemed surreal. Jet felt barely alive as she alternated between sleeping, and just existing. Rhett checked on her every few hours, even waking her gently in the middle of the night for the first few days at the doctor's orders. For Jet, it was all a dream. She pecked at any food Rhett sat before her, but barely spoke to him. He watched her, assuring she was okay, and he gave her all the space she needed.

The second week, Jet started to slowly come out of the fugue state. She found herself doing a little work here and there, and even engaging as Rhett watched TV. It wasn't too bad, although, she was starting to understand why her mind had hidden behind the clouds for a while.

That was the week when the nightmares started. Like clockwork, she would wake up at 2 a.m., just as her dreaming really started. The same nightmare came to her night after night. It started with the sound of Mitchell's footsteps, and then that diabolical look on his face as he asked her about the orchids. Her terror was only interrupted as her dreams flashed between that night and happy moments she remembered between them. Each time she would wake with a start just before he raped her. In none of her dreams did the guys come and save her. It was dreadful. Then, she would spend the next 3 or four hours trying desperately to get back to sleep.

By the fifth day of the same thing, Rhett noticed. It was really their first conversation where he asked her about it. Jet brushed him off, unwilling to talk out loud about the things plaguing her. Talking out loud would make them all real somehow and that was something she couldn't take. Instead she suffered again that night. As she ghosted through the next day, she couldn't help but wonder when her brain would catch up and realize that Mitchell was gone. That part of her life was over.

Throughout all of this, Rhett never spoke about their relationship. He talked to her a little about work and whatever they did at the studio after he came home from work. He caught her up on Link, telling her every time that Link asked about her. Rhett even talked to her about Tierney. He never breached the biggest topic though, and Jet was truly grateful for that.

When Jet went to bed at the end of the second week, she already knew the nightmares would come. Her brain was exhausted as she lay down in bed and closed her eyes. Sure enough, a few hours later, Jet was up and in a cold sweat. Mitchell had been after her from beyond the grave once more. This time, Jet felt tired, bone tired, and she just couldn't do it anymore. In her exhaustion, the only thing she knew for sure was that there was one thing she hadn't tried to bring her peace.

Still half asleep, Jet got up from her bed slowly, contemplating if this was a stupid decision to even consider. Was she ready to open this wound? He said he wanted to be here for her, offering to do anything she needed. Maybe it would be okay. Just maybe Jet could turn to him for comfort and not think about what he had done. With a deep breath, she opened her door, leaving the guest room.

Jet made her way through the house in the darkness. It was quiet, lit only by slivers of moonlight that came through various windows. She knew the house; she'd been here so much that walking in the dark was nothing. Softly, she opened Rhett's bedroom door and looked inside. He was sprawled out on his back, mouth slightly open on one side of his bed. She smiled softly; remembering the many mornings she had woken up to him just like that. Rhett had changed with her from sleeping in the middle of the bed, to sleeping on one side, but just like tonight, he always erred towards the middle. It was his way of inviting her to sleep on him, although often he would just roll and curl up behind her.

Her heart started to beat a little fast, and she forced herself to calm and consider one last time if this was a good idea. As her brain tried to work it out, her legs made the decision for her, and before she realized, Jet was standing at the side of the bed, her side of the bed. She leaned down and pulled back the covers and slid herself in. The comfort was immediate. This bed felt like home to her as much as her own. Rhett's smell was all around her and she inhaled deeply as she looked at him. He was beautiful and her heart felt too large for her chest as she lay there taking him in. When she closed her eyes in the next moment, sleep came quickly and deeply for the first time in what seemed like forever.

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The next morning, Jet felt soft fingers on her skin and she opened her eyes slowly. Mossy green orbs stared at her and she realized that Rhett was running his fingers over her arm. Jet looked at him, not sure what to say.

"Good morning." He said the words softly as she watched him.

"Hi."

"It's so nice to have you back in my bed." His eyes got a little moist as he spoke.

"I was having trouble sleeping, so I..." She started to stammer out an explanation.

