The Cupid Bureau

Michaela took up the narration, again. "I looked at Corodyn and said we are not in the 18th century. I don't care about these people. Chumley calmed me down with some arrow. You better be doing that to that young white woman, or she'll kill my husband and that would disappoint me. I don't want her to kill my husband; I want to kill my husband."

I laughed, "Corodyn said, 'You forget Adolf Hitler'. I told her that was an interesting segue, Hitler is like a car accident, you don't forget, even though you don't want to remember. Then I asked why she was worrying that my memories of an historical cancer were fading? She told me the psychotics of history had a good range of emotions, they just didn't connect to the right events. We can't kill people's emotions, or they end up zombies or psychopaths?"

Michaela started again, showing her agitation was mounting. "I asked her if some bad arrow caused world wars. She said no, they knew better, but she wanted me to know there were potentially serious downsides to trying to straighten people out with arrows. I reminded her, you tried to straighten me out with an arrow. She said it was merely like a Xanax and that clearly, I was still emotional. I remember saying under my breath, I'd show her emotional, I forgot they could read minds, let alone hear whispers. She said we should take a cab to Bob's hotel.

"The cab ride was strange. Mind you, my husband who has been faithful for 50 years and has run off with a young white girl. I'm having conversations with cherubs. I am not properly concerned about anything going on and I think the cab ride was strange. I sat in back on the right, Bob was on the left, Corodyn was between us. I could see and hear her, neither Bob nor the cab driver could. Chumley was sitting beside the driver. Bob and I could both see him; Bob could also hear him. The cab driver was unaware.

"It seemed like Chumley was telling the cab driver not to worry about anything, this was a normal cab ride, even if the Americans seemed weirder than most other Americans. Meanwhile, Corodyn started talking to me, Bob was unaware of her presence, still. Corodyn told me Henry and I were going to be the keys in all this. Mature people love, but they don't lust like younger ones. This was going to require an intervention by the big C.

"I furrowed my brow and said you can't cure emotions, so you are giving someone cancer? She laughed, no, the big C to a cherub was Cupid, himself. Cupid must deal with the lust created by Chumley, get that back in balance between Bob and Julia, and get our relationships established between the couples and among the four of us. She said it will be a really happy ending. That is why I say the cab ride was odd, in the face of all these things, I was totally convinced."

Michaela stopped talking and Henry panned the camera to Julia, who'd been silent for quite a while. "Yeah, I guess this next part is mine. Grace, you'll be 18 when you hear this and hopefully will not experience what I was experiencing for a couple of years yet. I have loved your father for so long. We planned our future together. He took my advice and risked everything, and we hit it big. We were going to go to Paris and conceive our first child. You'll find that your cycle can vary a little and when you are really focused at having a family, your most fertile time comes when you need to be your most fertile. For us, it was right after that boat ride."

Julia paused and took a drink of water, "I must have been a sight, my new lover was unable to get it up and hiding from me. I was pacing around wondering what I was going to do. I would love to tell you I was wondering where your daddy was, but I was wondering where my next rutting was coming from. Suddenly, I turn and am faced by this little pudgy baby with a bow and quiver. Funny, my first thought was he would be too short to do me any good."

"The cherub said his name was Cupid. Swell, I thought. Cupid told me to stop and just feel my body. I asked if he meant with my fingers, or what? He said no, just sense, see what you feel. I did. I was pregnant. My face brightened, but I'd said nothing, and he said, you're right, you are. Suddenly, the lust passed. I felt somewhat normal, except I was in love with a nice, gentlemanly black man, whose name I could not recall. That seemed strange to me. But, searching my feelings, I was sure I loved ol' what's-his-name, even if he was currently hiding in the bathroom, whimpering. Cupid told me I could not announce I knew I was pregnant at this moment to anyone, for at least eight months. After the Paris trip I could announce I was pregnant and everyone would assume it was Bob's, that would be ok. Now, think about it. Some mythical figure tells me to check my feelings; magically I know I am pregnant, by a black man. He then tells me not to tell anyone, and it will be ok. What do you think I said? For reasons still unknown to me, I said okey dokey. I think, in part, it was the lust dying down, as crazy as I was, I was suddenly calm and knew my dreams of pregnancy had been fulfilled."

