The Complete Marriage

The counselor told Chad that if a wife rebels, her husband is called upon to love her. She said that when a wife mistreats her husband, this is a time when a husband can show Christ's love for her. The counselor explained that when everything is going great and the husband is happy, this is not a time when a husband can show the love of Christ. At that time he is just reciprocating. The counselor added, "When a wife mistreats her husband, this is a time when her husband can show the love of Christ to her."

Chad had never heard anything like this before. His parents loved each other, but it wasn't until he went to counseling with Roxanne and Marcus that he learned about true love, Christ's love. Chad had never known that when a husband is mistreated, hurt, offended, betrayed, or humiliated by his wife, this is the time when a husband can prove his love for his wife by showing her Agape love, the love of Christ, a forgiving and enduring love.

Chad had no other option than to respect Marcus for deciding to become a Godly husband and to love Roxanne in this way. Chad felt that Marcus was a better man than he was because if he and Roxanne ever got married and she ever betrayed him, he didn't feel that he could continue to love her or feel loved by her. Yet, the counselor stated that Christ said that marriage is a permanent commitment. She said that regardless of the "suffering" a husband might think he endures at the hand (or tongue) of his wife, Peter says, "Stay with her."

Roxanne and Marcus's counselor read 2 Peter 1:5-6 "Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in [your] moral excellence, knowledge; 6 and in [your] knowledge, self-control, and in [your] self-control, perseverance, and in [your] perseverance, godliness,"

The counselor also stated, "Husbands are to live with their wives in the knowledge that they are to subordinate their own selfish desires to the benefit and blessing of their wives. The counselor made sure that Roxanne also knew that wives [ought to be] subject to their husbands in everything.

Marcus and Roxanne's counselor explained that a Christian husband's hope should change his attitudes and actions toward his wife. For a short time, the wife is subject to her husband in this life. But in eternity it will not be this way at all. For all eternity there will be no distinction between slave and free, rich and poor, male and female. Husbands are to view marriage in terms of eternity.

The counselor stated a Biblical mystery, that there would be no marrying in heaven. The husband-wife relationship is temporal, not eternal. This is why Paul urged those who were single to seriously contemplate staying single, and why he instructed those who are married to live as though they are not.

The counselor made sure that it was known that Peter instructs Christian husbands to follow the example of the Lord Jesus Christ, the ultimate "Suffering Servant" (1 Peter 2:21-25). They are to do so by manifesting the servanthood of Christ toward their wives, just as Christ demonstrated His servanthood toward the church. Our Lord did not cling to His elevated status over men and demand that men serve Him. Instead, He became the servant.

The counselor told Marcus rather than demanding honor from his wife, he should grant honor to her. And this should be done not only when she is obedient and fulfilling her responsibilities. It should be done even when Roxanne is failing to be and to do all that our Lord has required of her. She reminded Marcus that Christ's humbling did not occur when we were "strong," when we were obedient, but when we were enslaved to sin, helpless, and hopeless on our own.

The counselor, knowing this because she was a woman, told Marcus that women can be hard to live with. She said, "When Roxanne fails to live up to her high calling as a Christian wife, she may strike out at the one who is nearest— you, her husband. And so you can see how you, the husband, might be "abused," and in your suffering, as a husband, may toy with the temptation of giving up or of getting out, but the times when you most need to show Christ's love to Roxanne are those times when you will likely least desire to do so.

Chad realized through all the counseling that the husband is the one that has the responsibility to love his wife, no matter what she does. And that was a lot of responsibility. What he wanted to know most was what the wife's responsibilities were to her husband. And he asked the counselor this.

The counselor answered, "It is one thing for a husband to be a servant to his wife by knowing and ministering to the weaknesses of his wife; it is quite another for her to expect and even demand that he "meet her needs," as she defines them. It's probable but not possible.

This is when the counselor told Chad that it was his responsibility as Roxanne's best friend to always remind Marcus of God's commandment for him to love Roxanne in times of strength and in times when she is weak. She said, "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Do all that you can to give Marcus reason to always love and forgive Roxanne."

In response to Chad's question, the counselor answered by saying, "The wife must respect her husband. That means valuing his opinion, admiring his wisdom and character, and appreciating his commitment to her.