"You don't need a reason. You can sleep in my bed anytime you want to." He cut her off and his fingers went to her face, brushing back her hair.

"Thanks." She gave him a small smile and Rhett searched her eyes as he leaned forward towards her. He was so close when Jet closed her eyes and then the image popped into her brain as his lips touched hers. It was of him in bed behind Jesse with a stupid drunk smile on his face.

"Stop." Her hand reached out and pressed to his chest.

"What?" He pulled back a little to look at her.

"I can't."

"Is...is it Mitchell? He's gone; you don't have to worry about him anymore." Rhett's huge thumb brushed over her cheek as his hand cupped her head.

"It's not just Mitchell. I just keep picturing you with her, and I..."

Rhett let her go at those words and rolled to his back with a sigh. "Oh. I understand." That was all he said as he laid there.

"Do you want to go make breakfast together?" She asked the question simply, not sure what else she was supposed to say at this point.

"Sure. Let me just go to the bathroom and I'll meet you there." He stood up without looking at her again and made his way to the bathroom.

After that, they make breakfast and talked a little, but not about what had happened. It was clear waking up in his bed was a change though; Jet felt her heart opening to him at least a little. She started to hope that their relationship could be put back together some day. Right now, though, she would take the comfort he offered.

That night, Jet awoke at the same time, and again made her way into Rhett's room. This time he awoke when she came in. Jet wondered if he was going to stop her, fearing that the only place that brought her peace wouldn't anymore. She approached the bed and Rhett lifted the blanket and she slid under it. He didn't move closer, but at least Jet knew she was welcome.

Jet awoke roughly the next morning to his alarm. It was Monday and the start of the third week since her release from the hospital. Rhett leaned forward as he left the bed and kissed her head softly. Jet smiled at him and rolled over. It felt normal in her half-sleep daze. This felt like before everything went bad. His goodbye kisses were yet another piece of her life coming back together.

After that second night, Rhett started to just invite her to come to bed when he went. He didn't seem bothered by the fact that there was nothing intimate about it. It seemed so normal, and Jet needed just that from him. Perhaps he knew that was what she needed, or maybe he would take anything that brought them closer at this point. As Jet curled into her side of the bed, she listened for Rhett's even breathing. It had helped her sleep each night, and she assumed tonight would be no different.

"Can I ask you something?" His deep voice whispered to her in the quiet room. Jet rolled over looking into his face.

"Sure." She waited, wondering if she would have the answer he was looking for.

"Are you afraid I'll touch you while you're sleeping?" He had a concerned look on his face that jolted her.

"What? No. I trust you not to do that Rhett." Her fingers reached out instinctively to comfort him, her hand brushing over his scruffy cheek.

"Oh. I just...well you always slept naked before, but since that night you haven't. I thought maybe it was because you were worried I would do something." Her heart broke that he even had to have that thought.

"Rhett that's not it. I guess I don't know what it is, but I feel safer with clothes somehow. And, maybe I feel like I'm not ready for you to see me again, not all of me."

"Jet, I wasn't asking for that. I...I didn't mean to ask you to show yourself to me...oh God, that's the last thing I meant."

"Hey, hey, it's alright. I'm just doing what feels comfortable for me right now. I don't understand all of it; I don't. I'm not even sure why I can only sleep in your room without nightmares, but I have to cut myself some slack. I have to do what feels okay or I'm going to crack Rhett."

His hand reached out spanning her waist. "Okay. Tell me if there's something I can do though. I'll do anything you need Jet, anything."

"You know there is one thing."

"What? Name it."

"Could you take me to my house tomorrow? I have to pick up some work stuff, and I...I don't think I can go alone." She had meant to ask him tomorrow, but it seemed like a time that Rhett needed to feel useful. He needed to feel like he was helping her in some way. She could give him that, even if she couldn't give him anything else right now.

"I can just go. You can tell me what you need and I can go." His face was so earnest. This was Rhett trying to do everything in his power to make her okay. Jet couldn't help but wonder if he thought doing this would somehow make his cheating okay, but she tried to push that out of her mind. Rhett had always been there for her, and she had to hope that this was just him doing that once more.

