The Cruise

"I thought you might phone me with your flight details. I was ready to drive down to collect you both."

"It's probably just as well," she started, "because our flight was delayed for hours."

"Really?" I sympathized.

"Yes - we only landed about an hour ago and I was lucky to catch a cab straight away. We dropped Margot off on the way."

"We?" I queried.

"Oh Harry you know what I mean. Margot and I, silly."

"So John wasn't with you then?"

She blanched a little but tried to bluff it out.

"John caught a different flight out of Darwin. He was just a friend who looked after me on the cruise. Nothing to worry about there."

"You could have fooled me, my lovely cheating wife. If John was on a different plane, who was the guy you tried to induct into the Mile High Club?"

She gasped, unable to reply.

When I pulled out my phone, holding it up to show her the photos at the airport, she burst into tears. If her tears were supposed to appease my anger, it didn't work.

"So not only did you cheat on me while you were on the cruise, now you're lying about it. Even worse, you abandoned our friend Margot, who only went on this voyage to keep you company. She tried hard to keep your dirty secret and probably would have succeeded if you had spent just a little time in your own bed. You even left her alone on the flight home from Darwin. With friends like you, she sure doesn't need enemies!"

The tears escalated to deep wracking sobs interspersed with the odd wail.

"I'll sleep in my office tonight - you can have the bedroom. First thing in the morning I want you to pack up your stuff and by midday tomorrow I want you out of here. Not just out of here, either. I want you out of my life."

"I've got nowhere to go," she sobbed pitifully.

"Try knocking on John's door," I suggested helpfully. "You seemed very compatible from where I sat."

"I can't do that."

"Why?"

"In the first place I don't have a clue where he lives, I have no feelings for the man and finally, his wife probably wouldn't welcome me either."

"Oh, this just gets better and better," I mocked. "You two cheaters really deserve each other. Perhaps you should find his wife's phone number so I can send her a few photos as souvenirs of your trip."

My anger subsided but my determination had not. I turned away in disgust, stormed into my office and slamming the door shut, locked it. The lone overstuffed chair in the corner would make a miserable bed and there were no blankets. It looked as though it was going to be a long night.

I only lasted until a few minutes after midnight, when the cold became too unbearable, my back ached and my bladder was threatening to burst. I cautiously opened the door to retrieve a spare blanket from the linen cupboard and in the darkness failed to notice my wife, curled up in a fetal position just outside my office door.

With a loud curse I tripped over her and cannoned into the opposite wall, dropping to the floor.

"You stupid bitch!" I screamed at her. "What the fuck are you doing on the floor?"

"I couldn't sleep Harry. I needed to be close to you. Since you locked the door, this was as close as I could get. Will you come to bed now?"

Staggering back to my feet, I turned on the light and found a nice thick winter rug in the linen cupboard, returning to the office with it slung over my shoulder. Jenny had not moved much, so I simply stepped over her, shut the door in her face and snapped the lock back on.

"Please Harry...." She pleaded as the door plunged her back into darkness.

I resisted the impulse to tell her to go to hell, curled up into the uncomfortable chair again and warmed by the blanket, finally drifted off into a troubled sleep.

Daylight was streaming through my office window when I awoke with an urgent need to relieve myself. Cautiously I opened the door, but Jenny was nowhere to be seen so I did my business, shaved, brushed my teeth and spent a good fifteen minutes luxuriating under a hot shower. I really did not want another confrontation with Jenny, but there was no alternative. My clothes were all in the walk-in robe adjoining the bedroom, so with a towel wrapped around my waist, I marched off to face the music.

Jenny was sound asleep, a duvet tucked tightly under her chin, her hair spread over her pillow. She looked at peace, so I quickly took the clothes I needed and retreated to my office to dress.

As I sat down with a coffee and a slice of toast, my phone rang. I answered quickly, not wanting to wake Jenny.

"Morning Harry," Margot said wearily. "How are you holding up? Jenny rang me late last night and through the hysterics, told me that you're throwing her out by lunchtime today. Is that true?"