"One thing has to be remembered," the counselor said, "The husband is in the marriage like Christ is in the church, he is the leader. Everything falls to him. He is to love and forgive. That is God's command to the husband"

The counselor stated that most of the problems that occur in marriages come from the husband's pride, not from anything the wife has done. If a man's pride is hurt, he is to use the situation for growth in Christlikeness. In the case of a husband and wife, anything the wife does, her husband is to accept, forgive and love her as Christ loves the church, unconditionally."

"Unconditional love," The counselor continued, "For Christians, is agape love. Agape love is unconditional love. It loves when all other types of love quit and cares when there is no apparent reason to care. Agape love doesn't expect anything in return. Therefore, when a husband loves his wife, it is a choice to love her as God loves her, her actions notwithstanding.

"So," Chad asked, "What could a wife do that would be so terrible that her husband would have a reason not to love her?" The counselor asked in return, "What could any of us do that would be so terrible that would make God stop loving us?"

The counselor told Chad, "Sacrificial, unconditional, agape love doesn't keep score. It doesn't matter how his spouse responds; if a husband wants to love as Jesus loves, he has to put himself aside. Nothing a wife can do gives a husband a reason not to love her and forgive her and accept her for who she is."

Chad asked, "So, let me get this right, couples counseling is more about the man's responsibilities than the woman's. Right?"

The counselor smiled and said, "It is up to the man to keep the relationship going. There is never a reason for him to leave his wife. Agape is a love that gives, a love that does not demand or hold onto rights, but has the good of the other at heart."

Chad admitted that he wasn't a Christian, and he didn't know the Bible. And he asked, "Does God ever tell a wife to love her husband as he loves her?"

The counselor explained to Chad, "Ephesians 5:25-33 states that a man is to love his wife and the wife is to respect her husband. And as I said earlier, that means that the wife is to value her husband's opinion, admire his wisdom and character, and appreciate his commitment to her. Because love wasn't a thing in Biblical times when it came to marriage, it was the husband's duty to love his wife as Christ loved the church, unconditionally."

The counselor told Chad, "Women require love and men require respect. That's just the way it is. And as Christian spouses, each follows God's commands, husbands to love and wives to respect." The counselor added, "This isn't to say that a wife shouldn't love her husband. I believe she should, but God never commanded a wife to love her husband."

The counselor said, "If we are to look at how a Christian wife should love, we have to remember that all of God's children are to love as Christ loved. Ephesians 5:25 applies this imperative to husbands in a specific way but doesn't add a similar imperative for wives. Because of this, a wife should love everyone with agape love, you, Marcus, everyone."

. . .

When Chad and Roxanne danced their last dance together, Chad sat down next to Marcus and told him that he was jealous of Roxanne instead of him. He told Marcus, "Roxanne has a husband that is going to love her no matter what she does. No one has ever loved me like that, except maybe my parents, but that doesn't count."

Marcus told Chad that Roxanne was a beautiful woman, and he couldn't imagine ever not loving her.

Roxanne walked over with three glasses of champagne and said to Marcus, "It may have been Chad dancing with me, but to me, he was you on that dance floor." Roxanne handed Chad and Marcus their glasses of champagne and told them that they were equally important to her.

Roxanne told Chad that she would always love him because he was her best friend. She then told Marcus that she was happy that he was accepting and understanding of her and Chad's relationship because on her wedding day Chad was like her second husband. Chad added, "Well, I am the best man."

Roxanne's father walked up to Roxanne, Chad, and Marcus and told Roxanne that it was nice seeing her and Chad dancing together. He added, "More than a few people said you two were a good-looking couple." Then Roxanne's father turned to Marcus and told him, "Today is a special day for all of us, you're now part of our family. You've not been around as long as Chad has, but you'll earn your place."

Marcus thanked Roxanne's father, then he asked what it would take to earn his place as Chad already had. Roxanne's father chuckled and said, "I would have thought that Chad would have married Roxanne, but you beat him to it. Now you have to get to know her as well as he does, but you have a challenge there because Chad knows Roxanne better than anyone."