"I need to go Rhett and face some of my demons."

"Alright. I'll take you. Can I ask you for something?" He looked at her with a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"What?"

"Can I hold you? I mean I know you aren't ready to kiss, but can I hold you while we sleep?" Jet's breath was stolen for a moment as she considered. Would it be too much?

"We can try that." She gave him a soft smile and rolled herself over, scooting backwards. A large arm curled over her side and she felt Rhett's warm chest nestle against her back. Her heartbeat slowed as she felt his body heat seep into her skin.

"Is this okay?" He whispered in her ear.

"Yes." She said the word softly and they both fell into soft breathing soon after as Jet felt asleep in his arms.

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The next day, Jet tried to work. She slogged through a few things, but really all she could think about was going to her house. It seemed eons ago that she had been home, but she also knew that it was inevitable that she would have to go. The time lapsed and the inevitability didn't make the day go by any easier though.

By the time Rhett came in the door with food, she was on edge, knowing it was only moments away. Rhett said nothing, just ate with her and made small talk about what he and Link had filmed that day. When dinner finished, though, he gave her a look that was full of knowledge. Jet only nodded in response and went to get her shoes.

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After what seemed like the shortest car ride ever, they arrived at her place. Rhett parked on the street, and waited, letting Jet get out first and lead the way. Jet did, forcing her legs to move as she approached her door for the thousandth time. It didn't look any different, and it didn't feel different when she put her key in the lock. This was her place, the place where she always felt comfortable. It didn't seem changed at all, despite the fact her whole world changed inside this house.

Rhett stood behind her as she let the front door open and stepped inside. He said nothing, and gave no indication of rushing her. Jet took a deep breath and walked past the spot where Mitchell had approached her, past where the flowers had sat on the floor. A glance down showed her that they were gone. It all seemed fine, cleaned of what had happened and then she reached the living room. It all changed then.

That night came flooding back, from the moment she heard his footsteps until she had her face buried in her couch, ass in the air waiting to be violated by the monster all over again. She ran down the hall, her stomach in knots and barely made it to the toilet before she threw up everything in her body. Rhett was behind her in instant, hands grabbing her hair into a ponytail. When she was done heaving, she sat back and watched as Rhett got up, and came back with a cup of water. With a rinse and spit, Jet felt a little better. Rhett returned a moment later to wipe her face with a wet washcloth carefully.

"Are you okay?"

"I thought I was until I saw that damn couch. You know I used to love that couch. I mean you and I...well..."

"Yea, I know. I used to love that couch too." He smiled as he took a seat opposite her on the bathroom floor. Jet flushed the toilet and closed the lid, letting her stomach settle out.

"I don't think I can live here anymore Rhett." She ran her fingers through her hair, pulling it up into a ponytail with the hair tie on her wrist.

"I don't blame you. Although, Link did an incredible job of cleaning it up. He was in here for a full day. He didn't want you to ever see the evidence of what happened again."

"Really? He's such a good friend. I wish it was enough for me to stay, but I don't know. Plus, I don't really know where to go. I mean I ran here from New York to get away from Mitchell, and now well, now I don't know why I'm here. Tierney is in San Francisco and she's one of my only true friends. Then, there's Leslie, who may be my only other real friend and she's in San Diego now with a baby. I feel like they both have lives though, and I've just been here praying for my past to go away. Now, it's gone, he's gone, and I'm almost lost with needing to run from him. It's kind of crazy." She let the thoughts flow from her.

"Are you thinking of moving away?" He had that same teary-eyed look on his face as Jet met his gaze.

"Maybe it's time. Maybe I need a fresh start, somewhere with no memories good or bad." She didn't know what to really say to him. Her brain and heart felt so confused.

"Jet, I don't know what to say. I mean I love you, and I thought you loved me too. I guess I thought you and I would...I don't know." His fingers started to stroke through his hair in the nervous way they did.

