The Downhill Fey Forest Ch. 06

Elizabeth here: the conclusion of the series is finally done! Enjoy!

~~~~~ ~~~~~

Hiroko stopped the boat at a small dock made of polished, white wood. Kaede the goldfish didn't seem tired at all after lugging the boat that far.

"Just go right up that path, the castle is over there," Hiroko said, pointing to a cobblestone path through the cherry blossoms. Alban could see shining silver spires from the deck of the boat. The castle was only half a mile away.

"Thank you," Alban said.

"No, thank you," Hiroko said. "I'm happy to talk to another traveller."

Alban gathered his things and walked off the boat and onto the lumpy cobblestone path. The boat turned around and sped off in the other direction behind him, and Hiroko waved to him. He waved back.

All alone, he did what he did best: trek forward. This path was well kept, and the bluish grass was neatly trimmed while the cherry blossoms formed neat rows on either side of the path. The path itself was lumpy and hard to walk on, but looked nice. Alban eventually decided to walk on the grass to the right of the path instead.

Then Alban heard tiny voices talking inside of a bush a few feet in front of him

"Is yours ready?" a girl's voice said.

"Yup!" another one said. Two fairies in tiny pyjamas fluttered out of the bushes ahead, and flew towards the castle, each holding small wooden signs. They were only looking forward, and didn't notice Alban, even though he was right there. Alban couldn't see what was on the signs: only one side was painted. He waited for them to pass, and followed in their footsteps. Maybe if he could reach the castle without being interrupted by fairies, he could talk to the queen without being tortured on the way there.

As he approached, he heard a crowd of voices ahead around a bend in the path: the voices of tiny fairies, but all shouting something that he couldn't make out. Alban hid in the bushes and crept through them.

He crept forward for a minute, staying as quiet as possible. When he poked his head out again, he finally saw the castle in a massive clearing. The castle was made from gigantic sewing tools all attached together: giant, solid metal thimbles and wooden spools of massive thread made up the bulk of the building, and hollow, oddly wide needles made up the towers. There were windows carved into all of the pieces of the castle.

The front entrance of the building was a giant red pincushion with a wooden gate in it. In front of this gate, dozens of fairies were hovering in the air and chanting only thirty feet away. Snowdrop and Sundrop weren't among them. No guards or castle staff were outside; it was just the fairies. Some fairies were holding signs, others were banging on the front door, and still others pounded their fists on nearby windows while flying in front of them. Their strikes were loud despite their small size, but didn't damage anything.

"We want more cute guys! We want more cute guys! We want more cute guys!" the crowd demanded, all waving signs. From his place in the bushes, he made out a few familiar figures: the leaf dressed fairy and the scissor-holding fairy were there, as were a few others from the time he was tied up.

He saw a human-sized figure peek through a curtained window above the gate, then turn away. The fairies were all aiming their signs at that window.

Alban didn't think his net could catch a whole horde of fairies, and he didn't know if he could charge through them and force the gate open. It was huge and likely locked.

He slowly crept around the outskirts of the clearing, trying to find a backdoor. After taking a few minutes to sneak to the back, there was no other door in sight. But, there were a few windows on the first floor, and no fairies were in the back. Alban made a break for it and ran through the clearing and up against the solid thimble side of the castle. He stood on his toes and waved his hands in front of a locked window that looked like it could be opened from the inside. Inside this window was a long, white, luxurious hallway running through this huge thimble and connecting it with two others; the interior of the castle was ordinary, and didn't look like it was made of sewing equipment.

After waving his arms for a minute, he saw a tall woman in plate armor walk by. She looked like a typical knight, with clunky armor and a long halberd, but she had long bunny ears sticking out of her black hair. Alban caught her attention, and she jumped in surprise before looking around, then approaching the window and opening it.

"Uh..." the woman said. "Hello? We're trying to deal with a protest out front. Are you with them?"

"No," he said. "What's the protest about?"

"Well, nobody told me much, but apparently something got those fairies horny. They've been protesting outside in shifts and trying to break in, and they apparently want more cute guys. But I dunno why they're yelling at us, it's not like we have a stash of them laying around or anything. At least they can't get inside."

"Can I come in?" Alban said. "I'm a traveller and would like to meet the queen to get an amulet from her."

