The Beginning Of Our Affair

My lover has short brown hair and bright blue eyes, red framed glasses and heaps of freckles, he's a little bit taller than me, probably 5'7", maybe 5'8", but just the perfect height for our bodies to touch in the right places when we stand close, mouth to mouth, chest to chest, hip to hip. He thinks he's too skinny, I think he's perfect, although if you saw him in the street you probably would walk straight past him, he looks young for his age and a little geeky, preferring cargo pants and t shirts with cheeky slogans that always seem a little too big for him, but trust me, naked, he's gorgeous.

Like I said, he thinks he's too skinny, and fair enough he's never going to be a body builder but I wouldn't want him to be. He has narrow shoulders and narrow hips, the slightest sprinkling of body hair and a flat stomach with the slightest hint of softness where he eats too much junk food to try and gain weight. He doesn't have bulging biceps but he's strong and his arms are well defined, a tight ass and long lightly haired legs. Then finally, to top it off, the most perfect cock I've ever known.

Now you can call me biased here, but I swear that penis is perfection personified, long, but not too long, I'm not good with measurements but my vibrator is 7" and he's at least as long as that, thick, but not too thick, just wide enough that my fingers barely touch when I wrap them around it, and honestly, if you saw him clothed you'd never think he had that hiding beneath his baggy trousers. It's slightly out of proportion to the rest of his body, a little too large for his frame but when I'm on top of him, feeling his hot hardness sliding into me that doesn't matter, he fits me and fills me better than any man I've known.

But...

My lover is engaged.

And not to me.

Let me explain...

We met on a "hook-up" app, if you've followed the news over the past year you probably know the one I mean, it's a programme on your phone which lets you see other users nearby and chat to them. I was introduced to it by a gay friend, I think a lot of people were, as a way of meeting new people and having a bit of fun in the process.

I work for myself and so often go days without seeing or speaking to a 'real' person actually 'in person' so my chances of meeting someone in 'real' life who would be up for a bit of light hearted sex are virtually nil.

Picking up some drunk guy at the local night spot is not my thing, one nighters rarely appeal to me and I used to work behind the bar there so I know for a fact 99% of those guys are creeps (the other 1% have generally been dragged down by friends or work colleagues and leave before you can start a conversation), and so I'd reached a stage where my dry spell was becoming a drought lasting over a year.

It was when I confessed to my friend that I'd spotted some average looking guy in the supermarket and genuinely considered grabbing him and dragging him into the toilets because I was that horny, that he suggested perhaps I should consider this app.

Now really, this app was perfect for me. My life revolves around technology; I work online, chat online, spend most of the day on the phone, texting or emailing so an app that sat on my screen and let me talk to men was perfect. Plus it meant I could get to know them a bit first and screen out any bad apples (I have an unfortunate habit of attracting weirdos, apparently because I'm too nice to them).

So walking along the seafront one day I found this app and downloaded it, setting up my profile as I walked my friend back to his office in town, then I sat back to see what happened. Not a lot as it turned out, no messages, nothing. I was a little disappointed but figured it had been worth a try and forgot about it.

When I got home that evening I thought I'd give it another go and started scrolling through people I could talk to, sending the odd "Hello" and getting a few replies, also getting some unsolicited greetings, often, as you expect on this type of site, pictures of genitalia, generally in close up and usually without even an accompanying message. This quickly got boring but I persevered, meeting up with a few people for coffee or a drink but generally leaving it at that, carrying on talking afterwards for a bit before tapering off in the knowledge that we weren't what the other was looking for.

Now on this app you could set a status message, and for various reasons one day when I'd had the app for a few months I'd posted a new message, "You are not a cat!"

Wait, let me finish, it's not as mad as it seems...

The previous night my flatmate had come home blind drunk having split up with the love of his life (they'd been dating for a month, it counted as long term in his eyes) and threw himself down on the sofa declaring loudly that men were like cats. When I asked him to justify that comment he stumbled a bit but the gist of it was that in his opinion men were like the cat in the Rudyard Kipling story, "I am the cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me!"

