The Devil is Me

If you would have told me that morning that I would be knocked out by a hot blonde, I'd have thought you meant by her looks. It turns out I must have a glass jaw because her fist did it, not her looks.

When I came to, I was on my butt on the floor of a coffee shop. It wasn't crowded, but the four people in there were huddled around me.

My first thought wasn't about what happened, it was about how clean the hardwood floor was. I'd have to remember to let the manager know how appreciated that was.

I looked around as I was helped to my feet. The few people there started to walk away once they saw I was alright and I was left with a young man who couldn't have been more than sixteen.

Across the shop, I saw the source of my Saturday morning excitement and I couldn't believe it.

She was crying but was still gorgeous. As I looked her over, I saw the mien of a woman who was struggling. It was written all over her and I was struck sad by it. I knew then what happened and it was my fault.

Almost a year to the day before the meeting of her fist and my face, we sat in a similar coffee shop and I broke her heart. Her husband was having an affair with my wife.

Jim Taylor, her husband, was a handy-man that I hired to install a water line to our new refrigerator. He did a good job and told my wife about some other minor things I should have done around the house.

All told he spent about three days doing little things like fixing a door that stuck, replacing damaged tiles, and whatever honey-do things my wife could find for him that I didn't have the time to do.

Unfortunately, one of those things was also doing my wife.

I caught them the usual way, I came home from work early and they were naked on my leather couch watching porn and mimicking the action.

I took some pictures and threw them both out. Those were the pictures I showed his wife Holly and with which I apparently ruined her life.

A year later she knocked me out.

The voice of the kid snapped me out of my memory, "Do you want me to call the cops?"

"No," I couldn't take my eyes off of Holly. She was sitting and still crying and was the most lovely woman I'd ever seen.

I walked over to her and the young female employee that was talking to her stood in front of her defensively.

"It's okay," I held my hands up and signaled no bad intent.

"I'm sorry, it's okay, I'll be alright," Holly said, releasing the young girl from her protection duty.

"I think you should both leave," she said before returning to her station at the cash register.

"Can we talk about it, Holly?"

"I'm sorry I hit you, Tom—but you ruined my life."

I didn't think I ruined her life, that was her asshole ex's handy-work. I just let her know what a shit he was.

"Come on, before they call the cops," I held my hand out and she took it."

I grabbed my phone and coffee from the table on the way out and led her to the park across the street.

"What happened, Holly? Why did you hit me?"

"I lost everything. We didn't have a lot, but we were okay."

I nodded and watched as she steeled herself to continue.

"After you did everything you could to ruin his life, he left. He left me and my daughter and ran off to God knows where. He took all of what was in the bank and all of his clothes and tools and went into the wind."

I was pissed at him and used some contacts I had to get him fired and blackballed. I didn't think of the repercussions of that and now they were staring me in the face.

"I'm sorry, Holly. I guess I didn't think..."

"No! You thought. You just didn't care."

I shook my head and she continued to berate me.

"Your precious ego was damaged so you took revenge. Tell me. What did you do to your wife?"

"I gave the pictures to all of her friends, her parents, sister..."

"You are a bastard."

She got up to leave and I put my hand on her arm. "Can I help in any way? I am sorry."

She glared at me. "You want a glimpse into my life? Come on."

"This is the diner where I was supposed to be at work a half-hour ago."

We walked past and I looked back, "Did you call in sick?"

She handed me her phone that was open to a text. It read, "I warned you. Don't bother coming in, you're fired."

I handed it back to her, "Just another thing you fucked up for me."

It wasn't my fault she saw me in the window, stormed into the coffee shop, and hit me. I didn't tell her that for fear of another punch.

We walked a few blocks to a run-down three-flat. "See the van?"

I nodded.

"Hasn't run in a month. Can't afford to find out what's wrong with it let alone fix it."

I stared at it as she walked away from me.

She opened the door to the house and I hurried to catch up.

We walked up to the top apartment. I saw some roaches scurry along the stairs and was disgusted. The paint on the walls was peeling and the carpet on the stairs stank of God knows what.

She opened the door to the apartment and I saw what I expected. It was as worn and unkempt as the rest of the building.

It was obvious she kept it as clean as she could, but there was only so much that could be done.