Henry handed the tablet to me. I pointed it at Henry. "All of a sudden, I was not alone in the bathroom. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I was totally in love and lust with this beautiful girl. We got to her room in just a couple of minutes from the boat. Not more than two minutes after that we were going at it. Now mind you, I was still able, but old people go about things more slowly and deliberately, it takes a while. This was like magic, maybe it was the pheromones, but for an instant I was young again.

"We reached a spectacular climax, and she was raring to go again. I tried to tell her at my age right away might be in the morning, but more than likely it would be tomorrow night or the next night. She went after me like a starving person on a big steak. I had acquired a new love and needed to hide in the bathroom for fear she'd screw me to death. As I thought about it, a great way to go, but it definitely involved going, and I was more into staying.

"Now, I am in an old bathroom and a fat baby is telling me what to do. It had been an odd day and was getting odder. Cupid told me he would explain what was going on in detail to the four of us, and we were all going to be happy. I was 69, locked in a bathroom in Paris, about to cry, and he told me I was going to be happy. Pardon me, I was a skeptic."

Julia returned to carry the narrative, "Cupid had disappeared. I was suddenly at peace and hungry. I was also naked. I started gathering things to get dressed. I knocked on the bathroom door and out came Cupid and Henry. I went in to bathe and get presentable."

"One of the first things I noticed as we passed at the bathroom door was the lust in her eyes was gone. She smiled at me warmly, clearly smitten with me, but I don't think she even saw I'd showered and dressed. The woman had already changed. I was somewhat saddened, above the waist."

I said, "We got out of the cab, went into the hotel, and got in the elevator to go to our room. The man at the desk shook his head a bit. Earlier, he'd seen an older black man and young white woman clamoring into the lift, now it probably appeared to him the reckoning was about to happen. He didn't see the two cherubs. I asked Michaela when did Corodyn show up? We opened the door to the room and as I let Michaela in, I saw Corodyn shoot an arrow at Henry. At the same time, another cherub, who I learned was Cupid, shot Michaela. The arrows struck simultaneously and quickly they were in each other's arms. Henry was reassuring her, saying he loved her, and all would be all right.

I recalled events of that evening:

Cupid looked at Chumley and shook his head. "Trick shots? Really? You know you will go before the full Cupid bureau before the day is out. Chumley hung his head and said it was not his fault."

Cupid looked at him; but was talking to all of us. "We have been around for centuries and this has never happened before. We are revealed to people, life-changing events have occurred, and you say it is not your fault. It is not going to go well for you. You'll be very fortunate if your wings are not clipped." Chumley started to speak, probably in his defense, but he faded from view.

Cupid told us a little of their evolution. "At first there were a few, simple cherubs. We shot love arrows at couples. Life was simple. Oh, I mean people's lives, we cherubs are immortal. As man started making all manner of advances, and life got more complex, so did love. The role of the cherubs increased, dramatically. There were so many kinds of love and people could be helped by cherubs, other than for romance. It required our numbers and skills to grow."

Cupid paused and looked pensive. "I am trying to decide what to tell you. If I say too much, I'll get my wings clipped. Let me say this, we are divided. There are conservative cherubs who think our role should not evolve and progressive cherubs, who believe we can play a larger role. As a consequence our role has increased, and as you have seen from the recently departed Chumley, not always successfully.

"I hope the powers will allow me to say this. Today we are just more than 66 million cherubs. A lot, but few compared to 7 billion people." He looked at Henry and Michaela, cuddling sweetly on the large, stuffed chair in the room. "When you were courting, there were fewer than 100,000 of us. I know I cannot say how more cherubs come to be, but we doubled every 12 years, then 10, now for a while it has been every two years. I often say you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a cherub. Though I am Chair of the Cupid Bureau, I have been to-date, unsuccessful at limiting growth."

His little back stiffened, "I am sure I can convince them now, we need to do better work, not more work."

He smiled and said, "Julia is still luxuriating in the tub, I have time to tell you about Corodyn." He smiled and looked at her proudly. She is not yet 300 and as you may have heard only was an arrow-carrying cherub for about 50 years. Her successes were so great, and without a single failure, that we moved her into training. A few years ago, when she started, there were around 6 or 7 million cherubs. She falls further behind in her training duties, daily."