He argued that men didn't get attached emotionally, they just screwed around, using women for what they needed before going across the road for lunch, and while this may be true of some men (and women, harsh but true) I did, and still do, maintain that he is more like a puppy, a Labrador or a Golden Retriever, playful and fun to be with but ultimately in need of a family to take care of him and keep him out of trouble. Imagine that puppy that pulls all the toilet paper round the house in the advert, that's him to a 't'. Anyway, I turned around to him and said "You are not a cat!" which then became my catchphrase of the week and was posted everywhere, Facebook, random text messages etc etc. See, not so mad once you know the reasoning right?

Either way, that was my status that week, and now you know that, you can guess what happened next. No? OK I'll indulge you...

So I was working as usual, I told you I work a lot didn't I, and it was a Thursday so I was doing my regular tour of supermarkets, reorganising and replenishing my clients products on their shelves because expecting the staff to arrange them neatly and attractively is like expecting England to win the world cup. You know what I mean, each time you get your hopes up, thinking they really can't be as bad as you remember, and each time you walk away disappointed, shaking your head at some stupid mistake they've made (in the case of this particular superstore, not being able to separate out rump steaks from fillet on the shelf, leaving them all piled in a big heap in the middle that I had to sort out) but I'm going off track again. The point is I was doing a boring job, I was in a bad mood and my status was

"You are not a cat!"

So what message do I get through? That's right, "Meow!"

Now I wasn't in the mood for talking, but having been forced to read 'the rules' by my friend I knew you should never dismiss someone immediately because they may be perfect for you (good call I think looking back) and so I skipped onto his profile to have a look.

Name: John Smith (either unfortunate or an obvious fake)

Age: 22 (turns out something had screwed up when he'd imported his data and he was actually 24 which made me feel marginally less pervy at the grand old age of 28)

Status: Bored

Relationship status: Single

Picture: None

Now why this didn't ring alarm bells I don't know, perhaps because there were so many openly married guys on the site, perhaps because I'd been talking to another nameless/faceless random for a few months and he had justifiable reasons for not posting his real name etc (doctor, didn't want to ruin his reputation or job by being known to be on the site), perhaps just because I'm incredibly naive and tend to assume people tell me the truth, either way hindsight is a wonderful thing but not much use at the time. So I replied, not particularly enthusiastically,

"You are not a cat either," and chucked my phone in the bag ready to go to my next store.

Before I'd even reached my car a message came through,

"How do you know?"

Not in the mood for playing games I snapped back,

"Because a cat would never make the first move!" Then I got in the car and started the engine. Next message came immediately again,

"Guess you've never seen Red Dwarf then?" The conversation continued with him telling me he was bored and me suggesting a bunch of things he could do, all of which he made excuses as to why he couldn't until eventually I lost my temper and told him to go and have a wank if he was that bored.

Weirdly that didn't seem to offend him and our conversations continued over the next few weeks with me finding him less annoying and more interesting as the days went on.

I found myself increasingly looking forward to speaking to him each day, he wasn't like a lot of the other guys on the site, he didn't tell me I was gorgeous or sexy (in fact when I showed him one picture of me at a party he likened me to SuBo!), he didn't ask me to send him dirty pics and didn't send me any of him either. On the odd occasion I sent him a (hopefully) erotic picture, hoping for a reaction, it was either not mentioned or he made some unflattering comment that often had me threatening to never send him anything again, but still I was hooked, what can I say, the treat 'em mean approach works guys.

Anyway after a while of this I suggested we meet up and he agreed, however each time I tried to pin him down to a date or time he'd wriggle out of it somehow, his flatmate needed a lift, he was working, he had an early start the next day and so on and I started to get annoyed, figuring he was playing some sort of game with me. Then out of the blue he agreed to meet me at the cinema the next day.

