The Christmas Gaze

"Oh my god, look at you. You should come with us."

"No, Sabrina wants to stay home, listen to Christmas music, and try on all of her new dresses."

***

Well, that was the plan. My girlfriend Jean was going out on Christmas Eve with her friend, Barbara. They went out together all the time, they never took me with them, whether I was dressed as a boy or a girl.

Compared to them I was way over-dressed. I was standing in front of these two beautiful women in my new 'Faux Fur off-the-shoulder Christmas dress.' It was red and below the waist blended into white. The hem was right above my knees. My sleeves were long and bell-shaped with nice white fur above the wrists. There was also white fur on the top showing off my shoulders. Underneath I had on my C-Cup breast forms, with a nice red collar around my neck to hide the seam. I also had on a strapless bra, white panties, and nude thigh highs. My heels were four-inch black sandals with an ankle strap. I was completely sexy and I looked ready for Christmas.

"I gave Sabrina her Christmas present today," Jean smirked at me, "It was a gift certificate for her favorite salon."

"That's so nice."

"Well she used the whole thing, I thought it would last all year."

"Ooh let me see those nails." I held them out to Barbara. I had just gotten red acrylic nail extensions, they were so long and beautiful, usually, I just got tips or press-on's. "And look at these rings, they are stunning."

One I had gotten from an old flame a couple of years ago, the other was an Irish Claddagh ring Jean and I picked out together, we matched. I absolutely loved it.

Jean shook her head, "Her nails are always nicer than mine, she even did her toes." The red nails were glowing and peeking out of my sandals. "She also got her eyebrows, eyelashes, and lips done. Even another piercing in her ears. She was there all day. I am now living with a woman... Oh, and of course she got new hair extensions."

I shook my hair, showing off.

I was off for the next three weeks and I figured I would go a little overboard. I couldn't believe Jean was so surprised. What did she expect a crossdresser to do? I didn't want to tell her I also had the slight hair in my panties trimmed to a nice little triangle. The rest of my body was hairless, I took care of that years ago, way before I even met my girlfriend.

"Sabrina, you should always indulge yourself at Christmas. I think you should come with us to show off, sweetie." Barbara was still holding my hand but I could tell Jean didn't want me to go. Jean didn't like to share. Jean and I both came from only child homes, I was the opposite I was an over-sharer. Jean especially didn't like to share Barbara. She would need her all to herself. She was the one my girlfriend unloaded on, she was also the only friend of hers who knew I crossdressed. When she came to visit I had to hide in my room.

Jean made Barbara give back my hand. "Plus we're going to a show, they are probably sold out."

"Oh stop," Barbara said, "she is obviously dressed to go out, and we can not leave her alone looking so beautiful on Christmas Eve."

***

It was fifty-five degrees in LA, I could feel the slight wind jingle my cute Christmas tree earrings. Barbara was driving and I slipped into the back. I was so looking forward to spending time with the two women, but I wasn't used to being out and looking so glamourous. I was quiet. I listened to the girls talk, as I pulled out my compact from my bag and was checking out my hair, it was long and blonde and fell seductively over my bare shoulders and the top of my perfect breasts. My make-up was heavenly and my eyes looked fantastic with long eyelashes and copper eye shadow. I closed my mirror and took a deep breath, I was pretty nervous but excited about going out. Jean very rarely let me leave the house as a girl, and never, ever with her. I couldn't wait to thank her privately for this, and the salon visit.

We pulled into a big parking lot a block away from 'Christmas Village,' it was right in the middle of LA with an ice skating rink, pop-up shops, and even a carousel. A huge lit-up tree in the middle of it all. It was totally crowded.

I took my first Christmas Gaze, it was like wearing rose-colored glasses. Everything looked absolutley wonderful and cute. I don't know why I was so nervous, everyone was so distracted by the lights and decorations like I was, no one even glanced at the crossdresser with the perfect décolletage.

We squeezed our way to the Pavillion where the girls were going to their show. I now started to get several admiring glances, clicking in my heels, with my legs and hips swaying. I felt very popular all of a sudden. It was less crowded here, I could show off a little.

"Sorry, the eight o'clock is sold out." The ticket taker told us, "But you can stand on that line over there if anything comes up." He pointed to the side of the venue.