"Jim and I bought this as a fixer-upper. He didn't get a chance to fix up much before you ran him out of town."

I didn't know what to say. I'd never been one to be lost for words, but I was shocked.

"Mrs. Cahill, I'm home."

An older lady walked into the room from the kitchen. "Back so soon?"

She frowned and said, "I'll need to find another job, so I won't need you for a while."

The old lady was saddened. "I'm sorry, dear. You know where to find me." She patted her arm and walked back to the kitchen.

"See the TV?" Holly asked.

"Yes."

"We have a dozen kids' movies on DVD. Jim took all of ours. Emily watches them on rotation since I can't afford cable."

She walked into the living room, where a cute little girl was curled up asleep on the couch.

She whispered, "That's my Emily. She's three and hasn't figured out yet that we're trash. She will next year when she goes to pre-school dressed in the rags I can afford."

My heart broke hearing her call herself trash.

The old lady patted her arm on the way out and glared at me menacingly.

She led me into the kitchen and I saw that the faucet leaked and several cabinet doors were broken.

"I'd offer you a drink, but I don't have anything to offer you and you're a bastard who can die of thirst for all I care."

I was struck by her sharpness and sat down on one of her mismatched chairs.

"We had a plan, you know?" She was sitting across from me with the saddest eyes. Like she was up to her neck in quicksand.

"Fix one unit at a time while living in one and renting the third. The rent would pay almost all of the mortgage and when two units were fixed and rented, we would be making a profit. We would then rent out the third unit and buy a house for us to live in."

It was a good plan, I felt bad for ruining it.

"The third unit would have been pure profit and we could afford a nice house with a yard for Em to play in. We would have had a dog, and more children. We had it all planned out. Now I'm stuck. Since the units weren't fixed up, I'm renting them below-market rent and they barely cover the mortgage, let alone buy groceries and other necessities. I'm two months behind and I'm getting letters about foreclosure."

I touched her hand in a weak empathetic gesture and she recoiled from it.

"You can go now. I'm through embarrassing myself for today."

I stood and said, "I know it means nothing to you, but I am sorry."

I reached into my pocket to give her some money. She glared at me and said, "Keep your fucking pity money. I'd rather you suffer from the guilt of what you've caused."

She wordlessly sobbed as I walked out the door.

I saw the old lady as I exited the building and she gave me a nasty look. I figured I'd never be popular in that building.

Once I got to my office, I had my assistant Cora get my private investigator to find Jim. The investigator already had photos and info on him from my scorched earth endeavor.

Jim was on my shit-list already, but abandoning his child support and spousal maintenance obligations pissed me off on a new level. I wasn't going to let him get away with it.

I called my business partner Ken and asked, "Hey, do you still need a receptionist over there?"

He managed a satellite office of our brokerage firm. I knew we fired the girl he had because she swore at a customer on the phone.

"Yeah, I'm about sick of the temp already. Do you have someone?"

"Maybe. Give me a couple of days."

I stood and told Cora I was leaving for the day. "I want that investigator in my office in the morning please."

"No problem," she said to my back.

I drove to the grocery store and spent a couple of hundred dollars buying anything I thought she and Emily might need. I knew she'd never let me give her money or take her shopping. She hated me too much, but I was going to help her like it or not.

I loaded my arms with bags and saw the old lady in the same chair as I left her.

"She's gone. Took Em and went off to look for work."

"Good, I wasn't looking forward to her yelling at me for this. I assume you have a key since you watch the girl?"

"I do."

"Good, there's some frozen and cold stuff I'd hate to leave in the hallway."

She smiled and led me up.

"Ya know, I figured she'd finally hit bottom and you were a john this morning."

I laughed although it wasn't funny.

"No. It's a long story, but I'm going to help her if she'll let me."

"Good luck, she's a stubborn girl."

After she helped me put the groceries away, she saw me leave five one-hundred-dollar bills on the counter.

"Why are you doing all of this?" She asked.

"She blames me. I'm not innocent, but I don't deserve her wrath. Her asshole ex-husband does."

"Oh, he's not her ex. He just ran off. They didn't get divorced. I don't know all of what happened but she forgave him for something and was keeping him on a tight leash. Wandering eyes probably."