"Official business is supposed to come through the front gate. But, given that it's being swarmed by flying morons, go ahead." The bunny-eared woman held out her arms and helped Alban climb through the window. He made it inside. The interior of the door-lined hallway was filled with white decorations and tall marble statues of various forest creatures, both mundane and magical. Most of the doors were closed, save for one door at the end of the hallway to the left which led to a wide spiral staircase.

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about these fairies outside, would you?" the guard asked as she closed the window.

"Nothing at all, though they did try to do some pretty bad things to me a few times. I'm not eager to meet them again."

"Me neither. Don't worry, Titania's a lot nicer. And less rapey. She should be upstairs in the Grand Thimble. Follow me."

Alban followed the guard up the stairs. Her armor loudly clanked as they walked. They passed another two bunny-eared guards going down the stairs, and Alban wondered if it was a good idea to wear fifty pound armor all the time, especially when they didn't even have helmets. Didn't they ever get tired walking around the castle? But, he didn't see a bead of sweat on any of their faces. Maybe the ears helped somehow.

The throne room at the top of the staircase was painted in a warm golden color. There were two straight staircases to either side of the spiral one, both leading down in opposite directions. But Alban didn't look down the stairs. Instead, he was focused on the five foot tall fairy pacing nervously on the red carpet in the center of the golden throne room. She had sprawling, pink butterfly wings, brilliant pink hair, and a bulky, silver tiara with a huge amethyst gem on top. Her clothes were a set of golden silk robes. The throne itself was a beanbag chair made of gold thread and studded with gems on the sides.

"Hmm, whatever shall I..." Then she saw him. "Oh! Greetings, traveller! What is thine purpose here in this strange hour?"

"Your majesty, I'm here to—"

"Ah, there ain't no need to call me 'your majesty', ain't anyone got time for titles of nobility these days." She cleared her throat. "Noble traveller, go on with your request."

Alban looked around in confusion, then went on speaking after seeing that the other guards in the room were stoic and used to her bizarre speech patterns. "I am here to ask for that one amulet that'll let me leave the forest."

"That is a request which I can grant. But let us talk first! Howsoever did thou venture into these woods? Was thine heart drawn to the beauty of this place? Or did'st thou have other motives?"

"I had to deliver a package between two kingdoms in a very short period of time, and this forest was the shortest route. My letter is to Queen Elagwyn, and is very important."

"Ah! I know that bitch," Titania said. "She's the frickin' coolest. Fucking deadshot with a bow, lemme tell you that, and she's got legs for days, ya' know?"

Alban was puzzled. Outdated speech one minute, slang the other, and both were misused. This was going to be a rough conversation. "Yes. Legs for days. So, Titania, have you seen those fairies outside? Can you tell me more about what's happening?"

"Ah, yes. I've lived'st in fear of this day for a very long while. The fairies art a people who chase trends, then abandon them in favor of another. They were harmless trends for a very long while, as they obsessed over tulips, bingo, many other peculiar objects and activities, and most recently, honey. But now, their obsession has shifted to one with dire implications. Art thou the man whom'st've they very recently sexually tortured and hereafter caused them to develop deviant sexual tastes?"

"Yes."

"Then I guess you know how these bitches got to be like this. Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. You aren't to blame for any of this shit. But man, this place is really going downhill lately, ain't it? Now I got a shitload of horny fairies who are begging me to give them a bunch of man hoes to torture. I ain't got none! And I ain't handing you over to them either."

"I'd like to escape before they find me," Alban said.

"I desire'st for thou to escape as well," Titania said. "If they art deprived of thine sensual masculinity for a long timespan, perhaps they shall forget their desires and return to less depraved activities."

"I hope so. May I have an amulet so I can get out of here?"

Just then, a loud creak reverberated through the castle, followed by the loud cheering of fairies.

Titania threw her hands in the air. "Motherfucker! Who opened the goddamn doors?" She pointed to the rabbit guards in the room. "Y'all better get down there and whoop those fairies!"

The rabbit guards stormed out of the room down the multiple staircases, leaving Alban and Titania alone in the room. She sat in the gold beanbag chair on the other end of the room and leaned back in it.

"Oh... I have the amulet right here, but..." She held her hand out, and a pendant appeared in her palm in a dim flash of light. Hanging from the copper chain was a small silver ball with the faintly glowing image of a thimble etched onto it. "Perchance you'd like to wait in hither whilst the guards resolve the intrusion?"