"She cheated Margot. Not only that, but when I confronted her yesterday after she had obviously spent the whole afternoon with her boyfriend, she lied outrageously. She had a chance to try and make things right but chose to try to lie her way out. Without trust Margot, there can be no love and without love, there can be no future for us. I will file for divorce this week and yes, I want her out of here by midday today."

"You know she won't go quietly Harry."

"I don't care how she goes, as long as she GOES."

"She will want to stay with me you know."

"That's your call Margot. After the way she abandoned you on the cruise, you may want to consider whether you want a cheating bitch under your roof. She's in the real estate business so surely she has enough contacts to find herself somewhere to stay."

"What about you Harry?"

"I'll get by just fine. I'll throw myself into my work. I need to think about how we handle the split of our property. It could be messy because we share credit cards and there's a lot of stuff in joint names. On the other side of the coin, we don't have a lot of equity in the house yet so that will need to be sold. Thank God we don't have any kids to complicate the issue."

Our phone call was interrupted when Jenny entered the room, looking very much the worse for wear.

"I'm not going." She announced flatly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I said I'm not leaving here Harry. I've been paying my share of the mortgage and the house is as much mine as it is yours so you don't have the right to throw me out. I'm staying right here with you, where we both belong."

With Margot still on the line, this conversation was becoming awkward.

"Sorry Margot - I think we need to have a discussion here so I'll call you back later."

I thought about Jenny's outburst and realized that she was probably right. Legally at least, I had no right to demand her departure from a house that she herself had contributed to equally. For a moment I was uncertain, but it suddenly became clear. We had little equity in the house so why should I worry about fighting for it?

"Fine Jenny," I said far more calmly than I felt. "Stay."

"Really?" she was surprised at my capitulation.

I turned away from her and headed back to my office where I gathered up my laptop and hard drives, loading them into a briefcase. I retrieved an empty wine box from the recycling bin and used it to store my important files and set the box and the case near the office door before heading to the bedroom. I took Jenny's suitcase, which still contained all her holiday clothing and unceremoniously dumped the contents on the bedroom floor. I then packed up a couple of pairs of slacks, some shirts, shoes and underwear and finally, my toiletries from the bathroom.

"What are you doing Harry?" Jenny enquired when she walked in.

"Packing. You stay - I'll go. Pretty simple really."

"Grow up Harry. So I had a little shipboard romance. Did it take anything away from you? Of course not. If you hadn't been so paranoid and checking up on me all the time, we would be happily in bed right now, fucking like rabbits. Now stop this silliness, put your clothes back in the wardrobe and have breakfast with me."

"You still don't get it, do you Jenny?" I was starting to get exasperated. "It is not just that you had a little fling on a cruise, but you completely shut me out of your mind. Remember before you left, you promised to ring me every day. Are you surprised that I began to worry about you? And what you did to your supposed best friend defies belief. You literally abandoned her. As a single woman on her own she was constantly getting hit on to the point where she just retired to what should have been your joint cabin and read books. And the clincher? Your lies when you finally split from your boyfriend to come home, hours after your plane arrived, looking as though you'd been fucked all afternoon. Oh wait - you WERE fucked all afternoon."

With a grimace I manhandled the suitcase into the garage and dumped it in the car, returned for my briefcase and a box of folders and picked up my keys from the keyrack. It was the final little gesture that seemed to shake Jenny out of her fantasy world.

"Harry, NO!" she screamed as I slammed the car door closed. "I love you. Please don't leave. You know we can work this out. It didn't mean anything anyway. Don't give up on us now...."

She was still screaming as I backed out of the driveway, tears streaming down her face. I think perhaps it might finally have registered that our marriage might be over. For me it was over.

A couple of blocks from the house, I pulled over with tears in my eyes. Walking out early in the morning without any idea of my destination was not my finest move. Taking out my phone, I rang a cheap motel on the main road into town and booked in for a week. At least I could work in peace and quietly think about my next move.

The phone calls began long before I arrived at the motel. I let them go to voicemail. The occasional ping of text messages followed.