"Aside from all her wonderful qualities, Corodyn was successful because she began training in the 1700s and actively working in the 1960s. She shot her first, self-designed arrow at Henry and Michaela when they were in high school. She worked hard, found great young people with high potential, and helped assure they would have loving lives together. There are literally thousands of her couples, all over the world."

"She did so well we had to move her into training. She is wonderful at that, as well. When we approached her, she had one last special arrow, selected for Julia and Bob. With a huge string of successes in between, you were her last."

Cupid shook his head, "By comparison, poor Chumley is 25 years-old and had only 24 years of training. Some of it, by internet..." He abruptly stopped. "I cannot get into that, I'm told. We limit the arrows in his quiver, we will not let him create an arrow, and despite our precautions, he gets creative with trick shots."

"He has no idea what the risks are. The bureau has thought it could maintain quality by limiting the participation of the younger cherubs. You can't seem to explain to them that today, since our population has doubled four times in the last decade, that 75% of all cherubs are less than five and only slightly more than 5% are older than 10. At 25, Chumley is a senior cherub, and with regrets, I must say he is an idiot."

Michaela asked, "What has this idiot done to us?"

"Well, you get right to it, don't you?" Cupid turned toward her. "By the time you all leave, everything will be normal. Well, I can't say exactly normal. For right now, I can tell you that both couples will be in love as you were, and your lives will be wonderfully improved by your trip to Paris."

Cupid paused and considered his words, "Michaela, I am going to be honest, you need to hear this. First, in all these years no cherub has ever revealed her or himself to any person. We remain mythical. I had to reveal myself, in order to explain these things.

"Secondly, if we've been successful so far, we have told you we can increase love between two people, and sometimes lust, but we can't really undo what we've done or really change people in any fundamental way. When I leave, Julia and Bob will be head-over-heels in love with one another. Neither will want to stray." He stopped to think, cocked his head, like he was trying to decide, then added. "But, if Julia should suggest she and Henry need to be alone, that should be discouraged."

"What about my Henry?"

"Well, it is true of him, too. But Henry is, shall I say, more mature. He has learned that he cannot be alone with Julia and remain healthy, at least for long."

"I'm not sure I like that! Our marriage is based on trust, now I have to limit Julia from being alone with men?"

"No, Bob, not men, just one man. She can't help it. She won't pine for him, or love him, but alone in a room, she might decide she has to seduce him. There is more to tell you, but that is not for today. We are about to be rejoined."

The bathroom door opened. Corodyn was hovering just above the door. She had an arrow drawn. Cupid was pointing his bow at the door. As Julia opened the door, Cupid and Corodyn both shot, simultaneously hitting Bob and Julia, who were staring at one another. She immediately ran to him and sat on his lap, the two had eyes only for each other. Their gaze and kisses were making the room uncomfortable.

Suddenly, Julia spoke, "Sweetie, you would not believe what, or who I saw in the bathroom."

I laughed, "Unfortunately, I would."

Julia looked around, "Oh my, two of them. And, and, oh my, how do I explain, excuse me sir, I'm not sure I know your name."

"Slut!" Michaela said under her breath.

Corodyn floated over to Michaela and smiled at her, for reasons she didn't understand it made Michaela feel more at ease.

"I want to ask you a couple of questions. Don't think about the answers a great deal, just let your emotions loose and answer."

Cupid looked at Henry, "Henry, if I were to ask you how you feel about Bob, there, what would you say."

Henry looked a bit confused, "Well, I hardly know... oh my goodness, my heart tells me he is my son! How could...?"

Cupid looked at Michaela, "And you?"

"The same, I can't explain it, I love him like I am sure my own mother loved me. I feel it." She teared up the emotion was one she never expected to experience.

I spoke too, "Amazing, I feel the same warmth, loyalty, and love toward them that I do to my own parents."

Julia started to speak and was cautioned, mentally, by Cupid, not to. The other three were given the suggestion that they had heard all they needed on the topic. We were suddenly more than friends, more like family.

