The Estate Pt. 04

Sadly I have had to disallow open comments. I welcome constructive criticism, but vile comments for no reason have no place amongst the many good critiques, and frankly they cause upset to me and my readers. If you don't like my stories, please move on, there is no benefit to targeted hatred.

I pulled up on the drive next to Jools' car. I heard her chatting to Lena as I walked in, they were sitting in the kitchen. "Hi ladies," I greeted them.

"Hi Hun" Jools responded, 

"Hi Jase" from Lena.

"I really need to get going, I have to go and prepare a document for the Director, but I was just enjoying a coffee with Lena." Jools said looking directly at me.

"I suppose I ought to get off too" Lena added.

"You don't have to go Lena, you can have another coffee. I am going to make some and I would be happy to chat, I am sure you will make more sense than next door's cat, which is my usual option when Jools goes to work." Well, I always enjoy female company, and after the issues with Henry, Lena's daughter, I wasn't sure if I would get another opportunity to talk with Lena.

Jools wandered off up stairs, touch up her makeup etc I assumed, I ground some beans and made coffee. Jools came down said her goodbyes and left. I put a coffee in front of Lena and then sat down with my own coffee.

"I am sorry."

"What for?"

"My daughter and her behaviour."

"She told me some things."

"What, when?"

"I was in Costa in town yesterday, and she obviously saw me and came and sat at my table. I told her I wasn't supposed to talk to her. She said she knew, but that she wanted to explain. She told me how she had been abused by her father when she turned thirteen, and how it went on before you found out and threw him out."  

"Oh fuck." Lena was quiet for a moment and then looked at me. "Okay Jase. It wasn't Henry that was abused. Her father hasn't, in fact no man, has ever lived with us since she was about a year old."

"Oh, so just another of her stories then, just plucked out of the air."

Lena was still looking at me and she took my hand. "No Jase, not entirely thin air."

She squeezed my hand a little and I was sure her eyes seemed to be tearing up a little.

"Oh" I said, I mean, what else could I say?

"Henry must have found my diaries. When my mum found out, about dad I mean, after she threw him out, she suggested I wrote everything down and then sealed the books away, she thought it would help me deal with it. Henry has obviously found them and read them."

"Christ, so the things that Henry said happened to her, actually happened to you? Wow, that is heavy." I was really unsure what to say, this was virgin territory for me, I don't think I know anyone who was abused.

Lena released my hand and got up. She walked to the window and looked out. "I don't know what she said to you, so I don't know if that is what happened to me" She said, her back to me.

"Okay, well, without going into too much detail, she said her dad taught her to make him happy."

Lena turned around and looked at me, she was crying a little. "Oh shit, that is the phrase he used. It is unusual isn't it?"

"Lena I have no idea, as far as I know, nobody I know has been abused, so I don't know if that is unusual. It is quite an effective description though."

"Far more common than you think, abuse I mean, especially back then. I was young, I was developing, and I guess that is what he noticed. Mum was out at Auntie Doreen's, who had just had Debbie, my cousin, so mum was spending a lot of time there helping with the baby. Dad and I were sat on the settee watching tv. He said that mum had been so busy lately she hadn't really had time for us. That is how he started it. And he went on to say that she hadn't been able to keep making him happy and I said something stupid like I would make him happy instead."

"Innocent words, I guess you had no idea."

"No. No idea. I knew about the mechanics of sex of course, but hadn't seen a man's penis, only little boys years before, and I certainly hadn't touched one. My best friend was Shirley, she and I talked about it a bit, and we both laughed about catching our dad coming out of the bathroom and seeing his willy, as we called it, but it was only joking. I know I never tried to do that, and I don't think Shirley did either."

"I have to be honest," I said "I spent much of my early teens trying to see my mum naked. Porno magazines were sought after contraband at school, but I only wanted to see mum naked, actually anything more never entered my young teen head." I really had been awful at home, always trying to accidentally catch my mum naked or partially undressed. I was sharing this with Lena to show that was probably normal teen behaviour, trying to see your parents nude.  