I've always been a bit of a nerd and don't socialize much. I really didn't have a special friend that I could share my burdens with. I was lonely, angry and unbelievably sad. It dawned on me that despite her appalling behavior on the cruise, I would actually miss Jenny. I also realized that you can't just switch off your love for a person. I've read that love and hate are similar emotions, but polar opposites. That may be so but although I felt no love for her, neither did I harbor any sense of hate towards the woman I married, just a terrible, deep sense of loss.

During the following week I started the process of splitting up. A lawyer (isn't it cute how divorce lawyers describe themselves as "family lawyers" when they specialize in the destruction of families) started divorce proceedings as I began the process of separating our various joint accounts and agreements. It was not difficult, just time consuming and adding to the gloom I felt inside.

By the end of the week I was an emotional wreck. Sitting in isolation in a motel room with almost no contact with the outside world was what I imagine jail must feel like. My emotions ranged from self-pity to raging anger and a pervading sense of sadness that would not go away.

Jenny phoned constantly. Although I resisted the impulse to block her number, I refused all her calls. She tried calling from her office, but I recognized the number. When she called on a friend's phone and I accepted the call, I disconnected as soon as she spoke. I deleted all her texts without reading them.

Finally, Margot rang. For a moment I hesitated, but then accepted the call.

"Hi Harry," she began tentatively. "How are you holding up?"

"Just fine," I answered sarcastically.

"Are you really living in a motel?"

"I am. It's been a good opportunity to get a heap of work done without outside interruption and I don't have to talk to the cheating female who once was my wife."

"You know she's really hurting, Harry."

"Not my problem. I'm glad she's hurting too. This is her doing, not mine."

"She can't keep the house on her own. She can't afford the mortgage payments."

"She should have thought about that before she spread her legs on the ship."

"I talk to Jenny every day and she insists that she has not been in contact with John since coming home and I believe her. Harry, it was a simple but misguided shipboard romance. It's run its course. Jenny is filled with remorse and doesn't know what to do to make it right again because you won't talk to her or take her calls."

"It's too late Margot. After your split with Dave, you should know that better than anyone. How can I ever trust Jenny again after her deception and lies? She should be served with divorce papers next week and then she can do whatever she wants with whoever she meets. I don't hate her Margot. I hate what she has done to us. If there was a way back, I would welcome it. Two weeks ago I would not have thought her capable of fucking anyone else. I guess I didn't know her as well as I thought."

Another lonely week went by and the relentless calls and texts from Jenny continued unabated. Then Margot phoned. Expecting another round of intercessions on Jenny's behalf, I was cautious but she surprised me.

"Harry are you still living in that hotel?"

"Yes I am, but I'm looking around for a small apartment near the city. All going well I should be out of here within a week. Why do you ask?"

"Please don't take this the wrong way Harry. My house has three bedrooms. I only use one of them. Why don't you think about living here with me and sharing my household expenses. Strictly platonic. I'm not suggesting any sort of relationship here. You need a room. I have a room. I could use some extra income until I land another job. What do you think?"

My spider senses were on high alert.

"Have you shared this suggestion with Jenny?" I ventured cautiously.

"Of course not. I tried to get you guys back together and I reluctantly accept that it's not going to happen. Although I talk to Jenny every day, we don't see each other in person very much, so it really should not cause any complications. Besides, I want to make it very clear that this is a house sharing arrangement - not a personal relationship. If she asks about you being here I will tell her the truth but I'm not going to broadcast your presence to her or to anyone else for that matter."

We chatted amiably for a while and agreed to the major items like rent and sharing of household expenses. I would take one bedroom for sleeping and the other as my home office.

Jenny continued her barrage of phone calls and texts. I replied to a few of her text messages suggesting that she communicate with my lawyer. Through Margot I learned that she was already struggling to make her house payments and was arranging the sale of what was once our home through the real estate agents where she worked. Her next request was predictable. She asked Margot if she could move in and share costs.

When Margot explained that she already had a lodger, the game was up. Jenny immediately assumed that we were sleeping together and doubled down on her threat to refuse to accept the divorce and make my life a misery in every way she possibly could. She also called her best friend some names that shocked Margot to the core. I guess their friendship was on rocky ground.

