The Elusive Orgasm

There has been some discussion as to orgasms on my Harris submission. My orgasms in particular. Believe me this is something I have put a lot of thought into over the years.

I am sitting here recalling various sexual escapades I have had in my 40 some years, and I honestly can't remember the name of the guy who took my cherry Freshman year in college. Thad? Thayne? Shane?

At the time I had no idea what I looked like to other people. When I looked in the mirror I focused on the things I didn't like about myself, but through the lens of time I can tell you I was quite slender and 5'9. I had perky B breasts and I often didn't wear a bra. I didn't wear makeup, but I had great 80s hair, long, thick and curly. I moved in a coltish manner, getting used to my long limbs. Classes in my chosen field of study were about 80 percent guys, several of whom I fucked before I graduated college.

Thad-Thayne-Shane was in my Spanish class-an elective not in my field- his dad was a hot-shot horse trainer for a local horse farm and we would go check out the barns from time to time after studying together. I love the scent of a horse. After we had been dating a few weeks, this guy took me to my dorm room and we started making out. My roommate was gone, so he shoved his hand under my bra and pinched a nipple. Before too long, I was shirtless and trembling with nerves. I was embarrassed to have him looking at my small breasts with their hard, little nips.

"I've never done this before."

"I'll be gentle. It hurts for a little then you will really get into it. I promise."

He gently removed my pants and admired my white cotton panties in the harsh light of my dorm. As his hands roamed my body, they left a trail of tingles and goosebumps. Everything he touched made my pussy quiver. He hooked his thumbs in my panties and slid them down my long legs. Taking a deep breath, he dove into my pussy, licking and probing and teasing my clit with his tongue. I was too nervous to enjoy this carnival of sensations so I pulled his head out of my crotch. He kissed me, coating my mouth with the taste of my pussy.

"Ready?"

I was petrified but I nodded.

My cherry poppin' dude rubbed his dick against my pussy, up and down across my clit and through my inner labia. I had never felt anything as exquisite as this. He applied a little pressure on my pussy and asked, "Are you ready?" I nodded fearfully. He pushed a little harder and into me busting my cherry then he stopped again. "Okay?" he asked me. I was most certainly not okay, but it was too late. This hurt-but felt oh so very good at the same time! He slid in and out of me for a few minutes. I was too tense to enjoy the sex much. He came on my stomach as to not get me pregnant.

"It will be better next time," he assured me, and he was right! He moved to Idaho a month later.

That was the beginning of sex for me. I had more partners between then and my wedding night, nine years later, than I can remember, maybe close to 30. I had a lot of sex, but no orgasms in those days. And I don't fake orgasms. Sex is very enjoyable without a climax, and I enjoy the hell out of sex, even without the orgasm. I think now it was because I was having flings and not relationships that caused me to not let my guard down enough with a guy to risk the emotional abandon of orgasm. I was 21 when I discovered how to masturbate to orgasm, and by that time I had been through maybe a dozen partners.

I never had an orgasm during my marriage that I did not give myself. My ex was not overly attentive to my needs, ok, he was an ass. I quit trusting him long before I left. Since my divorce I have become more selective, and am able to have orgasms from time to time during sex, depending on the guy. The men have all been attentive to my needs however.

Over the years, I have taken matters into my own hand, so to speak. I play with myself most nights before I go to bed. The more I do this, the longer it takes to get off, but I am not blessed with self- control, so my clit is worn out from all the rubbing. I have a couple of toys, but I find that my hand works better. I haven't seen any other women's anatomy in person, but I suspect that my clitoral hood is pretty long which contributes to my lack of orgasm.

A couple of close calls and a couple of home runs.

Before my marriage, Owen-not my husband- and I engaged in oral sex in the cab of a flatbed pickup in the middle of somebody's pasture. (Not much turns me on more than a flatbed pickup. I have no idea why.) He was married and I was in a dry spell. I have no idea what he was doing down there, but when I felt the beginnings of an orgasm I shifted to make the sensation go away. What was I thinking? I didn't want to let my guard down. I kept having sex with guys I didn't really know well, so we couldn't learn together.