Roxanne's mother walked up and told Chad, "It was so nice to see you and Roxanne out there on the dance floor. It almost looked like you two were married instead of Roxanne and Marcus."

Chad said again, "Marcus is the husband tonight, but I am the best man."

Roxanne's mother said that could be taken a few different ways.

Chad said, "Don't put too much thought into it, just take it for how I said it." Then Chad looked at Marcus and asked, "I am the best man. Right?"

Before Marcus could answer, Chad looked back at Roxanne's mother and said, "I'll always love Roxanne. Her being married will never change that."

Roxanne looked from Marcus to Chad, then took Marcus's hand in hers, and told Chad, "I think that Marcus will agree that you will always be a big part of my life if you want to be."

Roxanne's father told Marcus that Roxanne and Chad had been friends since grade school, and it would be nice if their friendship could continue even though Roxanne was married now.

Marcus told Roxanne's father that he would never do anything that would compromise Chad and Roxanne's relationship. Marcus said that friendship is important, and it's hard to find friends that will stay with you through everything.

Roxanne's mother told Marcus that maybe since he and Roxanne were both Christians that maybe Roxanne could minister to Chad as a married woman, showing him Christ's love is the best love. And as her husband, he could teach Chad how a husband should love his wife.

Chad reminded Roxanne's mother that he had learned in counseling that a husband is to love his wife no matter what.

Roxanne's mother said, "Agape love is the ultimate form of love, above all other types of love."

Chad boasted that he'd agreed to do all that he could to give Marcus reasons to always show Christ's love and to always forgive Roxanne.

Roxanne's father put his hand on Chad's shoulder and said, "Even though I've been married for a hundred years, I still need other men to keep me accountable. You're a good man, Chad." Then Roxanne's father said to Marcus, "I've known Chad since he was eight years old. If there's anyone I'd trust with my daughter, other than you, it's Chad. I'd say that you can trust him, too."

Marcus told Roxanne's father that he trusted Chad, and he saw his relationship with Roxanne as having merit.

Marcus was living in a studio apartment, and Roxanne's father wanted to know when he and Roxanne were going to get a bigger place.

Roxanne squeezed Marcus's hand, then she told her father, "I haven't talked with Marcus about this yet, but Chad's parents have offered to help us get a place. They want Chad to move out, anyway."

Marcus asked Roxanne what she meant.

Roxanne looked at her parents then at Marcus and said, "Maybe with Chad's parents helping us out, we can get a bigger place and the three of us could share a place."

Roxanne's mother said to Marcus, "That's twenty-four-hour accountability for you." Then she asked, "Do you think you could handle that?"

Roxanne's dad thought that accountability was a good thing, and held value. He told Marcus, "Accountability involves a willingness to open yourself up and share sensitive and personal information. This is why trust is so imperative. And we trust Chad. That's why I think he would be a good accountability partner for you." Roxanne's father suggested to Marcus that he ask Chad, in front of everyone, to be his accountability partner.

Marcus looked at Roxanne and she nodded and smiled. Marcus then looked at Chad and began to ask him to be his accountability partner.

Before Marcus could ask, Roxanne's father flicked his finger on his glass to get everyone's attention. He said that Marcus had an announcement to make.

Marcus stood up, looked at Roxanne and Chad, and then told everyone, "Chad was the best man at my wedding. And now it looks like Roxanne, Chad, and I are going to be living together. And because of this, and other reasons, I am asking Chad to be my accountability partner." This announcement brought about applause and praise.

Chad stood up and hugged Marcus saying, "This is going to be good for all of us, especially Roxanne because she will be assured of being loved every day if I have anything to do with it."

Roxanne stood up, hugged and kissed Chad, and then hugged and kissed Marcus. Roxanne told Marcus that she wasn't sure how he was going to take the idea of the three of them living together.

Roxane's mother told Chad, "You may not have married Roxanne, but this way you two can live almost like you are."

Chad smiled and replied, "My goal will be to help Marcus love Roxanne every single day."

Roxanne's mother told Chad that was sweet and very commendable.

Roxanne's father added, "A woman can never be loved too much or too often." Roxanne's mother, Roxanne, Marcus, and Chad all agreed.