We'd been discussing fantasies and I told him that I'd never fooled around in the back row of a cinema before and so my mind was racing, wondering if I could actually do any of the stuff we'd talked about with effectively a complete stranger (and remember at this time I still didn't know what he looked like, the only picture I had of him showed his phone obscuring his face so all I could see was his hands holding the phone and his hair and ears around it. Had I zoomed out on that photo I would also have seen the ring on his left hand, but at the time I didn't realise I could, or needed to, do that, hindsight again).

Strangely I didn't feel nervous that night I was just happy that I'd finally get to meet this person I'd been talking to for so long - although I half expected him to stand me up for some spurious reason so I wasn't getting my hopes up too much.

The next day the nerves still hadn't kicked in, we talked in the morning and as I was on the drive there (yes I know you shouldn't use your phone and drive at the same time, but if I stuck to that rule I'd never speak to anyone!), and when I arrived I parked up outside and told him I was there. He, of course hadn't left his house yet and so I stationed myself on a strategic bench so that I could see but not be seen, in an attempt to catch a glimpse of him coming in and find out what he looked like.

Eventually I saw someone who matched his description walk towards the cinema and I left it a few minutes before heading to buy my ticket. I'll admit, I was not so brave now, I walked into the foyer, head down, not looking around, bought my ticket and basically ran back out the door again. All the time half expecting to be approached but not wanting to look around and see if he was there or not.

Once outside I sat down and smoked two cigarettes in quick succession before getting a text to say the film was starting and I'd better come find him soon or it would be too dark to see.

Now I should mention that the thing I hate most is embarrassing myself and I was terrified I'd walk into the cinema and sit down next to the wrong person, so I text back asking how I'd recognise him. He replied telling me I'd have to guess but that he was currently the only single male wearing glasses in the auditorium.

I figured that wouldn't be hard to find and so I started to head back to the cinema, just as a text came to tell me there was now another single glasses wearing guy there. I sat back down and had another cigarette, shaking slightly with the tension, texting again to ask how I'd know him and threatening not to come in if he didn't tell me. He didn't respond to the threat, just teased me for being silly and so, tummy full of butterflies I walked slowly back to the cinema, up the stairs and into the screen, looking up at the seats above me, wondering where to go.

I started climbing the stairs, trying to get some hint of which person he was, the guy near the back on the right kept catching my eye but no one was doing anything to suggest they were the one. I almost ran back out again but took a deep breath and sat next to the guy on the right, knowing gratefully that I'd made the right choice as he said something about me turning up eventually.

I'll admit now, he wasn't at all as I'd expected. You know how you build up a picture of someone in your mind, like when you read a book (I read Lord of the Rings when I was little and fell in love with Aragorn, then couldn't watch the film for years in case the actor playing him didn't look how I imagined), but anyway, I hadn't built up a clear picture, not like something you can draw and use in a police line-up but I thought I had some idea of what he looked like and this was not it.

The biggest shock, if I'm honest, was his voice! That voice which nowadays sends tingles down my spine when he whispers naughtiness into my ears and grins his dirty grin, was completely different to the voice I'd been reading his messages in. For one it was higher pitched and softer, quieter, for another, the northern accent he claimed to have was barely noticeable. I'd expected some burly, deep voiced northerner and instead I had this small, geeky, young looking lad who had no more accent than I.

He seemed more shy in person as well, talking and joking as normal but not touching me. After the SuBo comment I was very aware that I might be a disappointment in person and so I was hesitant to make a move as well, with the result that I saw the whole of a film I wasn't terribly interested in and very little of the man I was interested in, which was a bit of a disappointment.

I'd expected him to leave one the film was over, but instead we walked to my car and he waited while I had another cigarette, still nervous. I stared at him a little too much I think because he made some kind of comment but I was intrigued by his face, eventually deciding it suited his personality in an odd kind of way. I liked it, it wasn't what I expected but I liked it. The voice I still wasn't sure on.