"I do love you. I do Rhett, but I'm so confused. I mean I can't even kiss you without thinking about what you did with Jesse, and I know you're sorry. I really do, and I want to get over that. I want to put that behind us and move forward, live happily ever after. I guess I'm just worried that I'm too fucked up for happily ever after. I mean after everything we've been through how can I not feel like we're cursed to never work out. Our relationship has been nothing but a roller coaster since that awards show."

"I know, but we found our way back to each other, again and again Jet. There's something between us, a bond, that doesn't break. So, why can't my fuck up just be another corkscrew and then we move on?" A tear fell from his eye and he hurriedly wiped it off his cheek.

"How can we? Surely, you have to see that we're doomed. I'm doomed Rhett. I'm supposed to be alone and unhappy forever. That's what this has all shown me. I don't deserve to be happy, and the universe is going to keep showing me that." Tears rolled from her eyes and Jet buried her face in her hands.

"Hey, come on. That's not true. Someone as amazing as you can't be doomed. You deserve to be happy Jet. God, you deserve so much better than what you've had, so much better than me. I'm the one that should tell you to run away and be happy with someone else. I'm the piece of shit in this situation. I've made so many mistakes with you, and all I've ever wanted was to make you happy." He leaned into her and put a hand on the back of her neck, using his thumb to press her face upwards.

Jet looked into his sad eyes, and her arms went around his neck. She sprang forward into him and he grabbed her, hugging her to him tightly. Rhett pulled her onto his lap and she let all her emotions flow out of her. Her pain, her anger, her sadness all came out as she cried in his arms. Rhett just held her, his warmth enveloping her.

She had no idea how long they spent like that, but when she pulled back, Jet was drained. There was nothing left in her to cry out. Rhett wiped her face, but he didn't lean in for a kiss. They just watched each other for a minute and then Jet knew she had to get up. She had to move forward somehow. With no idea how, she scratched her fingers softly in his beard and then stood up.

"What are you up to?"

"I..." A thought popped into her head and it made her smile. "I have an idea and I think you should help me with it."

"Ok. What's up?"

"Meet me in the living room." Jet jogged out to the small shed out back and grabbed what she needed before coming back inside.

Rhett was waiting for her in the living room. She produced a pair of clippers, a few hammers, and a package cutter. "This is all I have other than a baseball bat and the kitchen knives."

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Okay, what are those for?"

"To destroy this fucking couch. I may not know what to do with anything else, but I know what to do with this. I want to obliterate it and all the fucked up feelings I have when I look at it."

"Wow, you know that sounds pretty therapeutic if I do say so myself."

"Good then you can help me." She handed him a hammer with a soft smile.

For the next half hour, the two of them went to town on the couch, destroying every possible piece they could. Stuffing and boards were all over the floor when they stopped to breathe. Jet felt good, possibly the best she had felt since that night.

As they put pieces of the couch into the trash can, she felt like it was a cleansing; a first step towards truly being free of Mitchell.

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After getting what she needed from her house, Jet took her car back to Rhett's. From there, the night was as it had been for over a week now. They curled up in his bed after watching some television, and Jet lay her head on his chest. Rhett stroked through her hair softly until his breathing evened and Jet let herself drift off. Today had been exhausting, but exactly what she needed.

The next day proved to Jet that she was on track for healing herself. It started with a doctor's appointment where she was essentially cleared to go back to her normal life. Rhett insisted that they celebrate that night, but she begged off. She was finally able to focus on her work again, and she needed to get back into it hardcore. Thursday night, she couldn't put him off anymore, and Rhett was pouring her glass after glass of champagne. He brought it home especially to celebrate her health and Jet couldn't help but smile and enjoy.

As the night went on, they were laughing and enjoying time together like they hadn't since he left for the wedding. It was wonderful and Jet felt like Mitchell had left her, along with all that entailed. As she finished her last glass and sat it down, Jet giggled just a little too much and garnered a look from Rhett that she knew all too well. Even the words that came out of his mouth were predictable as she leaned into him on the couch.

"Alright young lady, you are drunk and it is time to go to bed." Rhett smiled at her, the redness in his cheeks giving away his own intoxication. He stood up, pulling her up by her hand.