To her credit, Margot refused to let things go.

"You're taking me to dinner tonight," she announced one afternoon.

"Anywhere in particular?"

"The Golden Lion Chinese."

"Really?" I asked. "You know that was Jenny's favorite restaurant. What's the occasion?"

"Oh was it?" she replied innocently. "No special occasion. We should get out of here more often. I feel like a good Chinese meal and they are the best in town."

The feeling that there was something going on nagged at me and sure enough, not five minutes after we were seated at our table and reviewing the menu, who should saunter up to join us?

I rose awkwardly, glaring at Margot and making it clear that her subterfuge was not appreciated, but when she offered Jenny a seat I decided to go along quietly, leaving the two women sitting on one side of the table and myself on the other. In the circumstances I had no wish to sit next to my wife.

Blushing furiously, Margot explained herself. "You two have found every reason under the sun not to talk to each other. I took the risk of upsetting both of you to at least get you together long enough to speak to each other. I know you'll be civil in here so please forgive me if I've overstepped the mark. Let's have a look at the menu while we're enjoying a glass of wine and leave the discussion until afterwards."

Jenny nodded in my direction and though she made eye contact, made no effort to speak. I guess it was childish but I buried my head in the menu and ignored her presence. I had no desire to speak to her and was more than a little peeved at Margot for setting me up.

The excellent wine had a calming effect. We ordered together, agreeing on a few shared dishes and dined in relative silence, none of us seemingly willing to address the elephant in the room.

Finally over a cup of Chinese tea, I let fly.

"Good to see you Jenny," I said wrily. "Though you look different without a guy's tongue down your throat in full view of a coachload of passengers."

"So that's how it's going to go is it?" she spat back. "I might as well leave now. I told you it would be a waste of time Margot."

"Oh, no, don't go yet Jenny. I can do better than that. Tell me, how did you feel when the airline hostie thwarted your plans to join the Mile High Club? That must rank as one of the proud moments in your holiday."

Jenny's face shone like a beacon, livid with rage, but Margot managed to intervene before she could speak.

"Really you two - can you at least stop behaving like children and talk to each other without hurling insults. We know you're still hurting Harry, but at some point you're going to have to let it go and move forward in your life. Can we pause for a moment and ask Jenny what she would like to do from now?"

"An excellent suggestion Margot," I said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Go on Jenny, how you see the three of us in the future?"

She paused for control and spoke in little more than a whisper.

"I know I've seriously fucked up - excuse my language," she began. "I repeat what I said to you both. I'm so sorry for you Margot. We were supposed to have a wonderful holiday cruise together and I was so damn self absorbed that I did not even realize that you had been abandoned to the sanctuary of your cabin for most of the voyage until I reached home. I must have been delusional to think a shipboard romance could go undiscovered. I can see now that by not phoning you as promised was in fact my own undoing. If I had given it any thought at all then I would not only have telephoned from the ship more often, but I might have questioned my own behavior. I've asked myself a million times how I could allow myself to be seduced so easily. I've been hit on by hopeful men since school but none of them have got close to me. John was smooth. We met initially at a café in Fremantle before the ship sailed, sharing jokes and flirting a little. He complimented me so often that I actually started to believe some of his crap. He made me feel good about myself and he quickly set about separating me from you, Margot. You will remember that on the first night on our short hop from Fremantle to Geraldton, that I stepped out of our room for a while. I went to John's cabin for a little while and although we did not have sex then, it was obvious that sex was inevitable. You know, he kept up a constant string of compliments, right up to the time we left each other at the end of the cruise and he made me do things that up until then I would never have considered doing, but as a lover, he was a lousy lay. He was just another 'wham-bam; thank you ma'am' guy, rolling over to sleep it off as soon as he got his rocks off. And to think I gave away my near-perfect marriage to a man I am still madly in love with still breaks me up inside. Margot, please treat him well. He's the best thing that could ever happen to you. Thank you for a lovely dinner and thank you for listening. I have to leave NOW."