We paused from making the video. It was an ordeal to try to explain the inexplicable. What was to come was hardest of all. We had a wonderful time in Paris. The four of us often spent days together, but the Julia and I had evenings to ourselves. Cupid had "warned" me that one of the things he had to do to overcome Chumley's errant arrow was up Julia's libido; I told Cupid I'd suffer through the extra sex.

We chatted about the last part of the video. What would we include? Should any part be left out? We decided Grace would be an adult when she saw it and none of it should be left out. We enjoyed a snack and drink, while Grace was sleeping, then we were back at it.

Julia started, "Grace, we had such a wonderful time in Paris. But I was worried. I saw Cupid one more time and he assured me I had only one path, and that was to hide the fact I knew I had gotten pregnant by Henry that night. So, I did."

Henry said, "We parted like the family Michaela and I never had. It was so sad for us. Julia said we would get together at their home for Thanksgiving. It took the sting out of the parting."

Michaela added, "When we got home, Bob started calling us every Sunday afternoon. He'd talk to Henry for a while, then to me. Sometimes one or the other of us talked to Julia, it was always pleasant, but it wasn't part of the routine. Bob went from a stranger, to the most important person in Henry and my lives, in that short time. Oddly, it was just 'right', it felt so normal it struck none of us as odd."

"We had been home about a month, on a Saturday night your mother told me she had missed her period and had taken a home test. She needed confirmation from a doctor, but there was no doubt, she was pregnant. I was over the moon! We celebrated and laughed and loved and my first comment, not about the two of us was, I could not wait to tell Henry and Michaela. Not my parents, nor her parents. I thought your mother looked strange when I said it and asked her about it."

"I was prepared and told him the first to know probably should be my parents, then his, then the Jeffersons. He bought it, but he looked at me like I was hiding something. I gave him my most confident smile, but of course I was hiding the biggest secret of our marriage.

"I so wanted to tell him, but Cupid had made me wait. Now, how could I say I have known for a month, and by the way, my dearest, you are not the father. No, however it was to come out, it had to be by Cupid's rules. I must tell you, when I thought about being honest, I got scared. When I decided this was in Cupid's hands, I relaxed. The pregnancy was easy."

"We did tell our parents first, but for some reason I was most excited to tell Henry. Grace had told me you were due on November 11th; actually, she knew she was due on November 7th, 266 days after Valentine's Day. I called Henry and was talking to him, giving him the exciting news. He quickly shared it with Michaela, and she was caught up in our excitement, too. For reasons none of us know, we didn't worry about who your father might be."

"I asked Bob to get both of the Jeffersons on the phone. When he said they were on, I asked for the phone. 'Henry, Michaela, we want you to come celebrate with us. Come early for Thanksgiving; move your arrival date to November 5th."

"I remember telling her it was early; we did not want to over-stay. She told me with a firmness that showed she meant it; we were to stay a month. First born babies tend to come when they want, and we were to be there. All we could say was we would make arrangements and be there on the 5th."

Julia laughed, "Starting about Labor Day, my life got complicated. Mom, your grams, had stayed with my older sister for both her births. She told me how invaluable she was. I told her no. I gave no reason. Like any reasonable, caring Mother, she went behind my back and started full-contact badgering of Bob. Your dad is a fearless man, of course he came whimpering to me, immediately."

I continued, "Sweet Pea, you can't imagine what two people have to do, to convince two sets of natural parents, they have no place in your home, for the most important event of our lives, because we would rather entertain a black couple, nearly 50 years our senior, and whom they have never met. We did what all good, God-fearing, loved ones do—we lied. We lied often, we lied shamelessly, and we were good at it."

Julia recalled her talking to her mother, "Mom should have never gone behind my back to my husband. She gave us the perfect scenario, and it worked like a charm for weeks. She'd bully Bob. He'd stutter, stammer, and appear to be scared to death, which of course he was, and say he was not making progress with a pregnant woman, but he'd try."

"Meanwhile, my parents were also badgering me, and I could faithfully report that her parents were also on my case and she refused to say yes to them. One day, I hung up and it hit me. Why are we doing this? Why am I laughing with my wife while we make our parents, who both of us love, suffer? I was troubled and asked Julia."