Barbara grabbed my hand again. "I'm sorry sweetie, you can take my car if you want to go home."

"Mmm, maybe I will just wait a little while on the line, maybe something will come up."

Jean grabbed Barbara and they moved into the theater, "Well if it doesn't, we are going to go eat after anyway, I can bring you something later." And they were gone.

I walked over to the line, I didn't want to go inside and sit by myself anyway. I would stand for a while and just call an Uber home. I would have liked to be out with them. I was sad, It would now be a short night.

"Hi," The young man next to me said. He was quite handsome, probably a little older than my twenty-four-year-old self. I just smiled. "My family is inside, they forgot to get me a ticket, heh."

I smiled at him, he seemed nice, "Me too," I shrugged, scrunched my face, and turned my attention back to the throngs of people walking by.

Just then a man walked in front of us, he was wearing a green baseball cap that said 'Humbug,' and he was pointing to people on the line. "You, you, um, you and you."

"Me?" I asked him.

"Yes, definitely you. Everyone follow me."

He led us into the theater. I turned around and the man that was talking to me was also picked. "I'm Ethan."

"Sabrina," I smiled and they then led us behind the stage, the theater held two-hundred people, I was wondering where they were seating us.

The man started handing out red coats, there were about a dozen of us. "Put these on, then I want you to hand out these lollipops to the kids in the audience." He gave everyone a Santa coat and hat except me.

"Don't I get a jacket?" I asked him, I didn't want to stand out.

"No way Miss, I don't want to cover you up, plus you look so Christmassy already." I heard my long earrings tinkle.

***

I had a bag filled with candy and I followed Ethan up and down the aisles. We gave the kids novelty Christmas lollipops and everyone smiled at us. I tried to stay low to keep out of everybody's sightline. I was looking for Jean and Barbara but I didn't see them, I was hoping if they saw me they would call.

After all the candy was gone the man ushered us into the backstage area again.

"Okay, "I'm going to put you on stage, just sing with everyone else. if you don't know it, fake it." Ethan and I laughed as we went on stage and moved to the back. I was thinking this is so crazy, how the heck did I end up here?

'Oh, the weather outside is frightful

But the fire is so delightful

And since we've no place to go

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow'

Ethan grabbed my hand and we sang together, it was fun. I was now hoping Jean wasn't watching me.

There were a couple of things that Jean didn't like about my crossdressing, one was my voice. She always complained it was too girly and I sounded too young, but I thought I sounded fantastic. I used to practice on the phone when I was a teenager, no one ever assumed I wasn't a girl on the other line. Jean would hang up on me if she called and I was dressed, I couldn't change my voice. I could even sing like a girl, I was Mezzo-Soprano.

'Simply having a Wonderful Christmas Time'

We sang three songs and just rocked back and forth behind the real singers, we were just here to make up the numbers, make it look like a bigger production. Everyone in the audience clapped and stood up as the lead performers bowed. We went off stage to the right while the people in the show went to the left. The man with the hat gave us thirty dollars each. I put mine in my bag and Ethan put his, in his front pocket, as we left by a side entrance. It happened so fast, it felt like it wasn't even real. Soon the side doors were opened and we were caught up in the flood of people leaving the show. Ethan grabbed my hand and we stood off to the side, just watching. We were then pushed into a pub, it was dark and festive.

"We should get a drink after all that singing," Ethan laughed as we headed to the bar.

We squeezed in and the bartender complimented my outfit. "Wow, look at you. I have the perfect drink to go with that dress." He turned away and came back with a nice pink cocktail for me and a clear one for Ethan. "Candy Cane and a Peppermint martini, enjoy you two."

I gave him the thirty dollars but he wouldn't take it. "Performers drink for free here, I'll get you a seat. A beautiful woman will draw in the customers." We laughed again, mainly because it was so crowded as it was. There was no more room for any more customers. I felt my ass getting pinched and my hair disentangling from men's fingers the entire walk over to the other side of the pub.

The bartender found a stool and Ethan sat. He patted his lap and I sat against him. My dress was tight I had to inch it up to move between his legs and sit. This was an interesting development that I was not expecting. I never told Jean this, but when I dressed as a woman I had women's desires. I love the attention a man would give me. I was getting a lot of attention from Ethan, he had one hand on my hip and another on my thigh. I could tell he could feel the top of my stocking. It was loud in the bar so I didn't say anything, not that I cared anyway I was completely enjoying myself. I could totally tell Ethan was too.

