The Dragonborn Comes Ch. 33

Chapter 33 -- Confessions

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Solona must have woken before Leliana and me, because by the time I woke up, Leliana was snuggled up against me as I spooned her, and there was no sign of Solona. I hadn't slept well, my mind still going over what possibly upset her. It didn't take long for her to wake up too, no doubt sensing I awake, turning over so she could face me. Her hand immediately went to my cheek as she kissed me. I'm sure my mouth opened more than once to ask something, but the words wouldn't form. All she did was shuffle even closer, resting her head on my chest as I hugged her tighter. In a way, it was very loving. At the same time, I could feel her nerves. I was almost shaking, wondering what she was going to say.

"I love you," she whispered.

"And I love you, Leliana." I paused, before adding, "And whatever you have to say, I'm not going to love you any less. I'll probably love you even more."

I felt her choke back another sob, her arms pulling me tighter. By the Nine Divines, I was near dreading what she was going to tell me, only because it was obviously breaking her heart. "You know how we've spoken of the future?" I nodded my head, knowing she would feel it. "You know how we've spoken of a family? And I know you've spoken to the others about it." I nodded again. She looked up, her cheeks streaked with tears. "I can't, Ragnar."

I wasn't stupid. I knew exactly what she meant by those two words. My heart shattered. Not for me. For her, because I knew she wanted what she couldn't have. I could have asked how or why, but I knew it was to do with what happened to her. I could have asked if she was sure, but Leliana would have made absolutely sure before telling me. And now I knew why she was so nervous, even afraid of telling me. Because she probably considered herself defective or something. Or that I wouldn't want to be with her for that reason.

Not in a million years. She would always be number one.

"We'll adopt." She laughed and cried at the same time at that. "I can only assume you're so upset because you want to a child?"

"I just wanted the possibility, but it was stolen from me. Nothing would have made me happier than having yours."

"Did you want one before you met me?" She shrugged, so I had a feeling she only had those thoughts once she met me. And I can only assume she'd asked around during our time in Denerim, probably when she was not in my presence. "This changes nothing, Leliana. I'm not with you because I thought you'd provide me with babies. I'm with you because I think you're smart, beautiful, dangerous, skilled with weapons, a delightful companion, my best friend and someone I can imagine spending the rest of my life with. You're the first one I fell in love with. Even when I'm not with you, my mind wanders and I wonder what you're up to. Or I think fondly of the time we've already spent together."

"But the other girls..."

Ah, that was the crux of the matter. I lifted her chin so her eyes met mine. "You know for a fact that if you wanted it all to end, right now, this minute, I'd do it in a heartbeat. If this gets too difficult, it would take one word from you, Leliana. It would break their hearts. It would break mine. But I'd do it for you."

"And that's why I'd never do it," she said, a crooked smile forming.

"Be who you are, Leliana. Never change. I love you for who you are now. Not for what you might have possibly given me in the future. All I know is that, from the moment I met you, I've imagined a future of us together. The only way that future has changed is that there might be one or two more women involved." That made her laugh, and the tension slowly dissipated as she started to relax. "And I'm serious, too."

"About what?"

"About adoption. If you really want to be a mother, and not because you think you need to be, then we'll do it once we've settled down together. And if we're still with the other girls, and things develop with them, I think you'd definitely make a brilliant auntie too."

"I've just been worrying more and more that you wanted children, as I know you've discussed it with others."

"But that's with them, Leliana. We've discussed a future but never particularly broached the subject. In the end, it would be your choice. Have I thought about it? Yes, I have. Was it going to cause our relationship to change if you didn't? Never. Not at all."

She took a deep breath, her head still buried in my chest. "Well, this has been an emotional morning."

"How long have you wanted to get that off your chest?"

"For the past week, after visiting a doctor who re-confirmed what I was told a while ago."

I lifted her chin again. "Next time, tell me straight away. Please, as I hate to see you hurting like that. I had no idea."