After 13 years of marriage and my divorce, a boyfriend, Gunner, caught me by surprise and after some missionary sex he said, "now, it's your turn," and he flipped me up on top. Gunner is a big, big, guy. He has broad shoulders, wide hips, a bit of a belly (he is 50 after all) and is maybe 6'6" tall. My legs were spread wide by his hips. I started to slide up and down on his penis when he put his hands on my thighs. He started shoving me back and forth on his dick, with a speed a guy might use in masturbating. There was no in and out, but more of a back and forth going on. I started to get tingly and felt the beginnings of an orgasm when I chickened out and moved positions to stop the sensations I was feeling. He went with the flow and we kept screwing until he was done. The next time he tried it, I was ready. I had not masturbated for several days, leaving my clit fresh and perky. That time I exploded on Gunner with a loud cry and then collapsed on his chest weeping. Best. Orgasm. Ever. The poor guy didn't know what to do with me. I had to tell him at age 41 it was the first time I had come during sex. He held me close and cuddled until I was back down from my cloud. Gunner was great in bed, but not so great out of bed. I still see him from time to time, and honestly, if this dry spell doesn't go away soon, I may drop in for a booty call. He offered a while back, but I turned him down gently.

The first time Harris ate me out he did the usual licking thing that feels nice but only nice and doesn't progress to anything past nice at which time I encourage the guy to get down to real fucking. I adore rough nipple play and Harris might have thought this extended to my clit because it felt like he bit me! We dated for several years and he was attentive, but I was always too nervous during oral. Occasionally during sex I would get the beginnings of a feeling and I would reach down to separate my pussy lips to facilitate clitoral contact. When I did this I would always hiss, "Don't move. You are in the perfect position." That is when he would shift to give me room to move my lips around and the sensation was gone. I enjoyed sex with Harris, we did it almost daily. Harris was adventurous and funny in the sack. He could bring me off with his fingers from time to time, but mostly we enjoyed sex, me without the orgasm until later, on my own. He never felt good about this, but we just didn't figure it out together.

This brings us to John and his magic tongue. Lord almighty! Harris and Gunner have nice long dicks, maybe six or seven inches and a nice distance around-I never measured anyone. When I went down on John I was disappointed in his dick. It was maybe four inches long and not overly wide. I could suck the whole thing down without pausing, although I didn't, because I wanted him to enjoy the process. When we had intercourse, I could not feel him in me at all. We never had anal, but it would have been a breeze to take him in my ass. This is not about John's dick though. The first time he went down on me I started my spiel, "I don't usually [never] come from oral, so don't spend all night trying...oh! You know what you're doing, oh dear god in heaven, what the hell is going on here? Please don't stop, oh god, oh god!" You get the point. I came. He told me he used his fingers on my G-spot, which I had previously located but had not had any particular pleasure from stimulating myself, and he found my clit with his tongue and worked the hell out of it. That is how a guy with a little dick can compete with the big dogs.

I have no idea why it is so difficult for me to orgasm, but it sure is hell is frustrating. The guy who can get me off during sex is not relationship material and the guy who can get me off with his mouth just can't satisfy the need I have for intercourse.

I live in a small community, and I am pretty introverted, so I don't hit the bars much and I don't know where else to find guys. I see Gunner almost every time I go to the bar and he is surrounded by women, for obvious reasons. I had the pleasure of watching him pick up a high school classmate of mine this summer. This makes me a little leery of where all he has been. I should be the one to talk, right? My guys were spread over several counties in three states, and in the 1990s. He is maybe up to three counties. Online dating terrifies me for several reasons, one of which is my ex does it.

I have done some research and I am thinking I would like a VCH, but I am not sure how competent the piercers around here are. I might have to travel to Denver for that one. I think I am close to getting a nipple piercing. I trust the local talent can handle that. If I do, I will bring Gunner with me and I promise to write about it.