"So when I said I would make him happy it turned out to be the wrong thing to say. He said that if I did, then he would be so happy, that I would be the best daughter in the world, but that it would be our very special secret, just between us, and that I must never tell anyone. Of course I promised, I was excited, I loved my dad and wanted to please him so much. And then he undid his trousers and there it was."

"Christ, I don't know much about this. Is this textbook abuse? Is this how they did it?"

"Yes I suppose, I don't know. After I had finished making him happy, he said that we really had to keep this a secret, if anyone found out we would go to jail."

"Oh Christ" I was struggling for words. "Was this I mean did he, you know, have intercourse with you, was it the full thing?"

"No, not then, at first it was just my hands, and then one day he said that we were making a mess and that mum would see when she did the laundry, and that if we could somehow stop the mess and make him happy, then that would be best."

"So is that when he switched to intercourse?"

"No. That Is when he introduced me to oral."

"Jesus, and you told no one, or even hinted?"

"No, I did not want daddy to go to jail, I did not care about me, but I didn't want daddy to go to jail so I said nothing, except to Shirley."

"What did you say to her then, everything?"

"Not at first, no. We just used to lay in our bedroom, sometimes hers, sometimes mine, and just being silly about boys. Shirley said she had seen her dad coming out of the bathroom and her dad's willy was huge. I said that I knew that dad's willy's were huge, I had seen my dad's too. I tried to demonstrate how big and she kind of guessed I must have seen it hard."

"Wow."

"I had to swear her to secrecy, and I told her that I had even touched my dad's. She was all excited and wanted to know how it felt and did I just touch it. I said well, it was really hard and I just kind of said that I made him spurt. Shirley was shocked I think, and then she said that she had to find a way to touch her dads, and so we tried to hatch a plan where she would be able to. Her dad worked from home a lot, in those days that was rare, but there was an office at home that he used. Her mum worked at the supermarket. Shirley said she was going to come home for Lunch on days she thought her dad would be there. The plan was she would do things like go to the loo and leave the door open, go into her bedroom, leave the door open and change her knickers, that sort of thing, in the hopes that he would see."

"Bloody scheming girls. Your daughter is no different, Christ it is a miracle that we men survive. Did her plan work?"

"Too well."

"Oh"

"Yeah, she lost hers before me. After a couple of weeks of that and sitting close to him on the settee and putting her hand on his leg, he seemed to just crack one day. She said she had been to the loo and gone up to her room and had pulled her knickers off when her dad grabbed her and pushed her onto the bed and, well, did it."

"Bloody hell. Did he ever get found out?"

"No. Shirley loved it, it was just what she wanted. Before long she was having her 'daddy time' as she called it every day. In fact she still goes to see her dad for occasional daddy time even now."

"Protection, did he use durex or anything?"

"No, and the amazing thing is, that neither of us got pregnant. I mean, over the years it was going on, we really should have. Both of us have since had children, so there was nothing wrong with us, we just never caught with our dads.

"Hell. I suppose at some point you and your dad finally did it."

"Yes. Mum went to stay at Auntie Doreen's who was going to have another baby and was helping out with Debbie who was about one I think. Daddy said that whilst mum was away I could be the mum of the house. I was excited and I made dad his tea, egg and chips I think with bread and butter. We watched TV for a bit and then daddy said that we should go to bed. When I headed to my bedroom he said that as I was mummy I should sleep in mummy's bed. That was when he first did it."

I looked across at her, she had stopped crying and her face had returned to a natural colour, "Are you okay talking about this? Sorry, I keep asking questions without a thought of how you must feel?" This was really heavy and I couldn't imagine how she must have been feeling.

"I have never talked about it since the day mum threw dad out and I told her what we had been doing. I wrote it down in my diary and tried to forget it. I told Shirley what my mum had said that it was wrong and illegal and that only our dad would go to jail, not us, and that it was abuse. She carried on with her dad, but we never really talked about it any more. I know that Shirley gave one of the sixth form prefects a hand job, and she described him in great detail and said he wasn't as good as her dad, but it didn't really excite me."

"I hope this is not bringing back bad memories."