Another of Roxanne's friends, Mia, asked her where they were going on their honeymoon. Roxanne smiled at both Marcus and Chad and said, "Luckily, Chad's parents are members of a travel club. So, for our honeymoon and Chad's birthday, they paid for a two-week stay at a resort in The Bahamas. And we'll have connecting rooms."

Mia said, "Wow! What could be better than spending two weeks in paradise with your two best friends?"

Chad chimed in saying, "What's better? Having that paradise follow us home. The three of us are going to be living together, as you heard."

Mia told Roxanne that she wasn't sure that her parents would approve of such a thing. Roxanne's father said that he normally wouldn't either, but he trusted Chad and trusted that he would keep Marcus on his toes.

Mia asked Roxanne when they were leaving for The Bahamas. Roxanne told Mia that the three of them had a room reserved at a hotel near the airport and they were leaving in the morning.

Mia asked, "Just one room?"

Roxanne smiled, nodded, and said, "It's just one night, and there's going to be two beds."

Roxanne's father told Mia, "If there's one thing that Roxanne has learned from her mother it's how to be frugal. Roxanne has learned good financial stewardship."

Mia commented that it was just weird that a newly married couple would share a hotel room with another man on their wedding night.

Roxanne's mother interrupted saying, "We had to stay with my husband's brother for two weeks after we got married because his apartment got flooded. It was weird, but I don't think something like that is uncommon."

Mia asked Roxanne how she was going to consummate her marriage with another man in the room.

Roxanne's mother asked Mia if she thought that was an appropriate thing to be asking.

Mia shrugged her shoulders and said that she was just trying to figure out how this threesome thing was going to work.

Roxanne's father stepped in and said, "That's for them to work out. Don't you think?"

When Mia smugly walked away, Roxanne's mother said to her husband, "She doesn't know Roxanne the way we do." Her husband responded, saying, "And I trust that Chad will treat Roxanne the way she deserves to be treated."

Roxanne overheard her parents and put her arms around both Chad and Marcus. Then Roxanne kissed Chad and then Marcus and said, "So now faith, hope, and love above all abide in these three."

Roxanne's mother looked at her husband, perplexed, and commented that she didn't think that's how that verse went.

. . .

Roxanne, Chad, and Marcus talked on the way to the hotel about their flight in the morning, the first things they wanted to do once they got to The Bahamas, and they all wondered if they all brought enough clothes. Roxanne went through what she'd packed in her head, "Five pairs of shorts, five t-shirts, five pairs of socks, five pairs of underwear, two bras..."

After going through everything she'd packed in her head, Roxanne exclaimed, "Uh oh!"

Chad and Marcus looked at Roxanne and asked, "What?"

Roxanne lowered her head and said, "I forgot to pack my nightgowns."

Marcus smiled and said, "We're married now, it's okay to sleep naked."

Roxanne sheepishly looked at Chad and asked him if it would bother him if she slept in the nude. Chad smiled and repeated what Marcus had said, "You're a married woman now. So, who am I to say if it's right or wrong for you to sleep in the nude?"

Roxanne told Chad that it mattered because she didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. Chad shook his head and said, "We're going to be living together. I have a feeling that I'm going to see you naked, a lot. And you're parents have pretty much given their blessing for me to sleep with you, anyway."

Then Chad asked, "How is it that you two are still virgins?" Chad asked Marcus how he could work in the adult industry and not have been laid by now.

Marcus told Chad that what he did for a living had nothing to do with his off-work life. Marcus explained that the adult industry was no different from any other movie-making company. There was a set and there were performers. There wasn't any real sex. The women didn't enjoy what they were doing. It was just how these people made money.

Chad asked Roxanne, "Are you going to tell me that you've been on those sets and haven't wished that you were the one on the set getting it on?"

Roxanne answered, saying, "Of course I have, but you know that I have been waiting for the right man, and I needed to be married first."

Chad smiled, patted Roxane's leg, and proclaimed, "You're married now, and you have two men that are going to be sleeping with you." Chad paused, looked at Marcus, then continued what he was saying to Roxanne, "That is unless Marcus doesn't want to or can't get it up. If that's the case, then you and I can fuck and he can watch."