Alban took the amulet and put it around his neck. The silver ball was faintly warm. "Thank you for the amulet. And, I would like to wait with you."

"They oughta whip those fairies back into line with ease," Titania said. "But holy fuck, why is my own species filled with so many dumbasses? I'm one of those fairies, and I don't do stupid shit like this."

"Mind if I ask something?"

Titania gave Alban a thumbs up.

"So, why are you so much taller than all the other fairies?"

"Ah, every fairy, immediately after being born from the morning sunlight striking the most absolute of flowers in just the right way, acquires a unique gift in line with their newfound fancies. My fair gift is to enlarge anything, as I hath done to myself, or to revert it to its natural size. Whenfore I used it to construct this castle from my old sewing kit, with the aid of the rabbitfolk, my people wast struck with admiration, and I governed them thereafter. Yet, mutual respect grew between me and the other peoples of the forest, as I and they are vastly more privy to basic decency than these fairies, and they have wooed me far more effectively than my own people have. I eventually grew to govern them as well due to mutual respect!"

"Uh-huh," Alban said.The sound of polearms hitting objects reverberated through the castle. Fairies shouted incoherently downstairs as things broke and the fighting continued.

"Wow, that's some ruckus, ain't it? So, my homie, got any stories to share?"

"Not really."

A giggle came from above, and Alban and Titania peeked their heads up at the ceiling.

"Hark!" Titania said, and she stood up. "An unseen intruder! Come into the open, catiff! How'st did thee get in here? I warn you, I have mastered ancient wizarding magics far beyond my own innate talents!"

There was no reply. Alban crept to the wall to his right, away from Titania. Snowdrop was up there in the arched ceiling, at the very least. She was the only one he knew of who could turn herself and others invisible. If she had set up another trap in the throne room, it was best to stay away from Titania so that only one of them would be caught by it. He fumbled for his backpack. He didn't want to use the net yet, in case it homed in on Titania and caught her as well, since she was a fairy too.

But, as he felt around in his backpack, he couldn't find the net. As soon as he realized where it went, he saw pink glowing cords of silk shoot out from a spot near the ceiling and ensnare Titania in their lightning-fast grip, encasing her from the neck down in a big, pink cocoon, the same color as her hair. She fell to the floor fully restrained before she could even react.

"What? Dammit, I thought all those witchy old fucks who made these were dead! Thy one weakness!"

Alban ran towards Titania and pulled at the cocoon as she wiggled in it. Snowdrop and Sundrop laughed above him as they became visible again.

"We got her!" Sundrop said. "We really got her!"

"I think that makes me the new queen now!" Snowdrop said. "Thanks, Alban!"

As hard as he tried, Alban couldn't even damage the silk with his hands. The fighting downstairs grew louder. He got a small knife from his backpack. It couldn't even cut a single strand of the invulnerable strands.

"Egads!" Titania said. "Thou traitorous knaves! Thou would'st betray thine own queen? A plague upon you! These bindings cannot hold me, for I can shrink out of—"

Titania began to shrink down to the size of a regular fairy. But, the cocoon shrank with her. Even when she was only twelve inches in height, the silk around her body was no easier for Alban to break.

"God fucking fuck dammit!" Titania said. "Amete, I know you helped make this!"

Alban picked up Titania's cocoon and ran towards the stairs he came in through.

"Hey! Wait! You can't just run off!" Snowdrop said.

"Snowdrop, you idiot! Why didn't you throw it while they were close together?"

"The mayor just wanted us to capture the queen!" Alban was already out the door and sprinting down the long spiral staircase. Maybe he could escape with Titania while the fighting carried on.

"Oho!" Titania said. "Thank you, valiant one! Shunning those catiffs and fleeing was what I was going to ask you to do anyway!"

Alban didn't respond. His heartbeat quickened as he sprinted downstairs, and he didn't want to interrupt his quickening breathing with banter. He held Titania tight in his hands, taking care not to shake her too much.

Eventually, he reached the hallway at the bottom of the stairs. There was a window nearby. All he had to do was open it, and...