"Wandering dick," I regretted saying as soon as the words escaped my lips.

She laughed and said, "Figures."

"Look, I'd better go before she comes back. Take my card. If they need anything, you call me. I'm gonna try to get her a job at my company but it's in the next town over. I'll have to get that minivan fixed."

She nodded and I walked off. I was going to help that woman if it was the last thing I'd ever do.

I couldn't figure out how to get her van fixed without her knowing about it. I decided to just show up with a tow truck and see what happened.

My mechanic and I showed up the next day and she was sitting on the porch as Emily played in the small front yard.

When she saw me walk up the sidewalk she ran up to me and was about to take another swing.

"Whoa! Hold it!"

"You bastard. I told you I didn't want your help."

"You needed it. Your little girl needed it."

She backed away and reached into her pocket, "Take it back."

"No. If you don't want it, throw it away."

She looked at the cash, crumpled it up, and threw it on the ground. Jesus, what a stubborn woman.

I picked it up and said, "If you won't take this, let me help you with a job. I've got a receptionist job available with a friend and you can start tomorrow."

She softened, just a bit.

"Where?"

"Bartlett."

She snorted, "Too bad I can't get there."

"That's what he's for." I pointed behind her and she saw the tow truck. "I'll have it fixed for you by tomorrow."

"No way! Stop interfering in my life!"

"You said this is all my fault, right?"

She nodded.

"Well, I'm fixing what I can." I didn't tell her that I was also looking for her husband. I thought that might be too much to handle.

"Call it a loan if it makes you feel better, but you can't let pride get in the way here. I'm giving you a hand up, please take it."

A tear slid down her cheek as she ran into the apartment. Emily watched her run past and said, "No running in the house!"

I laughed out loud at the child returning her mother's admonishments.

A moment later, she came back down and handed me her keys. I smiled and said, "Good decision."

I tossed the keys to Freddie, my mechanic and he loaded her up and took the mini-van to his shop.

"Grab your daughter and I'll drive you over to meet my friend Ken who has that job."

She looked at me and her eyes were hollow. She was a pale version of her former self and she clearly had no fight left in her. When she wasn't angry, she looked beaten down. I just wanted to hug her.

We walked into the small lobby of my company's second office. I stayed out of there generally as Ken ran a pretty tight ship. We leave each other's offices alone. Some of the employees know my name, but most haven't met me.

I had Holly sit and walked past the protesting receptionist, "Let Ken know Tom's here," she was shocked when my security badge opened the door.

I walked through the cubical farm to the back of the building where Ken's office was. He walked out and met me halfway. "Hi, Tom. What's up?"

"I've got Holly here to meet you. She's the one I thought could be your receptionist."

"Oh, sure. Let's take her into the conference room up front."

We idly chatted as I looked around the office, "Everything looks good here. I'm glad I made you a partner, you've got a tight ship running."

"Thanks. You see the numbers. We're 30% over the target so far this month. I think we'll finish pretty strong."

I patted him on the back, "Keep it up bud. I'll stay out of your hair as usual. This is your baby to grow."

It was his baby. He came to me with the proposal to start his own office. At the time he was my top producer and had his own team working under him.

I was afraid to lose him to his ambition to start his own company so I gave him a 20% share of my company and let him open an office. I knew he wanted to strike out on his own, so I left him to run the place the way he wants. He's even got his own bookkeeper on-site for payroll and basic accounting needs.

He opened the door and stuck his hand out, "Hi, Holly, I'm Ken Mills."

"Nice to meet you, Ken."

"Let's go in here, shall we?"

The temp receptionist looked at me and I asked, "Could you bring us some water please and watch the girl? Thanks."

Emily smiled as she drew on some blank paper.

"Holly, have you done any reception work before?"

"No, Ken. I was a waitress and before that, a stay-at-home mom."

He glanced at me and I said, "I'll vouch for her, Ken. She can handle it."

He nodded and she looked afraid.

"Okay? I'm not having any luck finding someone solid, so what the hell? I'll pay you twelve..."

I shook my head no and pointed up with my thumb.

"Make that fifteen an hour and your workday will be 8 to 5 with an hour lunch unpaid at noon. Monday through Friday."

"Thank you, that's perfect. You won't regret it. I'll do a good job for you."