She returned another smile cuddling into me again. We must have stayed like that for ages, both of us talked out. I was feeling drained, and no doubt she was too. But the tears had stopped, at least, and we resumed just enjoying the presence of another. I think we both fell asleep again as it took the bedroom door to open and the whisper of my voice to open my eyes, noticing all my girls looking at us. Leliana was still cuddled into me, and she glanced around for a moment, before just settling down into me again.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Alistair has summoned us to the palace," Solona replied, "He's asked if we can get there as soon as possible. I can only assume he has something to say."

"Give us a little time. This is far more important." It was cryptic, and it wasn't my place to tell them. "He can wait for a while."

Solona smiled, as did the others, and they left Leliana and I in peace. Hearing the door close, she did ask if I should be making the king wait. "He's not king yet, and I'm not going to let him start throwing his weight around. And you're far more important. So, we will lie like this until you say you want to get up."

"That might take a while."

"Then we'll take a while."

We didn't go back to sleep, though she shuffled slightly so I could at least kiss her. But the kisses were only light and soft. More than anything, she just wanted my hands on her, whether her back, or her cheek, or through her hair, or maybe a gentle grab of her butt. Who doesn't love a good squeeze of the butt?

"We'll do something big, just me and you, once all this is over. I'll have to leave the girls behind, but I want to take you away from all this. For example, I've never been to Orlais."

I think I made her year with those words as she grew very excited, babbling away about everything we could see and do. I couldn't help chuckle at her excitement, and plans for the future were soon made.

It was hunger that eventually drove us from the bed, Leliana not wanting to let go of my hand after we'd dressed, walking into the dining room to find us served quickly by the servants, and joined by the other girls. They all crowded around our part of the table, chatting away about any number of topics. If they noticed any change in Leliana and I, they didn't say anything. I certainly felt it though. I believe we were closer than ever now. I doubted anything would tear us apart. Naïve? Possibly, but that was my hope at least.

After breakfast, I made my rounds, chatting with every member of the group. Morrigan was still in bed, and I felt quite a lot of guilt when I walked into her room. She at least smiled at me, though freely admitted to being very sore, so figured lying down would help. I lay down next to her for a few minutes, just to make sure she was okay.

"I'm fine, Ragnar. And I will admit that your concern is touching. But tell me this, how did last night with me make you feel?"

"Powerful," I had to admit, "I had a feeling you would have done anything I wanted."

"Correct. Did you feel dominant as well?"

"You surprise me, Morrigan. You completely submitted. I didn't think you'd do that with anyone."

"Not just with anyone. But you, Ragnar, are someone very special."

"I thought you would have told me to stop."

She laughed lightly. "Because you thought you would win?" I nodded. "You did, Ragnar. Look at me now. I can barely walk today." She met my eyes and smiled. "And you are back to normal, because now you just look guilty. The Ragnar of last night would have looked pleased."

"I was angry. And you were purposely pushing my buttons, goading me into exactly what you wanted."

"Was it like that with Haelga?"

"Well, yes, but that was a character. It wasn't really me. I did it because..." I trailed off and thought about it. "Hmmm."

"Exactly."

"Sure you're okay?"

"I'm in a very good mood, considering how sore I am, Ragnar." She put a finger to my lips. "And don't you dare apologise, otherwise I will consider you weak. I respect the hell out of you right now. Don't go and ruin it by being all sweet and shit."

I couldn't help laugh at her tone, so I told her I was heading to the palace, and that I would see her later. Before leaving the estate, I made sure I changed into my armour, attaching my sheathed weapons to my hip. I wasn't expecting any trouble, but it was best to be prepared. I asked if Eamon or Alistair had returned the night before, and the answer I received wasn't a surprise.

Our entire group walked up to the palace. I don't think we were all invited but our allegiance was strong, and considering none of knew what we were being summoned for, I guess everyone else was curious. Word must have spread quickly about who I was, as everyone moved aside as we moved through the crowds.

The palace guards moved aside as our group approached the gates. Entering the main hall, it was already full of other nobles, no doubt clamouring for the ear of the future king. As soon as Alistair noticed us, he dismissed everyone else and ordered the hall clear. It was amusing to see him display a little authority. Eamon stood to his side, Cerys to the other, and I already assumed that the former would be an advisor to him. Alistair ran his eye over us before he spoke.

"Are you well, Ragnar?" Alistair asked once it was only us.

"As well as can expected. You?"