My drink was so tasty, I felt the sweet sting of the peppermint on my tongue and the warmth slide into my belly. My long nails looked so sexy holding the fancy glass. I was surrounded by so many people, this was turning into my favorite Christmas Eve ever. Last two years it was just me and Phil Spector. Jean and Barbara would go out almost all of the Holidays together. I had no family local anymore and my father lived with his new family for the last ten years. They never invited me.

I checked my phone to see if there were any messages from Jean. There was one that said the show was over and they were going out to eat, she didn't specify where, so I texted back and told her I was in a bar close to the theater. I also texted, 'Did you like the show?'

I felt Ethan get close to my ear. "Hope you are not making plans without me."

"Not anymore," I put my phone back into my bag, "Wherever this night takes us, I am all in." I giggled and then moved more into him. I started to feel his manhood, he was hard. I rubbed against him, teasing him a little more. I sat more on top of his lap, with my large backside and then I felt him kiss my neck, I was starting to get excited myself. I loved that I was turning him on. I felt his face in my long hair. I turned around I wanted him to kiss me but I could only get halfway around. he kissed the side of my lips and then his arms went around me under my boobs. I loved that people were watching. I'm sure they figured we were just a man and a woman enjoying each other's company.

When I turned back around, there was suddenly a man in front of me, he pulled me up to my feet. "C'mon you can be next."

We were led towards a little stage, the man had my one hand and I had my pink drink in my other one. Now people were watching us as we got closer to the stage, they made us a path. "What are we doing?" I asked, I was looking around, completely out of my element. I was wishing I was still on a man's lap.

"Karaoke! Whadja think!" He yelled over the music. "Pick sumpin' out!"

I turned to Ethan, "Do you want to sing, or should we sneak out?"

"Let's sing, what the heck."

We found a duet and were waiting on the side, they were going to introduce us. I was about to pee in my panties, everyone would be looking at my breasts in this tight dress. I held Ethan's hand a little tighter, I needed some assurance. When he smiled at me I felt a million times calmer.

"Next up," The man on stage yelled into the microphone, "Ethe and Bree! Let's cheer them on!"

We made it up to the stage and the man gave us a microphone each.

"Testing one two three," Ethe said and people laughed.

I tried not to look at the audience, there was a sea of heads leading to the front doors. I started to look at the screen instead. I still had my drink in my other hand, I drank the rest in one big gulp and the people cheered. I had a little pink froth on my lips as I raised my empty glass to the audience.

The music started. I started to move, feeling the bottom of my dress swirling around my legs. I watched my long nails as I caressed the microphone. I put it to my mouth...

'Don't go breaking my heart

I couldn't if I tried

Honey if I get restless

Baby, you're not that kind'

Ethan and I sang every other line. I was great at karaoke, no matter what gender I was, but I was better as a girl. I would have more fun, and I liked that the audience was going to focus on me.

'Woo hoo

Nobody knows it

Nobody knows... it'

We sang the whole song and the huge crowd sang it with us, we were having a great time. After we sang the last line Ethan kissed me. In front of everyone. I looked at him a little shocked, but I knew I was enjoying myself, what's a little kiss. We then waved to the crowd and walked off the stage. They were clapping like crazy, it was pretty nice. I was sort of in his arms as people started talking to us. Soon we had two more drinks in our hands and we were in the middle of a bunch of conversations. A woman was holding my free hand checking out my long nails, a tall man was asking me something in Spanish in one ear while touching my Christmas earrings with his lips, and the bartender was asking me questions in another, and also in sign language, I think. I couldn't turn around and look properly.

I suddenly ducked down and took Ethan with me. We were squatting close to the ground looking into each other's eyes, "Merry Christmas." We kissed. I felt his tongue enter through my lips. People hovered above us. We finished our drinks and pushed our way out the front door. We waited for the crowd to slow down and we pushed ourselves in as we passed the now-forgotten pub, it was like being on a river. We soon squeezed ourselves out of the crowd and leaned against a wooden wall. I checked my phone but there was nothing from Jean. I leaned back, took a breath, and closed my eyes. I was feeling a little lightheaded, the peppermint drink was floating through my system.