He smirked at me and said, "I'm sure you will."

Holly left the room and Ken said, "She your new girlfriend or something?"

"No. Don't worry about three bucks an hour over what you wanted. Have Gene bill my office for the difference. I'll cover it. She's a friend who needs some help right now and I'm glad you hired her. Do me a favor though, tell your sharks in there she's off-limits, know what I mean."

He laughed and said, "Sure, invite me to the wedding."

He walked out before I could say anything. I don't know why I said what I did. She would never date me anyway. I guess maybe I was just protecting her.

"Ready to go?" I asked as she was sitting with Emily.

She nodded and wrangled the little cutie up and we headed out.

"Thank you, Tom. I want to apologize."

"No need. I'm glad to be able to help you."

My phone rang and it was Freddie.

"What's up, amigo?"

"She needs a lot of work. It needs a starter for one and then the brakes are shot and the tires have the steel showing through."

"When that's done will it be good to go? Or is there anything else?"

"That's all we could find, I'll know more when it's running."

"Okay. Get it all done and do an oil change. The works."

"Okay, Mr. Bingham. It'll be ready at five if the tire guy isn't late."

"That's perfect Freddie. When we pick it up I'll have a pizza and beers for you and the boys."

"Holly, your car will be ready at five."

"How much will it cost?"

"You got lucky. Only two-hundred bucks for the starter. He's cutting me a deal."

"You said there was an oil change too."

"Yeah, that's only twenty bucks. No big deal."

"I feel like you're lying to me." She looked at me with that angry face again.

I tried to calm her and said, "Easy, don't get your blood pressure up. I'll pick you up at quarter to five and we'll get your van, okay?"

"Okay."

I just hoped she didn't notice the tires or brakes.

I dropped her off and got a call from my PI.

"Tom, it wasn't hard, I found him."

"That was quick. Where's he at?"

"Mount Greenwood Cemetery in Anchorage."

"Alaska? What the hell is he doing there."

Then it hit me.

"Cemetery?"

"Yep. All it took was a google search."

"Google? Really?"

"Hey, not everything is clandestine stuff in the shadows. Anyway, he was killed in an explosion on an oil barge three months ago. The picture in the news piece marched the one of him you gave me. I called the company he worked for and they didn't know he was married. He told them he was divorced."

"Jesus. See if there was an insurance payout or bank accounts or anything. Maybe his wife can sue or something."

"I'll have Alex Stone look into the legal stuff, Tom. I ordered a copy of the death certificate as well."

Alex was my lawyer.

"Perfect, thanks."

I was taken aback. I had no idea how to tell her that her husband was dead. It was worse that she never googled him to get any info. Or maybe she had after he left and gave up? I would have to tread lightly.

I picked her up later that day and took her to get the van. She noticed the tires immediately and went off on me.

"It wasn't safe, Holly. Think about Emily."

She looked at Freddie and said, "I want to know every single thing you did to my van and how much it cost."

He looked at me and I nodded. He pulled the invoice out of the drawer and handed it to her. I expected her to get mad but didn't expect her to start crying and run out of the place.

I watched her get in the van and peel rubbed as she pulled onto the street.

"Where'd she go," a quiet voice below me asked.

I smiled and said, "I have no idea, Emily. How about if we wait for her on the bench outside?"

She nodded and took my hand. We had barely sat down when Holly barreled back into the lot. She jumped out with a face full of tears and grabbed Emily into a hug.

"What's wrong, Mommy? You're crying."

She looked at me and said, "Nothing, honey. Let's get you home for dinner."

She didn't say a word nor look back at me as she loaded Emily up and left. I decided to just bite the bullet and go to her house to tell her about Jim. I wasn't looking forward to it, but it had to be done.

I knocked on her door after being let in by Mrs. Cahill.

"What do you want now? Haven't you screwed with me enough?"

"Holly, all I did was help you. If you want to be mad about it, fine. I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth about the repairs."

She closed the door in my face so I knocked again.

"Leave us alone," came through the door.

"I can't. I have something else to tell you and I don't want to do it through the door."

She cracked it open. "Well?"

"Please let me in. It's bad news and we should sit down."

Surprisingly, she let me in. "I don't know what bad news is left that you could possibly give me."