"I've got a lot to get used to, but that is for later. What are your plans for the darkspawn?"

That caught me by surprise. "I'm still in charge?"

He smiled and nodded. "Of course. I am not king yet, and if anyone is to lead us against the darkspawn, it must be the Dragonborn." He gestured to the hall to the left. "If you'd like to join Eamon and I. Cerys, as a fellow Grey Warden, you should join us too. The rest of you may wait here for the time being. I will ensure refreshments are provided."

I heard the frosty tone, so figured they either hadn't talked yet, or they had, and Cerys may have been brutally honest. But she was still there, so that's what mattered. Gathering in what I assumed was a study, the four of stood around a desk, Cerys and I to one side, Eamon and Alistair the other. Between us was a map of Ferelden with writing all over it. "I'll be honest, Ragnar. We don't know where the darkspawn are. We can assume they are somewhere between Redcliffe and Denerim, and with no sightings on the surface, we can only guess they are moving underground. They've hit numerous villages, most being names neither of us have probably heard. There is no doubt they will eventually hit the capital, but we need to gather the army. Therefore, we should return to Redcliffe as soon as possible. Every local lord that has already left Denerim has already been given orders about what to do."

"Sounds like you have everything covered, Alistair."

He shrugged. "These are just the plans we already had established. When will you be ready to return to Redcliffe?"

"Tomorrow at the earliest. You will probably need to make sure defences are organised, in case the worst happens." I paused, before asking, "Will you be joining us?"

"Of course. I am a Grey Warden, first and foremost. My place is with my fellow Warden and allies."

"Good. We should leave first thing tomorrow. Travelling by horseback, we should make Redcliffe in a day if we choose the south road. Time being of the essence, I think we should take our chances."

"Agreed. The sooner we take the first to the darkspawn, kill the Archdemon, and end the Blight, the quicker the wounds of this nation can heal and we can start to rebuild."

"It sounds like you have plans, Alistair."

"I've been thrust into this position, so I might as well do what I think is the right thing to do."

"Will there be anything else?"

"No. I will meet you at the estate tomorrow before we leave."

"Before I leave, where is Anora?"

"She is in the palace, under house arrest. I am still deciding what should be done with her. I'll make that decision afterwards."

"May I speak with her?"

I think I surprised him with the request, but all he did was shrug. "I could ask what for, but I doubt you're planning insurrection. So go ahead."

"Thank you."

I found myself escorted by a palace guard, led towards another wing of the palace. The door to whatever room she was in was locked, and after he opened the door, he stated he would remain outside until I was finished. Anora was sitting at a desk across the room, though rose when she saw me enter and approach.

"Dragonborn, I did not expect you to visit."

I immediately dropped to a knee. "I am sorry, your Highness. I feel responsible for what happened. If I had duelled your father instead, maybe he wouldn't have died, and maybe the arrangement wouldn't have fallen apart so quickly."

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Rise, Dragonborn. I am no longer your queen." Standing straight, she had to look up. "I thank you for your apology, but I assure you it's not necessary. Although I grieve for my father, I also learned that Alistair was not..." She paused before shaking her head. "No, I will not speak ill of our future king. But I am not upset at how that turned out. If he wishes to execute me in the end..."

"He won't, my lady. He will see you still have much to offer this kingdom."

"My name is Anora, Dragonborn."

I couldn't help smile. "As you wish, my lady."

She turned, a fleeting smile on her face, taking a seat at the desk, gesturing to another chair nearby. I grabbed it and sat close. "What brought you to the palace?"

"Alistair summoned me to make preparations for the darkspawn. We will depart for Redcliffe tomorrow, gather the army, then search for the darkspawn. They'll make their appearance eventually. This time, I will be at the forefront."

"You sound confident."

"Some would call it arrogance. I've already faced down numerous dragons and all manner of monsters, and I'm still here to tell the tale. I don't fear the Archdemon. He should fear me."

She placed a hand on mine. "You will have my prayers, Dragonborn."

"Thank you, my lady. I simply hope we all survive. We have fought too hard and too long for some of us not to see it through."

"And your plans once you've seen it through?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest."

"Will you remain in Ferelden?"