"Well, it is bringing back memories, memories I had kind of forgotten, but it is okay, I know it wasn't my fault, I know I was abused and I can handle it. I have had normal relationships with men that I have enjoyed. I have a daughter who I love, and I think I am in a good place."

"Henry says she never sees you with men."

"Oh, I have been discrete, I guess I was trying to kind of keep that side of things from Henry, trying to avoid the awkward questions."

"It went on for quite a while before Mum found out. One day I was at Shirley's, we used to lay on the bed and talk about our dads and their willy's and her dad came into the room. He said it was time I saw how good his daughter was, and he pulled her knickers down and did it right there, in front of me. I was shocked. I had never seen anything like it. When you are doing it yourself you don't really see much, but to see him and the size of him, and how when he was in her, how she opened around him and the movement, it was something I had never experienced before, even though I had experienced the act."

"My God Lena." I was lost for words. I really had no idea such perverts were amongst us, how much abuse there was.

"I know now it was wrong but back then I didn't. When he finished he laughed and left. I could see his residue leaking out of Shirley, and I thought that must be how I looked after my dad had done it to me."

I got up and ground some coffee and made us another couple of espresso. My heart was thumping. I was appalled at the abuse and would cheerfully part her father from his testicles if I ever met him. At the time I was conflicted, she was a very attractive woman and I would love to get her naked in to my, or her bed, and fuck her, but today seemed the wrong time to make any moves like that. 

"Anyway, one day after mum came back from one of her trips to Auntie Doreen's she was doing the laundry and she came and asked me if I had been in her bed, I said yes before I realised what I had said. She asked me if daddy had been there too. I had looked at the floor and tried to avoid her eyes. She asked if we had clothes on and I broke down and told her what had been going on. By then of course I knew that it was wrong, but felt I was in so deep that I couldn't do anything about it. Mum was quiet for a moment, and then she asked me if I wanted to carry on. She said I wasn't in any trouble, but that there was not room for two women in dad's bed."

"She didn't go ballistic or mad or anything?"

'No, she was calm, and the way she said it I knew if I didn't stop then she would leave, and I didn't want that. So I told her that when it started I didn't know it was wrong, but now I did, but I didn't know how to stop. She said if I wanted it to stop that she would stop it right there and then. And she did. She went upstairs and put all his clothes in bags and put them outside the front door. When he came home she told him to leave or she was going to the police."

"I am amazed she didn't go to the police." I mean I was, "if I found out my partner had been abusing our child over several years, I would end up doing jail time for murder."

"No. She said if she reported him I would face lots of questions and it would just make it worse for me. At the end of the day it was just sex. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. 'Write it all down' she had said, 'and then try and forget about it.' So that is what I did."

"Christ, and did you ever see him again?"

"No. Never. Shirley's dad asked me if I was missing my special daddy time and did I want him to be my new special daddy. I told him that if he ever touched me I was going to the police. I didn't go round to Shirley's house much after that, I mean she was still sleeping with him almost daily."

Her eyes were wet again and I am useless with crying women, I never know what to do for the best. "Look" she said, "please don't say anything about this, this is the first time I have talked about it for twenty years."

"No, of course I won't." And I meant it, I would not betray that confidence, ever.

"Not even to Jools"

"No. Not even my wife."

"I need to go. I have some thinking to do."

What a bloody stunning afternoon. I don't think you face things like that very often. I was pleased that she had spared me the intricate details, and as I thought about, she had recounted it the way a young teen would, it was as if she had gone back in time and was reliving it and retelling it the way she would back then.

After Jools got back we had a quiet tea, I feigned a headache, Jools had asked what Lena and I talked about, I had said, 'not much, we had a coffee and she went.'. That evening I unblocked Henry's phone. Not sure why, but I thought just in case Lena needed help, at least Henry could contact me.

The day after Lena's revelations I was sitting in the lounge working, just doing some reports, final editing, that sort of thing, and there was a ring at the door. I put the laptop down and opened the door. It was Margaret, the God Botherer from the other day. 

"Hello," she said, "I am sorry to bother you."

"It's no bother I had just finished some work. On your own today I see?"