In the car I put on some music and we drove to the beach, looking for some privacy. I wasn't sure if anything was going to happen between us but I was damn certain I was gonna take this chance to spend some time with him and not let him rush off home, especially as I didn't know if I'd see him again.

We parked up and walked down the beach, still not touching but chatting quite happily. Frustratingly the beach seemed to be full of dog walkers,

"Do they not have jobs or something they should be doing?" I grouched, making him laugh and grump about dogs with me.

We reached the end of the promenade and still no privacy. The beach carried on for a while longer and so we decided to walk along a bit further and hope for the best. I was desperate now to get him alone and at least kiss him, but no way was I making the first move.

Later he told me he wanted to skim his hands up under my skirt in the cinema and find out what I was wearing underneath, wanted to start something on the beach with everyone around, but hadn't because ultimately it would just have been frustrating to get so far and be unable to finish. At the time though I just thought he wasn't that keen. Shades of insecurity showing through here, I'm not the confident, worldly woman that my friends think I am.

We walked all the way to the end of the beach and found a spot that looked promising, sitting next to each other nervously on the cold hard stones, looking and then looking away, neither of us wanting to make the first move, but all too soon the opportunity was gone as another woman with a dog emerged from the alley behind us.

We waited, hoping she would move away but she seemed content to stay where she was, throwing the ball for her pet to make sure he got plenty of exercise but not attempting to get any herself. If I could have made her move by sheer willpower I would have, trust me, I tried! We both tried, I think, but she wasn't going anywhere.

With a glance and a sigh we looked at each other, it wasn't going to happen, at least not here. Frustrating to say the least! Disappointed we stood and walked slowly back to the car, looking around us to see if anywhere else was doable but nothing. I suggested going back to his but he told me his flatmate was there with a girl (you've probably guessed by now there was no flatmate, but there is definitely a girl). I could have cried. I invited him back to mine but I lived almost 50 miles in the opposite direction so it wasn't really feasible and so reluctantly we gave in.

Feeling a bit down I dropped him back to the cinema and we did that awkward 'goodbye' thing where neither of you really want to leave, both of you really want to kiss, and both of you are too scared to do either so you just say stupid things like,

"So, errr, I guess I'd better get going."

"Oh yeah, me too."

"Well then I guess I'll speak to you soon."

I mean you get the picture right?

Either way finally we both turned away and I drove, and he walked, off and I figured there was a 50:50 chance I'd never see him again. And I didn't like those odds.

I managed about 5 miles before I text him.

"So what did you think? Was I what you expected?" Then spent the next 5 miles kicking myself for texting him first when he didn't reply immediately.

The next 5 miles were spent trying to accept that he wasn't interested and wondering if he'd brush me off gently or just ignore me entirely, and the next 5 miles were spent being deliriously happy that he'd replied and still seemed to want to talk to me.

Like I said, insecurity showing again, however this was when he told me he wanted to find out what was under my skirt. I still kinda wish he'd tried that first time, we've not managed to find a quieter screen yet, missed opportunities again. I also regretted not inviting him to a cinema near me where I could have taken him back to mine. But, I figured, there's plenty of time for that. I hadn't scared him off, in fact he seemed more worried that I wasn't interested in him. Guess he had the same confidence issues I have. Go figure.

Either way I wasn't too worried, we'd met now, there would be more times where we could spend time together. He asked what I would do if I had the option to do anything I wanted with him and my reply was simple, I'd take him to bed and spend a few hours having good old boring vanilla sex with him.

I thought he'd be put off by the idea but he seemed almost relieved. We'd talked about all sorts of bdsm stuff and I'd shown him my bag of tricks and I think he was nervous that I'd try some of that with him. But I just liked the idea of me and him, on a bed, with no dog walkers, where if I was nervous or he was shy, we could just take our time getting to know each other without the pressure of having to put on a performance. No expectations other than we enjoy ourselves.

And that's how we left it. Both of us looking forward to the next time, neither of us knowing when it would be, but knowing that we had gotten past the awkward first meeting without too many scars...