Shrugging, I could only say, "Possibly. It will depend on certain things."

"Such as your women?" She laughed at the face I obviously pulled. "I have been informed, Dragonborn. You lead a very interesting life."

"You will hear no complaints from me, my lady."

"I can see why. You have a certain charm, I'll admit."

"Well, I'm glad I impress you, my lady." I paused, before asking, "What do you hope for?"

"At the moment, I simply hope to keep my head attached to my body. Once Alistair makes up his mind what to do with me, I can only go along with his wishes. No doubt I will be stripped of land and titles. If I was in his position, I'd ensure I was exiled."

"And if that were to happen, I would still feel responsible. What happened..."

"Happened, Dragonborn." Her hand, still resting on one, gave it a gentle squeeze. "Trust me, you have no reason for any guilt. While I wished things were at least slightly different, and while I will miss being queen, as I did and still do care for the people of Ferelden, the outcome of the Landsmeet was not entirely unexpected. I don't know Alistair well, but I'd heard enough, and from our brief conversations, I knew he wasn't sold on our arranged marriage at all."

"Then he is a fool, my lady." She met my eyes, and the smile that formed lit up her face. "I'm sorry, I spoke..."

She squeezed my hand. "No," she said softly, "I'm glad someone appreciates that aspect of me."

"Then two men have been fools, if I may be so blunt." I liked the fact she started to blush. It wasn't my best compliment, and while there was nothing untoward about it, I'm glad I made her smile, considering her situation. Clearing my throat, I rose to my feet. "I should go, my lady, lest I say something that sticks my foot right in it."

Rising to her own, she laughed lightly, "Consider me at least a little intrigued as to what you might say, Dragonborn."

She escorted me to the door, where I knocked, hearing it unlocked and opened. Turning back to Anora, I bowed my head, and was surprised by the soft kiss she laid on my cheek. "May the Maker guide you, Dragonborn."

"Thank you, my lady. I will pray to the Nine that you are kept safe and well."

Bidding her goodbye, I quickly joined the rest of the group and we headed out into the city. Once away from the palace, I had to say, "Alistair is a fucking fool."

Leliana started to laugh beside me. "You like her?"

"Not in the way you're probably thinking. But there is no doubt she was a good queen, and would have been a good match for Alistair." I shook my head. "She tells me not to blame myself..."

"Which you shouldn't," Solona stated adamantly to my surprise, "If Alistair..."

"He did what I think most of us would have done, executed the man responsible for his brother's death. But it was a decision made in the heat of the moment, with emotion instead of logic and reason. If he'd just taken five seconds to think about it, he might have stayed his hand."

"And Anora?" Leliana wondered.

"She expects exile." I shook my head. "Such a waste."

Solona dug me in the ribs. "You like her!"

"Shut up."

Back at the castle, we immediately started to prepare for our return to Redcliffe. Letting the servants know, they wondered if they were to join us or not. Figuring no-one else would remain at the estate, as Eamon and Alistair would be joining us, I told them that they should come with us too. A little part of me thought that if the darkspawn did attack, I'd like them to be safe too.

We hadn't actually brought that much with us, and after loading up Bodahn's cart, all we had to do was prepare our horses and we could probably have departed. Knowing we would be leaving early the next morning, I told everyone that we should be sensible that night. That is, not drink too much and have an early night.

There was only ever going to be one person with me last night. Leliana had talked to Solona, and she would spread the word, as Leliana and I were one of the first to disappear that evening. I wasn't sure if she would want to be intimate that night, though once she closed the door and pushed me back onto the bed, leaping on top of me and straddling my lap, I figured she was.

Still wearing her leather armour, I couldn't help but run my eyes all over her body, quickly followed by my hands. Murmuring that she wanted my hands on her skin, we both quickly took of her chest armour and skirt, leaving just her boots, now running my hands up her thighs, over her hips and up her sides to her breasts, which I gave a gentle squeeze.

Leaning down, placing her arms to either side of my head, she laid a soft kiss on my lips to start with, though her tongue was soon probing my mouth. I accepted it, and I made her squeal when I pulled her tight towards me, causing her to break the kiss and laugh. "I'm glad you're in a good mood," I said softly.