...and he saw that the exterior was covered with an opaque layer of vines. It wouldn't open no matter how hard he pulled. And so was the next nearest window. And the next one. And so was the one from which he entered, which was now closed. How did they get there?

In a panic, he opened the nearest door, behind which was a long dining hall. Two rabbit guards were tied face up on the ornate center table with familiar inch-thick vines. The vines grew out of holes in the floor and coiled tightly around the guards' armor, restraining them in cocoons on top of the table as they struggled.

"Hey!" the closest one said to Alban. "Please, get these—" A vine slithered over her mouth and her speech was cut off. Then, two more vines on the floor slowly slithered towards Alban.

Alban slammed the door shut and tried another one; this was a supply closet, and it was empty. He shut that one. The next door led to a hallway perpendicular to the one Alban was in, but on the other end of the hallway, about a dozen fairies were flying around a vine-bound guard, taunting her. They didn't see Alban, and he quietly closed it.

The last door in the hallway was the kitchen. He opened the door. Nobody was in the kitchen, except for the fairy in a leaf dress who had tied him up in vines earlier She was holding a sack of tiny seeds, and was about to scatter a handful on the ground when Alban entered.

"Ack!" she said. "Why are you here, of all people? And why are you so well dressed?"

"I want to ask you the same question," Alban asked. "I'm trying to leave the castle. Can you not plant vines everywhere? And what was your name again?"

"Hazelberry! The name's Hazelberry! Snowdrop told me that she was using you to break in and kidnap the queen, and I thought, ah, yes, she's already trapped you and made up for that one time the other day she set you free and so I won't have to punish her, but apparently... is that the queen you're holding? Aha! The plan worked!"

"Bitch, I don't even know who you are," Titania said. "Let me get this shit straight, are you just trying to overthrow me because you're thirsty for cock?"

"Well, yeah. Didn't you see the signs?" Hazelberry said. "But not just that! We want cute guys, not just their throbbing erections!"

"Art thou serious?" Titania asked. "Tis a most silly motivation!"

"Please shut up with the old people talk, it's the thing I hate most about you," Hazelberry said.

"What? I ain't talking like no old person."

"And you're not even consistent with how you flip-flop between the two modes of speech! For that mode you just used, one minute it's slang but then the next time you're just being hyper-casual with it instead, then the next time you're just speaking normally but with loads of profanity. And you misuse words when you're in that disgustingly formal mode, and jump around between dialects! I read a dictionary once, you know! I know what words mean! I am the smartest fairy"

"Thine ears deceive thee! Mine speech is perfectly normal, and all my words art used properly! Alban! Smite this evildoer!"

"Don't come any closer, or I'll throw these magic seeds on the ground and send vines at you!"

Alban froze in place. Run, or fight? This was a kitchen, but there were no knives in sight, and nothing big enough to throw at her was nearby on the tables. And he knew she might react if she reached for his backpack. He was unarmed, except...

Then, he acted on impulse and threw Titania at Hazelberry. Titania yelped in surprise, and so did Hazelberry

Titania hit hazelberry square in the stomach, and they both fell to the floor. But, Alban was alarmed when he saw the bag of seeds spill onto the ground, and they began to glow as the seeds tunneled through the tiled floor and a dozen vines quickly grew from the cracks.

"Aha!" Hazelberry said, with Titania still on top of her. "There's no escape for you, cutie; there are vines in here, out there, and all over the castle!"

Titania giggled.

"What's so funny?" Hazelberry asked. Then, Titania grew to her larger size again, pinning Hazelberry's legs under her. Her torso and wings stuck out, but her legs were firmly pinned.

"I can't move a goddamned inch, but neither can you, eh?" Titania said.

"Ack!" Hazelberry said as she pounded her fists against the floor. The bag of seeds was out of reach. "Vines, get me out of here!"

With time to spare, Alban took the oil and firestarter tools out of his backpack. He walked towards the base of the vines and looked smugly into Hazelberry's eyes as he dripped oil on them before they could reach Hazelberry.

"Are you kidding—" Hazelberry didn't finish her sentence before one spark ignited all twelve vines at once, and they shriveled into blackened dust as the flames consumed them with ease.

Now, Hazelberry was stuck under Titania's silk cocoon, and all her vines were gone. Alban picked up the bag of seeds and put it in his pocket, relieved that Hazelberry had been dealt with.