"Hey, are you here for the job?" There was an older man now in front of us. Ethan had his arms around my shoulder and we looked at each other. The man pointed over our heads. There was a sign that read, 'WE'RE HIRING' in block letters. Ethan shrugged as the man, made us follow him.

We were once again in the middle of a crowd, this time mostly children. We were standing near the carousel, across from the Ice Rink.

I yelled toward the man. "I don't think we are ready for this!"

"Don't worry, just a couple of rounds, I'm just gonna head to the men's room. I haven't gone in ten hours!"

He then showed us the three levers we had to know. One was on, one was off, and one was an emergency stop. "Don't ever touch this one." He fondled the emergency one and stared at us an uncomfortably long time, and then he was gone. We were surrounded by little children and their angry parents.

There was a woman taking tickets and suddenly the flood gates opened, the carousel was filled. All the ponies and lions and seals had little children on them. There were also a couple of adults, hanging on, or sitting on the benches. A little boy was crying on one of the benches just as Ethan hit the start lever. I stayed on the carousel and sat next to him.

"What's the matter? Not having fun?"

He looked at me, the music was loud and we were going at a pretty good clip. He covered his eyes. I moved closer to him.

"Are you okay? I know how to access the emergency stop if you need it."

He looked at me a little confused. He was probably about six years old. "I don't want to be by myself."

"You're not by yourself, I'm here with you. Don't I count?" I smiled, I loved little children, I even loved big children. I was a softie.

Soon the carousel stopped, he wouldn't get up so I asked him to stay with me. I wanted him to have fun.

"What's your name? I asked.

"Brian."

"Okay Brian, stay on, but don't tell anyone, I could get in trouble," I giggled like I cared I would get fired. I helped the other kids on. I was strapping and fixing. Soon we were full speed again. I sat next to Brian. "Phew, I made it." He laughed and we waved to his parents.

I was looking for the man who ran the carousel, how long does it take to piss. Even ten hours worth.

The carousel stopped. We let more kids up and off and I called over to Brian's parents and asked if he could stay on one more time. He jumped onto one of the lions and I strapped him in. "Hold on." He made me stand next to him after I strapped the other kids in again. He held my hand the whole time. I didn't mind, I was so close to the edge I slapped Ethan's palm as we went around, every time. The music blaring.

The carousel man finally came back. I hopped off taking Brian with me. I deposited him back to his parents. He was laughing and quite dizzy, like me.

I grabbed Ethan and he kissed me. He called into my ear. "Wow, we were pretty good at that." I laughed and hugged him, I was having a wonderful time. We went out the side gate and waved to the carousel man who had a big smile on his face. He must be so relieved.

'Excuse me, Miss?" I heard someone call behind me. "Thank you for taking care of my son, he gets nervous on any ride, but so do me and my wife." He gave me a sheepish grin and I smiled at him.

"Our pleasure."

"Here this is for you." He gave us a bottle of wine and a little red bag.

"Thanks, Brian's dad," I said and blew him a kiss. "Merry Christmas." I waved to Brian who made his way closer to us. Ethan and I hugged him and then we veered off on a whole different path. We passed the huge Christmas tree. We passed the stalls that sold cider and slippers and scarves.

We were once again in the middle of a crowd, I was exhausted, I checked my phone. 'Barbara is at a Psychic.' Jean texted me. I was wondering where. Did she think I was a mind reader, she never gave me exact places. 'Okay,' I texted back. 'We are down by the tree.'

I couldn't believe I texted 'We.' But I didn't care I was having so much fun.

I then felt Ethan's arms around me again. "That was great. This is the best Christmas Eve I have ever had." He laughed.

We walked through the Avenue with all the little hand-crafted shops, we ended up near the street. "Maybe we should sit, I need a time out," I told him.

He took my hand and led me to a quiet spot behind one of the bigger pop-up stores. It was quite secluded. There was a high bench behind it and we sat down, now surrounded by trees. I crossed my legs and dangled them, then sat back. "Whew." We laughed.

I gave Ethan the bottle of wine, it said 'Holiday Spirit,' and he opened it. I then looked in the little red velvet bag. I pulled the two items out. "Candy canes." I gave him one and put one in my mouth, he watched me.