All Comments on 'The Cuckolds Retreat Island Ch. 01 Pt. 01'

i hope that it goes thru this time , found out it takes anywhere from 24 to 72 hrs for approval to be posted ...so bear with me ... JUSTANERD

Oh yeah I'm also working on pt 3 so hang tight and keep reading and i hope you all like the second addition.

I'm also putting up a flash story (true story that actually happened to me) called

"MY TRUE UFO STORY" IT IS A TRUE STORY BUT MAY SOUND SCI-FISH not sure what tags to use sci-fi or non errotic

Something to look forward to this week.

🤘 redo1984

I would NOT have read this if I knew you would do this. Any story must have a beginning, a middle and an END! This was a waste of time.

As per other comments, liked it so far but should have put "Part 1" in title so we knew it was a series. Writing style is good so don't wait too long for follow up.

interesting start .................... go on

Where's part 2?

between finding editors and resubmitting story 3 times all returned 3 times finally have 3 editors and submitted my story again . to all those wanting to read more of the story.i want to apologize for the seemingly long delay .. in away i can now symphithize with writers who posted only one story but never seemed to have finished them if they tan into the same problems that i have thus far.

Just a tiny bit of editing advice, on the very first sentences.

"His (1) home away from home:

Here I sat (2) in my business office of Taylors (3) IT Inc. ruminating over the news that I found out by accident of my wife's betrayal by her indiscreet cheating." (4)

(1) This is a first person POV story: My home away from home:

(2) If this is present tense (NOT recommended!), this would be "Here I sit," since it's past tense, it should be "There I sat."

(3) His name is Taylor, so why not "Taylor IT Inc."? If the "s" is meant to indicate possession, it should be "Taylor's." By the way, why "business" office? Would it be any other kind of office? You may want to say "home office" if it's his office in his home, otherwise it's kind of redundant.

(4) This is just too busy! Simply say, "ruminating over the news of my wife's cheating." Obviously you found out, or that wouldn't be a story! How would you find out on purpose? Cheating is pretty much by definition a betrayal, it doesn't really need to be stated explicitly. "indiscreet"? Except for some "feelings" that "something wasn't right," you didn't know until you walked in on them. Seems fairly discreet to me!

Your chapters are too short. You can not build characters and scenarios that are remotely believable with short stories. You CAN do it poorly, but not well. Define your characters more, build the situations and spend a fair amount of time on sexual themes, re domination/submission, racism, etc. Good luck and write more.

He is in the bar 8pm Friday night the next morning g he and wife go to work and he's contacting a lawyer on saterday. Don't think so.

You desperately need the services of an editor or proof reader. Much of this chapter needed to be scrapped and rewritten. You remind be of my uncle, a great story teller, but with no concept of grammar, punctuation, or spelling.

I really don't like to criticize, but in addition to needing editing and many grammatical corrections, so far this story is not unlike any other "loving wives" story: husband comes home early from work, strange car in the driveway, wife in bed with another man, belittling husband, etc. I really think you need to throw in at least a few unique scenarios- for example, maybe the wife isn't at home and the cockolded husband starts calling friends, authorities, etc. after she's been missing for awhile... you can take it from there- use some imagination! This is intended as constructive criticism, not trying to discourage you in any way. Thanks!

than just stringing a bunch of clichés together

Is there more?? I cant seem to find any. Please let me no if there is @ mocs1972@yahoo.com. Thanks and hope u kicked her sorry ass out and sued him her and company

Waste of time as it was written over 10 yrs ago!

Why doesn't literotica powers that be get rid of writers who leave crap like this on open site. What a waste of space for good writers to offer good stories and there are many.

hope youfinishn this

Where is the rest? AAAA+++

So far so Good. More Please. I have got to know how this turns Out! 5 big blazing stars. Good Start, Good Writing, Good Story! Good Effort! What happened then?? thks, Buster2U

BTW I noticed a couple of complainers. LOL that is why I have started turning comments off. It seems that many readers on forget that these stories are "FREE" so they feel entitled to complain as much as they can! LOL

One would think that reading stories on here I would be accustomed to bad grammar.

But not as bad as this.