"Er, yes, I am just here for me, can I talk to you?

"Yes, look, come in, don't stand on the step."

"Are you sure it is not a problem?"

"Come in woman." I stood back and made space for her to enter. She stepped past me and stood in the middle of the lounge. "Would you like a coffee?"

She looked around and then back at me. "If it is no trouble."

"Well, if it was going to be a trouble I probably wouldn't have offered, now, how do you have it?"

"White no sugar please."

I went through to the kitchen and ground some beans and made 2 espressos. As I turned to the fridge to get the milk, I saw her standing in the door way. "Crikey, Margaret is it? You could have sat down, it's okay you know."

"I wasn't sure where to sit, which seat was yours."

Lordy, she was a strange one. "Margaret, they are just chairs, sit on any of them, that is what they are for."

I passed her the coffee and ushered her through to the lounge. I sat on one end of the settee and left her to make her own choice of next to me or the armchair opposite. She sat in the armchair.

"I wanted to talk a bit more about what you said the other day." She really looked nervous, she didn't seem to want to make eye contact and had both hands around her coffee as if it were a protective shield.

"I have thought about what you said. And I have prayed for guidance."

Oh good grief. "And did your God answer you?" Humour her Jason, humour her.

"Yes. That is why I am here."

"Okay. I think you need to explain."

"You are right, the rules of the church are not necessarily the rules of God, he only gave us ten rules, and nowhere did it say that you should not, you know, enjoy sex with your husband."

I am not really familiar with the commandments if I am honest. "Right, the commandments, and wasn't one of them about not coveting your neighbour?" I asked trying to show some knowledge of the area. It was a long time since I had been to Sunday School.

"No, you have mixed them up. One was 'thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbour', the other was simply 'Thou shall not covet.' Lots of people seem to get them muddled up."

Well, she knows her bible. "Okay, sorry I am not an expert in this. It seems to me that they were just some sensible rules for the time. The church seems to have made its own rules up since and that is what I object to."

"I think that the church has rules that were defined many years ago, and they seem to have failed to keep them up to date."

"Yes, and now, people like you are denied simple honest pleasures and I find that abhorrent."

"That is kind of what I wanted to talk about, but," she paused and looked intently into her coffee.

"Margaret, it's okay, you can say absolutely anything to me, you have no need to be embarrassed. Look, anything, anything at all you say here is private, just between us, and I shall never ever repeat any of it to anyone." This was getting interesting; I didn't want her clamming up on me now.

"Only, it was what you said about our husbands, my husband, you know?"

"Yes, I said I bet that he just takes his own pleasure as and when he wants it and gives no thought to your pleasure."

"Yes." She paused again and took a gulp, an audible gulp, of her coffee. "Last night." She stopped again.

"Yes, last night, as you said, he told me to go up and get ready, as he usually says when he wants to, you know, do it."

"Yes, when he wants sex."

"Er, yes. So I went up and took my clothes off and washed myself and lay on the bed. He came up and took his clothes off and he went to just lie on me as usual. I said, could he sort of touch me first, you know, give me a little pleasure."

"Okay, nothing wrong with that." Well, there wasn't, innocent and totally fair question I thought.

"He slapped me and called me a whore. He pushed himself in me, and when he finished he got up and went to the bathroom to clean himself as he always does. He came back in and told me to stop behaving like a common five pound whore from the streets. I was just laying there, my face stinging and his, you know, stuff just, well, dribbling out of me."

"Christ." 

"Please don't say that."

"Okay, I am sorry. I have no respect for men that hit women. Apart from the slap, that is normal for you? You go upstairs, lay on the bed, he comes up fucks you and cleans himself up and goes to sleep? Wow, that is such a shame, I must say I do feel for women like you that just take it and get no pleasure. And I also wonder how he knows how much a whore costs these days."

"Please don't use that word. He made love to me, not what you said." She looked angrily at me. She was more concerned at the words I used than the behaviour of her husband.

"Margaret, if there is one thing your husband did not do is, he did not make love to you. What he did do was take his own pleasure with no love for you."

"I see that now, but what can I do?"